This is a letter to you all: an informal good bye
This is a letter to you all:
most of you wont read this but maybe you will.
i'm sitting at the same computer in this familiar chair as my beautiful, warm, loving mother sleeps on the couch. i'm writing this just as i've done night after sleepless night for the last eight years. there is a comfort in these walls, the pictures that hang on them, and the stories they hold that you'll never hear.
maybe you're my sister in portland, my best friend in salem, the boy i never met in tennessee, or an old lover studying in santa fe. you probably don't know about the hell that has been the last three years, my crack head father, or my struggling recovery with coke addiction. but all you have to know is this:
i'm leaving my awesome job, my heart broken mother, my only friend, and the only home i've ever known. i'm taking with me my outstanding lack of job, health, and financial security. i'm packing my bags full of fear, but when i get to where i'm going i'll be unpacking the posters i never had room to hang up and bringing the tall wood dresser i've always loved. i'll be bringing my mother's side table she made in high school and the art my friends have given me. i'm packing hope. and love. and happiness.
do you know why? it is because he smells like home. it is because one day a stranger gave me a book with his phone number in it; a book i read a dozen times and a number i never called. it is because that stranger never forgot me and spent hours and money at my work just to see me when i wasn't there. it is because i finally gave him my number and in doing so found the confidence to text him and meet him in the middle of the night because there was no one else to comfort me. and he comforted me. it is the way his dark skin contrasts with my porcelain complexion, and the way he looks at me like there isn't anything else in the world worth looking at. and sure it might have to do with the incredible sex and the fact that i'll be lightening the load by paying half his rent but really it is because i'm finally ready to be happy.
so this is my informal good bye to the vortex of daytona. i sure as shit wont miss you and i know you wont be missing me
Sincerely,
Carly
most of you wont read this but maybe you will.
i'm sitting at the same computer in this familiar chair as my beautiful, warm, loving mother sleeps on the couch. i'm writing this just as i've done night after sleepless night for the last eight years. there is a comfort in these walls, the pictures that hang on them, and the stories they hold that you'll never hear.
maybe you're my sister in portland, my best friend in salem, the boy i never met in tennessee, or an old lover studying in santa fe. you probably don't know about the hell that has been the last three years, my crack head father, or my struggling recovery with coke addiction. but all you have to know is this:
i'm leaving my awesome job, my heart broken mother, my only friend, and the only home i've ever known. i'm taking with me my outstanding lack of job, health, and financial security. i'm packing my bags full of fear, but when i get to where i'm going i'll be unpacking the posters i never had room to hang up and bringing the tall wood dresser i've always loved. i'll be bringing my mother's side table she made in high school and the art my friends have given me. i'm packing hope. and love. and happiness.
do you know why? it is because he smells like home. it is because one day a stranger gave me a book with his phone number in it; a book i read a dozen times and a number i never called. it is because that stranger never forgot me and spent hours and money at my work just to see me when i wasn't there. it is because i finally gave him my number and in doing so found the confidence to text him and meet him in the middle of the night because there was no one else to comfort me. and he comforted me. it is the way his dark skin contrasts with my porcelain complexion, and the way he looks at me like there isn't anything else in the world worth looking at. and sure it might have to do with the incredible sex and the fact that i'll be lightening the load by paying half his rent but really it is because i'm finally ready to be happy.
so this is my informal good bye to the vortex of daytona. i sure as shit wont miss you and i know you wont be missing me
Sincerely,
Carly