(no subject)
poetry
the penitent wife
ghosts of those not yet born
sick, ey
well, definitely ill. but in the grand scheme of things my mental health matters more to me than my physical health, so i cannot stay in bed or indoors. went out today and totally failed to look for george's t-shirt (i have the rest of this week); successfully got more of the gf's christmas present, failed to get yuzu because the japan centre lied about having some, was "sir"'d or rather "sah"d by The Gayest Branch of Nero, because apparently in order to pass i just have to feel like reheated shit and not make any effort - AUTHENTIC. MALENESS - (and wouldn't it be great if "passing" really was like an exam, you could just go into a room like on "faking it" only it would be "realing it" and they'd go "yes you have done the gender correctly, no one shall ever misgender you again", instead of every fucking interaction i ever have for my entire life being an exam); went to camden and accidentally bought myself a birthday present (photos later) and also another matcha latte because it was too! fucking! cold! not to be holding a hot drink - i'd intended to get another one and collapse in an armchair at the basement tea rooms but it was full of people (Sunday in camden: so many people. all of them idiots) and also my favourite gay disney pianist was not there. i will go back on a weekday and have him all to my selfish little self instead). went for dinner with l. turkish dinners are entirely the opposite of japanese ones in almost every respect except inherent deliciousness; we could not handle the whole thing and thus had to bring home a box full of leftovers (dear americans: this is a pernicious and uncommon experience when eating out in the uk) but apparently gokyuzu & kervan are used to this because the box was offered to us as soon as the waitress noted our inability to demolish what their menu LYINGLY called "a platter for two" (two what, two hundred? two armies? two extended families? two giants?). REALLY. VERY COLD OUT. somehow this turned into a discourse about how all penguins are from glasgow.
definitely ill though. the amount of lying-down i have had to do today. admittedly i probably shouldn't have walked around quite so much, in the cold, but i didn't want to waste any more of my bus pass and also - livejournal really - i knew if i stayed in the house much longer i'd revert to agrophobia. one attack of crippling intercostal muscle spasms and accompanying inability to breathe, a bit of light-headedness, and the current swamp in my lungs is worth it for not becoming a FUCKING PSYCHO stuck in my awful flat. i cannot spend an entire day in here on my own without going absolutely batshit. i cannot.
the penitent wife
ghosts of those not yet born
sick, ey
well, definitely ill. but in the grand scheme of things my mental health matters more to me than my physical health, so i cannot stay in bed or indoors. went out today and totally failed to look for george's t-shirt (i have the rest of this week); successfully got more of the gf's christmas present, failed to get yuzu because the japan centre lied about having some, was "sir"'d or rather "sah"d by The Gayest Branch of Nero, because apparently in order to pass i just have to feel like reheated shit and not make any effort - AUTHENTIC. MALENESS - (and wouldn't it be great if "passing" really was like an exam, you could just go into a room like on "faking it" only it would be "realing it" and they'd go "yes you have done the gender correctly, no one shall ever misgender you again", instead of every fucking interaction i ever have for my entire life being an exam); went to camden and accidentally bought myself a birthday present (photos later) and also another matcha latte because it was too! fucking! cold! not to be holding a hot drink - i'd intended to get another one and collapse in an armchair at the basement tea rooms but it was full of people (Sunday in camden: so many people. all of them idiots) and also my favourite gay disney pianist was not there. i will go back on a weekday and have him all to my selfish little self instead). went for dinner with l. turkish dinners are entirely the opposite of japanese ones in almost every respect except inherent deliciousness; we could not handle the whole thing and thus had to bring home a box full of leftovers (dear americans: this is a pernicious and uncommon experience when eating out in the uk) but apparently gokyuzu & kervan are used to this because the box was offered to us as soon as the waitress noted our inability to demolish what their menu LYINGLY called "a platter for two" (two what, two hundred? two armies? two extended families? two giants?). REALLY. VERY COLD OUT. somehow this turned into a discourse about how all penguins are from glasgow.
definitely ill though. the amount of lying-down i have had to do today. admittedly i probably shouldn't have walked around quite so much, in the cold, but i didn't want to waste any more of my bus pass and also - livejournal really - i knew if i stayed in the house much longer i'd revert to agrophobia. one attack of crippling intercostal muscle spasms and accompanying inability to breathe, a bit of light-headedness, and the current swamp in my lungs is worth it for not becoming a FUCKING PSYCHO stuck in my awful flat. i cannot spend an entire day in here on my own without going absolutely batshit. i cannot.