A somewhat two-tone post
Still ploughing on through The Life to Come and Other Stories and have just read What Does It Matter: A Morality, which Oliver Tallybrass (who wrote the introduction to the collection) seems to have a low opinion of; I actually found it infinitely charming and - as far as Forster stories where his wish-fulfillment got all up in the narrative and shit go - far more enjoyable than The Life To Come, which T. E. was right to laugh at. Silly bit of melodrama, whereas What Does It Matter: A Morality is a charming bit of farce in which everyone behaves admirably by simply refusing to give any fucks. It’s like the predecessor to Ain’t Give No Fucks: The Philosophy that occasionally sprouts online, and in an odd sort of way reminds me of Orwell’s writing without the doom or the society of Brave New World without the sense of facile futility.
tl;dr Tallybrass was wrong, that was one of his better ones (in much the same vein I quite enjoyed The Obelisk and Arthur Snatchfold for their surprisingly happy and easy-going nature and yes, probably T. E. did like Dr Woolacott best because he was a morbid death-wish-bearing bastard*).
* Literal bastard, his parents weren’t married.
A - Who would you really like to slap right now?
Whoever it was who decided that the working day should start in the morning. I AM TIRED YO.
B - Did you really want to speak to the last person who called you?
That would be swear_jar so the answer is very much yes.
C - When was the last time you had GOOD sex?
Quite some time ago.
D - Are you about that pussy or dick?
... I am ... what. No. I refuse to answer this because you've worded it like a prize penis.
E - Ever stab, slash, shoot or beat some with something?
Uh, I stabbed someone with a pencil a couple of times and I've beaten people with a) a bottle [classy], b) a piece of aerobics equipment, and c) a shoe.
F - The most fuck up insane thought you had.
Oh this is childish. Probably one of the occasions I managed to convince myself that I didn't exist.
G - Who was the last person you said I love you to? Did you mean it?
Glurghle probably Linds, so yes.
H - Who was the last person you fucked?
Someone I didn't entirely want to fuck but oh well.
I - The last time you felt jealous, and why.
"Jealous" would mean "possessive", so I imagine the last time my friends made plans with someone who wasn't me and I happened to be privy to it.
J - The biggest age gap between and the person you fucked
Eiiiight years? Six years? Not huge.
K- Do you think I have an ugly name?
I have no idea what your name is, meme-hedgehog, but as we have established that you live in a Soviet Gulag and your life is a tragedy I will not insult your name as well.
L - Something you really hate about me?
Sometimes, Soviet Gulag Meme Hedgehog, your grammar is atrocious and your questions are invasive and childish.
M - Something you really like about me?
You're very cute and you work so hard rolling around in the hat of inane questions and sticking them to your spines!
N - How do you feel about your friends?
Friendly, generally, or they wouldn't be my friends.
O - How do you feel about the main person in your life?
Exasperated a lot of the time but generally positive.
P - Name a song people wouldn't expect you to like
Dragostea din tei by O-Zone which is A QUALITY CHOON.
Q - What was the most messed up thing you've done at a party?
Attempted suicide?
R - Tell me 10 of my curiosities.
SOVIET GULAG MEME HEDGEHOG, HOW IN THE HELL WOULD I KNOW THAT?
S - 2 bad habits.
Genocide and rape are really bad habits, don't do them.
T- 5 things you love unconditionally.
Steak, awesome books, sleeping, orgasms, your mum.
U - Who would you like to kill right now?
I am free of homicidal impulses today! Although I can't say I'm exactly praying for Robert Mugabe's survival right now.
V - 3 Things you hate about your best friend
1. She's miles away
2. Totally in another time zone
3. Not ONCE has she successfully completed a drawing of a dude being buttfucked by the horn of a unicorn. I am REALLY disappointed.
W - The most fucked up thing you've done for sex?
Uh, normally I do sex for other things. The most "fucked up" thing I've done for sex really is to travel obscenely large distances.
X - Tell me the most regretful thing you've done in life
Ah, Soviet Gulag Meme Hedgehog, you are drunk and melancholy I see. It is okay, that's what happens when every meal is vodka.
Y - Name a place you hate and why
I HATE YOUR TERRIBLE PRISON, SOVIET GULAG MEME HEDGEHOG, AND I WOULD SEE YOU FREE OF IT but you have become institutionalised. :(
Z - Would you fuck me?
No, because you are a hedgehog and that is illegal. Even in prison.
tl;dr Tallybrass was wrong, that was one of his better ones (in much the same vein I quite enjoyed The Obelisk and Arthur Snatchfold for their surprisingly happy and easy-going nature and yes, probably T. E. did like Dr Woolacott best because he was a morbid death-wish-bearing bastard*).
* Literal bastard, his parents weren’t married.
A - Who would you really like to slap right now?
Whoever it was who decided that the working day should start in the morning. I AM TIRED YO.
B - Did you really want to speak to the last person who called you?
That would be swear_jar so the answer is very much yes.
C - When was the last time you had GOOD sex?
Quite some time ago.
D - Are you about that pussy or dick?
... I am ... what. No. I refuse to answer this because you've worded it like a prize penis.
E - Ever stab, slash, shoot or beat some with something?
Uh, I stabbed someone with a pencil a couple of times and I've beaten people with a) a bottle [classy], b) a piece of aerobics equipment, and c) a shoe.
F - The most fuck up insane thought you had.
Oh this is childish. Probably one of the occasions I managed to convince myself that I didn't exist.
G - Who was the last person you said I love you to? Did you mean it?
Glurghle probably Linds, so yes.
H - Who was the last person you fucked?
Someone I didn't entirely want to fuck but oh well.
I - The last time you felt jealous, and why.
"Jealous" would mean "possessive", so I imagine the last time my friends made plans with someone who wasn't me and I happened to be privy to it.
J - The biggest age gap between and the person you fucked
Eiiiight years? Six years? Not huge.
K- Do you think I have an ugly name?
I have no idea what your name is, meme-hedgehog, but as we have established that you live in a Soviet Gulag and your life is a tragedy I will not insult your name as well.
L - Something you really hate about me?
Sometimes, Soviet Gulag Meme Hedgehog, your grammar is atrocious and your questions are invasive and childish.
M - Something you really like about me?
You're very cute and you work so hard rolling around in the hat of inane questions and sticking them to your spines!
N - How do you feel about your friends?
Friendly, generally, or they wouldn't be my friends.
O - How do you feel about the main person in your life?
Exasperated a lot of the time but generally positive.
P - Name a song people wouldn't expect you to like
Dragostea din tei by O-Zone which is A QUALITY CHOON.
Q - What was the most messed up thing you've done at a party?
Attempted suicide?
R - Tell me 10 of my curiosities.
SOVIET GULAG MEME HEDGEHOG, HOW IN THE HELL WOULD I KNOW THAT?
S - 2 bad habits.
Genocide and rape are really bad habits, don't do them.
T- 5 things you love unconditionally.
Steak, awesome books, sleeping, orgasms, your mum.
U - Who would you like to kill right now?
I am free of homicidal impulses today! Although I can't say I'm exactly praying for Robert Mugabe's survival right now.
V - 3 Things you hate about your best friend
1. She's miles away
2. Totally in another time zone
3. Not ONCE has she successfully completed a drawing of a dude being buttfucked by the horn of a unicorn. I am REALLY disappointed.
W - The most fucked up thing you've done for sex?
Uh, normally I do sex for other things. The most "fucked up" thing I've done for sex really is to travel obscenely large distances.
X - Tell me the most regretful thing you've done in life
Ah, Soviet Gulag Meme Hedgehog, you are drunk and melancholy I see. It is okay, that's what happens when every meal is vodka.
Y - Name a place you hate and why
I HATE YOUR TERRIBLE PRISON, SOVIET GULAG MEME HEDGEHOG, AND I WOULD SEE YOU FREE OF IT but you have become institutionalised. :(
Z - Would you fuck me?
No, because you are a hedgehog and that is illegal. Even in prison.