Since just fading into obscurity isn't my style either.
Choosing to end a 10 year friendship is, regardless of the propaganda on the other side of the fence, not easy. I would rather it didn't END, but my sanity does not cope well with hiatus. Either it's finished, or it's not finished; limbo doesn't suit me. Determining to do so without "trying" to save it is presumably going to be cast as callous and hateful; we will skip over the fact that "trying" would be dependent on the other party listening. She is not going to listen to me. That much is evident from both the sudden emergence of the Stepford mindset which initially creeped me into hiding, and by the continuing demonstration of total refusal to listen to anyone else slightly closer to the situation. I am immensely creeped out by anyone who starts behaving over a dude the way I did over Tyler for pretty simple reasons: it is almost never a sane and healthy relationship and it almost invariably ends in disaster and while it is taking place it is pretty gross to listen to. Finding out incrementally about just how often I've been lied to by omission doesn't exactly strengthen a desired to stick around, and to be honest it's really only a credit to the degree of friendship there was that I've tried to allow myself a cooling-off period rather than hurling the baby out with the bathwater immediately; however the longer limbo continues the less chance there is of recovery.
I'm being advised by a lot of people to "not quit entirely, she's going to need you when this goes to shit" (there's not really been a lot of dissent on the front regarding it going to shit) and as I am very fond of the person she WAS, I'm reserving that as an option still: when the shit hits the fan I will sigh and help clean the turds off the walls. But part of me is pretty fucking unimpressed that this is what I ought to be, someone who is needed but not wanted.
Now, I know there is absolutely no point in attempting to talk this out with her, and as there is some flagrant bullshit being thrown up in public I've taken the step of just not looking at what she has to say in public any more. I have a lot of other words, but they're a great deal harsher and don't have much to add to this. Basically: the sooner you are done with this bullshit the more chance we stand of a return to previous intimacy. If you are uninterested in that, this is fine, and the groundwork has been laid to separate us cleanly; if you feel that I am judging this unfairly... tough shit. I am not standing around to watch you damage yourself and offer lies and denial to anyone who tries to help.
I'm being advised by a lot of people to "not quit entirely, she's going to need you when this goes to shit" (there's not really been a lot of dissent on the front regarding it going to shit) and as I am very fond of the person she WAS, I'm reserving that as an option still: when the shit hits the fan I will sigh and help clean the turds off the walls. But part of me is pretty fucking unimpressed that this is what I ought to be, someone who is needed but not wanted.
Now, I know there is absolutely no point in attempting to talk this out with her, and as there is some flagrant bullshit being thrown up in public I've taken the step of just not looking at what she has to say in public any more. I have a lot of other words, but they're a great deal harsher and don't have much to add to this. Basically: the sooner you are done with this bullshit the more chance we stand of a return to previous intimacy. If you are uninterested in that, this is fine, and the groundwork has been laid to separate us cleanly; if you feel that I am judging this unfairly... tough shit. I am not standing around to watch you damage yourself and offer lies and denial to anyone who tries to help.