just let it land

[apestilentkiss]

when i think about the last few years in my life, it just makes me feel like my brain is going to explode. i am sitting here right now just thinking about the fact that all my friends are getting older; thinking about marriage seriously, starting careers, moving out of southern california, etc. i feel like oh shit i should be doing something big, or at least thinking big but, i cant...i shouldnt for my own good. it makes me feel mildly inadequate sometimes. i have been getting in touch with some very old friends, which is nice and exciting. there is something about those friends that makes me always feel comfortable, like we have passed years between us and i can pick up right were we left off. although, i wish that i hadnt wasted so much of my life but, i honestly believe i wouldnt be in such a good place in my life if i hadnt. my best friend is moving away, i am so proud of her but, i am kind of mad at myself for taking her for granted alot in the past year or so. i love her. i have this person in my life now, weve crossed paths again after a couple years, i never thought i would see him again...i didnt really care to much either way but, its funny how fast feelings come back. i feel this time that something might work out, it doesnt feel as contrived or tainted like it once was, its strange its like old friends that are just meeting eachother for the first time.

dear friend, i wish you the best. i will miss you but, i know we will always be friends. i am proud of you for finally living your dream and getting out of this place. GOOD LUCK, Sill.