I need all your air to survive...
Oh to be Butch Walker...that wine drinking, swaggering, song slinging son of a bitch. I love you, butch.
I really wish I didn't have to start school monday. LAME. But its my last semester.....at least until next winter.
I just quoted Brand New for those of you listening.
Have you ever realized how much of a delicate balance your entire life is? How everything is so wonderful but if you do the wrong things it could be so shitty so quickly....or even more frightening: if you do nothing it can still all get away from you. I'm not really a pessimistic person at all, but every once in awhile those things creep into my head...and its really fucking scary. Mostly I think the only thing you can do is be thankful for what you do have and the fact that you have it at all. My Dad has a friend who recently lost his wife to cancer after a grueling seven year battle. They were the sweetest, most benevolent, caring people you can imagine...and they were so in love. And now of course everything has changed, and the only solace he can find is that God must have needed her...though something tells me he doesn't really believe that. How could you not be angry and so crushed to lose the person you love more than anything in the world? I know he is...its not like him to say something like that. I can't even begin to imagine how hard things must be for him right now.
And call me selfish, but it got me thinking about how I take some things in my own life for granted even though I have no intention of doing so. My Father's love, which defies explanation. I've never known a father and son...or even two other people... with the kind of close bond of the nature he and I share, and will always share regardless of everything. Absolutely everything. I sometimes can't even imagine what he's given me as I've grown, and how I will never be able to properly repay him...and yet how such is the way of the world. He gives everything, and in return he only asks me to be happy and do what I want with my life. That has to be the greatest gift anyone has ever given anyone. To say I'm thankful is an abhorrent understatement. I could never adequately say it. Ever. For that I am thankful too.
Also there's the consistent and undying affections of my Elizabeth. For 2 1/2 years of my life so far I have belonged to her and only her, whether or not she knew it the entire time...or even whether or not I knew it. God alone knows what will ultimately come of our relationship. I often wish that I could simply stop time...as stupidly cliche as that sounds....and just have us be exactly as we are for as long as we choose. Life moves along though, and at least now it conspires to pull us apart for short periods of time. The beauty of us, however, lay in our ability to move with the changes, and realize that everything that makes us has little to do with physical proximity, wonderful though it may be. Its because of this that I am ok with simply seeing where it will go, what it will do, and whether or not our futures ultimately include each other. I'm not desperate for either outcome, I simply know that the right thing will happen...because of this I know I am in the right place. That confidence, that faith, that knowing is what is so rare and so precious in relationships and is a very large part of the reason I will go to the ends of the earth for us. I would. Happily. But I wouldn't ever have to do it alone. And thats why I love her.
But goddammit...its so hard sometimes. Being far from the person you love is so hard....but there's always been a blunt edge on it with she and I. It gives me reason to think we can weather anything. It sucks...but we can do it, and I feel like thats the way it should be. if it doesn't suck...well then why the fuck are you even bothering..? And if you can't do it...well you know. Stupid to explain that. In short she might be the best thing to ever find a way into my life.
So be thankful. I am.
I really wish I didn't have to start school monday. LAME. But its my last semester.....at least until next winter.
I just quoted Brand New for those of you listening.
Have you ever realized how much of a delicate balance your entire life is? How everything is so wonderful but if you do the wrong things it could be so shitty so quickly....or even more frightening: if you do nothing it can still all get away from you. I'm not really a pessimistic person at all, but every once in awhile those things creep into my head...and its really fucking scary. Mostly I think the only thing you can do is be thankful for what you do have and the fact that you have it at all. My Dad has a friend who recently lost his wife to cancer after a grueling seven year battle. They were the sweetest, most benevolent, caring people you can imagine...and they were so in love. And now of course everything has changed, and the only solace he can find is that God must have needed her...though something tells me he doesn't really believe that. How could you not be angry and so crushed to lose the person you love more than anything in the world? I know he is...its not like him to say something like that. I can't even begin to imagine how hard things must be for him right now.
And call me selfish, but it got me thinking about how I take some things in my own life for granted even though I have no intention of doing so. My Father's love, which defies explanation. I've never known a father and son...or even two other people... with the kind of close bond of the nature he and I share, and will always share regardless of everything. Absolutely everything. I sometimes can't even imagine what he's given me as I've grown, and how I will never be able to properly repay him...and yet how such is the way of the world. He gives everything, and in return he only asks me to be happy and do what I want with my life. That has to be the greatest gift anyone has ever given anyone. To say I'm thankful is an abhorrent understatement. I could never adequately say it. Ever. For that I am thankful too.
Also there's the consistent and undying affections of my Elizabeth. For 2 1/2 years of my life so far I have belonged to her and only her, whether or not she knew it the entire time...or even whether or not I knew it. God alone knows what will ultimately come of our relationship. I often wish that I could simply stop time...as stupidly cliche as that sounds....and just have us be exactly as we are for as long as we choose. Life moves along though, and at least now it conspires to pull us apart for short periods of time. The beauty of us, however, lay in our ability to move with the changes, and realize that everything that makes us has little to do with physical proximity, wonderful though it may be. Its because of this that I am ok with simply seeing where it will go, what it will do, and whether or not our futures ultimately include each other. I'm not desperate for either outcome, I simply know that the right thing will happen...because of this I know I am in the right place. That confidence, that faith, that knowing is what is so rare and so precious in relationships and is a very large part of the reason I will go to the ends of the earth for us. I would. Happily. But I wouldn't ever have to do it alone. And thats why I love her.
But goddammit...its so hard sometimes. Being far from the person you love is so hard....but there's always been a blunt edge on it with she and I. It gives me reason to think we can weather anything. It sucks...but we can do it, and I feel like thats the way it should be. if it doesn't suck...well then why the fuck are you even bothering..? And if you can't do it...well you know. Stupid to explain that. In short she might be the best thing to ever find a way into my life.
So be thankful. I am.