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100 Works of Art: (Visual) Head Surrounded by Sides of Beef, Francis Bacon
So hey Livejournal you know what's exhausting? Feelings. Also having adult conversations is draining for everyone involved and I just want to see Prometheus and not edit anything and all of my writing is depressing me even the stuff I am writing for fun and then I hated my art as well and now I hate my jewellery and basically shit is shitty and terrible things keep happening to my friends and fuck you world.
Also last night I gave up on doing anything for an hour and just went to sleep for a bit which was surprisingly helpful, but I still feel/felt like an alien from Mars who is wandering around this planet being permanently confused by life and the idea that I have to DO MORE THINGS to organise my own existence is overwhelming. YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, DEREK.
1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?
Couch.
2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:
Errrrrghh. Bad because I wasn't entirely up for it.
3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:
Ralph Lanyon aaaawwwwwwww yeaaaah.
4: Something that never fails to make you horny:
Pretty much anything can fail to make me horny because there is a really fucking powerful off switch in my brain.
5: Where is one place you would never have sex:
Buckingham Palace. They just won't let me, man.
6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________
Any number of times I've been interrupted by people, or the times condoms have had to be FISHED OUT.
7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:
Fractured ankle.
8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone:
... I don't understand the question.
9: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:
Other. Either hands or belt.
10: What is the fastest way to make you horny:
Bleed.
11: Top or bottom?
Bottom as fuck.
12: We were about to ____________ but then ______________
Fuck, he vomited.
13: Would you ever take a sexual enhancement drug?
Does pot count
14: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?
One is enough, but I don't really seem to stop at one any more.
15: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:
I cannot be arsed hiding things any more, the only person who goes in my room is my boyfriend and he flat out doesn't given any shits what he finds.
16: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:
I get called boys' names a lot.
17: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:
1. It's a vagina, in your face, what's not to like?
2. It's someone's face, in your vagina, what's not to like?
vs.
1. Please take your penis out of my trachea
2. Your semen tastes like compost.
18: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:
TBH if I agreed to it then I don't find it weird. I got a bit mardy with a birl who wanted me to STOP and go and put on a corset and boots though. Fuck's sake, lady, we are ALREADY NAKED. I am not putting more clothes ON for you.
19: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]
I thought "well that tastes like a combination of vagina and the mouth it is on, jolly good".
20: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:
Pious answer: when you are trying to conceive/are in a long-term, STD-free relationship with some other form of birth control if necessary
Practical answer: lesbians
truthful answer: no, but I am pretty bad at ever using them.
21: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?
All teachers have been gruesome. However, I have shagged at least one teacher. They just weren't MINE.
22: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:
SEX AND FOOD DO NOT BELONG TOGETHER.
23: How big is too big (peniswise):
When it won't fit.
24: One sexual thing you would never do:
If it involves poo or milk you're on your own.
25: Biggest turn on:
Many things involving IHB's content.
26: Three spots that drive you insane:
... again I am just going to be facetious if I answer this argh.
27: Worst possible time to get horny:
Most times.
28: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:
OH MY FUCK YES EXCUSE ME YES HELLO YES.
29: Worst sexual idea you ever had:
Do we want the threesome that went hideously wrong, the time I got pregnant, or the time T got stuck in cheap handcuffs?
30: How much fapping is too much fapping:
When it bleeds.
31: Best sexual complement you ever got:
Oh I tend not to believe any of them.
32: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:
Bald. Sorry. I don't give a fuck about my feminist status. I don't like pubic hair.
33: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:
It can be passable. It's not going to be blinding if I don't get at least one out.
34: Fill in the blanks: "If they ____________, we are fuckin"
Oh my god there is no free pass to my vagina any more. No.
35: What your favorite part of your body:
The parts which are tattoos.
36: Favorite foreplay activities:
Fighting. This is how the IT room at Sixth Form got a little bit broken. :D
37: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]
More like a Venn diagram. Love and sex intersect, sometimes, but not always. Their worth is not comparable as one is a physical act and the other is an emotional attachment.
38: What do you wear to bed?
IDK, whatever happens to be around.
39: When was the first time you masturbated:
I think I was about 10?
40: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?
Yes and you're not having them.
41: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?
Quite a long time ago now. But it used to happen a lot.
42: Have/would you ever have sex outside?
Please see above.
43: Have/would you ever had a threesome?
I've had a few. Bizarrely for someone unfond of dick, it's worked out best with two straight dudes and me, generally.
44: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?
... my ... hand.
45: Have/would you ever masturbate at work?
No because that's grody and also impractical.
46: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?
I usually fly on my own so it's been a no so far but I have a fucking massive flight coming up and there is no telling how bored I will get.
47: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?
I don't give a shit why does there have to be music.
48: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?
Bloooooood?
49: Most attractive celebrity?
GET OUT I'M NOT DEALING WITH THIS ONE VERY WELL RN.
50: Do you watch straight porn? why/why not?
Yes because James Deen.
51: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now
Some ... months.
52: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?
Yup. That person was me.
53: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?
Poop.
54: Do you have stretch marks?
Hell yes.
55: How do you feel about your stretch marks?
Indifferent.
56: Has anyone ever had a problem with your stretch marks?
Probably but they can go fuck themselves.
57: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)
Yes to ladies, no to dudes. Why? Because I like vaginas on my face and I don't like penises in my mouth. The end.
58: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?
Adds at least plus 5 to their attractiveness unless said tattoos are hideous and stupid.
59: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?
Ambivalent but I seem to do it a lot.
60: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?
Yes: any food. BECAUSE FOOD DOES NOT BELONG IN SEX.
61: Is there anything you do on tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?
Make fun of him? Then again, I do also show him when I make fun of him. So.
62: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)
Define "sex toys".
63: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?
... It's a public tumblr he has access to it anyway he just doesn't give a fuck.
64: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?
It's not likely to happen.
65: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?
Pornstars get treated a fuck of a lot better.
66: Do you watch porn?
Oh yes, yes I do.
67: How small is too small?
What?
68: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?
Yes, frequently, because I grew up in buttfuckville nowhere and I was a teenage Goth.
69: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?
My boyfriend and I suspect it meant "here is a kiss".
70: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?
Jesus no he continually gets texted by people about referee stuff I hate that shit.
71: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?
Nope, chub-rub.
72: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?
Yes.
73: If you could give yourself head, would you?
No.
74: Booty or Boobs?
BELLY.
75: If you had a penis, what would you name it?
THARG THE DESTROYER. Or THE BITCHSPLITTER.
76: Have you ever been on an official date?
One or two. I was reasonably well-acquainted with all the people involved already, and I am sorry to say that while they all resulted in sex/further contact, none of them went what you'd call "well".
77: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)
I have cheated on literally everyone. The answer is "because borderline", probably, and "because alcohol", and "because impulse control problems". I have sex I don't want with people I don't fancy in order to screw up relationships I do want with people who make me happy because they're NOT HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE NOW and occasionally even when they are RIGHT HERE someone new paying attention to me makes me go stupid. Bluntly put, I am a fucking asshole, and not a lot seems to be changing that (apart from a fairly caustic scolding from Amanda which put me in my place for quite some time).
78: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?
Clora Form.
79: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)
Yup.
80: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?
I'd be impressed considering that during the time when they were still having sex I didn't have a bed on account of being a foetus.
81: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina
I was like 6 or something I think I just went "that looks stupid" and left it at that.
100 Works of Art: (Visual) Head Surrounded by Sides of Beef, Francis Bacon
So hey Livejournal you know what's exhausting? Feelings. Also having adult conversations is draining for everyone involved and I just want to see Prometheus and not edit anything and all of my writing is depressing me even the stuff I am writing for fun and then I hated my art as well and now I hate my jewellery and basically shit is shitty and terrible things keep happening to my friends and fuck you world.
Also last night I gave up on doing anything for an hour and just went to sleep for a bit which was surprisingly helpful, but I still feel/felt like an alien from Mars who is wandering around this planet being permanently confused by life and the idea that I have to DO MORE THINGS to organise my own existence is overwhelming. YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, DEREK.
1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?
Couch.
2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:
Errrrrghh. Bad because I wasn't entirely up for it.
3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:
Ralph Lanyon aaaawwwwwwww yeaaaah.
4: Something that never fails to make you horny:
Pretty much anything can fail to make me horny because there is a really fucking powerful off switch in my brain.
5: Where is one place you would never have sex:
Buckingham Palace. They just won't let me, man.
6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________
Any number of times I've been interrupted by people, or the times condoms have had to be FISHED OUT.
7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:
Fractured ankle.
8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone:
... I don't understand the question.
9: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:
Other. Either hands or belt.
10: What is the fastest way to make you horny:
Bleed.
11: Top or bottom?
Bottom as fuck.
12: We were about to ____________ but then ______________
Fuck, he vomited.
13: Would you ever take a sexual enhancement drug?
Does pot count
14: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?
One is enough, but I don't really seem to stop at one any more.
15: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:
I cannot be arsed hiding things any more, the only person who goes in my room is my boyfriend and he flat out doesn't given any shits what he finds.
16: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:
I get called boys' names a lot.
17: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:
1. It's a vagina, in your face, what's not to like?
2. It's someone's face, in your vagina, what's not to like?
vs.
1. Please take your penis out of my trachea
2. Your semen tastes like compost.
18: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:
TBH if I agreed to it then I don't find it weird. I got a bit mardy with a birl who wanted me to STOP and go and put on a corset and boots though. Fuck's sake, lady, we are ALREADY NAKED. I am not putting more clothes ON for you.
19: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]
I thought "well that tastes like a combination of vagina and the mouth it is on, jolly good".
20: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:
Pious answer: when you are trying to conceive/are in a long-term, STD-free relationship with some other form of birth control if necessary
Practical answer: lesbians
truthful answer: no, but I am pretty bad at ever using them.
21: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?
All teachers have been gruesome. However, I have shagged at least one teacher. They just weren't MINE.
22: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:
SEX AND FOOD DO NOT BELONG TOGETHER.
23: How big is too big (peniswise):
When it won't fit.
24: One sexual thing you would never do:
If it involves poo or milk you're on your own.
25: Biggest turn on:
Many things involving IHB's content.
26: Three spots that drive you insane:
... again I am just going to be facetious if I answer this argh.
27: Worst possible time to get horny:
Most times.
28: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:
OH MY FUCK YES EXCUSE ME YES HELLO YES.
29: Worst sexual idea you ever had:
Do we want the threesome that went hideously wrong, the time I got pregnant, or the time T got stuck in cheap handcuffs?
30: How much fapping is too much fapping:
When it bleeds.
31: Best sexual complement you ever got:
Oh I tend not to believe any of them.
32: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:
Bald. Sorry. I don't give a fuck about my feminist status. I don't like pubic hair.
33: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:
It can be passable. It's not going to be blinding if I don't get at least one out.
34: Fill in the blanks: "If they ____________, we are fuckin"
Oh my god there is no free pass to my vagina any more. No.
35: What your favorite part of your body:
The parts which are tattoos.
36: Favorite foreplay activities:
Fighting. This is how the IT room at Sixth Form got a little bit broken. :D
37: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]
More like a Venn diagram. Love and sex intersect, sometimes, but not always. Their worth is not comparable as one is a physical act and the other is an emotional attachment.
38: What do you wear to bed?
IDK, whatever happens to be around.
39: When was the first time you masturbated:
I think I was about 10?
40: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?
Yes and you're not having them.
41: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?
Quite a long time ago now. But it used to happen a lot.
42: Have/would you ever have sex outside?
Please see above.
43: Have/would you ever had a threesome?
I've had a few. Bizarrely for someone unfond of dick, it's worked out best with two straight dudes and me, generally.
44: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?
... my ... hand.
45: Have/would you ever masturbate at work?
No because that's grody and also impractical.
46: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?
I usually fly on my own so it's been a no so far but I have a fucking massive flight coming up and there is no telling how bored I will get.
47: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?
I don't give a shit why does there have to be music.
48: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?
Bloooooood?
49: Most attractive celebrity?
GET OUT I'M NOT DEALING WITH THIS ONE VERY WELL RN.
50: Do you watch straight porn? why/why not?
Yes because James Deen.
51: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now
Some ... months.
52: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?
Yup. That person was me.
53: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?
Poop.
54: Do you have stretch marks?
Hell yes.
55: How do you feel about your stretch marks?
Indifferent.
56: Has anyone ever had a problem with your stretch marks?
Probably but they can go fuck themselves.
57: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)
Yes to ladies, no to dudes. Why? Because I like vaginas on my face and I don't like penises in my mouth. The end.
58: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?
Adds at least plus 5 to their attractiveness unless said tattoos are hideous and stupid.
59: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?
Ambivalent but I seem to do it a lot.
60: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?
Yes: any food. BECAUSE FOOD DOES NOT BELONG IN SEX.
61: Is there anything you do on tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?
Make fun of him? Then again, I do also show him when I make fun of him. So.
62: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)
Define "sex toys".
63: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?
... It's a public tumblr he has access to it anyway he just doesn't give a fuck.
64: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?
It's not likely to happen.
65: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?
Pornstars get treated a fuck of a lot better.
66: Do you watch porn?
Oh yes, yes I do.
67: How small is too small?
What?
68: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?
Yes, frequently, because I grew up in buttfuckville nowhere and I was a teenage Goth.
69: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?
My boyfriend and I suspect it meant "here is a kiss".
70: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?
Jesus no he continually gets texted by people about referee stuff I hate that shit.
71: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?
Nope, chub-rub.
72: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?
Yes.
73: If you could give yourself head, would you?
No.
74: Booty or Boobs?
BELLY.
75: If you had a penis, what would you name it?
THARG THE DESTROYER. Or THE BITCHSPLITTER.
76: Have you ever been on an official date?
One or two. I was reasonably well-acquainted with all the people involved already, and I am sorry to say that while they all resulted in sex/further contact, none of them went what you'd call "well".
77: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)
I have cheated on literally everyone. The answer is "because borderline", probably, and "because alcohol", and "because impulse control problems". I have sex I don't want with people I don't fancy in order to screw up relationships I do want with people who make me happy because they're NOT HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE NOW and occasionally even when they are RIGHT HERE someone new paying attention to me makes me go stupid. Bluntly put, I am a fucking asshole, and not a lot seems to be changing that (apart from a fairly caustic scolding from Amanda which put me in my place for quite some time).
78: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?
Clora Form.
79: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)
Yup.
80: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?
I'd be impressed considering that during the time when they were still having sex I didn't have a bed on account of being a foetus.
81: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina
I was like 6 or something I think I just went "that looks stupid" and left it at that.