i would like to believe in god because i'd like to think someone gives a shit
I suppose at least all my frustration at feeling so comprehensively STUCK (weight, transition, employment, the trifecta of "things I have no fucking control over") is being channelled into lengthy and dramatic updates to the book, and now that I have my fitbit replaced can be supplemented with angry purposeful walks around the disgusting winter cityscape as I attempt to force fat off my body with the sheer power of never letting it get enough fuel.
The CO leak and attendant drama continues to enfucken my life: independent inspector can't be arsed with coming out at weekends so he's round on Monday afternoon (no, that's fine, we just have no heating or hot water or hob), and I had to have a kettle-and-sink bath this morning which does not feel like an adequate response to being a stinkbeast, so I didn't go anywhere today either: two weekend appointments at the houses of two people I very much like gone up in smoke because of someone's dodgy boiler. NOT EVEN OURS.
Tomorrow, stinkbeast or no, I'm going to the library, because the library patrons are also stinkbeasts and they can cope with me honking around the place. Tired and exceptionally bored, nowhere comfortable in my flat to read a book (nowhere in the world comfortable to read a book, I have no idea how younger me managed to maintain the same position for hours on end like that): want the hob back so I can try making socca (for which I have already bought gram flour, although tbf gram flour is likely to be useful for many a thing incl. the existence of gluten-uneating friend).
Resumed reading "The Demon-Haunted World" on the way back from Oxford (so many grumpy feelings about the play, so many) as I didn't think it would be a good idea to indulge in fiction until I've shifted this manuscript into the "finished" folder, no matter how badly I want to read Foxglove Summer - and find it immensely soothing to listen to someone the internet HASN'T decided is the incarnation of the shitlord devil talking about how "religion isn't very rigorous and isn't a good replacement for scientific enquiry" which is hardly fucking contentious.
Existing in the borderlands/liminal state is exhausting and annoying. I dislike my own impermanence almost but not quite as much as the states I'm trying to achieve escape velocity from.
(While I'm here: revised point plan/manifesto for improvement of shithole country -
1. No rent on a one bedroom/studio flat or smaller to be more than 40% of full-time minimum wage; if you want to raise rent you have get the gvt to raise minimum wage.
2. Maximum wage (re: Orwell) - 10 times higher than minimum. If you want maximum wage raised, everyone else has to have theirs raised too.
3. Legal requirement for all pay raises to be applied from the bottom-up. If CEO/upper management etc want pay raise, everyone earning less than them has to have a pay raise to the same percentage, incl. contractors.
4. Any property standing empty for a year, which is not a listed building, is taken by the government and used as a community centre or social housing depending on what it is best suited for.)
The CO leak and attendant drama continues to enfucken my life: independent inspector can't be arsed with coming out at weekends so he's round on Monday afternoon (no, that's fine, we just have no heating or hot water or hob), and I had to have a kettle-and-sink bath this morning which does not feel like an adequate response to being a stinkbeast, so I didn't go anywhere today either: two weekend appointments at the houses of two people I very much like gone up in smoke because of someone's dodgy boiler. NOT EVEN OURS.
Tomorrow, stinkbeast or no, I'm going to the library, because the library patrons are also stinkbeasts and they can cope with me honking around the place. Tired and exceptionally bored, nowhere comfortable in my flat to read a book (nowhere in the world comfortable to read a book, I have no idea how younger me managed to maintain the same position for hours on end like that): want the hob back so I can try making socca (for which I have already bought gram flour, although tbf gram flour is likely to be useful for many a thing incl. the existence of gluten-uneating friend).
Resumed reading "The Demon-Haunted World" on the way back from Oxford (so many grumpy feelings about the play, so many) as I didn't think it would be a good idea to indulge in fiction until I've shifted this manuscript into the "finished" folder, no matter how badly I want to read Foxglove Summer - and find it immensely soothing to listen to someone the internet HASN'T decided is the incarnation of the shitlord devil talking about how "religion isn't very rigorous and isn't a good replacement for scientific enquiry" which is hardly fucking contentious.
Existing in the borderlands/liminal state is exhausting and annoying. I dislike my own impermanence almost but not quite as much as the states I'm trying to achieve escape velocity from.
(While I'm here: revised point plan/manifesto for improvement of shithole country -
1. No rent on a one bedroom/studio flat or smaller to be more than 40% of full-time minimum wage; if you want to raise rent you have get the gvt to raise minimum wage.
2. Maximum wage (re: Orwell) - 10 times higher than minimum. If you want maximum wage raised, everyone else has to have theirs raised too.
3. Legal requirement for all pay raises to be applied from the bottom-up. If CEO/upper management etc want pay raise, everyone earning less than them has to have a pay raise to the same percentage, incl. contractors.
4. Any property standing empty for a year, which is not a listed building, is taken by the government and used as a community centre or social housing depending on what it is best suited for.)