So much is amazing
alright, here i am again to write some of my many premiscuous thoughts. everything still interests me in the most impressionate ways. i'll start talking about girls. okay, so i partied the other nite w/ my friends and this girl from angleton (katie). i did get drunk which i soon did regret, so i was on my way home and this girl texted me asking me if i liked her. i texted back w/ "u better ask me that when i am sober b/c right now i love everybody". it was a tight spot but she deserved my honesty, so i gave it to her the next day. i feel really bad about it b/c i just wanted to be friends w/ this girl, instead i am now hurting her and noone deserves that even though its not my fault. i just wanted a simple girl friend that i could hang out w/, but these things happen. it really hurts me that i can't hang w/ my best friend tiane, but i can't watch destroy herself w/ bars. its a long story. i also talked to a good friend of mine tonight for two hours, she is so awesome and great but i couldn't date her for complicated reasons. she was great to talk to, i felt bad b/c she was explaining her hitrotiouos childhood and her huge life and i couldn't understand her that well b/c her phone is kind of screwed up. i felt good about it b/c she needed someone to vent to and hear her stories about anything and everything. even though i didn't get to say much, b/c she had so much to say, i felt good to be able to help her out. wow, i am not very articulate when it comes to writing these entries. sometimes i wish that i had someone that i could talk to and explian all of my thoughts and emotions to, but i am scared to let that door open simply b/c i'll end wanting to be w/ that person. right now, i am kind of happy w/ dealing w/ these things all by my self, probably b/c that is how it has always been, but i do wish that i could find that someone who will actually see that i am full of nothing but good intentions. i try my hardest to be a great person and to make the most out of everything. i am very optimistic about everything, and i learn from anything. i see all of these people getting mad or upset or being completely cinnical about anything, and i sit back and wonder why. is it b/c they refuse to look at the big pic, or is it b/c they want to be completely pessimistic about the situation. i can understand people's veiwpoints very easily, but i don't understand why they won't search for the most righteous and smartest solution. i want somebody to realize that i try to be the greatest person that i can be. i am very understanding and i do believe in putting other peoples happiness before my very own. i grew up w/ a father who explodes b/c he wanted to see the worst in every situation and get mad about it. i am kind of thankful for it b/c he taught me to be completely unlike him and look at both sides before coming to a judgement. i know that i am jumping around, but it is simply b/c i have so much inside that it would take a long time for me to actually go into detail and i just try to type what i am thinking at the moment. i love my life, and i have so much fun w/ it everyday, but sometimes it feels like something is missing. i don't know how to become emotionally dependent on someone else, b/c i have never had the chance.i do know that its never a good idea to impulsively act upon a crush, u should always take your time and make sure that this is what u want. i have always talked to girls about thier problems and did all that i could to help them. i have no regrets about never talking about my problems b/c i feel satisfied that i helped them, even if helped in the tiniest of ways. i want to find someone who doesn't worry about the little things and tries to bring the most out of their life. someone who can be insanely understanding like me, but i want her to be her own person w/ a wonderful imagination. that is why i fell in love w/ katherine, it was her awesome imagination and her ability to enjoy herself and make others feel great about themselves. guess u could say someone who thinks the same as me, but is totally different from me. i have so much to say, and i will find someone who will listen to me as much as i will listen to them, someday. for now, i am just living and that right person will come along. i do think about girls alot, and there r a few out there that i would totally try to be with, but i am still happy w/ where i am at. i would be fulfilled if there was someone out there that i could make completely happy to be with me and their life. i could go on and on, but i won't, just know this..........