Fuck
Write?
Fuck.
I can barely even think straight anymore.
Nothing nothing nothing nothing something nothing everything nothing nothing nothing
Over and over and over.
Why does nothing stick in my head, why can't I let go of the prospect, the hypocritical idea of it?
Why do I at times even find myself lusting for nothing, wanting all existence to erase so there is what there cannot be:
Nothing
You'd think I might be sleeping right now.
Or at least have had sleept at some point earlier on.
Last time I slept was about 9 o'clock yesterday morning and I wokeup around 2ish.
Because for whatever god fucking reason I wont sleep past 4 hours at most.
And my sleep situation was just slightly looking up.
Shit.
Destruction is so...tempting.
It's so much easier to tear something apart than build it.
It's undoubtedly faster to demolish than construct.
Even decay, slow errosion, rusting, and ageing.
Though not as quick, slow decay still takes shorter time than the buildup until it begins.
And it's so much more dramatic too, isnt it.
To see people break down, pouring their emotions out, fighting and shouting at one another, indulging themselves with addictions, letting a single thought go unquestioned to the point of unreasonability.
So much drama.
Soooo much more fun.
Isn't it?
............
..........
........
.......
ISNT IT!?!?
See,
thats what I mean.
All we do is to pass the time.
Eating, fighting, fucking, loving, thinking, yada yada yada...
Anything to pass
the fucking
time.
Why?
Cause what the fuck else are we going to do?
Sure we can go living meaningful lives and create our own destiny, rule our own fate, carpe diem.
Bollocks.
What do we do?
Huh?
We fucking do what it takes to survive and do whatever we can on the side.
Working stupid jobs, to pay nagging bills, to give from one greedy piggy to another and another and another.
To put a roof over our head.
And being human and living in this society we created
We do this
to survive
Not because we fucking want to.
And what we want to do?
Have fun!
Be happy!
Get drunk, high, fucked, fly, laugh, talk, and whatever else suits our personal needs.
Not needs of survival of course, but what we require to make our lives meaningful.
To make us believe we're doing this shit for a god damn reason and we're not just like all the other animals.
Well guess what folks?
We are.
We are every bit as bewildered, blissful, and unaware as every fucking other creature we know.
Why you may ask?
Because just like all other life, we go on without reason, without purpose; manifested destinies or personal beliefs aside, for the sheer fact we're compelled to.
We dont know why and we can ask ourselves and each other over and over again but we will never come to a final conclusion.
Until there is but one being left in existence will their opinion be law.
Otherwise we will argue, discuss, debate, and shout.
Life goes on, because it goes on.
God or no god.
Heaven, reincarnation, or just a black box aside.
We go because we do.
And although we have the ability to deny this impulse
To end this 'game' early and call quits
Most of us, do not
Because we are compelled
And we do not know why
If there is any misfortunate creature on this earth it is man
Because he will always question the heavens and the mind
Only to receive silence in return
I just want to
lay down
beside
stroke her hair
and most importantly
most charished of all
look at her face
her beautiful lovely face
so I can know who she is
who this destiny girl is
and snuff her out before I meet her
so I will never have to put up with it again
And AgaIn
And AGaIn
And AGAIN
ANd AGAIN
AND AGAIN
<----[continued below]---->
8:18
fuck
my life
haha you know sometimes I just fucking think of things
for no god damn reason
none
most of it doesnt even make sense either
pointless memories coming back to me
of no significance at all
at random times
the thought
The Thoughts
Of things that I make up, spontaneously, at the very moment
Without reason or meaning
This isnt all the time
But sometimes
Sometimes
sometimes it is
<----[continued below]---->
In yet I want her
I Want Her
Soo much
some light
Some-thing to look forward to
no not an object
not some reason alone for living
just...
some fucking light at the end of this tunnel
something to run for
something to continue for
But thats not what Shes for
Shes more than that
I need another reason
A reason
A reason..
Do I need one?
do I even need one
I want to go and lie down with her right now
but im not sure if i should
if i can even
if i could..
would I?
There is a reasonable possibility
That I am destroying my own sanity
Be it consciously or not
Really driving myself to the brink
________________________________________
But thats what I wanted
But thats not what I fucking want anymore!
I fucking want to go ahead but I cant do what with this fucking shit going on!
Yes you can
You only let it stop you
Your afraid to go forward and it's okay, your not ready
I cant fucking even think straight, I dont want to talk about this anymore
So be it
I suppose thats all I have to say for now
-Fuck-
Fuck.
I can barely even think straight anymore.
Nothing nothing nothing nothing something nothing everything nothing nothing nothing
Over and over and over.
Why does nothing stick in my head, why can't I let go of the prospect, the hypocritical idea of it?
Why do I at times even find myself lusting for nothing, wanting all existence to erase so there is what there cannot be:
Nothing
You'd think I might be sleeping right now.
Or at least have had sleept at some point earlier on.
Last time I slept was about 9 o'clock yesterday morning and I wokeup around 2ish.
Because for whatever god fucking reason I wont sleep past 4 hours at most.
And my sleep situation was just slightly looking up.
Shit.
Destruction is so...tempting.
It's so much easier to tear something apart than build it.
It's undoubtedly faster to demolish than construct.
Even decay, slow errosion, rusting, and ageing.
Though not as quick, slow decay still takes shorter time than the buildup until it begins.
And it's so much more dramatic too, isnt it.
To see people break down, pouring their emotions out, fighting and shouting at one another, indulging themselves with addictions, letting a single thought go unquestioned to the point of unreasonability.
So much drama.
Soooo much more fun.
Isn't it?
............
..........
........
.......
ISNT IT!?!?
See,
thats what I mean.
All we do is to pass the time.
Eating, fighting, fucking, loving, thinking, yada yada yada...
Anything to pass
the fucking
time.
Why?
Cause what the fuck else are we going to do?
Sure we can go living meaningful lives and create our own destiny, rule our own fate, carpe diem.
Bollocks.
What do we do?
Huh?
We fucking do what it takes to survive and do whatever we can on the side.
Working stupid jobs, to pay nagging bills, to give from one greedy piggy to another and another and another.
To put a roof over our head.
And being human and living in this society we created
We do this
to survive
Not because we fucking want to.
And what we want to do?
Have fun!
Be happy!
Get drunk, high, fucked, fly, laugh, talk, and whatever else suits our personal needs.
Not needs of survival of course, but what we require to make our lives meaningful.
To make us believe we're doing this shit for a god damn reason and we're not just like all the other animals.
Well guess what folks?
We are.
We are every bit as bewildered, blissful, and unaware as every fucking other creature we know.
Why you may ask?
Because just like all other life, we go on without reason, without purpose; manifested destinies or personal beliefs aside, for the sheer fact we're compelled to.
We dont know why and we can ask ourselves and each other over and over again but we will never come to a final conclusion.
Until there is but one being left in existence will their opinion be law.
Otherwise we will argue, discuss, debate, and shout.
Life goes on, because it goes on.
God or no god.
Heaven, reincarnation, or just a black box aside.
We go because we do.
And although we have the ability to deny this impulse
To end this 'game' early and call quits
Most of us, do not
Because we are compelled
And we do not know why
If there is any misfortunate creature on this earth it is man
Because he will always question the heavens and the mind
Only to receive silence in return
I just want to
lay down
beside
stroke her hair
and most importantly
most charished of all
look at her face
her beautiful lovely face
so I can know who she is
who this destiny girl is
and snuff her out before I meet her
so I will never have to put up with it again
And AgaIn
And AGaIn
And AGAIN
ANd AGAIN
AND AGAIN
<----[continued below]---->
8:18
fuck
my life
haha you know sometimes I just fucking think of things
for no god damn reason
none
most of it doesnt even make sense either
pointless memories coming back to me
of no significance at all
at random times
the thought
The Thoughts
Of things that I make up, spontaneously, at the very moment
Without reason or meaning
This isnt all the time
But sometimes
Sometimes
sometimes it is
<----[continued below]---->
In yet I want her
I Want Her
Soo much
some light
Some-thing to look forward to
no not an object
not some reason alone for living
just...
some fucking light at the end of this tunnel
something to run for
something to continue for
But thats not what Shes for
Shes more than that
I need another reason
A reason
A reason..
Do I need one?
do I even need one
I want to go and lie down with her right now
but im not sure if i should
if i can even
if i could..
would I?
There is a reasonable possibility
That I am destroying my own sanity
Be it consciously or not
Really driving myself to the brink
________________________________________
But thats what I wanted
But thats not what I fucking want anymore!
I fucking want to go ahead but I cant do what with this fucking shit going on!
Yes you can
You only let it stop you
Your afraid to go forward and it's okay, your not ready
I cant fucking even think straight, I dont want to talk about this anymore
So be it
I suppose thats all I have to say for now
-Fuck-