hummm...

[aphrodite7890]

i'm kinda feeling like... i maybe... need a change. well, not really a change, cause i don't want to break up with dave... see, i've been with him awile though. And i know some of you are laughing because you've been with your boyfriend forever... and are planning to stay with your boyfriend forever. but, i'm not seeing that for me. its not that i don't love dave... because i am really head over heels in love with him! but, well this weekend was a little strange. first Jamie called. I wasn't home, but my mom answered and they talked a bit (cause they always got along). and he said he's in Santa Barbra visiting friends, and he missed me and wanted to call. So I need to call him back. And then there's Garrett. He's this guy I met at a party I went to this last saturday. He's HOT. and we hit it off (dave ditched me to hang with brian so he wasn't there). I was a good girl and didn't do anything with Garrett, but I did get his number cause he's going to hook me up with some weed (yes, i know...). so.. yeah. I guess i've been overwhellemed with guys... (cause two is more than usual) old and new... and at one point i thought, well, maybe when dave and i break up i could hook up with garrett. and then i realized that i'm not breaking up with dave until the end of summer! so there's no chance of having another boyfriend. this is weird... its like i have some kind of commitment problem... like, even being single sounds better than being with one person for a long period of time. i'm not going to break up with dave, cause i love him. but i wll call back jamie. and i will get some weed from garrett. and another thought is... i could have sex with dave in a week. next sunday. and that blows my mind. here's a guy i'm willing to give over everything to... my body that is... yet, he doesn't even know my deepest, inner most feelings. he doesn't ask, and he doesn't share. so i'll let him in me phyiscally, but not emotionally or mentally. Does that make sense? a little graphic, sorry, but its really true. so i think i need to wait and get over the jamie/garrett thing, and get more connected to dave.

it's crazy in my head right now... i need sleep