Just a dark place

[apeygirl]

I remember sharing with firebunny during my last visit to PA, I think, that I thought humanity would die out through not reproducing, what with the Zika virus.

I still think it's possible that this virus is not something to overcome, but is really the earth's way of rejecting us as a species. Mosquito season might be over where I live (for now), but it's

Comments

[bkwurm1]

Sound like your own anxiety level might qualify you for the medical grade stuff.

And you are not whining, you're cooping. And so is your aunt. You are helping even if it's hard and awkward and there are no easy answers - or any answers. I can tell how much you care from a couple journal posts so I absolutely know your caring is evident to the ones you love.

Virtual hugs and cyber chocolate.

[apeygirl]

Thank you. I don't really think it's wrong to cope by venting, but I also feel like it's petty for me to complain when I'm not the one facing cancer. It's hard to help feeling that way and there is possily some level of guilt in it. With me being way less healthy and not having cancer while two of the healthiest people I know are cursed with it while I'm getting off scot free. It's like pre-emptive survivors guilt.

As far as that medical stuff, we did just legalize MJ across the board here, but it's in a state of Catch 22 as there's no way to get it, even though we can have it, for a year at least. I seriously am thinking of trying it as a night time sleep aid once things go through. I hear really good things. But I feel weird about going to my doctor and asking for a weed scrip. LOL

[firebunny]

My heart goes out to you. I know how draining family health can be.

May I suggest for your own mental health you have at least an hour of escape a day. Make it a requirement so when your inner critic harps on you for being selfish you hit back with "I have to do this so that I can be a better caregiver." It'll make a difference in how you cope.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you and am sending you a mental hug

[frelling_tralk]

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time right now *hugs*

[apeygirl]

Cancer is the fucking worst. :(

[apeygirl]

Thanks for that. I know you are going through this, too, though with your own mother, which must be next-level hard. If there's anything I can do or if you want to talk on the phone, let me know. I've been here a lot as a family member and caregiver. I'm not saying that gives me special wisdom, but it would probably give me some kind of club membership, like one consisting of people with a personal vendetta against cancer, Inigo Montoya style, if such a club existed.

[marikology]

I'm sorry youre family is going through all of this. :( Hopefully she will be better able to communicate what she needs from you.

This is a silly idea... since you are far away, what if you wrote letters? You could send her some correspondence notecards self-addressed to yourself and stamped. Everyone likes getting things in the mail, and letters are a way of conveying what you are feeling more thoughtfully and less instantaneously.