(no subject)
Some things.
1. Lots of talk elsewhere about the Harry Potter Generation, which I am not part of. Since the first book came out in mid-97, when I was 14 going on 15, I was pretty much guaranteed to be uninterested even if I had heard about it, which I didn't, on account of being locked up in school miles from any form of press on the subject with a selection of people who were not exactly readers. So I just went on reading epic fantasy and bollockloads of terrible formulaic teen detectives books; my English teacher in about 2000 tried to interest me in Harry Potter, but at the time I was into vampires & death, so that didn't really work out. It was university that eventually suckered me in and I never really managed to get absorbed in it. I think because I was too late?
Anyway, I've never really had that communal feel with anything. It's never "my generation who", it's always "me" and then "all those other people". My childhood books were Roald Dahl, but no one else in my school particularly cared one way or the other and when I had my big Animals of Farthing Wood thing everyone else thought I was a bit sad.
(this has been the case through almost every stage, actually, pre-internet: total isolation from the outside world, no one nearby is remotely interested in the same things. "interest" and "friendship" were therefore quite separate. It's good for you, gets you used to tolerating other people's eccentricities)
2. possibly in relation, people's PRIDE posts in the sense of I AM X AND I AM PROUD OF WHAT I AM COMMUNITY COMMUNITY COMMUNITY CULTURE CULTURE have a weird effect; because I don't feel a sense of "us against the world" because, uh, well ... everyone is a backstabbing bastard regardless of whether we like the same genitals or have the same skin colour ... I feel a bit "huh why would you", then remember previous explanations/arguments put forward (it's just YOU who feels like this, NORMAL PEOPLE like to feel a part of something, it's YOUR FAULT [I appreciated that, btw, it's good to know that even the people closest to you hate you], you think you're better than everyone else) and just end up feeling isolated and shitty again; what I mean is that indirectly and through no fault of their own anyone doing a big I AM X AND I AM PROUD OF X AND I FEEL GOOD TO BE PART OF X COMMUNITY ends with me feeling like I have no one and am too weird to be allowed anyone. GOOD TIMES.
3. my plans for today are "fill out character sheets" which is hard because I keep trying to defend everything to imaginary people who are never going to read this, and "watch the Wire" which I haven't got around to yet because terrible things are happening in my arse. TMI? I dunno. Mostly it's just my skin demonstrating how thin it is, and bleeding every time AIR touches me. :(
1. Lots of talk elsewhere about the Harry Potter Generation, which I am not part of. Since the first book came out in mid-97, when I was 14 going on 15, I was pretty much guaranteed to be uninterested even if I had heard about it, which I didn't, on account of being locked up in school miles from any form of press on the subject with a selection of people who were not exactly readers. So I just went on reading epic fantasy and bollockloads of terrible formulaic teen detectives books; my English teacher in about 2000 tried to interest me in Harry Potter, but at the time I was into vampires & death, so that didn't really work out. It was university that eventually suckered me in and I never really managed to get absorbed in it. I think because I was too late?
Anyway, I've never really had that communal feel with anything. It's never "my generation who", it's always "me" and then "all those other people". My childhood books were Roald Dahl, but no one else in my school particularly cared one way or the other and when I had my big Animals of Farthing Wood thing everyone else thought I was a bit sad.
(this has been the case through almost every stage, actually, pre-internet: total isolation from the outside world, no one nearby is remotely interested in the same things. "interest" and "friendship" were therefore quite separate. It's good for you, gets you used to tolerating other people's eccentricities)
2. possibly in relation, people's PRIDE posts in the sense of I AM X AND I AM PROUD OF WHAT I AM COMMUNITY COMMUNITY COMMUNITY CULTURE CULTURE have a weird effect; because I don't feel a sense of "us against the world" because, uh, well ... everyone is a backstabbing bastard regardless of whether we like the same genitals or have the same skin colour ... I feel a bit "huh why would you", then remember previous explanations/arguments put forward (it's just YOU who feels like this, NORMAL PEOPLE like to feel a part of something, it's YOUR FAULT [I appreciated that, btw, it's good to know that even the people closest to you hate you], you think you're better than everyone else) and just end up feeling isolated and shitty again; what I mean is that indirectly and through no fault of their own anyone doing a big I AM X AND I AM PROUD OF X AND I FEEL GOOD TO BE PART OF X COMMUNITY ends with me feeling like I have no one and am too weird to be allowed anyone. GOOD TIMES.
3. my plans for today are "fill out character sheets" which is hard because I keep trying to defend everything to imaginary people who are never going to read this, and "watch the Wire" which I haven't got around to yet because terrible things are happening in my arse. TMI? I dunno. Mostly it's just my skin demonstrating how thin it is, and bleeding every time AIR touches me. :(