go on
1. What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before?
Passed a probationary period at a permanent job. Got a raise. Participated (albeit half-assedly) in Union activities. Booked, attended, and paid for an appointment with a private medical practitioner. Saw not one but THREE gender identity experts and had them reach the same conclusion as each other. Took a (bequeathed rather than prescribed) hormonal supplement. Taught myself the habit of lifting weights and stretching every morning. Began shaving my face. Went, consistently, to therapy for BPD. Had a vaguely disciplinary/reviewing meeting with medical professionals without losing my temper. Walked up the hill at Milton Coombe without whingeing (;)). Bought and used an STP. Had an actual discussion with an actual medical professional about things of a surgical nature. Chased down my own fucking appointments, phoned people myself, checked things without freaking out (too much). Got published in an anthology (after being asked to write for it on the basis of fanfic). Set a rejection-based challenge for myself and stuck to it (so far). Taught myself to read an entire new alphabet. Went to G-A-Y Lates (twice). Had my face vomited in by a friend (AHAHAH oh god). Learned to use contact lenses, wore contact lenses. Set up a direct debit. Had a contract phone for the first time, therefore used the internet on my phone for the first time, got an Instagram account, made tentative friends with people in Japan; got followers who are health and fitness nuts because THAT'S MY DIET?! Came out as trans to more and more and more categories of people, over and over and over. Had to visit a friend in hospital for bad instead of good reasons; connectedly: had to deal with the idea but not absolute certainty that a very close friend might die. Travelled to another town to watch bloody wrestling. Began to get correctly-gendered by strangers. Tried pho. Tried some Nigerian food. Talked To An Actual Bank Manager About My Finances. Bought a rice cooker. Marched in a Pride parade wearing fucking skin-tight fucking Lycra (and Lolita sunglasses). Saw Ireland use a popular vote to say yes to marriage equality. Saw a trans woman on the cover of a world-renowned women's style magazine. Saw Palmyra effectively destroyed. Saw a hijabi muslim woman win the most British reality TV show ever to almost-universal rejoicing. Started a tradition of eating in restaurants on specific nights. Tried and fell in love with bubble tea. Turned an entire party into crap cats. Had LIGHT UP GOLD SHOES fucking well BOUGHT FOR ME by astounding friends. Danced in them to Carly Rae Jepson without any regrets. Found a song that is literally and actually "nihilism you can dance to". Changed my title as well as my name. Got an "M" on my passport (after having it HELD HOSTAGE BY THE PASSPORT OFFICE). Got knocked down by a car. Got knocked down by a bike. Signed up for a regular box of treats. Found a hairdresser I like enough to return to. Had a Proper Discussion About Relationship Parameters And Acceptable Behaviour and was listened to about it. Said "no" to things. Lost the last of my formative authors and underwent a genuine bereavement process as a result.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes and yes. This year:
a: fitter, happier, more productive.
b: less time on the internet, more time in the field
c: if you're bored either edit, write, read, or walk
d: correct people when they misgender you
e: say no to things without making excuses or avoiding actually saying the word "no"
f: more effort into avoiding mistakes at work yo
g: keep sending that ms out
h: increase weight categories
i: gym membership just fucking do it
j: less money on STUFF more money on DOING
k: just accept that you can't tv and stop trying
l: use the right damn toilets more often
m: slightly less caffeine
n: self-validation
o: edit, write, read. even fanfic.
p: ballet.
q: non-ballet dancing.
r: you can do it.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can remember.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nearly but not quite, thank fuck. Unless PTerry counts as "close to me" in which case oh wow, yes. Yes he did.
5. What countries did you visit?
This one. I've been lax and abstemious. Maybe next year?
6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
TESTOSTERONE PRESCRIPTION. Consistent correct gendering. A government that gives a flying fuck about the people it governs and has a lick of common sense. A populace that has the ability to feel compassion even when it is afraid. A referral for surgery. Patience. The ability to fit into 32-inch trousers. Confidence in own abilities & attractiveness. Enough money to travel by Tube instead of by bus. TIME AND ENERGY.
7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I am going to have problems forgetting the 18th of October for a bit. Other than that, I don't really recall dates very much. Waking up with a deathly hangover with the news that D was in ICU was not something I'm going to stop remembering.
Also I don't remember the exact date thankfully but, y'know, the person whose works brought me a lot of the people most important in my life exited the world (on his own terms) in March and that was a pretty big thing.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Got my fucking gender right on my passport. Kept going to therapy, kept my job, kept the weight off, kept living. Still managed to write a novel in there somewhere.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not chasing things down fast enough. Not managing to get someone to represent the other book. Not acquiring anything like adequate sales. Still not being anyone's favourite writer. Still not hot, still not The Best. Not writing enough or often enough. Doing almost none of the art I wanted to do. Not maintaining everything that needs maintaining.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The odd sniffle. Probably the worst injuries - and they have been very minor - came from Cyclist Collision (shoulder badness for some weeks), and the recent "You broke your hand, you speshtard" incident.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Physical object: RICE COOKER RICE COOKER RICE COOKER vs STP
Non-physical expenditure: Holiday in Devon vs SEEING DR L.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My GP (I mean, seriously), Union rep, manager, Dr L., my therapist, girlfriend/boyfriend, most of my friends, ALSO ME. MY BEHAVIOUR MERITS CELEBRATION.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Pick like 99% of the people who have been in the news for any reason and 90% of the people "reporting" the news and 98% of people making the laws. Mine, as it usually does. A few people I casually unfollowed/muted on various social media without telling them. One or two strangers I have encountered.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Transport, food, trans stuff. Probably also books because that is an actual DISEASE I swear.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Please also read "excited" as "horribly stressed" as those things are interchangeable in my life.
Holiday in Devon (worth it)
Pride (AYEEIEIEUIEI)
My passport with an actual fucking M on it
Various events involving socialising with people I like because I am actually a puppy
Seeing various gender people because it demarcates some kind of actual progress.
16. What song will always remind you of 2015?
Who knows in future but I think "Thus Spake Carly Rae" is a contender.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? so much happier. so, so much happier. to the extent of boring the knickers off everyone with my ceaseless surprised burbling about how much happier i am. even though i am currently in a blep, still enormously much happier. stability and changes and all that.
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner, made some changes & have spent most of this year weighing what I did a decade ago <-- a_carnal_mink basically had the same experience i did.
iii. richer or poorer? richer by what to me seems like a significant amount
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing, editing, reading. Seeing people. Sleep, I wish I could get the hang of it but there hasn't been any convenient time for it. Walking. DANCING. Singing. Not enough dancing or singing in my life.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sleeping (I have no tiiiiime), being tired, complaining, feeling lousy, sitting on fucking buses, sitting on trains (trains, I love you, but I have no time), wasting my life on Tumblr, Not Working At Work, W A I T I N G, pointlessly composing arguments in my head to address people who are never going to listen anyway, getting misgendered, panicking, INJURING MY STUPID ASS FUCK SELF, accidentally insulting people (this shit plays on my mind for months so it's a waste of time as well as horrible), mindless channel-hopping, sitting in a room full of angry people being angry.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I will gloriously be spending it turning the living room into a pile of wrapping paper as we all seem to have overdone it on the present front, and probably a certain amount of time swearing as I try to get one of the presents to actually work (because I know me and technology), and either watching Google's live action Neko Atsume YouTube thing on the TV (ahahahahahHAAAA) or the fucking slow TV sleigh ride, because that's my GODDAMN FUCKING LEVEL; and eating splendid amounts of food that I have been banned from cooking which is fine because it's all oven stuff and I have an irrational hatred of the oven. Also just. Not being around stupid shitty relatives for yet another year! I WIN.
21. What LJ users did you meet for the first time?
No one, because hardly anyone uses LJ any more, but I met a lot of new Tumblr people and new real life people who subsequently added me one Facebook (and I finally LET THEM DO THAT), and I hope to change the new LJ user meeting thing next year!
22. Did you fall in love in 2014?
Nah. But me and myself have been eyeing each other contemplatively over the year and it's possible we don't want to murder each other as much as we did in January.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. Chance'd be a fine thing
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
The only TV I've even slightly managed to concentrate on this year has been:
Daredevil (some lovely writing and great character moments but OMGWTFRACISM?)
Jessica Jones (haven't actually finished it yet because it's exhausting but I love it)
Great British Bake Off (also exhausting but extremely worth it because NADIYA MY QUEEN and Tamal's beautiful beautiful face).
Hannibal AAAAAAAAAAHA AAAAAAH AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Bryan Fuller is my soulmate.
It is probably time to accept that I am not cut out for TV when I can't even manage to process new David Attenborough.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I think I actually hate fewer people (real people, I mean), but more politicians and journalists after an entire year of their bullshit. I couldn't have told you who the fuck Mark Clarke was in January and now I'd happily see him in the bottom of a volcano; similarly Rod Liddle was unknown to me and I wish he'd stayed that way. In real life: nerp. Most of the filth has been cleaned out of my life and the remnants aren't so much hated as eye-rolled at or sidelined as hard as possible. Hate STEALS TIME FROM MY LIFE.
26. What was the best book you read?
I've read ... some books. I stopped keeping track of them and therefore cannot state with any certainty what they were. I want to say the most recent Rivers of London book but it was actually a bit of a let-down compared to the others. I read a shittonne of Dorothy L Sayers books in the early part of the year and they were enjoyable nonsense but most of the year has either been research, guilt or - wait, I think it was probably The Debt to Pleasure.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I stopped caring about music absolutely years ago and even the discovery that this doesn't fucking matter and that anyone who judges me based on that is a human fart didn't come this recently. Probably "Thus Spake Carly Rae". ;)
28. What did you want and get?
An M on my sodding passport, my name changed, a permanent job, some actual respect in my workplace for the quality of work that I do. An appointment to see a gender specialist (three of them). A holiday. Validation that I'm a human being and not a human-shaped shitpile. A BMI in the "normal" range. Skates. A rice cooker (RICE COOKER, RICE COOKER). A good birthday.
29. What did you want and not get?
Prescribed testosterone. Surgery. Consistently gendered correctly. To stop having anxiety attacks every time I need the loo in public. An agent. Some indication that I am not the shittest most self-deluding writing human on the planet. My period to actually fucking properly stop. Validation from strangers that I'm legit attractive. A FUCKING BIKE. An election result that wasn't THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I missed most of the ones I wanted to see and the ones I did were almost universally disappointing (what was that SPECTRE bullshit, fuck you) so the field is pretty much clear to shriek "MAD MAX: FURY ROAD" from the top of the angry feminist rooftops. What a corker.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 33 (JESUS YEAR); I went for tea with a selection of people and then to LAB for an uncountable number of cocktails where I threw glitter at everyone and impressed strangers with my shoes and turned people into crap cats and somehow did not throw up or hit anyone also someone tried to start a conversation with me at a urinal... then I went to G-A-Y Lates with ruthi (apparently under duress from Jess?) and danced and then went home via two burgers, a bus, and one Near Incident over chips.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
TESTOSTERONE/SURGERY.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
Forest God meets Sad Dandy Military Homosexual.
34. What kept you sane?
Friends around the wooooorld in the wee hours of the night, friends in London with good connections, and probably the intensive course of therapy. Stability and change.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I vacillate between "no one" and "nameless model was briefly so hot I couldn't even LOOK AT THEM". I would still ride Idris Elba until he broke.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
This was the year I ran out of care because there were simply too many things to be angry about. American police murdering young black people with impunity, Daesh, THE LIZARD SCUMBAGS STARVING MY COUNTRY TO DEATH IN THE HOPES OF TURNING IT INTO A PIGGY BANK, disgusting racist pigfuck opportunists, the rise of the anti-semitic/anti-islamic/racist left-wing nationalists, the PIG FUCKING INCIDENT, housing, "apprenticeships" (legalising sub-minimum wage employment and stripping money from further education), and then the police murdered a man a mile from my house.
37. Who did you miss?
Jenny (stop being in Japan), everyone else I have been unable to see, Maud (whom I have seen very little of), PTerry almost immediately, Rose (Edinburgh is far away), friendships muted but none of those severed.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I dunno, I met a lot of people. Socially I can't make many distinctions. Professionally probably my immediate boss, who is pretty rad, and psychologically m'therapist and also Dr L. distinguished themselves. Octavian was stand-out good as well.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015.
a. if you don't ask you won't get
b. sometimes you have to ask twice
c. you can say no to people and they won't murder you
d. things are frequently not as bad as you think they are going to be
e. but it pays to be prepared
f. you can also say yes to people
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
time will someday obliterate me
- Thus Spake Carly Rae, Rioghnach Robinson
Passed a probationary period at a permanent job. Got a raise. Participated (albeit half-assedly) in Union activities. Booked, attended, and paid for an appointment with a private medical practitioner. Saw not one but THREE gender identity experts and had them reach the same conclusion as each other. Took a (bequeathed rather than prescribed) hormonal supplement. Taught myself the habit of lifting weights and stretching every morning. Began shaving my face. Went, consistently, to therapy for BPD. Had a vaguely disciplinary/reviewing meeting with medical professionals without losing my temper. Walked up the hill at Milton Coombe without whingeing (;)). Bought and used an STP. Had an actual discussion with an actual medical professional about things of a surgical nature. Chased down my own fucking appointments, phoned people myself, checked things without freaking out (too much). Got published in an anthology (after being asked to write for it on the basis of fanfic). Set a rejection-based challenge for myself and stuck to it (so far). Taught myself to read an entire new alphabet. Went to G-A-Y Lates (twice). Had my face vomited in by a friend (AHAHAH oh god). Learned to use contact lenses, wore contact lenses. Set up a direct debit. Had a contract phone for the first time, therefore used the internet on my phone for the first time, got an Instagram account, made tentative friends with people in Japan; got followers who are health and fitness nuts because THAT'S MY DIET?! Came out as trans to more and more and more categories of people, over and over and over. Had to visit a friend in hospital for bad instead of good reasons; connectedly: had to deal with the idea but not absolute certainty that a very close friend might die. Travelled to another town to watch bloody wrestling. Began to get correctly-gendered by strangers. Tried pho. Tried some Nigerian food. Talked To An Actual Bank Manager About My Finances. Bought a rice cooker. Marched in a Pride parade wearing fucking skin-tight fucking Lycra (and Lolita sunglasses). Saw Ireland use a popular vote to say yes to marriage equality. Saw a trans woman on the cover of a world-renowned women's style magazine. Saw Palmyra effectively destroyed. Saw a hijabi muslim woman win the most British reality TV show ever to almost-universal rejoicing. Started a tradition of eating in restaurants on specific nights. Tried and fell in love with bubble tea. Turned an entire party into crap cats. Had LIGHT UP GOLD SHOES fucking well BOUGHT FOR ME by astounding friends. Danced in them to Carly Rae Jepson without any regrets. Found a song that is literally and actually "nihilism you can dance to". Changed my title as well as my name. Got an "M" on my passport (after having it HELD HOSTAGE BY THE PASSPORT OFFICE). Got knocked down by a car. Got knocked down by a bike. Signed up for a regular box of treats. Found a hairdresser I like enough to return to. Had a Proper Discussion About Relationship Parameters And Acceptable Behaviour and was listened to about it. Said "no" to things. Lost the last of my formative authors and underwent a genuine bereavement process as a result.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes and yes. This year:
a: fitter, happier, more productive.
b: less time on the internet, more time in the field
c: if you're bored either edit, write, read, or walk
d: correct people when they misgender you
e: say no to things without making excuses or avoiding actually saying the word "no"
f: more effort into avoiding mistakes at work yo
g: keep sending that ms out
h: increase weight categories
i: gym membership just fucking do it
j: less money on STUFF more money on DOING
k: just accept that you can't tv and stop trying
l: use the right damn toilets more often
m: slightly less caffeine
n: self-validation
o: edit, write, read. even fanfic.
p: ballet.
q: non-ballet dancing.
r: you can do it.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can remember.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nearly but not quite, thank fuck. Unless PTerry counts as "close to me" in which case oh wow, yes. Yes he did.
5. What countries did you visit?
This one. I've been lax and abstemious. Maybe next year?
6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
TESTOSTERONE PRESCRIPTION. Consistent correct gendering. A government that gives a flying fuck about the people it governs and has a lick of common sense. A populace that has the ability to feel compassion even when it is afraid. A referral for surgery. Patience. The ability to fit into 32-inch trousers. Confidence in own abilities & attractiveness. Enough money to travel by Tube instead of by bus. TIME AND ENERGY.
7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I am going to have problems forgetting the 18th of October for a bit. Other than that, I don't really recall dates very much. Waking up with a deathly hangover with the news that D was in ICU was not something I'm going to stop remembering.
Also I don't remember the exact date thankfully but, y'know, the person whose works brought me a lot of the people most important in my life exited the world (on his own terms) in March and that was a pretty big thing.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Got my fucking gender right on my passport. Kept going to therapy, kept my job, kept the weight off, kept living. Still managed to write a novel in there somewhere.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not chasing things down fast enough. Not managing to get someone to represent the other book. Not acquiring anything like adequate sales. Still not being anyone's favourite writer. Still not hot, still not The Best. Not writing enough or often enough. Doing almost none of the art I wanted to do. Not maintaining everything that needs maintaining.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The odd sniffle. Probably the worst injuries - and they have been very minor - came from Cyclist Collision (shoulder badness for some weeks), and the recent "You broke your hand, you speshtard" incident.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Physical object: RICE COOKER RICE COOKER RICE COOKER vs STP
Non-physical expenditure: Holiday in Devon vs SEEING DR L.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My GP (I mean, seriously), Union rep, manager, Dr L., my therapist, girlfriend/boyfriend, most of my friends, ALSO ME. MY BEHAVIOUR MERITS CELEBRATION.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Pick like 99% of the people who have been in the news for any reason and 90% of the people "reporting" the news and 98% of people making the laws. Mine, as it usually does. A few people I casually unfollowed/muted on various social media without telling them. One or two strangers I have encountered.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Transport, food, trans stuff. Probably also books because that is an actual DISEASE I swear.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Please also read "excited" as "horribly stressed" as those things are interchangeable in my life.
Holiday in Devon (worth it)
Pride (AYEEIEIEUIEI)
My passport with an actual fucking M on it
Various events involving socialising with people I like because I am actually a puppy
Seeing various gender people because it demarcates some kind of actual progress.
16. What song will always remind you of 2015?
Who knows in future but I think "Thus Spake Carly Rae" is a contender.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? so much happier. so, so much happier. to the extent of boring the knickers off everyone with my ceaseless surprised burbling about how much happier i am. even though i am currently in a blep, still enormously much happier. stability and changes and all that.
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner, made some changes & have spent most of this year weighing what I did a decade ago <-- a_carnal_mink basically had the same experience i did.
iii. richer or poorer? richer by what to me seems like a significant amount
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing, editing, reading. Seeing people. Sleep, I wish I could get the hang of it but there hasn't been any convenient time for it. Walking. DANCING. Singing. Not enough dancing or singing in my life.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sleeping (I have no tiiiiime), being tired, complaining, feeling lousy, sitting on fucking buses, sitting on trains (trains, I love you, but I have no time), wasting my life on Tumblr, Not Working At Work, W A I T I N G, pointlessly composing arguments in my head to address people who are never going to listen anyway, getting misgendered, panicking, INJURING MY STUPID ASS FUCK SELF, accidentally insulting people (this shit plays on my mind for months so it's a waste of time as well as horrible), mindless channel-hopping, sitting in a room full of angry people being angry.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I will gloriously be spending it turning the living room into a pile of wrapping paper as we all seem to have overdone it on the present front, and probably a certain amount of time swearing as I try to get one of the presents to actually work (because I know me and technology), and either watching Google's live action Neko Atsume YouTube thing on the TV (ahahahahahHAAAA) or the fucking slow TV sleigh ride, because that's my GODDAMN FUCKING LEVEL; and eating splendid amounts of food that I have been banned from cooking which is fine because it's all oven stuff and I have an irrational hatred of the oven. Also just. Not being around stupid shitty relatives for yet another year! I WIN.
21. What LJ users did you meet for the first time?
No one, because hardly anyone uses LJ any more, but I met a lot of new Tumblr people and new real life people who subsequently added me one Facebook (and I finally LET THEM DO THAT), and I hope to change the new LJ user meeting thing next year!
22. Did you fall in love in 2014?
Nah. But me and myself have been eyeing each other contemplatively over the year and it's possible we don't want to murder each other as much as we did in January.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. Chance'd be a fine thing
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
The only TV I've even slightly managed to concentrate on this year has been:
Daredevil (some lovely writing and great character moments but OMGWTFRACISM?)
Jessica Jones (haven't actually finished it yet because it's exhausting but I love it)
Great British Bake Off (also exhausting but extremely worth it because NADIYA MY QUEEN and Tamal's beautiful beautiful face).
Hannibal AAAAAAAAAAHA AAAAAAH AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Bryan Fuller is my soulmate.
It is probably time to accept that I am not cut out for TV when I can't even manage to process new David Attenborough.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I think I actually hate fewer people (real people, I mean), but more politicians and journalists after an entire year of their bullshit. I couldn't have told you who the fuck Mark Clarke was in January and now I'd happily see him in the bottom of a volcano; similarly Rod Liddle was unknown to me and I wish he'd stayed that way. In real life: nerp. Most of the filth has been cleaned out of my life and the remnants aren't so much hated as eye-rolled at or sidelined as hard as possible. Hate STEALS TIME FROM MY LIFE.
26. What was the best book you read?
I've read ... some books. I stopped keeping track of them and therefore cannot state with any certainty what they were. I want to say the most recent Rivers of London book but it was actually a bit of a let-down compared to the others. I read a shittonne of Dorothy L Sayers books in the early part of the year and they were enjoyable nonsense but most of the year has either been research, guilt or - wait, I think it was probably The Debt to Pleasure.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I stopped caring about music absolutely years ago and even the discovery that this doesn't fucking matter and that anyone who judges me based on that is a human fart didn't come this recently. Probably "Thus Spake Carly Rae". ;)
28. What did you want and get?
An M on my sodding passport, my name changed, a permanent job, some actual respect in my workplace for the quality of work that I do. An appointment to see a gender specialist (three of them). A holiday. Validation that I'm a human being and not a human-shaped shitpile. A BMI in the "normal" range. Skates. A rice cooker (RICE COOKER, RICE COOKER). A good birthday.
29. What did you want and not get?
Prescribed testosterone. Surgery. Consistently gendered correctly. To stop having anxiety attacks every time I need the loo in public. An agent. Some indication that I am not the shittest most self-deluding writing human on the planet. My period to actually fucking properly stop. Validation from strangers that I'm legit attractive. A FUCKING BIKE. An election result that wasn't THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I missed most of the ones I wanted to see and the ones I did were almost universally disappointing (what was that SPECTRE bullshit, fuck you) so the field is pretty much clear to shriek "MAD MAX: FURY ROAD" from the top of the angry feminist rooftops. What a corker.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 33 (JESUS YEAR); I went for tea with a selection of people and then to LAB for an uncountable number of cocktails where I threw glitter at everyone and impressed strangers with my shoes and turned people into crap cats and somehow did not throw up or hit anyone also someone tried to start a conversation with me at a urinal... then I went to G-A-Y Lates with ruthi (apparently under duress from Jess?) and danced and then went home via two burgers, a bus, and one Near Incident over chips.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
TESTOSTERONE/SURGERY.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
Forest God meets Sad Dandy Military Homosexual.
34. What kept you sane?
Friends around the wooooorld in the wee hours of the night, friends in London with good connections, and probably the intensive course of therapy. Stability and change.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I vacillate between "no one" and "nameless model was briefly so hot I couldn't even LOOK AT THEM". I would still ride Idris Elba until he broke.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
This was the year I ran out of care because there were simply too many things to be angry about. American police murdering young black people with impunity, Daesh, THE LIZARD SCUMBAGS STARVING MY COUNTRY TO DEATH IN THE HOPES OF TURNING IT INTO A PIGGY BANK, disgusting racist pigfuck opportunists, the rise of the anti-semitic/anti-islamic/racist left-wing nationalists, the PIG FUCKING INCIDENT, housing, "apprenticeships" (legalising sub-minimum wage employment and stripping money from further education), and then the police murdered a man a mile from my house.
37. Who did you miss?
Jenny (stop being in Japan), everyone else I have been unable to see, Maud (whom I have seen very little of), PTerry almost immediately, Rose (Edinburgh is far away), friendships muted but none of those severed.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I dunno, I met a lot of people. Socially I can't make many distinctions. Professionally probably my immediate boss, who is pretty rad, and psychologically m'therapist and also Dr L. distinguished themselves. Octavian was stand-out good as well.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015.
a. if you don't ask you won't get
b. sometimes you have to ask twice
c. you can say no to people and they won't murder you
d. things are frequently not as bad as you think they are going to be
e. but it pays to be prepared
f. you can also say yes to people
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
time will someday obliterate me
- Thus Spake Carly Rae, Rioghnach Robinson