My Last update was 20 weeks ago....
Josh and I broke up. It's been 3 days and at least ten times a day I pick up my phone to call him and have to stop myself before I do something stupid.
3 years of my life is over and I feel like i'm dead.
It's not even funny how the saying "heartbroken" is a real feeling. I literally feel like my heart is ripping into two pieces every time I think about him.
I was at work on Wednesday and our song came on the radio and it was like taking a bullet. I tripped in the kitchen and fell on my knees and just started bawling. Not because I fell but because I hadn't let myself cry over him, so it came out at the most inopportune moment.
I have to keep reminding myself everything I hated about him : He's really really cheap. He has thousands of dollars in the bank and used to complain about buying me a $10 breakfast. He doesn't believe in marriage. He has no ambitions. He has no sense of style. He likes to fish...enough said. He would never want to go on vacations, or anywhere nice because he didn't want to spend money. He never bought me flowers once in 3 years. He didn't fight for me.
Things I miss: His multiple texts daily, his nicknames for me that I will never hear again, his blue eyes, how he could always make me laugh, his goofy smile, how he would hide his laundry in my basket so I would have to wash his clothes too, him watching whatever I wanted to watch on tv, his heart.
I'm a big girl, I'll get over it. But sometimes even when you're sitting in a crowded building, you have never felt so alone. I feel like i'm drowning and no one will dive in to save me.
Let the binge drinking begin.
3 years of my life is over and I feel like i'm dead.
It's not even funny how the saying "heartbroken" is a real feeling. I literally feel like my heart is ripping into two pieces every time I think about him.
I was at work on Wednesday and our song came on the radio and it was like taking a bullet. I tripped in the kitchen and fell on my knees and just started bawling. Not because I fell but because I hadn't let myself cry over him, so it came out at the most inopportune moment.
I have to keep reminding myself everything I hated about him : He's really really cheap. He has thousands of dollars in the bank and used to complain about buying me a $10 breakfast. He doesn't believe in marriage. He has no ambitions. He has no sense of style. He likes to fish...enough said. He would never want to go on vacations, or anywhere nice because he didn't want to spend money. He never bought me flowers once in 3 years. He didn't fight for me.
Things I miss: His multiple texts daily, his nicknames for me that I will never hear again, his blue eyes, how he could always make me laugh, his goofy smile, how he would hide his laundry in my basket so I would have to wash his clothes too, him watching whatever I wanted to watch on tv, his heart.
I'm a big girl, I'll get over it. But sometimes even when you're sitting in a crowded building, you have never felt so alone. I feel like i'm drowning and no one will dive in to save me.
Let the binge drinking begin.