(no subject)
Wow... just when things weren't crazy enough... Jim almost certainly has the job in Houston. So that means my mom is moving and I'll be alone in Louisiana. But I guess it won't be that bad. I dunno. I'm eventually getting out of this god forsaken state. I love it but I hate it so much at the same time. People are so close-minded and ignorant here, it isn't even funny. My biggest dream would be to move to New York City... I've heard it's so awesome to live there. And there's so much diversity there that if you're different, no one minds. I dunno, I just think that I'm cut out for big city life. I feel like I need to start over... Some things I would like to keep the same, but most things... I just either can't stand anymore or it's just time for change. My whole life I've been very resistant to changes, but now that I'm getting older and learning that there are better things out there... it just seems so appealing. Now that I've decided that I'm only gonna go to Southeastern for one semester I'm so anxious... Part of me is excited but part of me is scared shitless. I feel like I'm standing on a cliff, and I have the choice to jump off and see if I can fly. And going to Southeastern and living on campus is just like stepping one foot off... Not completely out there but it's a start. And after that, who knows what's going to happen. My life is just kinda up in the air right now. I guess that's pretty normal for people my age, though. It just seems like everyone has their college picked out and their major and they know they're gonna be there for at least 4 years. But I'm sure things will work out for me. I just wish my relationships in my life right now were stronger than they are. I just feel disconnected from the people that are the most important to me. And it might even be because I push people away without realizing. I feel like Austin and I are drifting apart though, and that kills me. I love him so much. I wish I knew what was going on with us.
I guess right now I'm just a big ball of confusion with no direction or reason or answers. I really can't decide if I'm excited and happy, or anxious and scared. I should probably make this friends only, but what the hell. Maybe this will explain if I'm being weird.
Sorry if this was all over the place and hard to understand... I just had to get it out.
I guess right now I'm just a big ball of confusion with no direction or reason or answers. I really can't decide if I'm excited and happy, or anxious and scared. I should probably make this friends only, but what the hell. Maybe this will explain if I'm being weird.
Sorry if this was all over the place and hard to understand... I just had to get it out.