Pray that it doesn't come easily
National Poetry Month for MSF. Donations always welcomme.
Day twenty
[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30]
Suspects
His whole world has shrunk to the places
where her body touches his. Her fingers at
his aching throat as their sweat traces
patterns on the skin they're dressed in; that
is how the story ends. It begins in emnity,
roiling with subtext and subterfuge, a war -
and ends, as these things do, in no subtlety,
loud noises in the night, and several encores.
Her world is stretched to accommodate new
concepts when his mind breaks into shreds
and all the world's tainted by the hue
of what they keep separate in their heads.
His body is a world delineated by touch,
Her mind is a chasm of wanting too much.
Creature Fics: I am down with this only if it means that one or both of the main characters is a tentacle monster or something. Also I wrote that one story where Jepha Howard was secretly an octopus and Dan Whitesides ate him and then had sex with him while Jephapus was hanging out of his ass after hiding in his appendix. Good times! I need to get back to writing that kind of stuff.
Animagus: I find the animagus thing a bit twee and wishfulfillmenty. Also I don't write in Harry Potter fandom any more and crossovers from it really are The Twee, so it's unlikely.
MPreg: I've written some MPreg, but generally I only enjoy MPreg as a kind of form of character torture device, and one which ends in life-saving abortion rather than ridiculous magical beloved assbaby. So far I've written Man Pregnant Because He Took Too Many Alien Supplements Before Having Sex, and Man Pregnant With A Baby Car because amy_wolf didn't think I could.
Slave: Only if it works with the original fic canon. For example, slavfic in Inception would be retarded, in Narnia would make a sort of sense (although would run into all kinds of amazing icky Orientalism issues there considering the weirdo anti-Arabic attitudes that were rife throughout those books), since slavery/slave markets (and indeed the sale of some of the characters as slaves in Voyage of the Dawn Treader) is canonical there. Like most things, it has to make sense and be in character. ROME! Rome is clearly the perfect fandom for this.
BDSM, S&M: Like Scottworth said, I'm not into the community side of things much. I think I ended upwriting one fic which was pretty much "and now I will make fun of Torture Garden", and for the most part I prefer ... accidental or improvised BDSM, or people who just incorporate violence into their sex without drawing up lengthy contracts or having Collaring Parties or all the other stupid twee crap the BDSM community does as part of its public-spirited attempts to ensure that I never get involved.
Age difference: Generally speaking I'm only into this in fiction as a facet of um filial incest, because I never claimed to be a nice person - I'm also swayed by the power struggle aspect of it, and my favourite incarnation is the one where the older party is being manipulated by or at least is part of an attempt to manipulate by the younger party, as some sort of Burgeoning Sexuality thing or a learnt response from someone who has grown up Pretty.
Blood-Play: No. No one ever gets this right, including me. I think it's too contrived most of the time, and unless it's part of an actual torture scene or as a by-product of something else, some other violence, it comes across as awful. Witness Happiness Is Just A Gash Away, which was uniquely terrible and a severe disappointment to me. It's a shame, because blood is pretty much my A-plus go-to all decisions will now be undertaken by my libido element.
Under-age (chan): I'm cool with this. As long as there's agency on their part and they're pubescent. Although there is also a fairly twisted part of me that approves of child abuse as a character-defining scene in a fic, and I do wonder if you'd ever been able to redeem a kiddy-fiddler in the eyes of an audience.
Cross-dressing/Gender bender: Yeah, this is pretty cool, providing there's an actual reason for it (like "it turns me on", not "I am undertaking undercover work which could just as easily have been done by a female-identified character"). It's kind of fun to do it with big, macho blokes and not have them be any less macho or blokey about it. "This is fucking La Pearla lingerie. It cost five hundred quid just for the knickers, and you can stand there and stare like a twat all you want, but don't try implying that I don't look fucking sexy like this, alright?"
Dubious-consent: Yup. Coerced-consent, bargaining, yup, yup, drunk-sex, dubious consent is all over the BPV fics and a number of others. I'm a fan of writing out the differences in consensual and non-consensual activity and where there can sometimes be overlap in the heads of one set of characters but not another, and how norms are different for each person. I know I should be prancing around going "PHWOAR" or something, and believe me stuff like Chaise does register as hot in a rather twisted way, but I find the insides of people's heads more interesting.
Non-con: Yes, providing it's shown as being pretty horrible on some level for the person who isn't consenting to it, whether it's evident through the eyes of the attacker even though they don't phrase it that way (please see Lolita) or whether it's from the PoV of the victim. This is another thing I'm interested in writing in parallel to consensual sex which shares elements with the non-con, kind of as a compare and contrast for people.
Incest: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? HELL YES. Although I have a kind of hypocritical blind spot where I'm cool with filial incest if it's father/son but not any other combination, but fine with fraternal incest whether it's brother/brother, sister/sister, or brother/sister.
Threesome/more-some/gang-bang: Why do you think I kept writing Used fic for so long! It's hard to find a group where the gang-bang dynamic's going to feel comfortable and not excruciatingly awkward or desperately contrived, and while I've played with the Awkward before (Modern Alchemy, Mean Deviation) I do kind of like it where there's that close dynamic too. HOWEVER, I don't really believe in that group dynamic any more, so I can't write it now. LONG-WINDED EXPLANATION IS LONG-WINDED, BASICALLY BLAME THE DESTRUCTION OF SEVERAL FRIENDSHIPS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS.
Death: Will write but generally not read.
Water-sports/scat: This needs to be broken down into two parts. 1. Watersports. Yes, would read if done well, have written a superepic fucking SERIES where this featured as a kink, much to the horror of all, played both for laughs and for hotness and so on. 2. Scat: not on your fucking nelly, have you not heard of e. coli?
Crossovers: I'm down with these. Generally only when played for crack, although that said when the canon itself is already cracky you do best by acting as if it's all perfectly normal. Examples: Torchwood/Withnail, Torchwood/Young Ones, Torchwood/Blackadder, Torchwood Black Books, Torchwood/Muppets (basically if Torchwood is involved you can make it plausible, because in the Whoniverse there is supercontinuity pretty much canonically), Withnail/Hitch-Hiker's Guide ... I don't really like crossovers played straight. Also worth pointing out that anything combining different Ritchieverse or Tarantino films is not a crossover because they have supercontinuity.
Unhappy/wide open endings: I love open endings. I love reading them and I love writing them. All endings are unhappy if you go on long enough, and I believe it was Neil Gaiman who said that the key to writing a happy ending was knowing where to stop [Actually, I don't believe that, I know that - it's from the first Sandman trade and it was an opinion held by a waitress in a diner who also wrote short stories]. I don't know that I like unhappy endings, but I do think what's happy for one person might be unhappy for another - sometimes characters need to break up and gain their freedom, or lose something other people value in order to be happy.
Infidelity: Depends on the characters. I'm down with having hideous, painful cheatfests which lead to later happiness when one character realises they're dating a douchebag or that the relationship they're in is sour, but it's hard to pull off and in a group dynamic where two people are lying to all the others, or one is lying to the person they're cheating with a la Sure I'll Leave Him For You and they're meant to be sympathetic ... I just get annoyed. POLY WILL SOLVE IT ALL.
Self-harming/Attempted suicide: I'd be really interested to see this done well. Both of these things being really close to the bone for me, I'm leery of trying to do it myself, and not sure if I have any fandoms where it would really be appropriate. I have written where suicide attempts featured in the past of particular characters (Thursdayverse), but never I think written ABOUT one. Original fiction is a different matter.
Rimming: HELL. YES.
Felching: Never written it, don't think I've read it. Maybe I should give it a try.
Fisting: In moderation. I like it in fic, but you'd be surprised what does and doesn't work with individual characters. Prefer fingering.
Addictions/Disorders: Yup. I prefer them to be background to the main story (cf. Ianto and his painkillers in Red Thread) rather than a big After School Special kind of thing, but I think it's an odd world if at least one of the characters I'm writing about isn't addicted to something or completely wanked up in the head. I don't believe in sane people!
Torture/Violence: ALL THE HEARTS AND ALL THE LOVE. TORTUREPORN FTW. SHUT UP, FEMINISM, I'M NOT COMING WITH YOU ON THIS ONE. I'M GOING TO SIT IN THE CORNER AND FAP OVER DUDES WITH BROKEN RIBS HANDCUFFED TO RADIATORS, OKAY? PAIN AND VIOLENCE AND SUFFERIIIIIIIIIING. *FAP* I mean, you know. It's okay. :)
Toys: I tcan think of only one character I've ever written as being into toys, and pretty much everyone good-naturedly made fun of him for his terrifying collection of vibrating things.
Uniforms (school girl, nurse, military uniforms etc. ): Now. I have never written a character with a military fetish, but I have written a lot of characers in military uniform because I damn well have that.
Double penetration: Ew no.
Anal (het, gay and/or lesbian): Gay yes, het and lesbian no. I'm just not a big fan of assholes.
Deep-throating: Eh, I actually prefer seeing people doing the opposite of this. There's something more interesting about shallow blowjobs and licking than there is about deep-throating.
Boot worship, foot fetish: Anything with the word "worship" in it bothers and annoys me.
Chains, shackles, collars, handcuffs, and other means to restrain a character: Yes, the more impromptu and unplanned the better (or situation-appropriate - if you're on a Napoleonic war ship shackles and chains make sense, if you have police-related characters then handcuffs make sense, if you're in a theatre then cable ties make sense, if you're in an office ... etc). All restraint that's either hasty or begins as non-sexual is awesome to me. Collars I'm afraid just bypass the "this should make sense" side of my brain and go straight to "HOT, WRITE MORE OF THIS" and I will unabashedly collar any vaguely sub character in any fic in any fandom because I AM A DICKFACE.
Blindfolds: Have written accidental blindfold fic (As in the blindfolding was accidental, not as in I didn't intend to write blindfold fic) with a stupid pretentious title, and one sensory-deprivation one which was just part of the bucket of "kinks I don't normally write" for that fic, but I'm pretty ambivalent about the subgenre/kink. It's okay. I wouldn't necessarily write it again but I've no problem with it providing it doesn't lead to ice-cubes, feathers, and all that Ann Summers bullshit.
Certain places such as dungeons, prison cells, interrogation room, offices (add your own if you have one I didn't mention): Oh yeah, I have my own list of "specific locations". Prison showers, public bathrooms, club toilets ... bathrooms, basically. Other than that I think "outside". Stuff like prison cells and interrogation rooms just strike me as very impractical (yes, I have used the cells in the Torchwood Hub this way, who hasn't?) and offices make me want to throw up from boredom. A recent potent addition to the list was the humble "store dressing room". :D But that was mostly for the circumstances and the pairing-hot.
Mind games/mind fuck (you know, that nice psychological approach to bend a character to one's will and/or break them): I would be hugely into this if I was smart enough to write it, but I'm not. I think that this interpretation can certainly be read into a lot of things, and Stockholm Syndrome comes up quite a lot. I'm just not sure how to make it obvious to the reader that the PoV character is being fucked with without spelling it out or switching PoV.
Food play/sploshing: GROSS, HARD LIMIT, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Gore/guro: I could go for this. I don't know how I'd make it plausible necessarily, but I could go for this and I think Jess and I wrote "fuck him to death" fic once? Freakdangle? Master/Jack Harkness. It was um. It was the first thing we wrote together! It was SLIGHTLY SICK. I quite enjoyed it. It probably says something about me that every time I find an immortal character I write "dying" as a kink.
Fight for dominance: GOD YES. Although it usually tends to be a fight on the psychological level. If I was writing GK fic there would be scuffles, but then you have the military structure to contend with - everyone kind of has a pre-assigned dominance level, even if most people don't want to adhere to your authority when your decision-making is fucking WRONG.
Breath play/asphyxiation: After discovering via Used fic that this is one of the hottest things in Christendom I have to ration how often I can use it with characters before people start shouting "DEREK I CAN SEE YOUR ID". But it is rather magical, in terms of overarching control - taking away the air someone breathes and giving it back to them.
Hair-pulling/biting/scratching/bruising: Yes. Do we need to go into this? Yes, basically, yes. I know there are parties who are "sick of fandom acting like everyone is into BDSM", but unfortunately I am, so I kind of want to write/read people who are.
Gun play/knife play/wand play (knife play does not have to include cutting someone, and you can add some other inanimate object to the list, if you have one!): Yes and no. Yes, threatening people with weapons and/or threatening/hitting them with said weapons while fucking them. No to using weapons as sex toys. And it should really make sense. I mean, a character who is big into guns, definitely gun play. A character who is big into knives (Soap, step forward), definitely knife play. But no pulling it straight out of a hat.
Drugs or intoxication: Absolutely yes, preferrably without a big preachy lecture involved. When I was writing bandom stuff it was pretty much unavoidable, and it's an area in which I have a decent amount of RL experience to draw on, unlike, say, Working In A Proper Job. However seeing people fuck it up or give giant moralising lectures about it through the mouthpiece of a character makes me enormously stabby. There's a reason I don't read YA books!
Language kink (accents etc.): Uh. No. Sounds pretty impolite, actually. It was kind of pathetic when A Fish Called Wanda did it. If a character reacts to "say something in [your first language]" and a swoon with anything other than disgust I kind of lose interest in/respect for them.
Squick fics (aka fics that are meant to squick the hell out of you): Can't be arsed reading them, might write one to be a trollface.
Have to get married!: 1. Fucking retarded, 2. sort of insulting to people who do actually have to get married against their will.
Soul- (life-, heart-, force-, marriage-, wizard-, etc.) bonds: I know I wrote this for the Hamiltwins but since then I have revised my position on that kind of deal and ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT NO UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES NO.
Hurt/comfort: My first fic kink, since I think it's come with me from childhood; as it's usually done enormously lamely, with too much/the wrong kind of comfort, and too little/the wrong kind of hurt, I'm not greatly into other people's and also I kind of prefer it to be a slightly abusive thing - you know, "I hurt you because I love you and then I make it all better because I love you" CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL.
Kid!fic: Have written it before, may write it again, although probably not in the current fandom. My main provisos for this are: the characters the story is about aren't the main care-givers for the child; they are fucking terrible at child-rearing; they are extremely grateful to hand the kid back. Oh and also, the child needs to be fucking realistic, as opposed to cute and lovely and precocious and written by someone who has never had a conversation with a five-year-old.
Time travel: Well I used to be in Dr Who/Torchwood fandom. So I've written a fair amount of this, and I'm especially interested in looping patches/paradoxes, kind of the sort that Moffat has written a few times. These come up in Red Thread and Where The Wild Things Are, and the effects of time dilation on speed and vice-versa is interesting. I think I'm interested in time in its own right, rather than "Lol we went back and met Hitler", especially if LWWBAMH occurs in a fandom where time travel isn't established as a possibility.
AUs: I default to Mafia AU, it's quite appalling. Consequently I don't want to read anyone else's mafia/hitmen AUs unless swear_jar wrote them. AUs ... depend on the type of AU. I am all about the organised crime, cops-and-robbers, hitmen kind of AUs; noir/pulp AUs, I quite like military AUs - basically, if it's a genre I quite liked already I might well welcome an AU in it. Politics AU! People don't do that much. But dear GOD if you come near me with a highschool AU, a Mundane Life AU, or a band AU, I will cut you until your own mother wouldn't recognise you. And I'm not especially fond of hooker AUs either.
Amnesia: As presented by soap operas around the world, no. As medically described, I would be really interested to see this done. I know the_funmonkey had plans for writing an original fic regarding an old spy who sustained neurological damage, and I want to read that SO BADLY; I think in Inception fandom there is definitely an argument for amnesia from sustained Somanacin abuse, or other neurological disorders, and I would kill to see that represented well. Might even write it myself.
Undercover!gay/Have to pretend to be a couple: I would rather choke on my own vomit. Stupid and demeaning.
Redeemed!evil character: Only if they're faking it. Also, "good" and "evil" characters bore me.
Day twenty
[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30]
Suspects
His whole world has shrunk to the places
where her body touches his. Her fingers at
his aching throat as their sweat traces
patterns on the skin they're dressed in; that
is how the story ends. It begins in emnity,
roiling with subtext and subterfuge, a war -
and ends, as these things do, in no subtlety,
loud noises in the night, and several encores.
Her world is stretched to accommodate new
concepts when his mind breaks into shreds
and all the world's tainted by the hue
of what they keep separate in their heads.
His body is a world delineated by touch,
Her mind is a chasm of wanting too much.
Creature Fics: I am down with this only if it means that one or both of the main characters is a tentacle monster or something. Also I wrote that one story where Jepha Howard was secretly an octopus and Dan Whitesides ate him and then had sex with him while Jephapus was hanging out of his ass after hiding in his appendix. Good times! I need to get back to writing that kind of stuff.
Animagus: I find the animagus thing a bit twee and wishfulfillmenty. Also I don't write in Harry Potter fandom any more and crossovers from it really are The Twee, so it's unlikely.
MPreg: I've written some MPreg, but generally I only enjoy MPreg as a kind of form of character torture device, and one which ends in life-saving abortion rather than ridiculous magical beloved assbaby. So far I've written Man Pregnant Because He Took Too Many Alien Supplements Before Having Sex, and Man Pregnant With A Baby Car because amy_wolf didn't think I could.
Slave: Only if it works with the original fic canon. For example, slavfic in Inception would be retarded, in Narnia would make a sort of sense (although would run into all kinds of amazing icky Orientalism issues there considering the weirdo anti-Arabic attitudes that were rife throughout those books), since slavery/slave markets (and indeed the sale of some of the characters as slaves in Voyage of the Dawn Treader) is canonical there. Like most things, it has to make sense and be in character. ROME! Rome is clearly the perfect fandom for this.
BDSM, S&M: Like Scottworth said, I'm not into the community side of things much. I think I ended upwriting one fic which was pretty much "and now I will make fun of Torture Garden", and for the most part I prefer ... accidental or improvised BDSM, or people who just incorporate violence into their sex without drawing up lengthy contracts or having Collaring Parties or all the other stupid twee crap the BDSM community does as part of its public-spirited attempts to ensure that I never get involved.
Age difference: Generally speaking I'm only into this in fiction as a facet of um filial incest, because I never claimed to be a nice person - I'm also swayed by the power struggle aspect of it, and my favourite incarnation is the one where the older party is being manipulated by or at least is part of an attempt to manipulate by the younger party, as some sort of Burgeoning Sexuality thing or a learnt response from someone who has grown up Pretty.
Blood-Play: No. No one ever gets this right, including me. I think it's too contrived most of the time, and unless it's part of an actual torture scene or as a by-product of something else, some other violence, it comes across as awful. Witness Happiness Is Just A Gash Away, which was uniquely terrible and a severe disappointment to me. It's a shame, because blood is pretty much my A-plus go-to all decisions will now be undertaken by my libido element.
Under-age (chan): I'm cool with this. As long as there's agency on their part and they're pubescent. Although there is also a fairly twisted part of me that approves of child abuse as a character-defining scene in a fic, and I do wonder if you'd ever been able to redeem a kiddy-fiddler in the eyes of an audience.
Cross-dressing/Gender bender: Yeah, this is pretty cool, providing there's an actual reason for it (like "it turns me on", not "I am undertaking undercover work which could just as easily have been done by a female-identified character"). It's kind of fun to do it with big, macho blokes and not have them be any less macho or blokey about it. "This is fucking La Pearla lingerie. It cost five hundred quid just for the knickers, and you can stand there and stare like a twat all you want, but don't try implying that I don't look fucking sexy like this, alright?"
Dubious-consent: Yup. Coerced-consent, bargaining, yup, yup, drunk-sex, dubious consent is all over the BPV fics and a number of others. I'm a fan of writing out the differences in consensual and non-consensual activity and where there can sometimes be overlap in the heads of one set of characters but not another, and how norms are different for each person. I know I should be prancing around going "PHWOAR" or something, and believe me stuff like Chaise does register as hot in a rather twisted way, but I find the insides of people's heads more interesting.
Non-con: Yes, providing it's shown as being pretty horrible on some level for the person who isn't consenting to it, whether it's evident through the eyes of the attacker even though they don't phrase it that way (please see Lolita) or whether it's from the PoV of the victim. This is another thing I'm interested in writing in parallel to consensual sex which shares elements with the non-con, kind of as a compare and contrast for people.
Incest: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? HELL YES. Although I have a kind of hypocritical blind spot where I'm cool with filial incest if it's father/son but not any other combination, but fine with fraternal incest whether it's brother/brother, sister/sister, or brother/sister.
Threesome/more-some/gang-bang: Why do you think I kept writing Used fic for so long! It's hard to find a group where the gang-bang dynamic's going to feel comfortable and not excruciatingly awkward or desperately contrived, and while I've played with the Awkward before (Modern Alchemy, Mean Deviation) I do kind of like it where there's that close dynamic too. HOWEVER, I don't really believe in that group dynamic any more, so I can't write it now. LONG-WINDED EXPLANATION IS LONG-WINDED, BASICALLY BLAME THE DESTRUCTION OF SEVERAL FRIENDSHIPS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS.
Death: Will write but generally not read.
Water-sports/scat: This needs to be broken down into two parts. 1. Watersports. Yes, would read if done well, have written a superepic fucking SERIES where this featured as a kink, much to the horror of all, played both for laughs and for hotness and so on. 2. Scat: not on your fucking nelly, have you not heard of e. coli?
Crossovers: I'm down with these. Generally only when played for crack, although that said when the canon itself is already cracky you do best by acting as if it's all perfectly normal. Examples: Torchwood/Withnail, Torchwood/Young Ones, Torchwood/Blackadder, Torchwood Black Books, Torchwood/Muppets (basically if Torchwood is involved you can make it plausible, because in the Whoniverse there is supercontinuity pretty much canonically), Withnail/Hitch-Hiker's Guide ... I don't really like crossovers played straight. Also worth pointing out that anything combining different Ritchieverse or Tarantino films is not a crossover because they have supercontinuity.
Unhappy/wide open endings: I love open endings. I love reading them and I love writing them. All endings are unhappy if you go on long enough, and I believe it was Neil Gaiman who said that the key to writing a happy ending was knowing where to stop [Actually, I don't believe that, I know that - it's from the first Sandman trade and it was an opinion held by a waitress in a diner who also wrote short stories]. I don't know that I like unhappy endings, but I do think what's happy for one person might be unhappy for another - sometimes characters need to break up and gain their freedom, or lose something other people value in order to be happy.
Infidelity: Depends on the characters. I'm down with having hideous, painful cheatfests which lead to later happiness when one character realises they're dating a douchebag or that the relationship they're in is sour, but it's hard to pull off and in a group dynamic where two people are lying to all the others, or one is lying to the person they're cheating with a la Sure I'll Leave Him For You and they're meant to be sympathetic ... I just get annoyed. POLY WILL SOLVE IT ALL.
Self-harming/Attempted suicide: I'd be really interested to see this done well. Both of these things being really close to the bone for me, I'm leery of trying to do it myself, and not sure if I have any fandoms where it would really be appropriate. I have written where suicide attempts featured in the past of particular characters (Thursdayverse), but never I think written ABOUT one. Original fiction is a different matter.
Rimming: HELL. YES.
Felching: Never written it, don't think I've read it. Maybe I should give it a try.
Fisting: In moderation. I like it in fic, but you'd be surprised what does and doesn't work with individual characters. Prefer fingering.
Addictions/Disorders: Yup. I prefer them to be background to the main story (cf. Ianto and his painkillers in Red Thread) rather than a big After School Special kind of thing, but I think it's an odd world if at least one of the characters I'm writing about isn't addicted to something or completely wanked up in the head. I don't believe in sane people!
Torture/Violence: ALL THE HEARTS AND ALL THE LOVE. TORTUREPORN FTW. SHUT UP, FEMINISM, I'M NOT COMING WITH YOU ON THIS ONE. I'M GOING TO SIT IN THE CORNER AND FAP OVER DUDES WITH BROKEN RIBS HANDCUFFED TO RADIATORS, OKAY? PAIN AND VIOLENCE AND SUFFERIIIIIIIIIING. *FAP* I mean, you know. It's okay. :)
Toys: I tcan think of only one character I've ever written as being into toys, and pretty much everyone good-naturedly made fun of him for his terrifying collection of vibrating things.
Uniforms (school girl, nurse, military uniforms etc. ): Now. I have never written a character with a military fetish, but I have written a lot of characers in military uniform because I damn well have that.
Double penetration: Ew no.
Anal (het, gay and/or lesbian): Gay yes, het and lesbian no. I'm just not a big fan of assholes.
Deep-throating: Eh, I actually prefer seeing people doing the opposite of this. There's something more interesting about shallow blowjobs and licking than there is about deep-throating.
Boot worship, foot fetish: Anything with the word "worship" in it bothers and annoys me.
Chains, shackles, collars, handcuffs, and other means to restrain a character: Yes, the more impromptu and unplanned the better (or situation-appropriate - if you're on a Napoleonic war ship shackles and chains make sense, if you have police-related characters then handcuffs make sense, if you're in a theatre then cable ties make sense, if you're in an office ... etc). All restraint that's either hasty or begins as non-sexual is awesome to me. Collars I'm afraid just bypass the "this should make sense" side of my brain and go straight to "HOT, WRITE MORE OF THIS" and I will unabashedly collar any vaguely sub character in any fic in any fandom because I AM A DICKFACE.
Blindfolds: Have written accidental blindfold fic (As in the blindfolding was accidental, not as in I didn't intend to write blindfold fic) with a stupid pretentious title, and one sensory-deprivation one which was just part of the bucket of "kinks I don't normally write" for that fic, but I'm pretty ambivalent about the subgenre/kink. It's okay. I wouldn't necessarily write it again but I've no problem with it providing it doesn't lead to ice-cubes, feathers, and all that Ann Summers bullshit.
Certain places such as dungeons, prison cells, interrogation room, offices (add your own if you have one I didn't mention): Oh yeah, I have my own list of "specific locations". Prison showers, public bathrooms, club toilets ... bathrooms, basically. Other than that I think "outside". Stuff like prison cells and interrogation rooms just strike me as very impractical (yes, I have used the cells in the Torchwood Hub this way, who hasn't?) and offices make me want to throw up from boredom. A recent potent addition to the list was the humble "store dressing room". :D But that was mostly for the circumstances and the pairing-hot.
Mind games/mind fuck (you know, that nice psychological approach to bend a character to one's will and/or break them): I would be hugely into this if I was smart enough to write it, but I'm not. I think that this interpretation can certainly be read into a lot of things, and Stockholm Syndrome comes up quite a lot. I'm just not sure how to make it obvious to the reader that the PoV character is being fucked with without spelling it out or switching PoV.
Food play/sploshing: GROSS, HARD LIMIT, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Gore/guro: I could go for this. I don't know how I'd make it plausible necessarily, but I could go for this and I think Jess and I wrote "fuck him to death" fic once? Freakdangle? Master/Jack Harkness. It was um. It was the first thing we wrote together! It was SLIGHTLY SICK. I quite enjoyed it. It probably says something about me that every time I find an immortal character I write "dying" as a kink.
Fight for dominance: GOD YES. Although it usually tends to be a fight on the psychological level. If I was writing GK fic there would be scuffles, but then you have the military structure to contend with - everyone kind of has a pre-assigned dominance level, even if most people don't want to adhere to your authority when your decision-making is fucking WRONG.
Breath play/asphyxiation: After discovering via Used fic that this is one of the hottest things in Christendom I have to ration how often I can use it with characters before people start shouting "DEREK I CAN SEE YOUR ID". But it is rather magical, in terms of overarching control - taking away the air someone breathes and giving it back to them.
Hair-pulling/biting/scratching/bruising: Yes. Do we need to go into this? Yes, basically, yes. I know there are parties who are "sick of fandom acting like everyone is into BDSM", but unfortunately I am, so I kind of want to write/read people who are.
Gun play/knife play/wand play (knife play does not have to include cutting someone, and you can add some other inanimate object to the list, if you have one!): Yes and no. Yes, threatening people with weapons and/or threatening/hitting them with said weapons while fucking them. No to using weapons as sex toys. And it should really make sense. I mean, a character who is big into guns, definitely gun play. A character who is big into knives (Soap, step forward), definitely knife play. But no pulling it straight out of a hat.
Drugs or intoxication: Absolutely yes, preferrably without a big preachy lecture involved. When I was writing bandom stuff it was pretty much unavoidable, and it's an area in which I have a decent amount of RL experience to draw on, unlike, say, Working In A Proper Job. However seeing people fuck it up or give giant moralising lectures about it through the mouthpiece of a character makes me enormously stabby. There's a reason I don't read YA books!
Language kink (accents etc.): Uh. No. Sounds pretty impolite, actually. It was kind of pathetic when A Fish Called Wanda did it. If a character reacts to "say something in [your first language]" and a swoon with anything other than disgust I kind of lose interest in/respect for them.
Squick fics (aka fics that are meant to squick the hell out of you): Can't be arsed reading them, might write one to be a trollface.
Have to get married!: 1. Fucking retarded, 2. sort of insulting to people who do actually have to get married against their will.
Soul- (life-, heart-, force-, marriage-, wizard-, etc.) bonds: I know I wrote this for the Hamiltwins but since then I have revised my position on that kind of deal and ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT NO UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES NO.
Hurt/comfort: My first fic kink, since I think it's come with me from childhood; as it's usually done enormously lamely, with too much/the wrong kind of comfort, and too little/the wrong kind of hurt, I'm not greatly into other people's and also I kind of prefer it to be a slightly abusive thing - you know, "I hurt you because I love you and then I make it all better because I love you" CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL.
Kid!fic: Have written it before, may write it again, although probably not in the current fandom. My main provisos for this are: the characters the story is about aren't the main care-givers for the child; they are fucking terrible at child-rearing; they are extremely grateful to hand the kid back. Oh and also, the child needs to be fucking realistic, as opposed to cute and lovely and precocious and written by someone who has never had a conversation with a five-year-old.
Time travel: Well I used to be in Dr Who/Torchwood fandom. So I've written a fair amount of this, and I'm especially interested in looping patches/paradoxes, kind of the sort that Moffat has written a few times. These come up in Red Thread and Where The Wild Things Are, and the effects of time dilation on speed and vice-versa is interesting. I think I'm interested in time in its own right, rather than "Lol we went back and met Hitler", especially if LWWBAMH occurs in a fandom where time travel isn't established as a possibility.
AUs: I default to Mafia AU, it's quite appalling. Consequently I don't want to read anyone else's mafia/hitmen AUs unless swear_jar wrote them. AUs ... depend on the type of AU. I am all about the organised crime, cops-and-robbers, hitmen kind of AUs; noir/pulp AUs, I quite like military AUs - basically, if it's a genre I quite liked already I might well welcome an AU in it. Politics AU! People don't do that much. But dear GOD if you come near me with a highschool AU, a Mundane Life AU, or a band AU, I will cut you until your own mother wouldn't recognise you. And I'm not especially fond of hooker AUs either.
Amnesia: As presented by soap operas around the world, no. As medically described, I would be really interested to see this done. I know the_funmonkey had plans for writing an original fic regarding an old spy who sustained neurological damage, and I want to read that SO BADLY; I think in Inception fandom there is definitely an argument for amnesia from sustained Somanacin abuse, or other neurological disorders, and I would kill to see that represented well. Might even write it myself.
Undercover!gay/Have to pretend to be a couple: I would rather choke on my own vomit. Stupid and demeaning.
Redeemed!evil character: Only if they're faking it. Also, "good" and "evil" characters bore me.