all around bad day
today i had a meet in kingston
but i we wish didnt go, bc to me it was kinda a waste
my point of view, theres were supposed to be 5 teams
kingston, VC and us were the only ones there bc of the storm
swam bad.end of story
came home showered, hung around
dinner
went to get a scrapbook for my sweet 16
went to martys get a pair of shoes for my outfit didnt find anything there because of my man feet
then went to kohls, actually found a pair of shoes
tried on about 20000 pairs of jeans? did any fit? no
of course not, because im a fucking whale
im so fustrated with myself
i just cant stand the way i look
i always find something wrong with me
mayb me having my period isnt making anything better
i just cried in the car, in the store
i honestly just wanna become fucking anorexic (sp?)
i just cant deal with it anymore
and dont want people pittying me and telling me im not fat
i dont want or need that
im just so fet up with the way i look and feel about myself
erin was supposed to come over at 6?
didnt call me until 9 too tell me she wasnt coming
i was worried for 3 hours about her
and she didnt pick up her cell
then when i found out i could mayb hangout with kara dee and olivia, called there cells, none of them picked up
just when like i really needed someone to talk to, i had no1 their to talk? so i just cried, cried for like ever in my room
i dont know whats up with me, im just so fucking fustrated
so fustrated, i wanted to go out tonight but i couldnt because erin was coming over, and i just felt like i need to do something tonight to get my mind off of things
and tomorrow being the 19th isnt making things much better
i miss him so much and, again i feel like i have no1 to go to
Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
i wish i knew i had someone their to just hold me when i needed a shoulder to cry on