11 Years of Internet
It recently dawned on me that this LiveJournal blog is over a decade old. When I started this blog as a 19 year old, my life was in pretty rough shape. I was rudderless, naïve, and, worst of all, I was boring. But, I had youth on my side. Sweet, sweet youth. The world was my oyster and the sands of time promised to smooth me into the pearl you read before you. Well, as it turns out, that wasn't sand and I'm no pearl.
Now, at 30 years old, I am rudderless, naïve, and, worst of all, I'm 30 years old.
But this isn't about feeling old on the Internet. Something made me feel remorseful when I realized that I had missed the opportunity to write an entry during the year of this blog's tenth anniversary. So, I'm going to have to do it in year 11.
Here are 11 lists of 11 things for 11 years of LiveJournal Era Internet. That's right. I return to the Blogosphere to post lists.
You're welcome.
1. 11 Things That Can Go Fuck Themselves
10. 11 Songs That Would Be Weird To Fuck To
11. 11 Lists of 11 Things That Didn't Make The Cut In The Post Of 11 Lists
Now, at 30 years old, I am rudderless, naïve, and, worst of all, I'm 30 years old.
But this isn't about feeling old on the Internet. Something made me feel remorseful when I realized that I had missed the opportunity to write an entry during the year of this blog's tenth anniversary. So, I'm going to have to do it in year 11.
Here are 11 lists of 11 things for 11 years of LiveJournal Era Internet. That's right. I return to the Blogosphere to post lists.
You're welcome.
1. 11 Things That Can Go Fuck Themselves
- Jay Leno
- Mayonnaise
- LiveJournal
- Russians using LiveJournal to post photos of bears
- Russians using LiveJournal to post soft core pornography
- Russians using LiveJournal to post photos of soft core bear pornography
- Russians using LiveJournal
- Texas during any month between April and October
- The song God Bless America
- The word "phablet"
- Steve Wilhite for giving credence to the idea that the GIF image file extension should be pronounced like a brand of peanut butter
- Really Neat Cars and Guys with a Sense of Humor
- Something's Going On On This Train
- It Coulda Been Worse...She Coulda Been a Welder
- The Prince of Fat City
- Ties My Father Sold Me
- Outlaw Champion
- She May Not Be Deep, But She Sure Is Fast
- The Crystal Duck
- Surprise On Seagull Beach
- Brother Can You Spare a Crime
- Hardcastle, Hardcastle, Hardcastle and McCormick
- Comment alerts dominating my email inbox instead of endless offers from LivingSocial because I bought $10 worth of snow cones for $5 once
- Not reading my friends page for days and days and then going through it all in one manic sitting
- Megablogging
- 30 Blogs in 30 Days
- Matthew Thomas and Red Mike Rote
- The moment when a good idea for a post sprung up while taking a shit or showering or doing the dishes
- Never-ending comment threads that devolved into idiocy
- The challenge of comedy
- Having folks believe that I was smarter, funnier, and nicer than I really am
- People giving a shit about writing
- The ego boost
- Fark.com
- Geocities.com
- EBaumsworld.com
- Albinoblacksheep.com
- Newgrounds.com
- Angelfire.com
- LiveJournal.com
- Somethingawful.com
- Homestarrunner.com
- Brunching.com
- X-entertainment.com
- Owning a cowboy hat
- Giving up on things I've loved
- Failing to admit affection
- Refinancing my car loan
- Settling for a Potemkin Village of happiness
- Thinking that going at the Doritos Locos Tacos Party Pack alone was a solid idea
- Ever considering that the biblical idea of Hell could even possibly be real
- Buying the album Shaq Diesel with my meager allowance
- Believing that existence is always mind over matter
- Using "restitution" in a sentence when I meant "constitution"
- This post
- Keithville, Lousiana
- Toledo Bend, Louisiana
- Umatilla, Florida
- Oakland, California
- Orlando, Florida
- Bossier City, Louisiana
- Alvin, Texas
- Emeryville, California
- Texarkana, Texas
- De Queen, Arkansas
- Haughton, Louisiana
- John Stamos is awesome
- Hardcastle and McCormick: A Complete Viewer's Guide
- Tubgirl and Goatse: The Play
- Music...but how?
- Things I have rightfully gendered (Peacoats, etc.)
- That crazy Raspberry Ant
- I'd make an awesome grandmother
- Patrica H. - What a bitch
- DJ AKA Chanticleer
- http://freedomtray.com/about.html
- Things I'm not afraid to admit (I liked Designing Women)
10. 11 Songs That Would Be Weird To Fuck To
- Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov - Flight of the Bumblebee
- Miley Cyrus - Party in the USA (Chorus Only)
- Gershon Kingsley - Popcorn
- Pickin' On Blue Grass Tribute to Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire
- The Theme to the Pound Puppies Animated Series
- Quad City DJ's - C'Mon N' Ride It (The Train)
- Quad City DJ's - Space Jam
- Herb Alpert - Spanish Flea
- Shaquille O'Neal - (I Know I Got) Skillz
- Kidz Bop Kids - Glad You Came
- Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck
11. 11 Lists of 11 Things That Didn't Make The Cut In The Post Of 11 Lists
- 11 Wild Flute Solos
- 11 People You'd Never Guess I'd Bone Down On For Meth
- 11 Reasons Your Grandma Makes Delicious Fruit Punch
- 11 Cheeses That Pair Well With Popov Vodka
- 11 Steves
- 11 Anti-Jokes About Sandy Hook
- 11 Psychotropic Medication Side Effects That Are Similar To Mutant Powers
- 11 Ways To Ace A Three-Point Turn On A First Date
- 11 Hardest Jay-Z raps
- 11 Quotes From Frasier To Put On Your Tombstone
- 1 List of 12 Things That Didn't Make The Cut In The Post Of 11 Lists