(no subject)
Meme nicked from shoiryu:
Ask me my Top Five Whatevers. Fannish or otherwise. Any top fives. Doesn't matter what, really! And I will answer them all in a new post (or in comments). Possibly with pictures.
A lovely and reassuring post by the great Ursula Vernon
Day 23 - Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Look, I could say something nice like "my friends" or "tea" or "this song" but the only thing that consistently makes me feel LESS BAD is injuring myself, generally in a way that draws blood.
It sounds a very emo thing to say, but it's mostly just because self-harm provides an instant chemical effect whereas the other things are more social or whatever, and ime, my long experience of feeling crappy for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON or for a very good one, instant chemical relief from one's brain going RAWR STOMP SMASH CRAZY CRAZY is most easily obtained by taking a number 10 scalpel blade to your forearm a few times. Or thigh, or stomach. If "face" is the answer the angry-crazy-despair is probably strong enough that nothing else would have helped anyway.
I've been doing variations on the theme all my life, from when I was a tiny wee Derek and used to smash my head into walls because my head was "noisy" (full of static, I suspect, and painful to deal with in a STOP THINKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP THINKING NOW way), to the ritualistic stuff in my late teens which involved painting with blood and using a belt as a tourniquet so that more would come out of the places I was slashing at.
Ask me my Top Five Whatevers. Fannish or otherwise. Any top fives. Doesn't matter what, really! And I will answer them all in a new post (or in comments). Possibly with pictures.
A lovely and reassuring post by the great Ursula Vernon
Day 23 - Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Look, I could say something nice like "my friends" or "tea" or "this song" but the only thing that consistently makes me feel LESS BAD is injuring myself, generally in a way that draws blood.
It sounds a very emo thing to say, but it's mostly just because self-harm provides an instant chemical effect whereas the other things are more social or whatever, and ime, my long experience of feeling crappy for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON or for a very good one, instant chemical relief from one's brain going RAWR STOMP SMASH CRAZY CRAZY is most easily obtained by taking a number 10 scalpel blade to your forearm a few times. Or thigh, or stomach. If "face" is the answer the angry-crazy-despair is probably strong enough that nothing else would have helped anyway.
I've been doing variations on the theme all my life, from when I was a tiny wee Derek and used to smash my head into walls because my head was "noisy" (full of static, I suspect, and painful to deal with in a STOP THINKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP THINKING NOW way), to the ritualistic stuff in my late teens which involved painting with blood and using a belt as a tourniquet so that more would come out of the places I was slashing at.