2008: In Abstract - September
September makes me happy because at its time of the year I am ready for summer to fuck off. It's too hot, the days are too long, and my baseball team is always out of contention. The ninth month of the year makes me ready for autumn, and September does its best to usher in autumn's glory. Much like August, due to some craziness with the Roman calendar, September is actually a derivative of Septem meaning "seven". Had the Greeks kept their tradition of renaming the months after their Emperor, September might now be called Tiber for Tiberius or something equally as lame. Regardless, though confusing to the few remaining Latin speaking countries, I'm sure, September it remains.
The big story of the month of September was the arrival of the election landscape changing political hurricane known as Sarah Palin. While Barack Obama surprised no one and held serve with his selection of Senator Joe Biden to be his running mate, John McCain threw his Hail Mary pass. Governor Sarah Palin wasn't known to anyone in the lower 48 states before August 29th when she was announced as John McCain's running mate. There was palpable buzz over the fact that, with Palin in tow, we were heading to a showdown that would produce either the first African American US President or first female Vice President. Palin was a sportscaster/beauty contestant turned Mayor of tiny Wasilla, Alaska, turned Governor of our craziest non-Utah state.
Palin came on strong; she was the Republican's "Hockey Mom", their "Pit bull with lipstick." She was the designated attack dog of the McCain campaign as she successfully stirred a lifeless GOP base. Palin, it was even claimed, would succeed in taking the votes left from a disgruntled failed Clinton Campaign. However, trouble signs on the trail appeared almost as quickly as the Governor stepped into the spotlight. There was "Troopergate" in which Palin was accused of firing her ex-brother-in-law an Alaska State Trooper. Many in the public wondered why Palin was being kept from the media in more intimate interviews. It wasn't until her September 26th interview with Katie Couric that we found how unprepared the Governor was. The transcript tells the tale of Palin's attempt to clarify a previous statement in which she said Alaska's proximity to Russia served to assist her foreign-policy credentials:
"We have trade missions back and forth. We do - it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where - where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is - from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to-- to our state."
She also apparently read all of the newspapers and magazines that (had) been in front of (her) in response to what she used to "establish (her) worldview." If the wheels didn't come off with the public outing of Palin's less than stellar accreditation to be our new VEEP, the McCain Express Bridge on the River Kwai'd its way into oblivion thanks to the Subprime Mortgage Crisis.
News came on the 14th of September that Bank of America had negotiated the buy $38.25 billion in stock buyout of Merrill Lynch. And, more shocking, Lehman Brothers filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. In response, McCain say, essentially: "Our economy is strong." Now, I'm sure he was just trying to be upbeat and keep the blue hairs who attended his rallies from grabbing for their heart medication, but it just solidified the nation's view that McCain was out of touch. McCain had a back-and-forth lead at the time.
After his comments that day, he wouldn't lead again. And, with the day's news, neither would America. On the 15th, Lehman Brothers, after 158 years of business, was done. eBay was littered with personalized stationary of execs just trying to pay rent. The Dow Jones plummeted by over 500 points. We were witnessing the global financial meltdown. It was Armageddon and no amount of Steve Buscemi was gonna save us.
In Entertainment:
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Case and Point: The 2008 Primetime Emmy Awards. First, the decision to have a grab bag of failures Tom Bergeron, Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst, and Ryan Seacrest host the proceedings was, on consensus, dreadful. Sure they were each nominated for an award, but that award was for Outstanding Host for a Reality Show or Reality Competition which is like "Best Sarah Palin Costume" at your office Halloween party this year. Seriously, Tom Bergeron hosted the Emmys, guys. Do you understand what an insult that is? For Christ's sake Angela Lansbury hosted the Awards one year. Who actively besmirches the name of Angela Lansbury by letting Howie Mandel even get up on that stage?
Here's a rundown of the big winners:- Outstanding Drama Series: Mad Men
- Outstanding Comedy Series: 30 Rock
- Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series: Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad
- Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series: Glenn Close in Damages
- Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series: Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock
- Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series: Tina Fey in 30 Rock
- Outstanding Asshole in a Triumph: Jeremy Piven for saying of the host: "What if I just kept talking for 12 minutes, what would happen? That was the opening."
- I remember New Kids On The Block because I was alive in 1989. In fact, my sister was so wrapped up in the hype that I was used as a pawn to gain fifth row center seats to a New Kids concert I didn't even attend in 1990. Myself, then 8, and totally oblivious to pop music, waited in line with my mother and sister for tickets with no more than a few other avid NKOTB fanatics ahead of us. During food runs, I was left alone. You could say, I was Hangin' Tough. Anyhow, I saw a repeat of this phenomenon with N*SYNC and Backstreet Boys. I still am not sure I understand the appeal.
Word in early 2008 was the New Kids would reunite to record a new album and tour. On September 2nd, they I release their album The Block, their first studio album in 15 years. So, a bizarre thing happened, the 15 year olds that saw the group when they were around the ages of 25 in the early 1990s were now 30 years old women going to see saggy, shirtless 40 year old guys singing "You’re my pop-si-cle, all I know is that you make me feel so fancy-free." There was a lot perverse about it then, and now it was just confusing. In case you are curious, yes, my sister did go see again on their reunion tour.
On September 14th Carlos Zambrano of the Cubs pitched a no-hitter against the Astros. Now, according to Michael Huber of Muhlenberg College and Andrew Glen of the U.S. Military Academy, the odds of throwing a no-hitter in any given game are .0013. This is based on a study these two baseball nerds compiled. The odds of making history stood the same. This no-hitter was the first in MLB history thrown at a neutral site, as the Cubs were playing the Astros at the Milwaukee Brewers home ballpark.
It was technically a home game for the Astros as they were scheduled to play at Minute Maid Park in Houston until, as a consequence of Hurricane Ike striking the Houston area, the Astros were forced to play two games at Milwaukee's Miller Park. Miller Park happens to be only 76.4 miles from Wrigley Field. This essentially made the two contests foster Cubs home games. The Astros would go on to lose the Wild Card by only 3.5 games. And the man behind the decision, Commissioner Bud Selig, well, before he was Commissioner, he was an owner. And who did he own, you ask? You guessed it, he owned the Milwaukee Brewers. There is a script in this just waiting for Scorsese to direct.
Best Music:
TV on the Radio - Dear Science
While I totally dug "The Stand Ins" by Okkervil River, a band I saw live about three years back and fell in love with, I would be remiss to ignore the masterpiece put out by TV on the Radio. Ironically enough, I saw TV on the Radio on their support of Return to Cookie Mountain tour and was left underwhelmed. I don't know if it was a bad night or they just aren't a great live band, but they didn't possess the intense dreggy sounds of the album. Maybe mucking things up as a product is just something that is better left for the studios. Nevertheless, I really loved Return to Cookie Mountain. To me, it was the album I had awaited for years; the culmination of immense talent. It was a proclamation that TV on the Radio wasn't just going to be about random a cappella covers and computer-voiced lyrics about Oprah Winfrey fucking robots. The decided they wanted to be Rock and Roll.
So, with Dear Science I was anxious to see what that next step would be. Apparently, they decided they wanted to make the next classic. It's the best album of the year. Everything that made RtCM great had been taken to the cleaners on Dear Science. No longer is TV on the Radio satisfied with gimmick, they want to set standards. The decision to take art-rock and make it accessible has been attempted before, it's hard to do, for one, art-rock is generally terrible and meant for contempt and derision. However, with Dear Science, TV on the Radio used a more traditional sound; gone are the days of rubbing the print in the dirt, instead we hear calculated exuberance. TV on the Radio has found the joyous formula. Dear Science, what a breakthrough.
Click to view
Best Movie: Appaloosa
I'm pretty sure, ultimately, Burn After Reading was the best movie of the month, but I can't be sure of that because I didn't see Burn After Reading. I'm not even entirely sure why that is. I love the Cohen Brothers. I am a huge fan of Brad Pitt in his more unusually roles and I really have always wanted to pay my hard earned money to see John Malkovich punch Brad Pitt in the face. I don't know, though. I just never bothered to see it. I couldn't even be bothered to steal it illegally. Someday, I'm sure, with nothing on, I'll check the HBO I'm paying $10 a month to never watch and it will be on, and I'll feel like a dummy for never having watched it.
Until then, however, for September, the best movie of the month was Appaloosa. Okay, listen up. What we're talking about here is a film with Viggo Mortensen, Ed Harris, Jeremy Irons, and Lance Henriksen. If that rogue's gallery of badassery doesn't get you going, this film is already lost on you. Oh, also, it's a Western. Oh, also, it's awesome.
I also liked Choke even though no one else did. I don't think I could envision a better role for Sam Rockwell. No one plays dirt bag better than he does. I know it was pretty med However, I must admit. Though I've read the book, and I know it is about sex addicts, I didn't anticipate the copious amounts of nudity in the movie. It was bordering on porn, which, with Sam Rockwell, just isn't attractive. Kelly Macdonald, however...
Notable Death: Paul Newman
National treasure Paul Newman, September 26th, succumbed to his battle with lung cancer. I mean...Luke Jackson, Butch Cassidy, "Reg" Dunlop, and Sergeant Wilson from "Tales of Tomorrow" Ice from Space. He was an incredible actor, fantastic race car owner, and he made out of this world marinades. I mean, that Newman's Own Mesquite with Lime Marinade, good Lord. I want to just bathe in that shit. It has made me ponder, however, does the Newman family walk by the condiment aisle at their local Safeway and see Paul wearing a sombrero on a jar of Newman's Own All-Natural Bandito Salsa Pineapple with that charming smile? Do they see that and just burst into tears on aisle 6? I would. Hell, I do.
In addition, and no less sad, on the 1st of September, Don LaFontaine, died from a blood clot in his lungs. You may not know him by name, but there is likely not a single person in America who didn't know him as the Movie trailer voice guy. He was also nicknamed included "The Voice of God" and, apparently, "Thunder Throat" which sounds provocative. In a world...where Don LaFontaine...doesn't live...is...barely worth living. Feel the sadness, embrace the pain. This Summer...Tears.
In Fittz News:
My best friend moved into my place in August which kind of sucked because I wasn't around for most of it and for the few days I was, I had a serious case of Olympics fever. So, September was pretty sweet having a new roommate as well as for the fact that I couldn't hold out any longer, I succumbed to fate and purchased Rock Band 2. I would like to say I was drawn in by the possibility to play Aqua Lung in my underwear at 3:30 in the morning, and while that is among life's treasures, I really purchased the game because it had an Interpol song in it. It is possibly the second best instance of playing with battery-powered plastic instruments. And is without a doubt the greatest invention for a party since drunken Apples to Apples. Finally, I won my Fantasy Baseball League. FUCK YOU, RED SOX NATION!