It Feels like Valentine's Day.

[aphroditeseyes]

I realized for the first time the other night that I hadn't heard someone tell me that they love me in that warm happy gushy romantic way in two years. It hit me like a pillowcase full of bricks - like an out of tune piano crashing down on my heart. I'm a romantic - still a realist - but that faint trace of my old dreamer self keeps me a romantic at heart. So this epiphany troubled me - it had never crossed my mind before. There was no sugar-coating this bitter truth. I lay in bed wide-eyed and in shock - I felt as though this realization is what has now opened my heart to the ideas of love again. As though this world-shattering revelation restored my faith. And now that the truth is no longer veiled. I am aware that I truly miss those first few weeks of getting to know someone - the flirtations and the shy aversions to touch and lip connection. That warm tingling feeling that occurs in the depth of the stomach. And so now I'm back on the hunt - after months of doubting my faith and belief in love - I've found it again.

But the bittersweet result is that now my lonely heart stings more than it ever did. Like taffy stuck to my teeth - my desire to find this love is glued to my heart.