Writer's Block: Musical Affliction

[apeygirl]

You just try getting this one out of your head:

(Note: This song is actually a threesome, but Ms. Peters has the energy to carry it off all by her lonesome because she's just that freaking awesome.)

Click to view

It's not just the bouncy tune, it's the damnably clever lyrics (that only Sondheim can truly deliver):

You could drive a person crazy,
You could drive a person mad.
First you make a person hazy
So a person could be had,

Then you leave a person dangling sadly
Outside your door,
Which could only make a person gladly
Want you even more.

I could understand a person
If it's not a person's bag.
I could understand a person
If a person was a fag (Bernadette changes it to drag, but fag is the original lyric. It's all good. Sondheim is gay, so he can)

But worse 'n that,
A person that
Titillates a person and then leaves her flat
Is crazy,
He's a troubled person,
He's a truly crazy person himself.

When a person's personality is personable,
He shouldn't ought-a sit like a lump.
It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull
To try to get you off of your rump.

So single and attentive and attractive a man
Is everything a person could wish,
But turning off a person is the act of a man
Who likes to pull the hooks out of fish.

Knock-knock! Is anybody there?
Knock-knock! It really isn't fair.
Knock-knock! I'm workin' all my charms.
Knock-knock! A zombie's in my arms.

All that sweet affection!
What is wrong?
Where's the loose connection?
How long, O Lord, how long?

You could drive a person buggy,
You could blow a person's cool.
Like you make a person feel all huggy
While you make her feel a fool.

When a person says that you upset her,
That's when you're good.
You impersonate a person better
Than a zombie should.

I could understand a person
If he wasn't good in bed.
I could understand a person
If he actually was dead.

Exclusive you!
Elusive you!
Will any person ever get the juice of you?
You're crazy,
You're a lovely person,
You're a moving,
Deeply maladjusted,
Never to be trusted,
Crazy person yourself.

Sidenote, I often apply this song to Chlark and the way he keeps poor Chloe hanging on with the mixed messages and the puppy dog eyes. If someone ever made a funny little Chlark video with this song... I might marry them.

It might even be funnier using the threesome version and Chloe, Lana, and... Lois (sorry. Hard to type that one). I could put up with it to see the fun of how Clark plays all the ladies.