mixed signals

[aphotic]

So, public apology for constantly whining about RP and shit. Real life I don't think is so much of an issue when I complain about it in my journal, but it feels more like unintentional guilt tripping when it's RP, because most of the people I play with on a regular basis read my journal... and, of course, without thinking of it at the time, it's

Comments

[deplore]

I appreciate that you realize that I'm having issues (that I probably could've avoided if I didn't slack so much). I don't really think you're whining or guilt-tripping me, at the very least but maybe I'm not the right person to talk to when it comes to either of those things. I think that the fact that you felt bad about stuff you've said indicates, more than anything, that you care about the people you role play with/are friends with via internet/etc. etc. are, at some level, more three-dimensional than just a person on another computer in some random place in the world. And that's pretty compassionate in several ways. Or at least, I think so.

Personally, my biggest problem is probably my lack of overall self-motivation, so I empathize. :/ It's all a matter of mindset, in a way -- I think that people who live in the short-term (which would be me, I suppose) try to enjoy themselves in the moment and live more for instant gratification, whereas people who live for the long-term take things in stride more and look for fulfillment in the future. So, honestly, happiness and self-motivation and self-fulfillment and stuff? I think that's a personal definition. I consider self-fulfillment not failing the test that's coming up; I know people who consider self-fulfillment achieving a life dream. In essence, I think the most important influence that any person has is their own opinion.

Okay, that got kind of ramble-y and I honestly don't know what the hell I was trying to say. Uh. Probably something along the lines of: If this has been an ongoing thought, then maybe look in a different direction? I mean, college =/= paying job. There are plenty of people who never finished college who have great jobs. If academic achievement isn't something you're looking for, then maybe there's something else that you enjoy doing you can work upon?

... Ugh, I have no idea if that was offensive or not. Feel free to antagonize me if it was. @___@;

Anyways, life can be hard at times -- but everything's up in the air. I'm sure there's a great saying about stormclouds and the horizon or something sappy like that but I can't recall it at this very moment. I wish I could say or do something more that could help.