(no subject)
my mom asks me ive been smoking. says i smell like smoke. shes worried im stealing her marlboros. her precious money out the window.
not fuckin tobacco.
i guess the incense drowns out most of that smell.
at least enough to crush her suspicions.
anyway, the whole damn house smells like smoke.
and i was thinking about him tonight.
mostly because i found his cell phone number but didnt dare to call it.
but i was thinking about us.
fuckin outside on fresh summer grass right as the sun was setting. no fairy tale, no movie, no lie. REALITY
fucking a guy most people would classify as devastatingly beautiful.
and this devastatingly beautiful guy giveing me his virginity under the summer sun.
and all i can say is "hurry up, i wanna get out of here"
maybe it didnt matter.
maybe guys dont care about stuff like that.
or maybe society under estimates them.
maybe he was high when we did it.
maybe i still was
who knows how long it stays in your system
but does it really matter?
my body was numb.
but when i remember, think back, nothing is enough anymore. routine, predictability. NO. i want to go higher.
that one SR71 song "it feels so good to feel this low..."
like when you're so low your high.
thats how i feel.
but its not enough anymore either.
the only thing i miss about the grass is the lifestyle.
all of us laughing, happy. we were assholes. we didnt care.
but now its nothing. i dont want to exsist in an altered state of reality. i want to totally escape reality. i want to go on a trip.
i
just
want
out.
is it so much to ask?
put some on my candy. put it in my food. slip it in my diet coke. get me blotter. just get me away.
not fuckin tobacco.
i guess the incense drowns out most of that smell.
at least enough to crush her suspicions.
anyway, the whole damn house smells like smoke.
and i was thinking about him tonight.
mostly because i found his cell phone number but didnt dare to call it.
but i was thinking about us.
fuckin outside on fresh summer grass right as the sun was setting. no fairy tale, no movie, no lie. REALITY
fucking a guy most people would classify as devastatingly beautiful.
and this devastatingly beautiful guy giveing me his virginity under the summer sun.
and all i can say is "hurry up, i wanna get out of here"
maybe it didnt matter.
maybe guys dont care about stuff like that.
or maybe society under estimates them.
maybe he was high when we did it.
maybe i still was
who knows how long it stays in your system
but does it really matter?
my body was numb.
but when i remember, think back, nothing is enough anymore. routine, predictability. NO. i want to go higher.
that one SR71 song "it feels so good to feel this low..."
like when you're so low your high.
thats how i feel.
but its not enough anymore either.
the only thing i miss about the grass is the lifestyle.
all of us laughing, happy. we were assholes. we didnt care.
but now its nothing. i dont want to exsist in an altered state of reality. i want to totally escape reality. i want to go on a trip.
i
just
want
out.
is it so much to ask?
put some on my candy. put it in my food. slip it in my diet coke. get me blotter. just get me away.