alone
so, i'm living alone at our house on Dixon Ave. Dan's coming back to Tampa from a long trip, and for the first time, he isn't coming home to me. i'm better now... with all of it... six months down the road. not saying i'm well. just better than i was.
during the interim, there was chaos - from both of us. each choosing our own method of coping. i seeking people. he - mindnumbing alcohol. i think i'm luckier than dan in my way - met some really good people. didn't fix anything. sometimes things are just broken, and it's not supposed to make sense. feel the pain, embrace it, endure it.
being whole has to happen by being me and getting through this, hoping it turns into some fucked up source of strength.
it's so tempting to want to list the pros and cons. he said. she said. who's at fault. if i did this, if he did that. none of it's true. there's really no one to blame. that's the hardest part about all of this. you give up - why? because it's the right thing to do. wtf? how is that supposed to make sense?
it doesn't. it won't.
but Sinatra is still the cutest dog in the world. i am still... me. for better or worse. older. stronger. a little better every day... and as long as i keep the mantra going, it will be true soon enough.
much love to my few friends. and new friends. and dan.
during the interim, there was chaos - from both of us. each choosing our own method of coping. i seeking people. he - mindnumbing alcohol. i think i'm luckier than dan in my way - met some really good people. didn't fix anything. sometimes things are just broken, and it's not supposed to make sense. feel the pain, embrace it, endure it.
being whole has to happen by being me and getting through this, hoping it turns into some fucked up source of strength.
it's so tempting to want to list the pros and cons. he said. she said. who's at fault. if i did this, if he did that. none of it's true. there's really no one to blame. that's the hardest part about all of this. you give up - why? because it's the right thing to do. wtf? how is that supposed to make sense?
it doesn't. it won't.
but Sinatra is still the cutest dog in the world. i am still... me. for better or worse. older. stronger. a little better every day... and as long as i keep the mantra going, it will be true soon enough.
much love to my few friends. and new friends. and dan.