The day after yesterday...
Well, it's been awhile since I actually made a serious update.
Yesterday was my 24th birthday, so I decided to throw a party. It's been awhile since we had an actual party here. I invited pretty much everybody I knew. Right after 日本語 I drove down to denver to pick up Sara, a really nice girl that I sorta developed a crush on =p. When I got back home my roomates had turned our house into a discotheque, with the marvelous Double Disco Balls of light, that my dear older sister gave me for christmas, hanging from the ceiling in the main room. It was still early so Sara and I played some いただきストリイト (itadaki street). Drank some watermelon twisted schmirnoff ice's, they tasted like jolly ranchers, then went into the hot tub for a few hours. Wee! At 10:30 or so most of my friends had arrived, so it was time to bust out the Absinthe...hehe. Well, I let each of my friends take a shot of it, and then after that I was too drunk to care who else had some.
Apparently some girl I didn't even know took like 5 shots of the stuff...I saw her in the bathroom, and then later somebody told me that she was brought to the E.R. When somebody told me that I froze...it really struck a nerve... I had had a bit to drink so then I started crying...I didn't mean to. I was worried something might happen...and it all would have been my fault...
ok, so now to the serious part of this post... When things like that happen...I can't help but feel it was somehow my fault...earlier in the week I had sorta gotten yelled at by Kristina's boyfriend about supplying alcohol to minors. I couldn't sleep at all after that. I just kept thinking about that vodka I bought for kristina...and the coincidence of her not showing up for class the entire next week after that... Even though I know these things aren't my fault, I can't help but feel that they are my fault... No matter how many times I tell myself, and people tell me that these things aren't my fault...somehow it all comes back to me... Now, I haven't really talked to much about this...but since my father passed away I have occasionally been haunted by nightmares...usually 2 different kinds of nightmares...one of them I am dreaming of the few weeks before his death...and I am there trying to warn him of what will happen...and of course, I am completely ignored...sort of how it actually happened in real life... and then the other kind of dream I have is of either him, family members, or people he or I know yelling at me and telling me that everything is all my fault...
Well, after I had started crying Chris Johannsen tried to tell me not to worry, and that it wasn't my fault... Then Sara came and talked to me about it somewhat...I didn't fully tell her why I had reacted the way I did, she might have just assumed... I wasn't really able to sleep at all last night, and I ended up driving sara back home at 8:00 am. I was really hung over, and sleep deprived and I think sara thought I was mad at her. She asked me if I enjoyed my birthday, and I stupidly answered "no", mainly because I just felt like crap at the time. And then as I drove I didn't really talk much, and was just irritable. I hope I didn't leave a bad impression while I was hung over, because Sara is the first girl I have really liked in a long time. Some time during the night I had asked her on a date, and she accepted...but I just have no clue when we are having it :/ I would really like things to work out with her, but if they don't I feel that I know she can become a good friend nonetheless. So that is reassuring.
Yesterday was my 24th birthday, so I decided to throw a party. It's been awhile since we had an actual party here. I invited pretty much everybody I knew. Right after 日本語 I drove down to denver to pick up Sara, a really nice girl that I sorta developed a crush on =p. When I got back home my roomates had turned our house into a discotheque, with the marvelous Double Disco Balls of light, that my dear older sister gave me for christmas, hanging from the ceiling in the main room. It was still early so Sara and I played some いただきストリイト (itadaki street). Drank some watermelon twisted schmirnoff ice's, they tasted like jolly ranchers, then went into the hot tub for a few hours. Wee! At 10:30 or so most of my friends had arrived, so it was time to bust out the Absinthe...hehe. Well, I let each of my friends take a shot of it, and then after that I was too drunk to care who else had some.
Apparently some girl I didn't even know took like 5 shots of the stuff...I saw her in the bathroom, and then later somebody told me that she was brought to the E.R. When somebody told me that I froze...it really struck a nerve... I had had a bit to drink so then I started crying...I didn't mean to. I was worried something might happen...and it all would have been my fault...
ok, so now to the serious part of this post... When things like that happen...I can't help but feel it was somehow my fault...earlier in the week I had sorta gotten yelled at by Kristina's boyfriend about supplying alcohol to minors. I couldn't sleep at all after that. I just kept thinking about that vodka I bought for kristina...and the coincidence of her not showing up for class the entire next week after that... Even though I know these things aren't my fault, I can't help but feel that they are my fault... No matter how many times I tell myself, and people tell me that these things aren't my fault...somehow it all comes back to me... Now, I haven't really talked to much about this...but since my father passed away I have occasionally been haunted by nightmares...usually 2 different kinds of nightmares...one of them I am dreaming of the few weeks before his death...and I am there trying to warn him of what will happen...and of course, I am completely ignored...sort of how it actually happened in real life... and then the other kind of dream I have is of either him, family members, or people he or I know yelling at me and telling me that everything is all my fault...
Well, after I had started crying Chris Johannsen tried to tell me not to worry, and that it wasn't my fault... Then Sara came and talked to me about it somewhat...I didn't fully tell her why I had reacted the way I did, she might have just assumed... I wasn't really able to sleep at all last night, and I ended up driving sara back home at 8:00 am. I was really hung over, and sleep deprived and I think sara thought I was mad at her. She asked me if I enjoyed my birthday, and I stupidly answered "no", mainly because I just felt like crap at the time. And then as I drove I didn't really talk much, and was just irritable. I hope I didn't leave a bad impression while I was hung over, because Sara is the first girl I have really liked in a long time. Some time during the night I had asked her on a date, and she accepted...but I just have no clue when we are having it :/ I would really like things to work out with her, but if they don't I feel that I know she can become a good friend nonetheless. So that is reassuring.