I thought I had tomorrow free to do things but I don't.
I was forced to abandon my plans to be in three places at once due to being very tired and poor. I managed one of the three places and have the unfamiliar feeling of FOMO over not being at Eid in Trafalgar (it looked SPECTACULAR. Sadiq Khan was there. I want in on this), but after leaving Aaron & Andi & Tania's Very Civilised Barbecue, I was completely weighed down with bequeathed hair bleach and then unexpected groceries from an unexpected Chinese supermarket (who were amiably prepared to wait for me to run down to Morrisons when I realised they didn't take cards), and couldn't physically have gone anywhere else.
The circumstances were Very Adult And Civilised and I felt ... well mostly just fucking resentful that I couldn't hang around and drink and eat like a normal person but I am a) on a near-total alcohol embargo until my brain stops screaming at me that everything can be made to go away if I just get drunk more and b) keep on not fucking up my carbs. However, the rose & coconut vegan cake I made was a success (there's a fucking sentence my mother has never uttered) and also bright pink, and I managed to talk to a couple of people who seemed more ... normal-for-my-metric (life model in a same-sex marriage, and a south american stripper who does life modelling & teachers pole / lap dancing to hen parties) as well as the More Normal people who showed up with their kids. Also there was a cat, so, y'know.
And did a work out that made me sweat until I couldn't see so I at least feel slightly ... cleaner? More virtuous? Less like an unpleasant scab. I wish my memory would stop being so good at remembering all the stupid and awful shit I say when I'm drunk, and I wish drunk me would concentrate on dancing and stop trying to matchmake people.
[I've spent the evening putting music on my new SD card for the removable memory MP3 player. Tomorrow I'm meant to be installing Python on my desktop in the laughable expectation of every having time to do anything with it. Maybe I should put it on the tablet instead. I need to read Heavy for editing but don't want to try that yet. I want to get to grips with the plotting for this stupid book and do some test writing and so on, but once again: I have no time/energy. Adulthood is just one long string of being too fucking tired].
The circumstances were Very Adult And Civilised and I felt ... well mostly just fucking resentful that I couldn't hang around and drink and eat like a normal person but I am a) on a near-total alcohol embargo until my brain stops screaming at me that everything can be made to go away if I just get drunk more and b) keep on not fucking up my carbs. However, the rose & coconut vegan cake I made was a success (there's a fucking sentence my mother has never uttered) and also bright pink, and I managed to talk to a couple of people who seemed more ... normal-for-my-metric (life model in a same-sex marriage, and a south american stripper who does life modelling & teachers pole / lap dancing to hen parties) as well as the More Normal people who showed up with their kids. Also there was a cat, so, y'know.
And did a work out that made me sweat until I couldn't see so I at least feel slightly ... cleaner? More virtuous? Less like an unpleasant scab. I wish my memory would stop being so good at remembering all the stupid and awful shit I say when I'm drunk, and I wish drunk me would concentrate on dancing and stop trying to matchmake people.
[I've spent the evening putting music on my new SD card for the removable memory MP3 player. Tomorrow I'm meant to be installing Python on my desktop in the laughable expectation of every having time to do anything with it. Maybe I should put it on the tablet instead. I need to read Heavy for editing but don't want to try that yet. I want to get to grips with the plotting for this stupid book and do some test writing and so on, but once again: I have no time/energy. Adulthood is just one long string of being too fucking tired].