(no subject)

[apoptygmabzrk]

i stumbled upon my old LJ, jeeze ,looking back at all my struggles is depressing.seems that i have come full circle. right back to that dark place again. its really a hard thought to swallow that im back here again, and im back here again because i feel i need the freedom to pour my soul out, and not just drop hints on facebook, or share dumb memes. I have a voice, i have a mind, i have things that i have been holding on to my whole life clutching for dear life in hope that those thoughts might surmount to something valuable one day. the truth about life is that everything is a cycle, one big fucking circle. i have been here before and i will be here again. i remember what life was like when i was younger like really young. always a bit of an outcast, never really fit in, always shy and quiet. i got picked on for being meek, for being the outsider, but no one ever really made me feel comfortable or welcome.i adapted to being the loner at a very young age. i have always been quiet, which i am now seeing has been a problem, i have always been pushed into things, and made to feel threatened into doing things. and thats not fair. I am a special kind of person, and i am very talented, and i deserve to be on top of my game. i should not be so depressed and struggling through emotions.
i hate being me. but i wouldnt want to be anyone else. i just dont understand why i have to struggle through this emotional life.