A letter from your local NYC mixologist.
Hey you're a woman in dire need of a drink at the bar... but it's busy and the bartender keeps passing you by with your crisp twenty dollar bill hanging between your fingertips while you salivate over the cocktails being passed around you. It's been five minutes and you start to get impatient. What exactly are you doing wrong? Is it because you're not aggresive enough or because you can't seem to get his attention?
NO LADIES. BARTENDERS HATE YOU WOMEN.
Yes. We are sick and tired of making your stupid overrated apple martinis and other fruity cocktails that need to be put in shakers and shaken.. We are sick of spending more time and effort making your drinks when we can be serving that man over there his Black on the rocks/Seven&Seven/Jack/or Redbull Vodka in 5 seconds and make more tip. Why? Because you women are stingy and if ever you get in your right mind to tip, that would be one every three drinks. and One dollar or even two out of every two/three martinis just isn't gonna cut it nor is it worthy of my time. Thank You. And when you finally come up with a drink moer original than that then come back to me. I'll be glad to even make you a Red Devil. Next!
I'm sick of Ladies Night Thursdays where you women run up tabs of 100 dollars or more and what happens? We comp them all because it's Ladies drink free from 10-12 as long as it's made with "well drinks." And your cheap asses can't even leave a single dollar you measly pigeons with your fake ass LV bags and overly fake and baked faces (in the middle of winter mind you) staring at me like you did nothing wrong. "Excuse me, but would you like to pay for your food at least you cheap sluts?" "oh oops almost forgot my fucking ass" Thanks to a good regular of mine, Annie, she goes to the rescue and writes in Permanent Marker all over your WHITE car..ohh wait Daddy's car. Cause I bet you haven't paid for shit in your life have you? using your bf's credit card to pay for your food. U ungrateful bitches. You would think that if you get drinks for free that should leave you more money to tip well. Well fuck you and let me see your face again you fucking whores. I'm giving you the shittiest drink you've ever had.. with my special seasoning. and guess where it's from? It's from any one of the openings in my body.. we'll see.
So yes. Next time you decide waving your twenty dollar bill in my face think about not getting a fruity martini or better yet think about a better tip. Does this look like a volunteer job to you?
Signed,
April.
part of the Stop Drinking the Apple Martinis Movement.
NO LADIES. BARTENDERS HATE YOU WOMEN.
Yes. We are sick and tired of making your stupid overrated apple martinis and other fruity cocktails that need to be put in shakers and shaken.. We are sick of spending more time and effort making your drinks when we can be serving that man over there his Black on the rocks/Seven&Seven/Jack/or Redbull Vodka in 5 seconds and make more tip. Why? Because you women are stingy and if ever you get in your right mind to tip, that would be one every three drinks. and One dollar or even two out of every two/three martinis just isn't gonna cut it nor is it worthy of my time. Thank You. And when you finally come up with a drink moer original than that then come back to me. I'll be glad to even make you a Red Devil. Next!
I'm sick of Ladies Night Thursdays where you women run up tabs of 100 dollars or more and what happens? We comp them all because it's Ladies drink free from 10-12 as long as it's made with "well drinks." And your cheap asses can't even leave a single dollar you measly pigeons with your fake ass LV bags and overly fake and baked faces (in the middle of winter mind you) staring at me like you did nothing wrong. "Excuse me, but would you like to pay for your food at least you cheap sluts?" "oh oops almost forgot my fucking ass" Thanks to a good regular of mine, Annie, she goes to the rescue and writes in Permanent Marker all over your WHITE car..ohh wait Daddy's car. Cause I bet you haven't paid for shit in your life have you? using your bf's credit card to pay for your food. U ungrateful bitches. You would think that if you get drinks for free that should leave you more money to tip well. Well fuck you and let me see your face again you fucking whores. I'm giving you the shittiest drink you've ever had.. with my special seasoning. and guess where it's from? It's from any one of the openings in my body.. we'll see.
So yes. Next time you decide waving your twenty dollar bill in my face think about not getting a fruity martini or better yet think about a better tip. Does this look like a volunteer job to you?
Signed,
April.
part of the Stop Drinking the Apple Martinis Movement.