[changmin/yunho] belief makes things real
title : belief makes things real
pairing : changmin/yunho
rating : pg-13
words : 7388
summary : a story of misfits and love
a/n : have had this written for a while now but i just sort of gave up about half-way through, i'm sure you'll figure that out for yourselves lol. and the title totally doesn't have anything to do with the fic except for the fact that i had the song, belief by gavin degraw basically on repeat for hours when i wrote this. as per usual, for my l;ove yuxo
At sixteen, Shim Changmin is a loner. Tall and lanky with limbs just short of odd, he's all awkward angles and not enough cool to fit in with the in crowd. A math and chemistry wiz, Changmin's the head of the science olympiad and the fastest problem solver in math team. All qualities that automatically make him geek extraordinaire, except he's really not one, he's just smart, or so his mother says.
Meet his mother, thirty-seven and gorgeous, an ex-model who married a rock star only to divorce the second she finds out he's cheating on her, which unfortunately also happened to be two days before she pees on a stick to realize she's pregnant. Priding herself for having morals, and because it was the thing to do back then, being a hot single momma, she gives birth by herself. "All natural" she tells anyone who'll listen when in reality she had been so drugged up she couldn't tell the doctors if she was male or female.
Changmin's technically an only child, an inevitable ending once his mother realized that childbirth wasn't all fun and games but that it came with a constantly crying baby in need of diaper changes, lack of sleep and most importantly, an additional twenty-six pounds and hips that could be compared to a hippo's. Of course she loses it though, one of those Jenny Craig, if this ex-celebrity can do it, so can you advertising programs.
His father is non-existent, either dead as the trash magazines report or hiding somewhere in Africa to avoid paying the ridiculous alimony his mother is required to get monthly. Changmin doesn't care either way, his father has never been a father in anything but name and blood.
Needless to say, with such an impressive family history, everyone had expected the younger man to be like his mother, beautiful beyond words or maybe even like his father, talented and handsome. But no, he turned out pretty average, with average hair and an average penchant for being popular. He doesn't know the first thing about guitars or how to stand in front of the cameras and pose. All he's got going for him, as told to him by his mother, is his height, possessing super long legs and his face, pronounced cheekbones and a gorgeous smile guaranteed to break more than a few hearts.
Changmin is a sophomore at one of the most prestigious colleges in all of America, prestigious if you mean filthy rich and full of spoiled brats living off their parents wealth. It's like a Harvard or Yale for disgustingly well-off kids, except instead of a GPA above 3.8 and a brilliant mind, all you need is a few million in the bank, preferably around ten. Oh, and it's not required but would be nice if you are at least literate and can spell your own name. It's a plus if you actually know how to properly form a sentence.
It was obvious to Changmin the moment he stepped foot into his lecture hall, that he'd never fit in here, just like he never fit into his elementary and high schools before this. He's long accepted his own eccentricity, a little too shy to talk to anyone and way too private to divulge anything personal about himself.
Despite being a complete introvert and having a reputation for not speaking more than five words a day, Changmin's got friends. A whole group of them in fact, three other boys, maybe just as odd as odd would be defined and capable of understanding him better than his own relatives.
Kim Junsu, also known as Shim Junsu, is Changmin's adopted older brother. Changmin had found him one day in the backyard of his house, sitting cross-legged atop his slide, looking lost and smelling like he hasn't showered in at least a week, which he later learns isn't too far off the mark. Changmin takes Junsu in, as one would take in a lost puppy at the age of ten, feeding and lending him clothes too small and tight for Junsu's plumper body. Changmin remembers eating more for dinner that month than he ever had, trying his hardest to grow fatter so he could ask his mom for roomier clothes. He had kept the older boy in the gardening shed for an entire two months, sneaking him into the house for daily showers and decorating his makeshift room with pillows and a soft bed he bought with his own savings, piggy bank broken for Junsu.
Changmin found it easy to love the older boy, carefree and always smiling despite having been abandoned in front of a church, parents too poor to afford a child. Mother possibly dead now from cancer and father too much of a drunkard and gambler to take care of him properly. Junsu had wandered around for a while, eating leftovers given to him by generous and kind people. Changmin tells his mother on Christmas day, two hours before the annual gala they always attend.
He still remembers his words, well-practised and memorized thoroughly, the most stress-ful speech he's ever had to give. "Mother," he had started off, tone formal and sharp from the beginning. "Mother, don't freak out." And that's when his mother had dropped her tiny black bag, lipstick on the counter as she stared at her son through the mirror. "I've been keeping a boy, Kim Junsu, in the shed. His mother is dead and his father lost all his money on the Lakers. He's eleven and smart, good at soccer and he's my best friend." Changmin remembers shaking, arms tight at his sides, "He doesn't eat much and he's a really flexible dancer and sings. And when he laughs, it sounds like a dolphin, high and a little annoying. And despite the fact that he farts a lot and pinches me and makes fun of me, he lets me win at video games. He lets me laugh back at him and he makes me happy. I love him mother, and I want him to stay with us."
And believe it or not, but just like that, Shim Changmin turned from an only child to having an older brother. His mother adopted Junsu, unable to help but fall for the boy, too cute and adorable to be mean, she had said.
Next is Park Yoochun, next door neighbor and music extraordinaire, a genius at the age of fifteen. He wanders over one day, ringing their doorbell to ask if they have any sugar. Changmin had said no and Junsu said yes, the two arguing over whether there were any in the house. Yoochun had, with a roll of his eyes and swig of his drink, cranberry juice by the way, and not beer like he told them, walked into the house uninvited, heading into the kitchen to find a pack of sugar. And without a word of thanks, he leaves, waving his hand at them.
For precisely an entire week, Yoochun came over, borrowing bread, starch and even a spoon once. It wasn't until one day when Junsu was walking home from grocery shopping that he realized the boy just didn't like being alone, the house too quiet with only him in it. Without a second thought, he invited Yoochun home for dinner, screwing up the pasta as Changmin had predicted. Within a month, the duo became a trio, bestest of friends that soon became known as the three musketeers, a nickname denounced by Changmin for the corniness.
Yoochun's wild and just a little crazy, someone his mother fondly calls a lowlife. Changmin's not entirely sure how labeling someone as a lowlife could ever be taken in a good context but then again his mother isn't one for stereotypical definitions.
There was once she had come home, more than a little drunk to find the three of them huddled together in bed, Junsu scared from a nightmare and Yoochun there just because he felt lonely in a bed himself. His mother had flipped the light on to find three male bodies flopping around in bed, giggling and whispering together. The very next day Changmin had gotten a care package courtesy of his mother. A very nice pack of condoms, Trojan and extra-large (apparently his mother thought quite highly of him) and some lubricant, a sticky-note telling them to always practice safe sex.
Yoochun had a good laugh and Junsu turned red, blubbering as he ran to explain to their mother. And like all teenagers their age, they found a good use for the box of condoms; blown up dick-shaped balloons.
Yoochun has a penchant for drinking and smoking, although not exactly the kind of smoke that comes from a cigarette. It's something Changmin discovers when he wakes up one night to the blaring fire alarm coming from next door. Junsu bangs on his door, the two running down the stairs to stand outside of Yoochun's house, four fire trucks lined up along their adjacent driveways.
Yoochun shuffles out of the house, yawning as he sips on his juice, cranberry maybe with a little vodka mixed in, and waves at the two boys. "Fire," he explains, to which Changmin kicks him in the ass for, "Stupid." Junsu learns and tells Changmin the next day that Yoochun had lit an entire bedroom full of candles, taking his time to watch each flame die and flicker out. Changmin shakes his head, unable to explain to himself why his friends are all so weird.
Jaejoong was a last minute addition into their eccentric family and if you were to be really technical about it, he is also by far the weirdest. Changmin met him the first day of class in college, assigned to sit next to the Kim boy, taken aback when Jaejoong had started talking to his highlighter, saying hi and introducing himself to the plastic cap. Unsure of himself, Changmin had ignored him until he heard Jaejoong address the highlighter with his name.
"Are you talking to me?" he had asked, eyeing the older boy carefully, "Or is your highlighter also called Changmin?"Jaejoong laughed and told him not to be silly, how could there be two Shim Changmins and besides, his highlighter was just a highlighter and didn't have a name. Thoroughly befuddled and very much curious, Changmin initiated a conversation with Jaejoong, tagging him along to lunch, where Jaejoong had addressed Junsu as an orange, pretty apt description really, plump and round. And where he talked to Yoochun through an insulated coffee sleeve made of recycled paper, sixty percent to be exact.
Turns out Jaejoong only speaks to others through different objects, his entire bag an eclectic mix of things, paper clips, empty water bottle, pillow case and even a pressed maple leaf. He never spoke to any face to face, nor did he ever address anyone directly. Out of the group, it's undeniable that he gets picked on the most, called out constantly for his inability to hold a conversation like a normal person would.
However, it's also undeniable that he's the most beautiful out of their group. With dark brown eyes and a striking face, cool on the outside but incredibly warm and affectionate on the inside, Kim Jaejoong was alluring and a mystery. One that no one ever bothered to solve.
He is also, among other things, the oldest and best cook, constantly making them lunch and backing them cookies. He's also by far the richest, both parents world-renowed doctors, plastic surgeons of course.
It's on a warm day right after a lunch of pita chips and homemade kimchi jjigae from Jaejoong that Changmin is told to go to the headmaster's office. Over the course of an hour, he's told the school will soon be welcoming an exchange student over from Korea, a Jung Yunho he's told, rich and the heir to a chain of luxury hotels all over Asia.
He's also told he'll be the one in charge of making sure the young Jung is comfortable in the states. Changmin balks at the order, telling the headmaster he's not exactly the sociable type. Unfortunately for him, Changmin's the only option, top student and shining example of an obedient and well-mannered young man.
Changmin goes to his friends, telling them of his problem and predictably, they give him the kind of advice he wish he never heard. Yoochun tells him to go mug a 7-11 and Jaejoong tells his highlighter to stand outside of school, hold up his sneaker and maybe talk to some birds. Junsu tells them they're stupid and that there's nothing to do but suck it up and live with it, that perhaps this Jung Yunho wouldn't be too bad of a guy.
And of course Junsu turns out to be right. For Jung Yunho is the extreme opposite of a bad guy, drop-dead gorgeous and way too smiley, eerily nice to the point of it being unnatural and so warm and open it's hard for Changmin to hate him. Not that he doesn't try of course.
He begrudgingly picks the older man up from the airport, constantly complaining of being treated as a servant/chauffer, to which Junsu had told him to shut up and focus on driving. Oddly enough, even with a large poster board held up by Junsu, Yunho had circled past them, walking outside and around for fifteen minutes before calling Changmin's cell as he was given in case he got lost.
Changmin groans, looking at the back of Yunho's head, eyes scanning down to the older man's long, long legs before dragging Junsu with him to the entrance, tapping Yunho on the shoulder, mouth gaping just a little when he had turned around, bright smile and apology on his lips.
"Sorry, did I must have walked past the two of you about ten times at least," he says, slight Korean accent to his English, something that Changmin begrudgingly finds cute.
Junsu tells him it's alright and Changmin blinks, speechless as he takes in the older man in bright aquamarine capris and a black t-shirt, casual vest worn over it. Junsu nudges him twice and Changmin pinches himself awake, walking away with a grunt of hello, leading the way back to his car. Junsu, alarmed at his brother's cold treatment of their guest apologized profusely, grabbing the luggage and making small talk with Yunho the entire way back.
Changmin ignores most of the questions, turning on the radio so loud that Junsu has to actually scream in order to converse with Yunho. Changmin finds it unbelievable how well Yunho fits in with his friends, Jaejoong immediately embracing him and talking to him through his mirror, a sure sign of how much he already likes and approves of Yunho. Yoochun drags Yunho off to play piano with, trying to teach the clumsy older man a song that ends up with the two of them banging out some thoroughly loud and random melody. And Junsu embraces Yunho more warmly than anyone, delighting in the fact that Yunho's also a dancer, trained in contemporary and a natural-born hip-hoper if he ever saw one.
Changmin prides himself on holding out of falling for the Yunho charm. Always a little harsher and cooler than he needs to be in his replies and dealings with the older man. It doesn't surprise him when Yunho turns out to be the hottest new thing at school, popular and charming, fitting it with all crowds and becoming the teacher's pet in less than a week at class.
He's asked out by almost all of the girls in school and to his credit, instead of telling them yes or no, he tells them the truth, that he's gay and that his type is someone with a certain anatomy they just don't have. And with that one answer, Jung Yunho became every girl's new best friend and every other guy's dream lover.
Changmin gets the luck of having Yunho in almost all of his classes, the both of them undeclared in their majors. He accompanies the older man to and from class, usually with a set smile on his face and maybe a word or two in greeting. It strikes him one day when he catches Yunho's grin faltering after he had rejected an offer to play basketball together, that maybe he's being mean. Junsu tells him he's being an ass, Yoochun tells him that he's more of a douche and Jaejoong...doesn't tell him a thing at all. He does, however, tell the highlighter it is being difficult. Changmin takes that as a sign he's overdoing to hostility.
He doesn't honestly dislike Yunho and if he were to be truthful, he actually finds the older man to be great company. Yunho's quiet when he needs to be, understanding and good at reading the atmosphere of those around him. Changmin discovers that out of all his friends, Yunho's the only one who'll sit on the couch with him as he reads his books. And unlike the others who would try to talk to him, Yunho won't say a word in disturbance. He'll have the tv on or a magazine on his lap, something to do as he sits with Changmin.
Changmin makes an effort to be a little nicer to Yunho, not entirely sure of why he's so harsh to him in the first place. He buys the older man bubble tea once, taro and not just the regular milk tea with extra tapioca and a straw in Yunho's favorite color. Two days before an important history midterm, Changmin slips a "Hwaiting Jung Yunho!" note into his mailbox at school, accompanied with the older man's beloved chocolates and a four-leaf clover for good luck.
Changmin realizes he sort of likes seeing Yunho's surprised and happy smile, always acting nonchalant when the older man shows him the little gifts. "Who'd be so stupid to waste time and money on stuff like that?" he says once and is surprised to see the cold expression on Yunho's face. "I like it," the older man says, "And that's what matters."
He stops with the gift giving once Junsu figures it out. "Changmin-ah, isn't that the same charm you were looking at a few days ago?" he asked once they were alone, giving his younger brother a knowing look. Changmin pushed him then, punching him hard in the arm, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Why would I waste time and money on him?" Junsu smiles and pinches his cheeks, "Because maybe you like him more than you think."
Changmin ignores Junsu like he's so fond of doing. He goes back to ignoring Yunho as best he can, unable to help but laugh at the older man's jokes, cursing himself when he feels his heart skip a beat at Yunho's caring words. It's not the falling in love with a guy part that bothers Changmin. It's the falling in love at all.
He manages to keep his distance well, trying his best not to care if Yunho trips over a sofa leg or not. It all goes to hell one cold day in December after they've all just pigged out at a Japanese buffet. Changmin excuses himself to go to the bathroom, bladder bursting at the seams with too much coca-cola and tea. He hears the sounds of someone vomitting in the toilet next to his and ignores it, dismissing it as some poor fool having eaten too much at the buffet and paying the price for it now. He walks away, washing his hands and closes the door, shutting out the continuous sounds of retching.
Changmin starts telling the others about the situation he had walked into in the bathroom when Yunho comes back halfway through. Junsu tells him to re-start for Yunho's benefit and Changmin watches as Yunho smiles, apologizing to Changmin for having to make him start over. Yoochun notes that Yunho was at the bathroom was as well and that perhaps he was there the same time Changmin was so the story might be redundant for the older man as well.
It takes Changmin less than a minute to work out the logistics. Yunho, always full on a salad or less, constantly having to pee or use the bathroom after a meal, suddenly a lot less perfect than Changmin had thought. Jung Yunho, twenty-three and rich, popular and so beloved is actually bulimic.
He passes on the re-telling of the story, brushing it off as an unfunny story after all and lets Junsu make fun of him for it. He grabs a slice of the cheesecake, pushing it towards Yunho first, telling him to take a bite. He watches as the older man accepts hesitantly, taking two small bites before stopping entirely.
Changmin wonders how it is he's missed all the signs. Yunho's fluctuating weigh should've alerted him to something wrong in the first place. The older man had arrived not plump but at least with a little meat on his bones and now he's stick thin, wrists an alarming circumference of maybe a baby's and waist even smaller than Jaejoong's, well-reputated for having a twenty-six inch waistline, envy of almost all girls.
He doesn't confront Yunho for a little while, unsure of how he's even supposed to handle this or if it's his place to at all. He poses a hypothetical question to Jaejoong, because despite being only able to talk to inanimate objects, he's always the best with advice giving.
Jaejoong listens on with a patient ear, humming his sympathies when Changmin finishes with his little story. Jaejoong says nothing for a while, eventually pulling out the highlighter and mirror.
"Even perfection has it's flaws yeah?" Jaejoong says, spinning the mirror around on the table. "Maybe you don't count him as a friend but he does."
Changmin blinks, suddenly annoyed at Jaejoong's roundabout way of speaking, "Hyung," he says, "Just spit it out for once, I'm really not in the mood."
"He thinks of you as a friend, maybe even more so I don't see why he would hate you for anything you do or say." Jaejoong pockets the mirror, "It's himself he hates."
It takes him a while to process the words, mind running a million miles an hour before he realizes Jaejoong's just inadvertently told him that Yunho might just have a thing for him.
He goes home that night a little lost and confused, staring at Yunho so intensely throughout dinner that Junsu has to constantly kick him underneath the table to get him to stop.
Changmin watches carefully, waiting a few minutes after Yunho's excused himself to use the bathroom to follow. He crouches outside in the hallway and listens with his eyes closed to the sounds of the older man retching. There's a moment when he thinks Yunho's stopped, a pause between the vomiting and he lets out a sigh of relief, standing up to knock on the door when it continues a beat later, water sloshing around in an ugly mix. Changmin swallows hard and slides back down to the floor, hands fisted tightly at his sides.
He's still there when Yunho opens the door, staring down in surprise at the younger boy when he nearly trips over him. "Did you need to use the bathroom?" Yunho asks, holding the door open as he kneels down to face Changmin. "You okay? You're looking a little sick."
Maybe it's these words that prompt Changmin into action or maybe it's the stink of acid still present in Yunho's breath that propels him forward, grabbing Yunho by the shirt as he drags him back into the bathroom.
"Why do you do this?" He asks, voice calm and expression blank as always.
He watches as Yunho prepares to ask him what he's talking about, letting him get as far as two words before cutting in.
"I know Hyung, I know what you do after every meal. I had a front row seat right outside the bathroom just now to it. Don't bother telling me you're not bulimic."
He lets the words sink in, staring unwaveringly at the older man, watching as Yunho deflates in front of him.
"Why?" He repeats, taking a step forward.
Yunho stares blankly at him, eyes wide as he takes a seat on the edge of the tub, "You wouldn't understand. You're perfect."
Changmin falters, he's not even prepared for a confrontation of this level. He's the kind of person that likes to plan things out, make pro-con lists and sometimes even data sheets and pie graphs. Changmin realizes he's in over his head and that this isn't exactly something he can solve with an equation.
"Hyung-," he starts off, pausing as he reaches the older man's side to turn around and shut the door behind him. He decides that it's best to start with what he knows and go on from there. "I'm not perfect."
Yunho looks up at him and gives him a smile so sad it could break Changmin's heart if he let it, "No? You've got legs that stretch for miles long, a gorgeous face and perfectly creamy skin. Face it Shim Changmin, you're as close to perfection as can be."
"Are you hitting on me?" Changmin asks, eyebrows scrunched as he looks at Yunho sharply, "Because I'm trying to stage an intervention here. Jaejoong told me that you might have a thing for me but he's always blabbering about shit that's not true like that time he told me Yoochun secretly wanted to bang Junsu but in reality Yoochun wanted to bang Jaejoong...and I'm blabbering again."
He looks awkwardly at Yunho, shuffling from side to side with his hands in his pocket, the classic fuck I really don't want to be here right now pose. "Um, let's just ignore that and get back to the topic at hand. So I was asking why you puke up all the food you eat and you were telling me I was perfect and I was about to tell you I'm not because I'm too shy and I tend to talk really fast when I'm nervous-,"
"And you're blubbering again," Yunho says, more than a little miserable he's in this situation. "Look, Jaejoong-hyung's right, I do have a thing for you and I'm right when I say you're perfect and no, I wasn't hitting on you, not really."
Changmin stares for a while at the older man, letting out a sigh of relief, "Good, because-,"
He gets cut off with three knocks to the door, Junsu's voice ringing through the door, "Yah, some of us need to shower. Whatever you two are doing in there, move it to somewhere more appropriate like the bedroom, yours and not mine!"
Yunho turns a brilliant shade of pink that Changmin notes suits the older man really well, pulling the door open to mutter an apology before leaving. Changmin smacks Junsu in the head, telling him he's got shit timing before going after Yunho.
The so-called intervention goes down the drain and Changmin goes to bed that night with the knowledge that Yunho actually likes him and that unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Changmin might just like him back.
He doesn't know why he starts to do it but he does, waking up an hour before school every morning to cook breakfast for Yunho, pancakes, eggs and bacon, everything you'd need for a complete meal. Granted the eggs are sometimes too runny and definitely still raw and the bacon is usually more on the burnt side than anything but Yunho still eats it all with a big smile.
Changmin makes sure he follows Yunho to the bathroom, standing next to him as he brushes his teeth. It's more than a little awkward when Yunho has to actually relieve himself and is forced to tell Changmin pointblank that he's got to pee. He ends up waiting outside and timing the older man as well, telling him through the door that the average time it takes for a male to relieve himself is less than ten seconds.
He starts bringing two lunches with him or buying two sets of meals, glaring pointedly at Yunho until he ate at least half and if those spoiled brats saw fit to starts rumors about how he always followed Yunho to the bathroom afterwards, then so be it. Changmin found he rather liked seeing the older man flush pink when he heard the obviously fabricated hearsay and found in particular, the way Yunho would flail around trying to get people to stop spreading them, like actually resorting to duct taping Yoochun's mouth, all sorts of adorable and cute.
Changmin thinks he makes some progress with the older man when he wakes one night to find Yunho in the bathroom, bent over the toilet bowl with two fingers shoved down his throat. That's when he really loses it, grabbing the older man into the kitchen with him and pulling out all sorts of pots and pans out, making every comfort food he knows of; kimchi jjigae and bibimbap, mashed potatoes with gravy and thick french fries, he even goes so far as to start baking extra fudgy brownies.
Changmin sits Yunho down on the counter, food laid out in front of him. "Choose one," he whispers, watching with satisfaction when Yunho reaches for the kimchi jjigae. He takes the seat next to Yunho and reaches hesitantly for the older man's hand, "You're not perfect," he says, cringing when he sees the expectant look in Yunho's eyes, "You're not perfect but you're pretty damn close. Hyung, you're one of the most loving and kind people I know. You're accepting of everyone and unbiased in your affections, you always have a smile ready for even the worst kinds of people at school and you might not believe me but you really are beautiful."
He blushes and shrugs, "And come on, my cooking isn't too bad right? It wouldn't hurt you to eat what I make and not have to throw it back up again." Changmin gives Yunho a look, not entirely kind but very firm, "Look, I don't know why you feel this way and I'm not asking you to tell me because I'm not a therapist or a counselor. If you want to, you can, but I'm not forcing you to. I'm just making you food and expecting you to eat it because I hate wasting food and honestly, it's an insult if you feel like it's not good enough to stay in your stomach."
Yunho opens his mouth and closes it, "It's not that," he finally says, eyes cast down.
Changmin takes a deep breath and looks at the still full bowl of stew, "Want to go somewhere tomorrow? I'm free and I've got two tickets to the amusement park."
Yunho blinks at him in surprise, "But you hate crowds."
"I don't hate crowds," Changmin says with a frown, "You're exaggerating."
"You wouldn't go to the Starbucks in Times Square because you were afraid of the line."
"Exaggerating," Changmin repeats, "I don't like Starbucks coffee."
Yunho stares at him for a little while and Changmin's thankful the older man doesn't call him out on that lie when he knows that Changmin's got a fridge full of Starbuck's espresso shots.
"Are you asking me out on a date?"
Changmin hesitates and looks at Yunho, "Maybe?"
Truth is, Changmin isn't sure but he knows this way Yunho will say yes and at this point, all he wants is to take Yunho out, get food and eating off of his mind and to give the older man a day of fun and laughter again.
Yunho smiles a little, hand tightly gripping onto his, "I'll be up at 8am, I expect breakfast to be on the table. Scrambled runny eggs and overburnt bacon with some lumpy blueberry pancakes sound perfect in case you were wondering."
He gives Changmin another smile before grabbing his bowl of kimchi jjigae and walking away.
The amusement park turns out to be a disaster, or so Changmin thinks. He ends up feeding Yunho funnel cake and cotton candy, too much junk and not enough nutrition. And to both their surprises, he's the one who throws up first, nauseously bent over the toilet bowl with Yunho soothingly rubbing his back after a particularly nasty ride on something called Kingda Ka, a ride that Changmin hadn't trusted in the first place because honestly, who'd trust a ride that looks like an enlarged penis.
Changmin does end up winning a Kenny doll for Yunho, mumbling about the twenty-five dollars he just wasted on a stuffed something that probably would have cost only eight dollars in Chinatown. But it's the look on Yunho's face at the end of the day, bright and definitely happier than he's been in a long while that makes Changmin feel like maybe the day hadn't been a total waste.
And the fact that Changmin had won Yunho a doll, bought him food and held hands with him on every rollercoaster they went on, convinces him it's date.
Things progress from there, dinner and a movie of Friday nights, watching Yunho's basketball games from the stands and eventually holding hands in the school hallways. Before long they're known as Yunho and Changmin instead of just Yunho or Changmin.
----
"Yah!" Changmin yells up the stairs, "Breakfast is on the table and if you're not down in two, it's going in the trash!"
He turns around to find Junsu staring at him with a weird look and glares back, "What?"
"Married much?"
Changmin chucks a pepper holder at Junsu's face, smiling serenely when it hits his older brother square in the chest. He hears Yunho running down the stairs and turns in time to see him trip over the bottom step and fall onto the floor. He sighs and grabs a bag of iced peas out of the fridge, tossing it into Yunho's hands.
Yunho smiles stupidly at him and reaches to give him a kiss, "Morning, beautiful," he says.
"Eat your breakfast," Changmin responds, squeezing Yunho's hand. "We've got twenty minutes and then we're out of here," he continues, holding the frozen peas up to Yunho's forehead.
Yunho nods immediately and scoops a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth, barely chewing before he swallows it for another bite.
"Whipped much?" Junsu coughs discreetly into his hand.
Changmin hands Yunho the salt holder and watches in satisfaction as Yunho chucks it at Junsu's head, missing when the boy tries to duck and hitting him in the stomach instead, "Nice," he comments, opening his mouth for a bite of bacon.
"I think he's such a bad influence on you!" Junsu cries, "You get out of the relationship while you still can," he tells Yunho as he gets up to throw what remains of his pop tart into the trash.
"Jealous much?" Yunho mocks with a bright smile.
----
It takes three months for Yunho to open up, pulling Changmin aside after class ends one day. "Let's go to the supermarket," he says, lacing his hand with Changmin's so tight there's no room for argument.
Changmin pushes the cart, following after Yunho as the older man piles lots and lots of groceries into it, bags of chips and dip, fresh chicken breast and broccoli, adding in frozen french fries and a huge bottle of ketchup.
"I hope we're not eating all this in the same meal," he remarks, pushing lazily as he waits for Yunho to start talking.
He spends another fifteen minutes responding to questions such as whether he wants pear in his pie or apple before Yunho pulls him into the frozen aisle, wrapping arms around his waist, head buried in his neck.
"Um, cold?" He whispers, stroking Yunho's hair softly.
"I've been bulimic since I was twenty. It started out with one meal and then two and before I knew it, I couldn't stop myself and had to do it after I ate anything." Yunho takes another breath before continuing, hand twisting into Changmin's shirt, "I'd drink more water and eat less solid food, that way it'd be easier to throw it up and it would hurt less coming out. Wouldn't eat breakfast, maybe not even lunch and just eat dinner. I tried to keep the food down but it's like my body wouldn't let me and it would come back up regardless of whether I wanted it to."
Changmin tightens his hold on Yunho, eyes closed and he quietly kisses the older man's neck in comfort.
"I needed to lose weight at first, just a couple of pounds for a spread in some magazine that was interviewing my parents. Wanted to look good for them, make them proud and all. Then it was about control. Life got so hectic. We moved three times in the year when my mom divorced my dad and I just- I couldn't do anything you know? I needed this, needed something constant in my life. And now I have you."
Changmin waits for Yunho to stop, pulling the older man out of hiding to look him in the eye, "Thank you for telling me," he says, "But you didn't have to. I told you, you don't have to tell me anything."
Yunho shrugs, clearing his throat as he opens the freezer door to grab a bag of peas, "Wanted to."
Changmin pushes Yunho to the side, shoving the peas back into the freezer, "Hate peas," he tells Yunho, making a funny face.
Yunho grabs it back, "They're good ice packs."
And that, Changmin finds, is something he can't dispute.
----
Changmin finds Yunho in Yoochun's car, the two discussing something together and immediately figures that something is up, knocking on the glass window to disrupt them. "Stop spreading your greasy ways to my boyfriend," he says to Yoochun with a glare as he hands Yunho an apple, "I like him the way he is."
Yunho grabs the apple and takes a bite, offering some to Changmin, "I like me the way I am too."
"Then stay away from him."
Yoochun scoffs and leers at him, something that Changmin is used to seeing on Yoochun's face but definitely not something he's used to being directed at him.
He realizes later on that night when Yunho corners him in the bedroom exactly what their conversation may have been about. Shim Changmin woke that morning a virgin and goes to bed not.
Changmin doesn't know when it happens but it does and suddenly liking Yunho turns into loving Yunho.
The way Changmin feels for Yunho doesn't change the fact that it's summer now and that no matter what, Yunho's still an exchange student from Korea, due to fly back to his country at the end of the month. Jaejoong proposes a long-distance relationship that Changmin shoots down immediately, they never work out is what he thinks. Yoochun tells him why not kidnap Yunho and keep him in the gardening shed like he kept Junsu. That gets shot down too because for one, Yunho's a lot older than Junsu was then and for two, he'd be an illegal immigrant then and that's never fun. Junsu gives him a pointed look and a smack in the head, asking Changmin why he's discussing his and Yunho's relationship with them when he should be discussing it with the older man himself.
In the end, Yunho goes to him, a plane ticket in hand as a gift for Changmin and a proposal for a long-distance relationship that Changmin declines. He tells him it wouldn't work because Changmin's just not the type to commit to something so serious so early. Changmin can't fight the tears when he gets home, Yunho's crestfallen and pained smile still present in his mind. He wishes he could take back all his words and had said yes instead of it was fun while it lasted.
He stays at home when his mom drives Yunho to the airport, waving from behind the curtains of his bedroom. Changmin ignores everyone's calls and pleas to go with, telling them he's got the flu. The last thing he hears is Yunho's quiet voice tell him to get better soon.
Changmin spends four months moping around the house, head hanging low and dragging his feet everywhere he goes. Yoochun calls him bad company, Junsu refuses to plays Guitar Hero with him and Jaejoong's not much fun to talk to anyway. It also takes four months for Changmin to summon up the courage to cash in on the open-ended airplane ticket Yunho had given him that day. And another month of changing dates not to mention numerous ass-kickings from Junsu and co. before he actually leaves for Korea. He boards the plane with a simple duffel bag of belongings that's mostly jammed with gifts everyone wanted to pass along to Yunho.
Changmin knocks on Yunho's door five hours after his flight lands, hands shaking and slippery with sweat. Yunho opens the door after three knocks and all he does is stare, speech crumbled on the floor of the porch somewhere.
"What are you doing here?" Are the first words out of Yunho's mouth and Changmin can't help but cringe.
"Jaejoong says hi," he blurts out, bag open as he digs through it to hand Yunho the jewel embellished mirror.
"Okay."
"And Junsu says he's learned a new dance that he wants to show you."
"Right."
Changmin swallows at Yunho's one-worded replies and pauses, dropping his bag onto the floor with a soft thud.
"Yoochun wrote a new song. And it's been bought by some big named pop singer and all they need now are the lyrics. He asked me if it should be a sad song or a happy song. It- it's about us."
Yunho stares at him blankly, blinking every so often, "And what did you tell him?"
"The truth? That I don't know. That's why I came here. I think, I think it should be a happy song but since it's about us and not me, you should have an opinion too."
Yunho nods, "Really now."
Changmin bites on his bottom lip, worrying over it anxiously when Yunho doesn't speak. He closes his eyes, taking the remaining steps forward to be face to face with Yunho.
"I love you. I really love you. And I've never been in love before so I can't even tell you if what I'm feeling is actually love or some type of infatuation but I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since you left, or fuck, since before you left. And when I close my eyes, it's your face I see. And when I want to eat ramen, it's your annoying slurping sounds I hear. Even when I go to shower, it's your hands I imagine on me. Then when I-,"
Changmin stops once he realizes he's being hugged by Yunho, blinking uncertainly at the warmth in his arms and the funny feeling in his chest.
"You were rambling again," Yunho tells him quietly, "Figured I'd stop you before you ran out of breath."
Yunho releases his hold on Changmin, hand laced with his, "I love you too."
Changmin pulls away, heart so light and happy he can't figure out how to act. "That's it? I practiced that speech for a full three months and you just reply with an I love you too?"
"What do you want me to do then?"
"Kiss me at least!"
Yunho smiles widely, pulling Changmin a little closer, lips so close that Changmin can feel the words he says more than hear them. "So demanding, remind me why I keep you around again?"
"Because you love me."
Yunho chuckles, "True say," he laughs, hand at Changmin's nape, holding him close as he kisses him soft and sweet the only way he knows how.
--------
In the end the song turns out to be a sad one anyway and Yoochun writes them another one, aptly named The highlighter and the mirror. It's the first song he writes entirely while awake and it's also the crappiest song he's written yet.
But it's also the song that Yunho and Changmin use for their first dance as a married couple five years later at their Rome wedding, and that, he thinks, really says it all.
pairing : changmin/yunho
rating : pg-13
words : 7388
summary : a story of misfits and love
a/n : have had this written for a while now but i just sort of gave up about half-way through, i'm sure you'll figure that out for yourselves lol. and the title totally doesn't have anything to do with the fic except for the fact that i had the song, belief by gavin degraw basically on repeat for hours when i wrote this. as per usual, for my l;ove yuxo
At sixteen, Shim Changmin is a loner. Tall and lanky with limbs just short of odd, he's all awkward angles and not enough cool to fit in with the in crowd. A math and chemistry wiz, Changmin's the head of the science olympiad and the fastest problem solver in math team. All qualities that automatically make him geek extraordinaire, except he's really not one, he's just smart, or so his mother says.
Meet his mother, thirty-seven and gorgeous, an ex-model who married a rock star only to divorce the second she finds out he's cheating on her, which unfortunately also happened to be two days before she pees on a stick to realize she's pregnant. Priding herself for having morals, and because it was the thing to do back then, being a hot single momma, she gives birth by herself. "All natural" she tells anyone who'll listen when in reality she had been so drugged up she couldn't tell the doctors if she was male or female.
Changmin's technically an only child, an inevitable ending once his mother realized that childbirth wasn't all fun and games but that it came with a constantly crying baby in need of diaper changes, lack of sleep and most importantly, an additional twenty-six pounds and hips that could be compared to a hippo's. Of course she loses it though, one of those Jenny Craig, if this ex-celebrity can do it, so can you advertising programs.
His father is non-existent, either dead as the trash magazines report or hiding somewhere in Africa to avoid paying the ridiculous alimony his mother is required to get monthly. Changmin doesn't care either way, his father has never been a father in anything but name and blood.
Needless to say, with such an impressive family history, everyone had expected the younger man to be like his mother, beautiful beyond words or maybe even like his father, talented and handsome. But no, he turned out pretty average, with average hair and an average penchant for being popular. He doesn't know the first thing about guitars or how to stand in front of the cameras and pose. All he's got going for him, as told to him by his mother, is his height, possessing super long legs and his face, pronounced cheekbones and a gorgeous smile guaranteed to break more than a few hearts.
Changmin is a sophomore at one of the most prestigious colleges in all of America, prestigious if you mean filthy rich and full of spoiled brats living off their parents wealth. It's like a Harvard or Yale for disgustingly well-off kids, except instead of a GPA above 3.8 and a brilliant mind, all you need is a few million in the bank, preferably around ten. Oh, and it's not required but would be nice if you are at least literate and can spell your own name. It's a plus if you actually know how to properly form a sentence.
It was obvious to Changmin the moment he stepped foot into his lecture hall, that he'd never fit in here, just like he never fit into his elementary and high schools before this. He's long accepted his own eccentricity, a little too shy to talk to anyone and way too private to divulge anything personal about himself.
Despite being a complete introvert and having a reputation for not speaking more than five words a day, Changmin's got friends. A whole group of them in fact, three other boys, maybe just as odd as odd would be defined and capable of understanding him better than his own relatives.
Kim Junsu, also known as Shim Junsu, is Changmin's adopted older brother. Changmin had found him one day in the backyard of his house, sitting cross-legged atop his slide, looking lost and smelling like he hasn't showered in at least a week, which he later learns isn't too far off the mark. Changmin takes Junsu in, as one would take in a lost puppy at the age of ten, feeding and lending him clothes too small and tight for Junsu's plumper body. Changmin remembers eating more for dinner that month than he ever had, trying his hardest to grow fatter so he could ask his mom for roomier clothes. He had kept the older boy in the gardening shed for an entire two months, sneaking him into the house for daily showers and decorating his makeshift room with pillows and a soft bed he bought with his own savings, piggy bank broken for Junsu.
Changmin found it easy to love the older boy, carefree and always smiling despite having been abandoned in front of a church, parents too poor to afford a child. Mother possibly dead now from cancer and father too much of a drunkard and gambler to take care of him properly. Junsu had wandered around for a while, eating leftovers given to him by generous and kind people. Changmin tells his mother on Christmas day, two hours before the annual gala they always attend.
He still remembers his words, well-practised and memorized thoroughly, the most stress-ful speech he's ever had to give. "Mother," he had started off, tone formal and sharp from the beginning. "Mother, don't freak out." And that's when his mother had dropped her tiny black bag, lipstick on the counter as she stared at her son through the mirror. "I've been keeping a boy, Kim Junsu, in the shed. His mother is dead and his father lost all his money on the Lakers. He's eleven and smart, good at soccer and he's my best friend." Changmin remembers shaking, arms tight at his sides, "He doesn't eat much and he's a really flexible dancer and sings. And when he laughs, it sounds like a dolphin, high and a little annoying. And despite the fact that he farts a lot and pinches me and makes fun of me, he lets me win at video games. He lets me laugh back at him and he makes me happy. I love him mother, and I want him to stay with us."
And believe it or not, but just like that, Shim Changmin turned from an only child to having an older brother. His mother adopted Junsu, unable to help but fall for the boy, too cute and adorable to be mean, she had said.
Next is Park Yoochun, next door neighbor and music extraordinaire, a genius at the age of fifteen. He wanders over one day, ringing their doorbell to ask if they have any sugar. Changmin had said no and Junsu said yes, the two arguing over whether there were any in the house. Yoochun had, with a roll of his eyes and swig of his drink, cranberry juice by the way, and not beer like he told them, walked into the house uninvited, heading into the kitchen to find a pack of sugar. And without a word of thanks, he leaves, waving his hand at them.
For precisely an entire week, Yoochun came over, borrowing bread, starch and even a spoon once. It wasn't until one day when Junsu was walking home from grocery shopping that he realized the boy just didn't like being alone, the house too quiet with only him in it. Without a second thought, he invited Yoochun home for dinner, screwing up the pasta as Changmin had predicted. Within a month, the duo became a trio, bestest of friends that soon became known as the three musketeers, a nickname denounced by Changmin for the corniness.
Yoochun's wild and just a little crazy, someone his mother fondly calls a lowlife. Changmin's not entirely sure how labeling someone as a lowlife could ever be taken in a good context but then again his mother isn't one for stereotypical definitions.
There was once she had come home, more than a little drunk to find the three of them huddled together in bed, Junsu scared from a nightmare and Yoochun there just because he felt lonely in a bed himself. His mother had flipped the light on to find three male bodies flopping around in bed, giggling and whispering together. The very next day Changmin had gotten a care package courtesy of his mother. A very nice pack of condoms, Trojan and extra-large (apparently his mother thought quite highly of him) and some lubricant, a sticky-note telling them to always practice safe sex.
Yoochun had a good laugh and Junsu turned red, blubbering as he ran to explain to their mother. And like all teenagers their age, they found a good use for the box of condoms; blown up dick-shaped balloons.
Yoochun has a penchant for drinking and smoking, although not exactly the kind of smoke that comes from a cigarette. It's something Changmin discovers when he wakes up one night to the blaring fire alarm coming from next door. Junsu bangs on his door, the two running down the stairs to stand outside of Yoochun's house, four fire trucks lined up along their adjacent driveways.
Yoochun shuffles out of the house, yawning as he sips on his juice, cranberry maybe with a little vodka mixed in, and waves at the two boys. "Fire," he explains, to which Changmin kicks him in the ass for, "Stupid." Junsu learns and tells Changmin the next day that Yoochun had lit an entire bedroom full of candles, taking his time to watch each flame die and flicker out. Changmin shakes his head, unable to explain to himself why his friends are all so weird.
Jaejoong was a last minute addition into their eccentric family and if you were to be really technical about it, he is also by far the weirdest. Changmin met him the first day of class in college, assigned to sit next to the Kim boy, taken aback when Jaejoong had started talking to his highlighter, saying hi and introducing himself to the plastic cap. Unsure of himself, Changmin had ignored him until he heard Jaejoong address the highlighter with his name.
"Are you talking to me?" he had asked, eyeing the older boy carefully, "Or is your highlighter also called Changmin?"Jaejoong laughed and told him not to be silly, how could there be two Shim Changmins and besides, his highlighter was just a highlighter and didn't have a name. Thoroughly befuddled and very much curious, Changmin initiated a conversation with Jaejoong, tagging him along to lunch, where Jaejoong had addressed Junsu as an orange, pretty apt description really, plump and round. And where he talked to Yoochun through an insulated coffee sleeve made of recycled paper, sixty percent to be exact.
Turns out Jaejoong only speaks to others through different objects, his entire bag an eclectic mix of things, paper clips, empty water bottle, pillow case and even a pressed maple leaf. He never spoke to any face to face, nor did he ever address anyone directly. Out of the group, it's undeniable that he gets picked on the most, called out constantly for his inability to hold a conversation like a normal person would.
However, it's also undeniable that he's the most beautiful out of their group. With dark brown eyes and a striking face, cool on the outside but incredibly warm and affectionate on the inside, Kim Jaejoong was alluring and a mystery. One that no one ever bothered to solve.
He is also, among other things, the oldest and best cook, constantly making them lunch and backing them cookies. He's also by far the richest, both parents world-renowed doctors, plastic surgeons of course.
It's on a warm day right after a lunch of pita chips and homemade kimchi jjigae from Jaejoong that Changmin is told to go to the headmaster's office. Over the course of an hour, he's told the school will soon be welcoming an exchange student over from Korea, a Jung Yunho he's told, rich and the heir to a chain of luxury hotels all over Asia.
He's also told he'll be the one in charge of making sure the young Jung is comfortable in the states. Changmin balks at the order, telling the headmaster he's not exactly the sociable type. Unfortunately for him, Changmin's the only option, top student and shining example of an obedient and well-mannered young man.
Changmin goes to his friends, telling them of his problem and predictably, they give him the kind of advice he wish he never heard. Yoochun tells him to go mug a 7-11 and Jaejoong tells his highlighter to stand outside of school, hold up his sneaker and maybe talk to some birds. Junsu tells them they're stupid and that there's nothing to do but suck it up and live with it, that perhaps this Jung Yunho wouldn't be too bad of a guy.
And of course Junsu turns out to be right. For Jung Yunho is the extreme opposite of a bad guy, drop-dead gorgeous and way too smiley, eerily nice to the point of it being unnatural and so warm and open it's hard for Changmin to hate him. Not that he doesn't try of course.
He begrudgingly picks the older man up from the airport, constantly complaining of being treated as a servant/chauffer, to which Junsu had told him to shut up and focus on driving. Oddly enough, even with a large poster board held up by Junsu, Yunho had circled past them, walking outside and around for fifteen minutes before calling Changmin's cell as he was given in case he got lost.
Changmin groans, looking at the back of Yunho's head, eyes scanning down to the older man's long, long legs before dragging Junsu with him to the entrance, tapping Yunho on the shoulder, mouth gaping just a little when he had turned around, bright smile and apology on his lips.
"Sorry, did I must have walked past the two of you about ten times at least," he says, slight Korean accent to his English, something that Changmin begrudgingly finds cute.
Junsu tells him it's alright and Changmin blinks, speechless as he takes in the older man in bright aquamarine capris and a black t-shirt, casual vest worn over it. Junsu nudges him twice and Changmin pinches himself awake, walking away with a grunt of hello, leading the way back to his car. Junsu, alarmed at his brother's cold treatment of their guest apologized profusely, grabbing the luggage and making small talk with Yunho the entire way back.
Changmin ignores most of the questions, turning on the radio so loud that Junsu has to actually scream in order to converse with Yunho. Changmin finds it unbelievable how well Yunho fits in with his friends, Jaejoong immediately embracing him and talking to him through his mirror, a sure sign of how much he already likes and approves of Yunho. Yoochun drags Yunho off to play piano with, trying to teach the clumsy older man a song that ends up with the two of them banging out some thoroughly loud and random melody. And Junsu embraces Yunho more warmly than anyone, delighting in the fact that Yunho's also a dancer, trained in contemporary and a natural-born hip-hoper if he ever saw one.
Changmin prides himself on holding out of falling for the Yunho charm. Always a little harsher and cooler than he needs to be in his replies and dealings with the older man. It doesn't surprise him when Yunho turns out to be the hottest new thing at school, popular and charming, fitting it with all crowds and becoming the teacher's pet in less than a week at class.
He's asked out by almost all of the girls in school and to his credit, instead of telling them yes or no, he tells them the truth, that he's gay and that his type is someone with a certain anatomy they just don't have. And with that one answer, Jung Yunho became every girl's new best friend and every other guy's dream lover.
Changmin gets the luck of having Yunho in almost all of his classes, the both of them undeclared in their majors. He accompanies the older man to and from class, usually with a set smile on his face and maybe a word or two in greeting. It strikes him one day when he catches Yunho's grin faltering after he had rejected an offer to play basketball together, that maybe he's being mean. Junsu tells him he's being an ass, Yoochun tells him that he's more of a douche and Jaejoong...doesn't tell him a thing at all. He does, however, tell the highlighter it is being difficult. Changmin takes that as a sign he's overdoing to hostility.
He doesn't honestly dislike Yunho and if he were to be truthful, he actually finds the older man to be great company. Yunho's quiet when he needs to be, understanding and good at reading the atmosphere of those around him. Changmin discovers that out of all his friends, Yunho's the only one who'll sit on the couch with him as he reads his books. And unlike the others who would try to talk to him, Yunho won't say a word in disturbance. He'll have the tv on or a magazine on his lap, something to do as he sits with Changmin.
Changmin makes an effort to be a little nicer to Yunho, not entirely sure of why he's so harsh to him in the first place. He buys the older man bubble tea once, taro and not just the regular milk tea with extra tapioca and a straw in Yunho's favorite color. Two days before an important history midterm, Changmin slips a "Hwaiting Jung Yunho!" note into his mailbox at school, accompanied with the older man's beloved chocolates and a four-leaf clover for good luck.
Changmin realizes he sort of likes seeing Yunho's surprised and happy smile, always acting nonchalant when the older man shows him the little gifts. "Who'd be so stupid to waste time and money on stuff like that?" he says once and is surprised to see the cold expression on Yunho's face. "I like it," the older man says, "And that's what matters."
He stops with the gift giving once Junsu figures it out. "Changmin-ah, isn't that the same charm you were looking at a few days ago?" he asked once they were alone, giving his younger brother a knowing look. Changmin pushed him then, punching him hard in the arm, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Why would I waste time and money on him?" Junsu smiles and pinches his cheeks, "Because maybe you like him more than you think."
Changmin ignores Junsu like he's so fond of doing. He goes back to ignoring Yunho as best he can, unable to help but laugh at the older man's jokes, cursing himself when he feels his heart skip a beat at Yunho's caring words. It's not the falling in love with a guy part that bothers Changmin. It's the falling in love at all.
He manages to keep his distance well, trying his best not to care if Yunho trips over a sofa leg or not. It all goes to hell one cold day in December after they've all just pigged out at a Japanese buffet. Changmin excuses himself to go to the bathroom, bladder bursting at the seams with too much coca-cola and tea. He hears the sounds of someone vomitting in the toilet next to his and ignores it, dismissing it as some poor fool having eaten too much at the buffet and paying the price for it now. He walks away, washing his hands and closes the door, shutting out the continuous sounds of retching.
Changmin starts telling the others about the situation he had walked into in the bathroom when Yunho comes back halfway through. Junsu tells him to re-start for Yunho's benefit and Changmin watches as Yunho smiles, apologizing to Changmin for having to make him start over. Yoochun notes that Yunho was at the bathroom was as well and that perhaps he was there the same time Changmin was so the story might be redundant for the older man as well.
It takes Changmin less than a minute to work out the logistics. Yunho, always full on a salad or less, constantly having to pee or use the bathroom after a meal, suddenly a lot less perfect than Changmin had thought. Jung Yunho, twenty-three and rich, popular and so beloved is actually bulimic.
He passes on the re-telling of the story, brushing it off as an unfunny story after all and lets Junsu make fun of him for it. He grabs a slice of the cheesecake, pushing it towards Yunho first, telling him to take a bite. He watches as the older man accepts hesitantly, taking two small bites before stopping entirely.
Changmin wonders how it is he's missed all the signs. Yunho's fluctuating weigh should've alerted him to something wrong in the first place. The older man had arrived not plump but at least with a little meat on his bones and now he's stick thin, wrists an alarming circumference of maybe a baby's and waist even smaller than Jaejoong's, well-reputated for having a twenty-six inch waistline, envy of almost all girls.
He doesn't confront Yunho for a little while, unsure of how he's even supposed to handle this or if it's his place to at all. He poses a hypothetical question to Jaejoong, because despite being only able to talk to inanimate objects, he's always the best with advice giving.
Jaejoong listens on with a patient ear, humming his sympathies when Changmin finishes with his little story. Jaejoong says nothing for a while, eventually pulling out the highlighter and mirror.
"Even perfection has it's flaws yeah?" Jaejoong says, spinning the mirror around on the table. "Maybe you don't count him as a friend but he does."
Changmin blinks, suddenly annoyed at Jaejoong's roundabout way of speaking, "Hyung," he says, "Just spit it out for once, I'm really not in the mood."
"He thinks of you as a friend, maybe even more so I don't see why he would hate you for anything you do or say." Jaejoong pockets the mirror, "It's himself he hates."
It takes him a while to process the words, mind running a million miles an hour before he realizes Jaejoong's just inadvertently told him that Yunho might just have a thing for him.
He goes home that night a little lost and confused, staring at Yunho so intensely throughout dinner that Junsu has to constantly kick him underneath the table to get him to stop.
Changmin watches carefully, waiting a few minutes after Yunho's excused himself to use the bathroom to follow. He crouches outside in the hallway and listens with his eyes closed to the sounds of the older man retching. There's a moment when he thinks Yunho's stopped, a pause between the vomiting and he lets out a sigh of relief, standing up to knock on the door when it continues a beat later, water sloshing around in an ugly mix. Changmin swallows hard and slides back down to the floor, hands fisted tightly at his sides.
He's still there when Yunho opens the door, staring down in surprise at the younger boy when he nearly trips over him. "Did you need to use the bathroom?" Yunho asks, holding the door open as he kneels down to face Changmin. "You okay? You're looking a little sick."
Maybe it's these words that prompt Changmin into action or maybe it's the stink of acid still present in Yunho's breath that propels him forward, grabbing Yunho by the shirt as he drags him back into the bathroom.
"Why do you do this?" He asks, voice calm and expression blank as always.
He watches as Yunho prepares to ask him what he's talking about, letting him get as far as two words before cutting in.
"I know Hyung, I know what you do after every meal. I had a front row seat right outside the bathroom just now to it. Don't bother telling me you're not bulimic."
He lets the words sink in, staring unwaveringly at the older man, watching as Yunho deflates in front of him.
"Why?" He repeats, taking a step forward.
Yunho stares blankly at him, eyes wide as he takes a seat on the edge of the tub, "You wouldn't understand. You're perfect."
Changmin falters, he's not even prepared for a confrontation of this level. He's the kind of person that likes to plan things out, make pro-con lists and sometimes even data sheets and pie graphs. Changmin realizes he's in over his head and that this isn't exactly something he can solve with an equation.
"Hyung-," he starts off, pausing as he reaches the older man's side to turn around and shut the door behind him. He decides that it's best to start with what he knows and go on from there. "I'm not perfect."
Yunho looks up at him and gives him a smile so sad it could break Changmin's heart if he let it, "No? You've got legs that stretch for miles long, a gorgeous face and perfectly creamy skin. Face it Shim Changmin, you're as close to perfection as can be."
"Are you hitting on me?" Changmin asks, eyebrows scrunched as he looks at Yunho sharply, "Because I'm trying to stage an intervention here. Jaejoong told me that you might have a thing for me but he's always blabbering about shit that's not true like that time he told me Yoochun secretly wanted to bang Junsu but in reality Yoochun wanted to bang Jaejoong...and I'm blabbering again."
He looks awkwardly at Yunho, shuffling from side to side with his hands in his pocket, the classic fuck I really don't want to be here right now pose. "Um, let's just ignore that and get back to the topic at hand. So I was asking why you puke up all the food you eat and you were telling me I was perfect and I was about to tell you I'm not because I'm too shy and I tend to talk really fast when I'm nervous-,"
"And you're blubbering again," Yunho says, more than a little miserable he's in this situation. "Look, Jaejoong-hyung's right, I do have a thing for you and I'm right when I say you're perfect and no, I wasn't hitting on you, not really."
Changmin stares for a while at the older man, letting out a sigh of relief, "Good, because-,"
He gets cut off with three knocks to the door, Junsu's voice ringing through the door, "Yah, some of us need to shower. Whatever you two are doing in there, move it to somewhere more appropriate like the bedroom, yours and not mine!"
Yunho turns a brilliant shade of pink that Changmin notes suits the older man really well, pulling the door open to mutter an apology before leaving. Changmin smacks Junsu in the head, telling him he's got shit timing before going after Yunho.
The so-called intervention goes down the drain and Changmin goes to bed that night with the knowledge that Yunho actually likes him and that unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Changmin might just like him back.
He doesn't know why he starts to do it but he does, waking up an hour before school every morning to cook breakfast for Yunho, pancakes, eggs and bacon, everything you'd need for a complete meal. Granted the eggs are sometimes too runny and definitely still raw and the bacon is usually more on the burnt side than anything but Yunho still eats it all with a big smile.
Changmin makes sure he follows Yunho to the bathroom, standing next to him as he brushes his teeth. It's more than a little awkward when Yunho has to actually relieve himself and is forced to tell Changmin pointblank that he's got to pee. He ends up waiting outside and timing the older man as well, telling him through the door that the average time it takes for a male to relieve himself is less than ten seconds.
He starts bringing two lunches with him or buying two sets of meals, glaring pointedly at Yunho until he ate at least half and if those spoiled brats saw fit to starts rumors about how he always followed Yunho to the bathroom afterwards, then so be it. Changmin found he rather liked seeing the older man flush pink when he heard the obviously fabricated hearsay and found in particular, the way Yunho would flail around trying to get people to stop spreading them, like actually resorting to duct taping Yoochun's mouth, all sorts of adorable and cute.
Changmin thinks he makes some progress with the older man when he wakes one night to find Yunho in the bathroom, bent over the toilet bowl with two fingers shoved down his throat. That's when he really loses it, grabbing the older man into the kitchen with him and pulling out all sorts of pots and pans out, making every comfort food he knows of; kimchi jjigae and bibimbap, mashed potatoes with gravy and thick french fries, he even goes so far as to start baking extra fudgy brownies.
Changmin sits Yunho down on the counter, food laid out in front of him. "Choose one," he whispers, watching with satisfaction when Yunho reaches for the kimchi jjigae. He takes the seat next to Yunho and reaches hesitantly for the older man's hand, "You're not perfect," he says, cringing when he sees the expectant look in Yunho's eyes, "You're not perfect but you're pretty damn close. Hyung, you're one of the most loving and kind people I know. You're accepting of everyone and unbiased in your affections, you always have a smile ready for even the worst kinds of people at school and you might not believe me but you really are beautiful."
He blushes and shrugs, "And come on, my cooking isn't too bad right? It wouldn't hurt you to eat what I make and not have to throw it back up again." Changmin gives Yunho a look, not entirely kind but very firm, "Look, I don't know why you feel this way and I'm not asking you to tell me because I'm not a therapist or a counselor. If you want to, you can, but I'm not forcing you to. I'm just making you food and expecting you to eat it because I hate wasting food and honestly, it's an insult if you feel like it's not good enough to stay in your stomach."
Yunho opens his mouth and closes it, "It's not that," he finally says, eyes cast down.
Changmin takes a deep breath and looks at the still full bowl of stew, "Want to go somewhere tomorrow? I'm free and I've got two tickets to the amusement park."
Yunho blinks at him in surprise, "But you hate crowds."
"I don't hate crowds," Changmin says with a frown, "You're exaggerating."
"You wouldn't go to the Starbucks in Times Square because you were afraid of the line."
"Exaggerating," Changmin repeats, "I don't like Starbucks coffee."
Yunho stares at him for a little while and Changmin's thankful the older man doesn't call him out on that lie when he knows that Changmin's got a fridge full of Starbuck's espresso shots.
"Are you asking me out on a date?"
Changmin hesitates and looks at Yunho, "Maybe?"
Truth is, Changmin isn't sure but he knows this way Yunho will say yes and at this point, all he wants is to take Yunho out, get food and eating off of his mind and to give the older man a day of fun and laughter again.
Yunho smiles a little, hand tightly gripping onto his, "I'll be up at 8am, I expect breakfast to be on the table. Scrambled runny eggs and overburnt bacon with some lumpy blueberry pancakes sound perfect in case you were wondering."
He gives Changmin another smile before grabbing his bowl of kimchi jjigae and walking away.
The amusement park turns out to be a disaster, or so Changmin thinks. He ends up feeding Yunho funnel cake and cotton candy, too much junk and not enough nutrition. And to both their surprises, he's the one who throws up first, nauseously bent over the toilet bowl with Yunho soothingly rubbing his back after a particularly nasty ride on something called Kingda Ka, a ride that Changmin hadn't trusted in the first place because honestly, who'd trust a ride that looks like an enlarged penis.
Changmin does end up winning a Kenny doll for Yunho, mumbling about the twenty-five dollars he just wasted on a stuffed something that probably would have cost only eight dollars in Chinatown. But it's the look on Yunho's face at the end of the day, bright and definitely happier than he's been in a long while that makes Changmin feel like maybe the day hadn't been a total waste.
And the fact that Changmin had won Yunho a doll, bought him food and held hands with him on every rollercoaster they went on, convinces him it's date.
Things progress from there, dinner and a movie of Friday nights, watching Yunho's basketball games from the stands and eventually holding hands in the school hallways. Before long they're known as Yunho and Changmin instead of just Yunho or Changmin.
----
"Yah!" Changmin yells up the stairs, "Breakfast is on the table and if you're not down in two, it's going in the trash!"
He turns around to find Junsu staring at him with a weird look and glares back, "What?"
"Married much?"
Changmin chucks a pepper holder at Junsu's face, smiling serenely when it hits his older brother square in the chest. He hears Yunho running down the stairs and turns in time to see him trip over the bottom step and fall onto the floor. He sighs and grabs a bag of iced peas out of the fridge, tossing it into Yunho's hands.
Yunho smiles stupidly at him and reaches to give him a kiss, "Morning, beautiful," he says.
"Eat your breakfast," Changmin responds, squeezing Yunho's hand. "We've got twenty minutes and then we're out of here," he continues, holding the frozen peas up to Yunho's forehead.
Yunho nods immediately and scoops a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth, barely chewing before he swallows it for another bite.
"Whipped much?" Junsu coughs discreetly into his hand.
Changmin hands Yunho the salt holder and watches in satisfaction as Yunho chucks it at Junsu's head, missing when the boy tries to duck and hitting him in the stomach instead, "Nice," he comments, opening his mouth for a bite of bacon.
"I think he's such a bad influence on you!" Junsu cries, "You get out of the relationship while you still can," he tells Yunho as he gets up to throw what remains of his pop tart into the trash.
"Jealous much?" Yunho mocks with a bright smile.
----
It takes three months for Yunho to open up, pulling Changmin aside after class ends one day. "Let's go to the supermarket," he says, lacing his hand with Changmin's so tight there's no room for argument.
Changmin pushes the cart, following after Yunho as the older man piles lots and lots of groceries into it, bags of chips and dip, fresh chicken breast and broccoli, adding in frozen french fries and a huge bottle of ketchup.
"I hope we're not eating all this in the same meal," he remarks, pushing lazily as he waits for Yunho to start talking.
He spends another fifteen minutes responding to questions such as whether he wants pear in his pie or apple before Yunho pulls him into the frozen aisle, wrapping arms around his waist, head buried in his neck.
"Um, cold?" He whispers, stroking Yunho's hair softly.
"I've been bulimic since I was twenty. It started out with one meal and then two and before I knew it, I couldn't stop myself and had to do it after I ate anything." Yunho takes another breath before continuing, hand twisting into Changmin's shirt, "I'd drink more water and eat less solid food, that way it'd be easier to throw it up and it would hurt less coming out. Wouldn't eat breakfast, maybe not even lunch and just eat dinner. I tried to keep the food down but it's like my body wouldn't let me and it would come back up regardless of whether I wanted it to."
Changmin tightens his hold on Yunho, eyes closed and he quietly kisses the older man's neck in comfort.
"I needed to lose weight at first, just a couple of pounds for a spread in some magazine that was interviewing my parents. Wanted to look good for them, make them proud and all. Then it was about control. Life got so hectic. We moved three times in the year when my mom divorced my dad and I just- I couldn't do anything you know? I needed this, needed something constant in my life. And now I have you."
Changmin waits for Yunho to stop, pulling the older man out of hiding to look him in the eye, "Thank you for telling me," he says, "But you didn't have to. I told you, you don't have to tell me anything."
Yunho shrugs, clearing his throat as he opens the freezer door to grab a bag of peas, "Wanted to."
Changmin pushes Yunho to the side, shoving the peas back into the freezer, "Hate peas," he tells Yunho, making a funny face.
Yunho grabs it back, "They're good ice packs."
And that, Changmin finds, is something he can't dispute.
----
Changmin finds Yunho in Yoochun's car, the two discussing something together and immediately figures that something is up, knocking on the glass window to disrupt them. "Stop spreading your greasy ways to my boyfriend," he says to Yoochun with a glare as he hands Yunho an apple, "I like him the way he is."
Yunho grabs the apple and takes a bite, offering some to Changmin, "I like me the way I am too."
"Then stay away from him."
Yoochun scoffs and leers at him, something that Changmin is used to seeing on Yoochun's face but definitely not something he's used to being directed at him.
He realizes later on that night when Yunho corners him in the bedroom exactly what their conversation may have been about. Shim Changmin woke that morning a virgin and goes to bed not.
Changmin doesn't know when it happens but it does and suddenly liking Yunho turns into loving Yunho.
The way Changmin feels for Yunho doesn't change the fact that it's summer now and that no matter what, Yunho's still an exchange student from Korea, due to fly back to his country at the end of the month. Jaejoong proposes a long-distance relationship that Changmin shoots down immediately, they never work out is what he thinks. Yoochun tells him why not kidnap Yunho and keep him in the gardening shed like he kept Junsu. That gets shot down too because for one, Yunho's a lot older than Junsu was then and for two, he'd be an illegal immigrant then and that's never fun. Junsu gives him a pointed look and a smack in the head, asking Changmin why he's discussing his and Yunho's relationship with them when he should be discussing it with the older man himself.
In the end, Yunho goes to him, a plane ticket in hand as a gift for Changmin and a proposal for a long-distance relationship that Changmin declines. He tells him it wouldn't work because Changmin's just not the type to commit to something so serious so early. Changmin can't fight the tears when he gets home, Yunho's crestfallen and pained smile still present in his mind. He wishes he could take back all his words and had said yes instead of it was fun while it lasted.
He stays at home when his mom drives Yunho to the airport, waving from behind the curtains of his bedroom. Changmin ignores everyone's calls and pleas to go with, telling them he's got the flu. The last thing he hears is Yunho's quiet voice tell him to get better soon.
Changmin spends four months moping around the house, head hanging low and dragging his feet everywhere he goes. Yoochun calls him bad company, Junsu refuses to plays Guitar Hero with him and Jaejoong's not much fun to talk to anyway. It also takes four months for Changmin to summon up the courage to cash in on the open-ended airplane ticket Yunho had given him that day. And another month of changing dates not to mention numerous ass-kickings from Junsu and co. before he actually leaves for Korea. He boards the plane with a simple duffel bag of belongings that's mostly jammed with gifts everyone wanted to pass along to Yunho.
Changmin knocks on Yunho's door five hours after his flight lands, hands shaking and slippery with sweat. Yunho opens the door after three knocks and all he does is stare, speech crumbled on the floor of the porch somewhere.
"What are you doing here?" Are the first words out of Yunho's mouth and Changmin can't help but cringe.
"Jaejoong says hi," he blurts out, bag open as he digs through it to hand Yunho the jewel embellished mirror.
"Okay."
"And Junsu says he's learned a new dance that he wants to show you."
"Right."
Changmin swallows at Yunho's one-worded replies and pauses, dropping his bag onto the floor with a soft thud.
"Yoochun wrote a new song. And it's been bought by some big named pop singer and all they need now are the lyrics. He asked me if it should be a sad song or a happy song. It- it's about us."
Yunho stares at him blankly, blinking every so often, "And what did you tell him?"
"The truth? That I don't know. That's why I came here. I think, I think it should be a happy song but since it's about us and not me, you should have an opinion too."
Yunho nods, "Really now."
Changmin bites on his bottom lip, worrying over it anxiously when Yunho doesn't speak. He closes his eyes, taking the remaining steps forward to be face to face with Yunho.
"I love you. I really love you. And I've never been in love before so I can't even tell you if what I'm feeling is actually love or some type of infatuation but I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since you left, or fuck, since before you left. And when I close my eyes, it's your face I see. And when I want to eat ramen, it's your annoying slurping sounds I hear. Even when I go to shower, it's your hands I imagine on me. Then when I-,"
Changmin stops once he realizes he's being hugged by Yunho, blinking uncertainly at the warmth in his arms and the funny feeling in his chest.
"You were rambling again," Yunho tells him quietly, "Figured I'd stop you before you ran out of breath."
Yunho releases his hold on Changmin, hand laced with his, "I love you too."
Changmin pulls away, heart so light and happy he can't figure out how to act. "That's it? I practiced that speech for a full three months and you just reply with an I love you too?"
"What do you want me to do then?"
"Kiss me at least!"
Yunho smiles widely, pulling Changmin a little closer, lips so close that Changmin can feel the words he says more than hear them. "So demanding, remind me why I keep you around again?"
"Because you love me."
Yunho chuckles, "True say," he laughs, hand at Changmin's nape, holding him close as he kisses him soft and sweet the only way he knows how.
--------
In the end the song turns out to be a sad one anyway and Yoochun writes them another one, aptly named The highlighter and the mirror. It's the first song he writes entirely while awake and it's also the crappiest song he's written yet.
But it's also the song that Yunho and Changmin use for their first dance as a married couple five years later at their Rome wedding, and that, he thinks, really says it all.