My Life at Full, and I mean Full, Tilt
This is interesting ........
Well, it is finally over. My workweek, that is. But, as to be expected, my life never slow down......I sent in my resume and cover letter a few weeks ago for a computer position within the dispatch center, and the computer department finally got back to me.... I have an interview for the computer job on June 21st. I also have an application still outstanding at another county sheriff's department for a 911 dispatcher. The position will mean a good raise, but I hope I am skilled enough at it. It requires UNIX, which I don’t have any experience at, to be quite frank. But I am good student, so I hope that and a positive attitude will carry me. We will just have to wait and see.
As I indicated in the last entry, I think my mom (who I share an apt with) is absolutely loosing her mind. My grandma (her mom) came down last weekend, and they ended up in a big argument, to the point where my mom was cussing out my Grandma, over finances. She never wants anyone at our house. I never have company, and as I indicated, if I do, she is abusive and antagonistic about it for weeks afterward. My mom went to my cousin's wedding in New Orleans approximately a month ago, and, of course, was miserable. I haven't heard the end of how Grandma was mean to her and favored my uncle over her, and doted over my uncle. While I don't doubt that is the case, sometimes you just have to let things go, and accept things as they are, or will be. My mom is also very jealous of her siblings because her mom dotes over her brother (Roger) and spends all of her time traveling from place to place to spend time with my mom's siblings, but never spends any quantity of time with my mom or my brother and I. My Mom is also jealous of her two sisters because they are both married to very successful professionals (one is married to a doctor and the other is married to a lawyer). Because of their situations, neither of my mom's sisters work, they just travel and concentrate on their families. This makes my mom insanely jealous because they lead fancy lives and my mom has never remarried since my parents divorce or found a successful job. (My mom works as a housekeeper for a retirement home for just a little above minimum wage at the age of approximately 63). Mom has now decided that she doesn't want her family at our house on Sunday nights when she has to work and they don't, due to it driving her nuts because they don't work at all. I don't know what I am going to do. I enjoy having my family (aunts and grandma) here. I don't really care that I have to work from time to time when they are here. At least I get to see them a little, and I am thankful for the time I do have. My mom just can’t get past the jealousy factor. Everything she says and does reflects back to the point that she is jealous of her siblings.
My problem is that right now I have a lot of bills, and I am paying back credit cards that I ran up irresponsibly in the past. So I can’t afford to move until those bills, my student loans, and/or my car are paid off. The situation is that the apartment my mom and I share, is owned by a former colleague, of sorts, in the law enforcement field. The landlord / former colleague has sort of boxed us into this unit because he hasn’t raised the rent since they day we moved in, approximately 6 years ago. So, there is no way that we could get another unit with a two car garage, central air, dishwasher, and a private bathroom apiece for the money we pay in the area we are at. And I am the only one that can handle my mom in any way, shape, or form for any extended period of time. She pushes everyone else away with her jealousy or hostility. The last time Rebecca came up, she brought her son and her niece that are both teenagers. My mom told them they should leave because there was a thunderstorm coming, and that they couldn’t stay because she had to work in the morning. So I guess there is an unwritten rule that I can’t have any company on my mom’s work nights. I never knew that. My mom also has this obsession about sleeping on the couch. She absolutely refuses to sleep in her bedroom, so every time someone comes or leaves from the apartment, she keeps track of it. She also is up anytime I am home so she can keep track of when I come and go. I feel like I have to check in and out with her like a dorm mother. But, again, I feel responsible for her, because no one else cares, and she raised me, and paid for a significant amount of my college, so I feel like this is payback for all of the money she gave me to get through college.
So I don’t know what I am going to do. I know unless I found a job in Ohio by my sister, I probably won’t move, unless that other Sheriff’s department happens to call me for a job. I didn’t see much employment wise in the 911 dispatching field when I was down there in February. I just don’t have any connections down there. Getting a job in today’s market is not about what you know, it is about who you know. So, unless something changes, I don’t think I will have too easy of a time of it. So until my debt load is lighter, I just don’t see it being that easy for me to move. Which is the same reason I haven’t moved down by Rebecca. Rebecca and I would like to be together, but we haven’t been able to make that work because I don’t have money to move, and in my profession, it is very challenging to get jobs. Because the job is very demanding, the hiring process is quite intense. You can’t just walk in and get an interview and start working in two or three days. But my plan is to try for this computer job in the 911 dispatch center and get some updated computer skills through the computer job and then relocate eventually, I should be able to transfer the computer skills to a computer job somewhere. But I am certainly not going to tell them that.
Meanwhile, my life still gets more tilted by sister’s news that she has a brother that none of us (none of us meaning my brother, my step-mom, or my dad, or my sister or any of her family) have ever met. It turns out that my step mom had a child before my sister. As I have come to understand it, my step mom got pregnant and gave birth at the age of 17 or 18 and her parents made her give up that child for adoption, because this was 1969 and young, single women didn’t raise children alone back then. As the story goes, strangely enough, that child that my step mom gave up for adoption is approximately eight days older then I am. As the story is unfolding, my sister (actually my step-sister, but our parents were married I think when I was 9 or 10 and my step sister was 8 or 9 and we grew up together so I consider her my sister) just found this missing child who is now a married 37 year old male in the U.S. military in Germany. So now I have another step brother I didn’t even know about 48 hours ago. I am confused by this, but it has made my sister very happy, and so in the end, it will all be good, I am convinced. I don’t think it can hurt to have more family for moral support. I am interested to meet this person when he comes back for military leave this summer. I guess I am just slightly overwhelmed by it, but I will be interested to see how this all turns out. It certainly keeps my life from being anything but boring! It does add a lot of enlightenment to why my step mom is so understanding of complicated situations, like what Rebecca is in. I certainly don’t blame my sister for wanting to feel complete. I imagine if the situation was reversed, and I know I would certainly want to find that person. I am surprised I never heard anything about it, but knowing who I am, where people’s lives around me have been in the past, I really believe this is the work of God, because I think this is finally the right time for everyone. I don’t know how I would have handled it when I was younger, and maybe people knew that about me at the time, and so maybe that was why I was never told, and maybe it was better. But, now I feel good about it, and I am happy that my sister is happy. I wonder what my dad’s reaction is to all this is going to be, but he has handled a lot in his life, and come through it all, so I don’t think this will be a problem either, once we get past the shock phase, so to speak. And Laney, please know, I love you and our Ohio-Parents, and I will stick with you because I love you, and you are family, and you have stuck with me during my difficult times and found it within you to forgive me for my wrongs, and for that, I am thankful.
Right now, my head is spinning, trying to digest all that I have learned in the last few hours. It is now 5:30 a.m. Wednesday, and my sister told me about all of this in a phone call during my lunch break at work Tuesday night, and just before that, I had learned about my job interview, and after almost 10 years, I might leave the 911 dispatching field, which is a lot for me to think about. And I am still trying to recover from the horrendous weekend of my Grandma’s visit. And I am exhausted from a long, stressful work week. But at the same time, my mind is racing over all of this. Oh, and on a good note, I got my Emergency Medical Dispatching test done at work this morning, so I feel good about that.
Well, it is finally over. My workweek, that is. But, as to be expected, my life never slow down......I sent in my resume and cover letter a few weeks ago for a computer position within the dispatch center, and the computer department finally got back to me.... I have an interview for the computer job on June 21st. I also have an application still outstanding at another county sheriff's department for a 911 dispatcher. The position will mean a good raise, but I hope I am skilled enough at it. It requires UNIX, which I don’t have any experience at, to be quite frank. But I am good student, so I hope that and a positive attitude will carry me. We will just have to wait and see.
As I indicated in the last entry, I think my mom (who I share an apt with) is absolutely loosing her mind. My grandma (her mom) came down last weekend, and they ended up in a big argument, to the point where my mom was cussing out my Grandma, over finances. She never wants anyone at our house. I never have company, and as I indicated, if I do, she is abusive and antagonistic about it for weeks afterward. My mom went to my cousin's wedding in New Orleans approximately a month ago, and, of course, was miserable. I haven't heard the end of how Grandma was mean to her and favored my uncle over her, and doted over my uncle. While I don't doubt that is the case, sometimes you just have to let things go, and accept things as they are, or will be. My mom is also very jealous of her siblings because her mom dotes over her brother (Roger) and spends all of her time traveling from place to place to spend time with my mom's siblings, but never spends any quantity of time with my mom or my brother and I. My Mom is also jealous of her two sisters because they are both married to very successful professionals (one is married to a doctor and the other is married to a lawyer). Because of their situations, neither of my mom's sisters work, they just travel and concentrate on their families. This makes my mom insanely jealous because they lead fancy lives and my mom has never remarried since my parents divorce or found a successful job. (My mom works as a housekeeper for a retirement home for just a little above minimum wage at the age of approximately 63). Mom has now decided that she doesn't want her family at our house on Sunday nights when she has to work and they don't, due to it driving her nuts because they don't work at all. I don't know what I am going to do. I enjoy having my family (aunts and grandma) here. I don't really care that I have to work from time to time when they are here. At least I get to see them a little, and I am thankful for the time I do have. My mom just can’t get past the jealousy factor. Everything she says and does reflects back to the point that she is jealous of her siblings.
My problem is that right now I have a lot of bills, and I am paying back credit cards that I ran up irresponsibly in the past. So I can’t afford to move until those bills, my student loans, and/or my car are paid off. The situation is that the apartment my mom and I share, is owned by a former colleague, of sorts, in the law enforcement field. The landlord / former colleague has sort of boxed us into this unit because he hasn’t raised the rent since they day we moved in, approximately 6 years ago. So, there is no way that we could get another unit with a two car garage, central air, dishwasher, and a private bathroom apiece for the money we pay in the area we are at. And I am the only one that can handle my mom in any way, shape, or form for any extended period of time. She pushes everyone else away with her jealousy or hostility. The last time Rebecca came up, she brought her son and her niece that are both teenagers. My mom told them they should leave because there was a thunderstorm coming, and that they couldn’t stay because she had to work in the morning. So I guess there is an unwritten rule that I can’t have any company on my mom’s work nights. I never knew that. My mom also has this obsession about sleeping on the couch. She absolutely refuses to sleep in her bedroom, so every time someone comes or leaves from the apartment, she keeps track of it. She also is up anytime I am home so she can keep track of when I come and go. I feel like I have to check in and out with her like a dorm mother. But, again, I feel responsible for her, because no one else cares, and she raised me, and paid for a significant amount of my college, so I feel like this is payback for all of the money she gave me to get through college.
So I don’t know what I am going to do. I know unless I found a job in Ohio by my sister, I probably won’t move, unless that other Sheriff’s department happens to call me for a job. I didn’t see much employment wise in the 911 dispatching field when I was down there in February. I just don’t have any connections down there. Getting a job in today’s market is not about what you know, it is about who you know. So, unless something changes, I don’t think I will have too easy of a time of it. So until my debt load is lighter, I just don’t see it being that easy for me to move. Which is the same reason I haven’t moved down by Rebecca. Rebecca and I would like to be together, but we haven’t been able to make that work because I don’t have money to move, and in my profession, it is very challenging to get jobs. Because the job is very demanding, the hiring process is quite intense. You can’t just walk in and get an interview and start working in two or three days. But my plan is to try for this computer job in the 911 dispatch center and get some updated computer skills through the computer job and then relocate eventually, I should be able to transfer the computer skills to a computer job somewhere. But I am certainly not going to tell them that.
Meanwhile, my life still gets more tilted by sister’s news that she has a brother that none of us (none of us meaning my brother, my step-mom, or my dad, or my sister or any of her family) have ever met. It turns out that my step mom had a child before my sister. As I have come to understand it, my step mom got pregnant and gave birth at the age of 17 or 18 and her parents made her give up that child for adoption, because this was 1969 and young, single women didn’t raise children alone back then. As the story goes, strangely enough, that child that my step mom gave up for adoption is approximately eight days older then I am. As the story is unfolding, my sister (actually my step-sister, but our parents were married I think when I was 9 or 10 and my step sister was 8 or 9 and we grew up together so I consider her my sister) just found this missing child who is now a married 37 year old male in the U.S. military in Germany. So now I have another step brother I didn’t even know about 48 hours ago. I am confused by this, but it has made my sister very happy, and so in the end, it will all be good, I am convinced. I don’t think it can hurt to have more family for moral support. I am interested to meet this person when he comes back for military leave this summer. I guess I am just slightly overwhelmed by it, but I will be interested to see how this all turns out. It certainly keeps my life from being anything but boring! It does add a lot of enlightenment to why my step mom is so understanding of complicated situations, like what Rebecca is in. I certainly don’t blame my sister for wanting to feel complete. I imagine if the situation was reversed, and I know I would certainly want to find that person. I am surprised I never heard anything about it, but knowing who I am, where people’s lives around me have been in the past, I really believe this is the work of God, because I think this is finally the right time for everyone. I don’t know how I would have handled it when I was younger, and maybe people knew that about me at the time, and so maybe that was why I was never told, and maybe it was better. But, now I feel good about it, and I am happy that my sister is happy. I wonder what my dad’s reaction is to all this is going to be, but he has handled a lot in his life, and come through it all, so I don’t think this will be a problem either, once we get past the shock phase, so to speak. And Laney, please know, I love you and our Ohio-Parents, and I will stick with you because I love you, and you are family, and you have stuck with me during my difficult times and found it within you to forgive me for my wrongs, and for that, I am thankful.
Right now, my head is spinning, trying to digest all that I have learned in the last few hours. It is now 5:30 a.m. Wednesday, and my sister told me about all of this in a phone call during my lunch break at work Tuesday night, and just before that, I had learned about my job interview, and after almost 10 years, I might leave the 911 dispatching field, which is a lot for me to think about. And I am still trying to recover from the horrendous weekend of my Grandma’s visit. And I am exhausted from a long, stressful work week. But at the same time, my mind is racing over all of this. Oh, and on a good note, I got my Emergency Medical Dispatching test done at work this morning, so I feel good about that.