We used to wait. (Chapter 30/32)
title: We used to wait. (Chapter 30/32)
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 5,876
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Despite her new found title as Admiral, Kara stayed on deck for the next few hours, personally working alongside the deck crew to load up what parts of Galactica the rest of the fleet would be taking with them on their mission to the second Earth. The medical equipment, or most of what wasn’t nailed down, went first, simply as a precaution. The food went afterward, though Kara had made sure enough had been left to feed her crew. With the number of people needing to get off the ship with their belongings, Raptors would be working through the night, while some of the smaller civilian ships took turns landing in the second of Galactica’s landing pods to take on what number of people they could. The sudden rush of work needing to be done before morning cycle was her doing, and Kara would be damned if she wasn’t there to help. CIC was running itself for the time being, so this was where she needed to be.
As one of her Viper pilots gave a thumbs up from their cockpit, Kara turned the key in the lock and pressed down on the airlock release button, letting one of the last of the Mark IIs that wouldn’t be coming along with her head out. Like the other goods on Galactica, she was sending a portion of the Vipers and Raptors with the fleet as well. She prayed to the Gods they wouldn’t for some reason need them, but she felt comforted to know that the men and women she trained and led for some time would be there to protect them if the time called for it. She stepped out of the room and back onto the deck, taking in the dwindling numbers of people that still lingered well into the night. Instead of orange jumpsuits being the main overwhelming color, it was a mixture of civilian wear and fatigues, for those who had been in the service so long they no longer even had anything that wasn’t that deep fading green.
Waiting in line for the next Raptor, Helo stood with Athena, Hera awake in his arms despite the time. His hand rubbed at her clothed back of mismatching children’s items. No one complained about things like that these days. The fact that they’d been able to procure clothing anywhere near her size at all was a miracle in itself. Karl raised his hand over to Kara, hoping to catch her attention. “Starbuck!”
She tilted her head up at the call of her name, or what had once been the name she more often than not went by. These days, she was more used to hearing ‘Major’ coming from the lips of those beneath her in rank, and very occasionally, Kara, from the few that knew her best. Stepping between the other bodies of families eagerly awaiting their departure with their few boxes and bags of belongings, Kara made her way down the deck and towards the threesome. “Where are you guys headed?”
“Colonial One,” said Karl.
“Good.” Kara wasn’t surprised to hear where he’d been told to make his stay when Galactica was no longer able to be his home. Their family was one of the most important ones in the fleet, simply because of who comprised it. A cylon mother, human father, and a child that was a mix of them both. They would lead the way for all the people around them, hoping to bridge trust between the humans and the cylons that would vastly outnumber them on the planet.
“You sure you have to do this?” Athena asked reluctantly. Though the obvious parties, Lee, Adama, and Sam, had been overjoyed at Kara’s return from the dead, news of her reappearance had also brought tears to Sharon’s eyes. Kara had been one of the first to trust her, other than her husband, and had made her feel more like a human being than anything else. Now, Athena knew the truth of it all, Kara was part cylon herself, but what mattered was that back when she had no one else, Kara had come to her and treated her like an equal, even when she thought they were so very different. Athena had been on Galactica for years, and making friends was still difficult despite all that she’d done and continued to do. This woman before her, though, was one of the few she had.
Kara lifted her eyes to Sharon and nodded, just barely enough for the motion of her head to be registered. She raised her arms to Helo in a familiar move until Karl hefted the growing toddler into Starbuck’s arms. Kara curled Hera to her chest, feeling her tiny arms tighten around her neck. “I’ll miss you, Hera,” she said. Though there was the all too likely scenario that Kara wouldn’t make it back in the end, it felt no realer than in that moment as she realized she may never see what this little girl looked like grown up. Kara kissed both of Hera’s cheeks until the girl’s smile spread over her tired face and handed her back to her mother this time. “You’ll both look after Cally?” Galen had made his choice to come with her, but unlike Helo, Kara hadn’t turned him away. He had a son and a wife, but the strain between them still existed, even with all the time since his revelation. Legally, he may have had a wife, and biologically, he may have had a son, but they hadn’t been his for awhile. Galen had nothing else at the time, so Kara would give him purpose for a short time again.
“We will,” Karl said and quickly enveloped Kara in his arms, hunching forward towards her own shorter stature. “Don’t do anything too stupid,” he whispered.
She patted his back, anything more intimate would have made her lose her cool, and as the Admiral now, she knew she had to keep herself far more in check than she had before, both when it came to sadness and her temper. “I’ll try.”
They departed and though Kara wanted to look back to her friends, she didn’t. She had elsewhere she needed to be.
-
Kara pressed a hand into the wall of the private shower, using it to support her otherwise tired body as she relaxed further into the burning heat of the water spray. The days of the water shortage towards the beginning of their space adventure had been some of the worst, right up there with thirty-three minute cylon attacks, and her body starting to eat muscle mass as a result of the starvation they’d done before the algae planet. It wasn’t that they’d reached the point of dehydration, more so that their showers had been cut out completely towards the end, and before that, the rations had been strictly monitored. Not much was worse than coming off a double CAP and knowing there wasn’t any water available to wash away the sticky sweat that coated over one’s entire body thanks to the air tight feature that made the flight suit so valuable.
Nothing in her missed the communal head and all that it brought along: fighting for an available shower stall, having to listen to everyone else talking as she tried to wash away the day, and even taking every piss in the company of others beyond the small door that separated each toilet from the main room. It wasn’t that she returned to their billet every time she had to use the bathroom, but it was still a welcomed relief. Long gone were the days of having to carry her toothbrush and what they currently had that passed for toothpaste to and from the head. Now when she forgot a towel, she didn’t have to put back on her dirty clothing while she was sopping wet, instead finding clean ones hanging in the small bathroom, or more stacked up in the closet of their single roomed quarters. About the only thing she would have ever missed were the glances she sometimes got of Lee’s naked backside on rare occasion, although now she could argue she was free to see it whenever she wanted. A smile spread over her face at the very thought.
She reached for the bar of fleet-manufactured soap and drew it up her left arm, letting the scent of the suds reach her nose. Despite how many other people would argue that there wasn’t an ounce of femininity to her, she did, in fact, used to have a specific preference when it came to the bar of soap she used. That, however, was back during easier and happier times, when dropping by a store down the street and a couple of bucks was enough to make a three-pack of the vanilla soap her own. Now, she was just happy that someone had figured out how to craft the stuff out of what few resources were available. The shower door slid open, startling her, though the fright went out of her immediately as she took in the sight of Lee stepping in, already bare and undressed. The fit was beyond tight and it made her long so much for the bathroom in her quarters on Pegasus. That had been absolute luxury.
“Admiral,” Lee said to her with a smirk lopsided on his lips. The steam bathed his skin, warming him down through his muscles and to his very bones. He took the bar of soap from her hand and began the process for her all over again, running the block of it up and down each arm, his other palm rubbing it soothingly into her skin before the water rinsed it away.
“You knew about it, didn’t you?” Kara asked, her face dripping.
“I may have been told ahead of time.” His attention wasn’t on her face as he spoke, instead focusing on the task at hand. “Turn.”
Kara obeyed and gathered her soaked hair to expose her back to him. Her eyelashes fluttered as her lids shut, the light touch of his hands skimming her soapy skin leaving her nearly breathless. “Do you think anyone would accuse me of nepotism if my first act as Admiral was to promote you to Major?”
“It’s about time I took advantage of that,” he laughed. “You know, we’ve been on here for years and not once did my father promote me. It’s kind of bullshit.” He was joking with her, of course. That had been one of Cain’s biggest complaints about the father and son, that preferential treatment was undoubtedly occurring. The late Admiral had been right to some extent, although most of that came after her death, but Adama had held firm at least when it came to promoting or rather, not promoting, his son without just reason. He entered the war as a Captain, a rank he’d earned on his own, and he would leave it that way. Well, unless Kara was serious with her lighthearted remark.
“You keep using your hands like that and I may be more lenient when it comes to you.” A smile hung over her, and even with the heat of the water, Kara felt herself warm even a little more at his words. When his hands finished at her back, she turned around once again, looking up to him. She imagined this is what he’d look like rain soaked. The only time she’d ever seen him close to that was on Kobol. On Earth though, she could see him down on the planet, stuck in a rain storm with her. While everyone else would be wishing for an umbrella or some kind of cover, she knew the two of them would enjoy it. She wanted everything that went along with it as well, the cracking of thunder, the flash of lightning. The kind of pouring rain that seemed like a monsoon for only a few minutes and left just as quickly as it came. She wanted to stand under it with him and then when it got colder, she wanted to feel the snow on her skin. In the warmer months, she’d lie in the grass or maybe the sand next to him. It wouldn’t be chilly like it had been on New Caprica. No, on Earth she knew it would keep them warm.
Lee found himself temporarily distracted from the work he’d begun, instead letting a solitary, empty hand reach to her face to brush away the strands of hair that rest plastered against her skin. “There’s a bigger shower in the Admiral’s quarters…”
She would accuse him of having that one track mind, but she knew her own thoughts had strayed there as well over just the last few hours since she’d been given the position. The spoils of Galactica, of which the ship only had a few, were theirs to have, should they want them. “I didn’t think you’d want to be stuck frakking in your Dad’s bed, Apollo. You surprise me every day.” Kara teased him, already knowing his reaction before he even made it.
“Forget it,” he immediately responded. “I don’t think the XO’s quarters will work either. Ellen and Tigh’s bed?”
“She’d finally get you under her sheets.” Kara sung out with a laugh, her head shaking as she recalled the things he’d shared with her during those first few days Ellen had appeared on Galactica. Oh she’d had a good laugh about it back then and as it turned out, time didn’t make it any less funny. Kara took the bar of soap back from him and began the ritual for him, dragging the soap along the planes of his chest and then his arms. Without a word, he turned his back to her and she finished the job there, kissing into each of his shoulder blades just before he faced her again.
“Do you need your hair…?” Lee offered. Since that first time he’d washed her hair for her in the sink of that very bathroom, it had become something of a routine for them. Throughout the rest of her healing process, he had done it for her, and afterwards, even with her hands fully functioning, their shared showers usually involved his fingers rubbing shampoo and conditioner into her scalp.
She shook her head and replaced the bar of soap into the small dish attached to the wall. “Already did it,” she was reluctant to admit. Even after all this time, his hands in her hair was one of the most satisfying, non-sexual, feelings she could experience. It was safety and comfort, trust and affection, all wrapped up into one single action. “But you stay and finish up, I’ll dry off and leave your clothes on the sink.”
Lee didn’t want to let her go, instead preferred to keep her in the cocoon of the shower they shared together. So long as they stayed there, nothing was waiting to be faced down the next day and all the days after. He hated that she felt the need to go through with this, though he understood why she had to. They were within reach of the future they never thought they’d have, but started thinking about together nonetheless, even when they shouldn’t have been. They were at the end and now more than ever, Lee felt like he could lose her, really lose her this time. She would die and there’d be no download. He wanted to leave her sleeping in the middle of the night and take her father back down to that planet, make him turn the computer back on in case the worst happened. If she ended up dying though, it would mean that he had as well, and Kara would never forgive him for forcing her into life again, this time without him. He’d been unsure of her feelings in the past, but now more than ever, Lee absolutely knew everything he felt for her was returned. She loved him. Nothing else mattered. Not that she was part cylon or that sometimes they still drove each other out of their minds. Kara Thrace loved him and she wasn’t running away from it even with all the reasons she could have used.
Kara moved to step out, pulling the door open, but Lee tugged on her arm to stop her in her tracks.
“I love you,” he confessed. Even if they only had a few days left before they met their end, he was going to make sure she knew and heard it as often as possible.
She saw the fear in his eyes and rocked up onto her tip toes, both of her hands cupping his jaw as she kissed his forehead then pressed her own against it. “I love you, Lee, but I swear, I’m just going to put some clothes on.”
“I know,” he smiled and finally released her, allowing her to back off this time until he was alone in the small space to finish. After he’d rinsed out the drop of shampoo his short hair required and cleansed his face, Lee left the shower just as Kara had a few minutes earlier. Her wet foot steps were still marking her exit and the prints of them left him grinning in a manner that she would have called him a fool for if she saw it. He dried himself off and sure enough, Kara had done something she’d never done before, left a neatly folded pile of the things he usually wore to sleep - or what he wore before she tore them off of him. It was even a tad… domestic. Something so unlike Starbuck, or Kara, or the Admiral, whatever she was these days. When he was dry enough, Lee dressed in the boxer-briefs and single tank, opening the bathroom door back to the main room, wet towel abandoned behind him.
Kara was waiting, a rather serious look on her face. It wasn’t the usual one she wore though, when bad news was to be delivered. It wasn’t the look she’d used when she said she wasn’t going back to Earth or the last expression he’d seen on her face before she left the bunkroom angry at him and then flew down into that mandala and of course, to her death. There was a hint of something else and for the first time in months, Lee didn’t know how to place it. “What’s going on?”
Her lips pulled into a weak smile from where she stood, just as barely dressed as he was, in only her own grey briefs and matching top. “Come here,” she said, her voice slightly nervous and in such contrast to how silky her tone had been minutes ago in the shower. She extended a hand to him, arm raised and held nearly parallel to where it extended from her shoulder.
He followed her every word, bare feet crossing the hard metal flooring until he reached her. His soles were no longer cold, however, and he glanced down to see the blanket spread beneath them. Lee looked to her with a question on his face, but took her hand anyway. When Kara’s knees bent, making move to kneel on the floor, Lee mimicked her until his own shins and knees came to rest on the thinning fabric of the blanket, supporting his weight. “Kara…”
She released his hand, body stretching to the side to pull out a small box from underneath the small table in their quarters that they used less for eating at and more for things the fraternization regulations may have once upon a time frowned down on. Kara set the box between them, hands resting down on it as if to keep it shut, like there was a living thing beneath the lid she was trying to keep from setting free. “Lee,” she began, and this time when she looked at him, she saw nothing else in the room. Before she spoke again, she took a few breaths time just to look to him and let herself be overcome with the man that he was. The man that he had been, and the one that he would be. He was handsome, the most beautiful man she’d ever known. When she saw him now, she didn’t see Zak’s brother any longer. Now he was just Lee. More importantly, he was hers.
Lee had been with her through the worst of it all, and though they’d hurt one another brutally in the past, they always found each other in the end. She regretted leaving him on that cold beach nearly every day since then and often at night when she was falling asleep, she tried to think what could have been if she hadn’t allowed herself to run scared. What would it have been like if that morning she woke him up instead of Sam, and dragged him down to the priestess? Even if they hadn’t taken it that far, would they be here now? Would their relationship have made it this far? Faced with everything that she was, he hadn’t given up on her. He had every right to, and she’d even heard the talk among some of the crew that he was a fool for not stepping back away from the madness she brought with her everywhere. Every time she’d stepped close to an edge and feared falling over, Lee had been behind her, tugging her back. He tried that time she died, too, but that had been her own fault then. Instead of staring down that ledge, she had run and jumped over it. Even he couldn’t have saved her and she was thankful he didn’t try harder. It would have gotten him killed.
“Lee,” she said again, having found the fortitude she needed. “Will you marry me?”
The obvious thought was that his senses were playing a trick on him. He had heard her wrong, instead taking what she’d said and spinning it around into what he wanted to hear. That was the only explanation. The longer he stared at her though, the plea in her eyes, pupils wide and dilated from the dim light of the room, he knew there was no mistake and misunderstanding. His limbs tingled as his body reallocated blood for other parts of him, feeling the rush of hormones flooding his veins at her question. He placed his hands on he box between them as well, occupying what little space was available on it, his fingers curling down the sides of it. “Yes,” he said finally. For all the things he’d ever planned to say to her about such a topic, the words left him. He only needed one in the end.
This time, her smile was unafraid and sincere, and though she wanted to close the distance between them and kiss him, she held herself back. She opened the box when his hands slid off, tilting the lid back to expose what was inside.
“You mean, right now?” Lee asked as he caught view of what she gathered.
“We don’t need a priestess.” There wouldn’t be time to find one, since she doubted one remained on board. As for the legal documents, those would have to wait as well. What she had planned, this was just for them.
Butterflies fluttered inside Lee’s stomach at what she was getting at. Not only had she just proposed, but she meant to follow through with it immediately. There’d be no family beside him, no celebration to hold afterwards, no traditional manners of dress, no honeymoon to spend alone and together. Their vacation would be among the stars on Galactica and they’d marry one another in little more than their underwear. In a way, for them, it was perfect.
Kara wasted no time in laying out the box’s contents. The candle, thick and wide and already half worn down, was set slightly off to the side of them. She produced a matchbook with only a few sticks remaining and lit it, blowing out the match when she was sure the flame on the wick was sufficiently strong to keep burning bright. The aged metal figurines of some of the Lords of Kobol were placed between their knees, only separated by mere inches now. Lee still considered himself a devout atheist, but the thought of objecting to the ritual she had sketched for them never even crossed his mind. What did, was just how long she’d been planning this for. Most of these items, they’d had in their room, but that candle at least, had been brought with her back to their quarters ahead of time for this specific purpose. The idea that Kara had been thinking about this for awhile brought more joy to him than he knew he could even feel at such a simple action.
She reached for the knife from the box, the one she usually kept either in her boot or strapped to her leg and drew it upwards. The blade held between her teeth for a moment, Kara collected her hair over one shoulder with both her hands. It had grown so very long over the past few years, having last cut it a few weeks before the cylons returned. She wasn’t sure why she kept it, she’d never worn it long since she was a child, hating the care it required of her. It had seemed like time for a change, she supposed, and now, it was time for another.
“Kara-” He raised his hand almost to stop her. “You don’t have to, I don’t think anyone’s followed that tradition in hundreds of years.”
“I want to,” she said, though she wasn’t angry at his attempt to stall her as she might have once been. Long ago, it had been custom for the bride to cut at least a few inches from her hair as a sign of her starting anew as she entered into the marriage, and despite the fact that she’d already been married once before, she felt a pull inside of her to reuse the tradition long since buried.
Lee nodded to her then, though he knew she didn’t need permission.
With her hair tied off in an elastic, Kara raised the knife to the thick mane and allowed the sharpness of the blade to saw through each damp strand. In the end, it was still relatively long compared to how it had been years ago, now grazing just below her shoulders. There’d be a need for her to actually take shears to it later at some point to even out the jagged edges, but for the time, the symbol was complete. She set the length of her bound hair within the now empty box along with the knife and the literal weight lifted with the mass of hair gone felt oddly freeing. It had been a symbol, but all the same she felt less hindered now, like she could let the past go and only now was able to make room for Lee. That hair had been Sam’s as well, and now she was free for the man before her. Him, and only him.
Kara raised her left hand, palm up in offering, and Lee’s matching hand met her halfway. Their fingers didn’t interlock as they usually did, this time simply folding over and into one another’s, gripping tight. Kara took the long blue scarf, a piece of fabric that had once been tied around one of her wrists at a certain Colonial Day celebration and that she had failed to return with her dress-a token she’d kept in remembrance of that night and what could have been-and draped it over both of their hands. This too, had been a custom seldom practiced any longer, with most marriages favoring more modern details like white dresses and handwritten vows. The marriage to Sam had been something like that, minus the flash of it all, but for sealing herself to Lee, she felt the need to draw upon the ways the Gods had dictated down to them regarding the traditions of such a sacrament.
From a piece of unfolded paper between them, Kara read the words as she began to wind one half of the fabric around their joined hands. “You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself, but while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me, for I am free, but I shall serve you in those ways you require, and all will taste sweeter coming from my hand.” She paused and looked up to him, finding his bright blue eyes watching her with awe. Tears wet her eyes and she smiled, trying to blink them away as she looked back down to the paper. “I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.” Her face flushed, hot and pink, and Kara turned the paper to him with her free hand, nodding her head as she insisted he continue on.
His throat was dry when it came for his turn, nervous energy sapping the strength out of him. He looked back to Kara for encouragement, and she gave him plenty with just the smile on her face, her cheeks only a hint of the deep red color over her lips. “I pledge to you my living and my dying,” he choked up on the word, and Kara stopped her work at binding their hands to let her palm reach his own cheek. She said nothing, like one false word would ruin their vows, but just the reminder that she was there and actually making the decision to give herself to him, pushed him on. “…each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine. As the sun follows its course, may you follow me. As joy to the heart, may your presence be with me. Above and beyond this, I will cherish you and honor you through this life and into the next.”
Though his words continued slowly, he took an added breath to draw his eyes from the paper inked in her scrawl, to look both to their hands and to Kara across from him. She struggled one handedly with the knot that would tie them together and he reached to help her, each of them pulling an end until the loose knot was formed. Her head dipped in a silent thanks and with their eyes held on one another, he repeated the final words, already committed to memory. “This is my wedding vow to you. This is the marriage of equals.”
“Aphrodite and Hera, bless this, the union of your children, Kara Thrace…” She stopped, waiting for him to finish for her.
“And Leland Adama.”
All the times they’d been together, from their almost on her dining room table to their first night together after New Caprica, Kara had never felt the kind of anxiousness in her stomach she did in that moment. They may not have had the papers to attest to it, but in the eyes of the Gods and their own, he was her husband, just as she was his wife. They were together, Kara and Lee. Starbuck and Apollo. She leaned in and he met her halfway, both moving simultaneously until their mouths joined. There was eagerness in it, but not like all those other times before. Now they weren’t just fighting for the next few minutes, they had the rest of their lives, so long as they made it back from the storm they headed directly into.
Both of their hands slipped easily from the fabric looped around them, and without care for the lit candle nor the statues, Kara pulled herself to Lee. She never dared to lift her mouth from his, not quite ready to fall out of the moment they shared together, the first of many as a married pair. Her hand found the back of his neck while his met her scalp, both of them fighting the need for deep full breaths. She pulled away first, and while her chest heaved to restore oxygen to her system, Lee kept at it, kissing the corner of her mouth and along her jaw in a short but devoted series. He made it to her neck and kissed down the curve of her throat, his own familiar path he usually took when confronted with the time and ability to touch her as he pleased.
Lee picked his head up a second later, looking her in the eye, only to find that the tears he had in his were reflected back in her own. Without a word, he kissed her eyelids as she closed them for him, moving from one to the other. When he finished, Kara repeated what he’d done, drawing her lips to his shut eyes. It was as if she had melted into him then, not knowing what part of her body was her own and what was his. His warmth was hers, the touch of his hand confused for hers. “I love you, Lee.”
“I love you.” His hands moved down to her legs, pulling them around his waist until he felt her lock them at the small of his back. Calling upon every ounce of strength left inside of him, he rose from the floor while he carefully kept a grip on her, though the squeeze of her thighs held her fairly in place as he took the few steps towards their bed. He knew that even with the Admiral’s and Executive Officer’s quarters open come morning, they would remain in this billet until they no longer could. There were too many memories here from the months past and they’d only added to it in the last half hour. Their hearts were within these walls, along with all their secrets.
Lee laid Kara back down on the bed and it was hardly a second before she was sitting up, her hands drawing the tank he wore upwards as he kneeled next to her. With every inch of skin revealed, she kissed once to the newly exposed flesh, stopping at his collarbone to draw it over his head and cast it aside. With her mouth brought to his ear, she whispered, “Your turn.”
He leaned in, a hand on either of her hips as fingers skirted around the hem of the top before gathering the fabric northward. He kissed just where the band of her underwear hit her skin, following the trail straight up over her navel and between her bared breasts. Like his, the tank was discarded without a care, Lee finding renewed interest in the skin before him. She laid back down into their mattress and blankets, arms stretched forward and towards him invitingly. There was no hesitation as he kneeled between her parted legs like he’d done innumerable times before. “You’ve made me…”
“Happy?” She suggested for him. It was a simple answer to the complicated feeling that throbbed through her.
His hands into the bed, he looked down at her while hovering from inches above. Lee nodded in agreement. “Happy.”
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 5,876
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Despite her new found title as Admiral, Kara stayed on deck for the next few hours, personally working alongside the deck crew to load up what parts of Galactica the rest of the fleet would be taking with them on their mission to the second Earth. The medical equipment, or most of what wasn’t nailed down, went first, simply as a precaution. The food went afterward, though Kara had made sure enough had been left to feed her crew. With the number of people needing to get off the ship with their belongings, Raptors would be working through the night, while some of the smaller civilian ships took turns landing in the second of Galactica’s landing pods to take on what number of people they could. The sudden rush of work needing to be done before morning cycle was her doing, and Kara would be damned if she wasn’t there to help. CIC was running itself for the time being, so this was where she needed to be.
As one of her Viper pilots gave a thumbs up from their cockpit, Kara turned the key in the lock and pressed down on the airlock release button, letting one of the last of the Mark IIs that wouldn’t be coming along with her head out. Like the other goods on Galactica, she was sending a portion of the Vipers and Raptors with the fleet as well. She prayed to the Gods they wouldn’t for some reason need them, but she felt comforted to know that the men and women she trained and led for some time would be there to protect them if the time called for it. She stepped out of the room and back onto the deck, taking in the dwindling numbers of people that still lingered well into the night. Instead of orange jumpsuits being the main overwhelming color, it was a mixture of civilian wear and fatigues, for those who had been in the service so long they no longer even had anything that wasn’t that deep fading green.
Waiting in line for the next Raptor, Helo stood with Athena, Hera awake in his arms despite the time. His hand rubbed at her clothed back of mismatching children’s items. No one complained about things like that these days. The fact that they’d been able to procure clothing anywhere near her size at all was a miracle in itself. Karl raised his hand over to Kara, hoping to catch her attention. “Starbuck!”
She tilted her head up at the call of her name, or what had once been the name she more often than not went by. These days, she was more used to hearing ‘Major’ coming from the lips of those beneath her in rank, and very occasionally, Kara, from the few that knew her best. Stepping between the other bodies of families eagerly awaiting their departure with their few boxes and bags of belongings, Kara made her way down the deck and towards the threesome. “Where are you guys headed?”
“Colonial One,” said Karl.
“Good.” Kara wasn’t surprised to hear where he’d been told to make his stay when Galactica was no longer able to be his home. Their family was one of the most important ones in the fleet, simply because of who comprised it. A cylon mother, human father, and a child that was a mix of them both. They would lead the way for all the people around them, hoping to bridge trust between the humans and the cylons that would vastly outnumber them on the planet.
“You sure you have to do this?” Athena asked reluctantly. Though the obvious parties, Lee, Adama, and Sam, had been overjoyed at Kara’s return from the dead, news of her reappearance had also brought tears to Sharon’s eyes. Kara had been one of the first to trust her, other than her husband, and had made her feel more like a human being than anything else. Now, Athena knew the truth of it all, Kara was part cylon herself, but what mattered was that back when she had no one else, Kara had come to her and treated her like an equal, even when she thought they were so very different. Athena had been on Galactica for years, and making friends was still difficult despite all that she’d done and continued to do. This woman before her, though, was one of the few she had.
Kara lifted her eyes to Sharon and nodded, just barely enough for the motion of her head to be registered. She raised her arms to Helo in a familiar move until Karl hefted the growing toddler into Starbuck’s arms. Kara curled Hera to her chest, feeling her tiny arms tighten around her neck. “I’ll miss you, Hera,” she said. Though there was the all too likely scenario that Kara wouldn’t make it back in the end, it felt no realer than in that moment as she realized she may never see what this little girl looked like grown up. Kara kissed both of Hera’s cheeks until the girl’s smile spread over her tired face and handed her back to her mother this time. “You’ll both look after Cally?” Galen had made his choice to come with her, but unlike Helo, Kara hadn’t turned him away. He had a son and a wife, but the strain between them still existed, even with all the time since his revelation. Legally, he may have had a wife, and biologically, he may have had a son, but they hadn’t been his for awhile. Galen had nothing else at the time, so Kara would give him purpose for a short time again.
“We will,” Karl said and quickly enveloped Kara in his arms, hunching forward towards her own shorter stature. “Don’t do anything too stupid,” he whispered.
She patted his back, anything more intimate would have made her lose her cool, and as the Admiral now, she knew she had to keep herself far more in check than she had before, both when it came to sadness and her temper. “I’ll try.”
They departed and though Kara wanted to look back to her friends, she didn’t. She had elsewhere she needed to be.
-
Kara pressed a hand into the wall of the private shower, using it to support her otherwise tired body as she relaxed further into the burning heat of the water spray. The days of the water shortage towards the beginning of their space adventure had been some of the worst, right up there with thirty-three minute cylon attacks, and her body starting to eat muscle mass as a result of the starvation they’d done before the algae planet. It wasn’t that they’d reached the point of dehydration, more so that their showers had been cut out completely towards the end, and before that, the rations had been strictly monitored. Not much was worse than coming off a double CAP and knowing there wasn’t any water available to wash away the sticky sweat that coated over one’s entire body thanks to the air tight feature that made the flight suit so valuable.
Nothing in her missed the communal head and all that it brought along: fighting for an available shower stall, having to listen to everyone else talking as she tried to wash away the day, and even taking every piss in the company of others beyond the small door that separated each toilet from the main room. It wasn’t that she returned to their billet every time she had to use the bathroom, but it was still a welcomed relief. Long gone were the days of having to carry her toothbrush and what they currently had that passed for toothpaste to and from the head. Now when she forgot a towel, she didn’t have to put back on her dirty clothing while she was sopping wet, instead finding clean ones hanging in the small bathroom, or more stacked up in the closet of their single roomed quarters. About the only thing she would have ever missed were the glances she sometimes got of Lee’s naked backside on rare occasion, although now she could argue she was free to see it whenever she wanted. A smile spread over her face at the very thought.
She reached for the bar of fleet-manufactured soap and drew it up her left arm, letting the scent of the suds reach her nose. Despite how many other people would argue that there wasn’t an ounce of femininity to her, she did, in fact, used to have a specific preference when it came to the bar of soap she used. That, however, was back during easier and happier times, when dropping by a store down the street and a couple of bucks was enough to make a three-pack of the vanilla soap her own. Now, she was just happy that someone had figured out how to craft the stuff out of what few resources were available. The shower door slid open, startling her, though the fright went out of her immediately as she took in the sight of Lee stepping in, already bare and undressed. The fit was beyond tight and it made her long so much for the bathroom in her quarters on Pegasus. That had been absolute luxury.
“Admiral,” Lee said to her with a smirk lopsided on his lips. The steam bathed his skin, warming him down through his muscles and to his very bones. He took the bar of soap from her hand and began the process for her all over again, running the block of it up and down each arm, his other palm rubbing it soothingly into her skin before the water rinsed it away.
“You knew about it, didn’t you?” Kara asked, her face dripping.
“I may have been told ahead of time.” His attention wasn’t on her face as he spoke, instead focusing on the task at hand. “Turn.”
Kara obeyed and gathered her soaked hair to expose her back to him. Her eyelashes fluttered as her lids shut, the light touch of his hands skimming her soapy skin leaving her nearly breathless. “Do you think anyone would accuse me of nepotism if my first act as Admiral was to promote you to Major?”
“It’s about time I took advantage of that,” he laughed. “You know, we’ve been on here for years and not once did my father promote me. It’s kind of bullshit.” He was joking with her, of course. That had been one of Cain’s biggest complaints about the father and son, that preferential treatment was undoubtedly occurring. The late Admiral had been right to some extent, although most of that came after her death, but Adama had held firm at least when it came to promoting or rather, not promoting, his son without just reason. He entered the war as a Captain, a rank he’d earned on his own, and he would leave it that way. Well, unless Kara was serious with her lighthearted remark.
“You keep using your hands like that and I may be more lenient when it comes to you.” A smile hung over her, and even with the heat of the water, Kara felt herself warm even a little more at his words. When his hands finished at her back, she turned around once again, looking up to him. She imagined this is what he’d look like rain soaked. The only time she’d ever seen him close to that was on Kobol. On Earth though, she could see him down on the planet, stuck in a rain storm with her. While everyone else would be wishing for an umbrella or some kind of cover, she knew the two of them would enjoy it. She wanted everything that went along with it as well, the cracking of thunder, the flash of lightning. The kind of pouring rain that seemed like a monsoon for only a few minutes and left just as quickly as it came. She wanted to stand under it with him and then when it got colder, she wanted to feel the snow on her skin. In the warmer months, she’d lie in the grass or maybe the sand next to him. It wouldn’t be chilly like it had been on New Caprica. No, on Earth she knew it would keep them warm.
Lee found himself temporarily distracted from the work he’d begun, instead letting a solitary, empty hand reach to her face to brush away the strands of hair that rest plastered against her skin. “There’s a bigger shower in the Admiral’s quarters…”
She would accuse him of having that one track mind, but she knew her own thoughts had strayed there as well over just the last few hours since she’d been given the position. The spoils of Galactica, of which the ship only had a few, were theirs to have, should they want them. “I didn’t think you’d want to be stuck frakking in your Dad’s bed, Apollo. You surprise me every day.” Kara teased him, already knowing his reaction before he even made it.
“Forget it,” he immediately responded. “I don’t think the XO’s quarters will work either. Ellen and Tigh’s bed?”
“She’d finally get you under her sheets.” Kara sung out with a laugh, her head shaking as she recalled the things he’d shared with her during those first few days Ellen had appeared on Galactica. Oh she’d had a good laugh about it back then and as it turned out, time didn’t make it any less funny. Kara took the bar of soap back from him and began the ritual for him, dragging the soap along the planes of his chest and then his arms. Without a word, he turned his back to her and she finished the job there, kissing into each of his shoulder blades just before he faced her again.
“Do you need your hair…?” Lee offered. Since that first time he’d washed her hair for her in the sink of that very bathroom, it had become something of a routine for them. Throughout the rest of her healing process, he had done it for her, and afterwards, even with her hands fully functioning, their shared showers usually involved his fingers rubbing shampoo and conditioner into her scalp.
She shook her head and replaced the bar of soap into the small dish attached to the wall. “Already did it,” she was reluctant to admit. Even after all this time, his hands in her hair was one of the most satisfying, non-sexual, feelings she could experience. It was safety and comfort, trust and affection, all wrapped up into one single action. “But you stay and finish up, I’ll dry off and leave your clothes on the sink.”
Lee didn’t want to let her go, instead preferred to keep her in the cocoon of the shower they shared together. So long as they stayed there, nothing was waiting to be faced down the next day and all the days after. He hated that she felt the need to go through with this, though he understood why she had to. They were within reach of the future they never thought they’d have, but started thinking about together nonetheless, even when they shouldn’t have been. They were at the end and now more than ever, Lee felt like he could lose her, really lose her this time. She would die and there’d be no download. He wanted to leave her sleeping in the middle of the night and take her father back down to that planet, make him turn the computer back on in case the worst happened. If she ended up dying though, it would mean that he had as well, and Kara would never forgive him for forcing her into life again, this time without him. He’d been unsure of her feelings in the past, but now more than ever, Lee absolutely knew everything he felt for her was returned. She loved him. Nothing else mattered. Not that she was part cylon or that sometimes they still drove each other out of their minds. Kara Thrace loved him and she wasn’t running away from it even with all the reasons she could have used.
Kara moved to step out, pulling the door open, but Lee tugged on her arm to stop her in her tracks.
“I love you,” he confessed. Even if they only had a few days left before they met their end, he was going to make sure she knew and heard it as often as possible.
She saw the fear in his eyes and rocked up onto her tip toes, both of her hands cupping his jaw as she kissed his forehead then pressed her own against it. “I love you, Lee, but I swear, I’m just going to put some clothes on.”
“I know,” he smiled and finally released her, allowing her to back off this time until he was alone in the small space to finish. After he’d rinsed out the drop of shampoo his short hair required and cleansed his face, Lee left the shower just as Kara had a few minutes earlier. Her wet foot steps were still marking her exit and the prints of them left him grinning in a manner that she would have called him a fool for if she saw it. He dried himself off and sure enough, Kara had done something she’d never done before, left a neatly folded pile of the things he usually wore to sleep - or what he wore before she tore them off of him. It was even a tad… domestic. Something so unlike Starbuck, or Kara, or the Admiral, whatever she was these days. When he was dry enough, Lee dressed in the boxer-briefs and single tank, opening the bathroom door back to the main room, wet towel abandoned behind him.
Kara was waiting, a rather serious look on her face. It wasn’t the usual one she wore though, when bad news was to be delivered. It wasn’t the look she’d used when she said she wasn’t going back to Earth or the last expression he’d seen on her face before she left the bunkroom angry at him and then flew down into that mandala and of course, to her death. There was a hint of something else and for the first time in months, Lee didn’t know how to place it. “What’s going on?”
Her lips pulled into a weak smile from where she stood, just as barely dressed as he was, in only her own grey briefs and matching top. “Come here,” she said, her voice slightly nervous and in such contrast to how silky her tone had been minutes ago in the shower. She extended a hand to him, arm raised and held nearly parallel to where it extended from her shoulder.
He followed her every word, bare feet crossing the hard metal flooring until he reached her. His soles were no longer cold, however, and he glanced down to see the blanket spread beneath them. Lee looked to her with a question on his face, but took her hand anyway. When Kara’s knees bent, making move to kneel on the floor, Lee mimicked her until his own shins and knees came to rest on the thinning fabric of the blanket, supporting his weight. “Kara…”
She released his hand, body stretching to the side to pull out a small box from underneath the small table in their quarters that they used less for eating at and more for things the fraternization regulations may have once upon a time frowned down on. Kara set the box between them, hands resting down on it as if to keep it shut, like there was a living thing beneath the lid she was trying to keep from setting free. “Lee,” she began, and this time when she looked at him, she saw nothing else in the room. Before she spoke again, she took a few breaths time just to look to him and let herself be overcome with the man that he was. The man that he had been, and the one that he would be. He was handsome, the most beautiful man she’d ever known. When she saw him now, she didn’t see Zak’s brother any longer. Now he was just Lee. More importantly, he was hers.
Lee had been with her through the worst of it all, and though they’d hurt one another brutally in the past, they always found each other in the end. She regretted leaving him on that cold beach nearly every day since then and often at night when she was falling asleep, she tried to think what could have been if she hadn’t allowed herself to run scared. What would it have been like if that morning she woke him up instead of Sam, and dragged him down to the priestess? Even if they hadn’t taken it that far, would they be here now? Would their relationship have made it this far? Faced with everything that she was, he hadn’t given up on her. He had every right to, and she’d even heard the talk among some of the crew that he was a fool for not stepping back away from the madness she brought with her everywhere. Every time she’d stepped close to an edge and feared falling over, Lee had been behind her, tugging her back. He tried that time she died, too, but that had been her own fault then. Instead of staring down that ledge, she had run and jumped over it. Even he couldn’t have saved her and she was thankful he didn’t try harder. It would have gotten him killed.
“Lee,” she said again, having found the fortitude she needed. “Will you marry me?”
The obvious thought was that his senses were playing a trick on him. He had heard her wrong, instead taking what she’d said and spinning it around into what he wanted to hear. That was the only explanation. The longer he stared at her though, the plea in her eyes, pupils wide and dilated from the dim light of the room, he knew there was no mistake and misunderstanding. His limbs tingled as his body reallocated blood for other parts of him, feeling the rush of hormones flooding his veins at her question. He placed his hands on he box between them as well, occupying what little space was available on it, his fingers curling down the sides of it. “Yes,” he said finally. For all the things he’d ever planned to say to her about such a topic, the words left him. He only needed one in the end.
This time, her smile was unafraid and sincere, and though she wanted to close the distance between them and kiss him, she held herself back. She opened the box when his hands slid off, tilting the lid back to expose what was inside.
“You mean, right now?” Lee asked as he caught view of what she gathered.
“We don’t need a priestess.” There wouldn’t be time to find one, since she doubted one remained on board. As for the legal documents, those would have to wait as well. What she had planned, this was just for them.
Butterflies fluttered inside Lee’s stomach at what she was getting at. Not only had she just proposed, but she meant to follow through with it immediately. There’d be no family beside him, no celebration to hold afterwards, no traditional manners of dress, no honeymoon to spend alone and together. Their vacation would be among the stars on Galactica and they’d marry one another in little more than their underwear. In a way, for them, it was perfect.
Kara wasted no time in laying out the box’s contents. The candle, thick and wide and already half worn down, was set slightly off to the side of them. She produced a matchbook with only a few sticks remaining and lit it, blowing out the match when she was sure the flame on the wick was sufficiently strong to keep burning bright. The aged metal figurines of some of the Lords of Kobol were placed between their knees, only separated by mere inches now. Lee still considered himself a devout atheist, but the thought of objecting to the ritual she had sketched for them never even crossed his mind. What did, was just how long she’d been planning this for. Most of these items, they’d had in their room, but that candle at least, had been brought with her back to their quarters ahead of time for this specific purpose. The idea that Kara had been thinking about this for awhile brought more joy to him than he knew he could even feel at such a simple action.
She reached for the knife from the box, the one she usually kept either in her boot or strapped to her leg and drew it upwards. The blade held between her teeth for a moment, Kara collected her hair over one shoulder with both her hands. It had grown so very long over the past few years, having last cut it a few weeks before the cylons returned. She wasn’t sure why she kept it, she’d never worn it long since she was a child, hating the care it required of her. It had seemed like time for a change, she supposed, and now, it was time for another.
“Kara-” He raised his hand almost to stop her. “You don’t have to, I don’t think anyone’s followed that tradition in hundreds of years.”
“I want to,” she said, though she wasn’t angry at his attempt to stall her as she might have once been. Long ago, it had been custom for the bride to cut at least a few inches from her hair as a sign of her starting anew as she entered into the marriage, and despite the fact that she’d already been married once before, she felt a pull inside of her to reuse the tradition long since buried.
Lee nodded to her then, though he knew she didn’t need permission.
With her hair tied off in an elastic, Kara raised the knife to the thick mane and allowed the sharpness of the blade to saw through each damp strand. In the end, it was still relatively long compared to how it had been years ago, now grazing just below her shoulders. There’d be a need for her to actually take shears to it later at some point to even out the jagged edges, but for the time, the symbol was complete. She set the length of her bound hair within the now empty box along with the knife and the literal weight lifted with the mass of hair gone felt oddly freeing. It had been a symbol, but all the same she felt less hindered now, like she could let the past go and only now was able to make room for Lee. That hair had been Sam’s as well, and now she was free for the man before her. Him, and only him.
Kara raised her left hand, palm up in offering, and Lee’s matching hand met her halfway. Their fingers didn’t interlock as they usually did, this time simply folding over and into one another’s, gripping tight. Kara took the long blue scarf, a piece of fabric that had once been tied around one of her wrists at a certain Colonial Day celebration and that she had failed to return with her dress-a token she’d kept in remembrance of that night and what could have been-and draped it over both of their hands. This too, had been a custom seldom practiced any longer, with most marriages favoring more modern details like white dresses and handwritten vows. The marriage to Sam had been something like that, minus the flash of it all, but for sealing herself to Lee, she felt the need to draw upon the ways the Gods had dictated down to them regarding the traditions of such a sacrament.
From a piece of unfolded paper between them, Kara read the words as she began to wind one half of the fabric around their joined hands. “You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself, but while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me, for I am free, but I shall serve you in those ways you require, and all will taste sweeter coming from my hand.” She paused and looked up to him, finding his bright blue eyes watching her with awe. Tears wet her eyes and she smiled, trying to blink them away as she looked back down to the paper. “I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.” Her face flushed, hot and pink, and Kara turned the paper to him with her free hand, nodding her head as she insisted he continue on.
His throat was dry when it came for his turn, nervous energy sapping the strength out of him. He looked back to Kara for encouragement, and she gave him plenty with just the smile on her face, her cheeks only a hint of the deep red color over her lips. “I pledge to you my living and my dying,” he choked up on the word, and Kara stopped her work at binding their hands to let her palm reach his own cheek. She said nothing, like one false word would ruin their vows, but just the reminder that she was there and actually making the decision to give herself to him, pushed him on. “…each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine. As the sun follows its course, may you follow me. As joy to the heart, may your presence be with me. Above and beyond this, I will cherish you and honor you through this life and into the next.”
Though his words continued slowly, he took an added breath to draw his eyes from the paper inked in her scrawl, to look both to their hands and to Kara across from him. She struggled one handedly with the knot that would tie them together and he reached to help her, each of them pulling an end until the loose knot was formed. Her head dipped in a silent thanks and with their eyes held on one another, he repeated the final words, already committed to memory. “This is my wedding vow to you. This is the marriage of equals.”
“Aphrodite and Hera, bless this, the union of your children, Kara Thrace…” She stopped, waiting for him to finish for her.
“And Leland Adama.”
All the times they’d been together, from their almost on her dining room table to their first night together after New Caprica, Kara had never felt the kind of anxiousness in her stomach she did in that moment. They may not have had the papers to attest to it, but in the eyes of the Gods and their own, he was her husband, just as she was his wife. They were together, Kara and Lee. Starbuck and Apollo. She leaned in and he met her halfway, both moving simultaneously until their mouths joined. There was eagerness in it, but not like all those other times before. Now they weren’t just fighting for the next few minutes, they had the rest of their lives, so long as they made it back from the storm they headed directly into.
Both of their hands slipped easily from the fabric looped around them, and without care for the lit candle nor the statues, Kara pulled herself to Lee. She never dared to lift her mouth from his, not quite ready to fall out of the moment they shared together, the first of many as a married pair. Her hand found the back of his neck while his met her scalp, both of them fighting the need for deep full breaths. She pulled away first, and while her chest heaved to restore oxygen to her system, Lee kept at it, kissing the corner of her mouth and along her jaw in a short but devoted series. He made it to her neck and kissed down the curve of her throat, his own familiar path he usually took when confronted with the time and ability to touch her as he pleased.
Lee picked his head up a second later, looking her in the eye, only to find that the tears he had in his were reflected back in her own. Without a word, he kissed her eyelids as she closed them for him, moving from one to the other. When he finished, Kara repeated what he’d done, drawing her lips to his shut eyes. It was as if she had melted into him then, not knowing what part of her body was her own and what was his. His warmth was hers, the touch of his hand confused for hers. “I love you, Lee.”
“I love you.” His hands moved down to her legs, pulling them around his waist until he felt her lock them at the small of his back. Calling upon every ounce of strength left inside of him, he rose from the floor while he carefully kept a grip on her, though the squeeze of her thighs held her fairly in place as he took the few steps towards their bed. He knew that even with the Admiral’s and Executive Officer’s quarters open come morning, they would remain in this billet until they no longer could. There were too many memories here from the months past and they’d only added to it in the last half hour. Their hearts were within these walls, along with all their secrets.
Lee laid Kara back down on the bed and it was hardly a second before she was sitting up, her hands drawing the tank he wore upwards as he kneeled next to her. With every inch of skin revealed, she kissed once to the newly exposed flesh, stopping at his collarbone to draw it over his head and cast it aside. With her mouth brought to his ear, she whispered, “Your turn.”
He leaned in, a hand on either of her hips as fingers skirted around the hem of the top before gathering the fabric northward. He kissed just where the band of her underwear hit her skin, following the trail straight up over her navel and between her bared breasts. Like his, the tank was discarded without a care, Lee finding renewed interest in the skin before him. She laid back down into their mattress and blankets, arms stretched forward and towards him invitingly. There was no hesitation as he kneeled between her parted legs like he’d done innumerable times before. “You’ve made me…”
“Happy?” She suggested for him. It was a simple answer to the complicated feeling that throbbed through her.
His hands into the bed, he looked down at her while hovering from inches above. Lee nodded in agreement. “Happy.”