for Nat...
because she makes me laugh.
whew. saturdays. work, then home, then the ultimate struggle to get my ass out of this computer chair and squeeze one more workout out of the week before i lay around all day on sundays. the lazy is currently winnin, and that's because i'm still reeling from the after-effects - i ran for FORTY-FIVE minutes STRAIGHT on thursday. i haven't done that since high school soccer! i kinda guessed that this workout dvd i use was doing something, because i've lost a bunch of weight, but i had NO idea that it was actually making me cardiovascular-ly stronger, as well. well, that and the fact that i don't smoke NEARLY as many cigs anymore as i have for the past, oh, 13 years or so. okay, so i binge a bit on my one weekend drinking night. but i'm practically one of those people who "only smoke when i drink"! be impressed. seriously. please?
andy actually threatened to quit work today. only to me, of course, but it was still really weird, because he's SO laid back and NEVER lets himself get worked up. he's frustrated that we're surrounded by incompetent morons, of course. i am, too. it was bound to get to one of us sooner or later. i'm just shocked that he was the first to crack. i mean, i threaten to quit in my head at LEAST once a day, but who knows when i'm actually gonna sack up (thanks, rex!) and do something about it. it would help if there were actually any jobs available here. you know the worst thing about this job? not management, not the job itself, not even the fact that we are corporate wage-slaves...it's the customers. they are A-1 prime shitheads, to the last. if i EVER suggest that i may be even thinking about THINKING that i want to work with the general public ever again, you have my permission, here in writing, to shoot me. or at least poke me with a sharp stick or something, because people are ASSHOLES. give me a mind-numbing desk job away from customers ANYday.
note to self: you need to get gorilla permits. NOW. why are you putting this off?
today, i don't want to have kids. this is going to be a new installment in my lj. i used to go through cycles of wanting to/not wanting to (ALWAYS more wanting to than not), but lately (and by lately, i mean the last 6 months or so), it's been more unusual for me to think to myself "yes! kids!" than the opposite. i don't know why i've been obsessing about this so much lately, but i think it's because i'm scared that i actually might not ever want to have a kid. i don't know exactly what's WRONG with not wanting one, but i seem to think that there is something. i guess because everyone else in the world, you know, has one. or many. it's just something you do.
i used to think that, when i would go through my 'not having' periods, i was just at a selfish point in my life, but i don't think that's it anymore. i'm starting to think that it's not selfish to not want them, but practical. there are too many things i want to do with this very.short.life. the way i see it, my parents dedicated 20+ years to raising us and working to support us (for which i am eternally grateful), and of COURSE i think that we were worth it, but do they? in their heart of hearts? did my mom harbor a secret desire to be an astronaut or to visit the west indies? i KNOW my dad probably could have found something more enjoyable to do than work in the insurance industry for 30 years. i can't help but think that if they had just held off a little longer, they might have followed another path in life entirely. but that's them, anyway. i mean, maybe my mom's greatest desire WAS to raise kids. i know there are plenty of people like that. i just don't see myself as one of those people. not that i think i'm going to do anything GREAT or world-changing with my life. i just want to be able to look back at the end of it and find that i didn't miss out on anything i'd always wanted to do.
yeah, yeah. everyone says that. some people even make lists. but hardly anyone checks anything off of those lists, and then they die. life gets in the way. and, in my eyes, kids get in the way. but NO ONE will admit it. it's always "not a moment of regret," and "my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me." bullshit. your life changed and you got a new perspective and a new focus, but that didn't make all the OTHER things you wanted to do go away. it just made them fond memories.
plus, teenagers TOTALLY suck. totally. i remember.
whew. well, i guess this one wasn't so much for Nat, proud mama that she is :) but it feels good to get stuff like this off my chest. i feel so weird for thinking these things, and i know i shouldn't. feel weird, i mean, not think them.
now i'm going to go try to run again. here's hoping i don't die of a heart attack before i get all of these all-important, yet extremely vague things done with my life.
whew. saturdays. work, then home, then the ultimate struggle to get my ass out of this computer chair and squeeze one more workout out of the week before i lay around all day on sundays. the lazy is currently winnin, and that's because i'm still reeling from the after-effects - i ran for FORTY-FIVE minutes STRAIGHT on thursday. i haven't done that since high school soccer! i kinda guessed that this workout dvd i use was doing something, because i've lost a bunch of weight, but i had NO idea that it was actually making me cardiovascular-ly stronger, as well. well, that and the fact that i don't smoke NEARLY as many cigs anymore as i have for the past, oh, 13 years or so. okay, so i binge a bit on my one weekend drinking night. but i'm practically one of those people who "only smoke when i drink"! be impressed. seriously. please?
andy actually threatened to quit work today. only to me, of course, but it was still really weird, because he's SO laid back and NEVER lets himself get worked up. he's frustrated that we're surrounded by incompetent morons, of course. i am, too. it was bound to get to one of us sooner or later. i'm just shocked that he was the first to crack. i mean, i threaten to quit in my head at LEAST once a day, but who knows when i'm actually gonna sack up (thanks, rex!) and do something about it. it would help if there were actually any jobs available here. you know the worst thing about this job? not management, not the job itself, not even the fact that we are corporate wage-slaves...it's the customers. they are A-1 prime shitheads, to the last. if i EVER suggest that i may be even thinking about THINKING that i want to work with the general public ever again, you have my permission, here in writing, to shoot me. or at least poke me with a sharp stick or something, because people are ASSHOLES. give me a mind-numbing desk job away from customers ANYday.
note to self: you need to get gorilla permits. NOW. why are you putting this off?
today, i don't want to have kids. this is going to be a new installment in my lj. i used to go through cycles of wanting to/not wanting to (ALWAYS more wanting to than not), but lately (and by lately, i mean the last 6 months or so), it's been more unusual for me to think to myself "yes! kids!" than the opposite. i don't know why i've been obsessing about this so much lately, but i think it's because i'm scared that i actually might not ever want to have a kid. i don't know exactly what's WRONG with not wanting one, but i seem to think that there is something. i guess because everyone else in the world, you know, has one. or many. it's just something you do.
i used to think that, when i would go through my 'not having' periods, i was just at a selfish point in my life, but i don't think that's it anymore. i'm starting to think that it's not selfish to not want them, but practical. there are too many things i want to do with this very.short.life. the way i see it, my parents dedicated 20+ years to raising us and working to support us (for which i am eternally grateful), and of COURSE i think that we were worth it, but do they? in their heart of hearts? did my mom harbor a secret desire to be an astronaut or to visit the west indies? i KNOW my dad probably could have found something more enjoyable to do than work in the insurance industry for 30 years. i can't help but think that if they had just held off a little longer, they might have followed another path in life entirely. but that's them, anyway. i mean, maybe my mom's greatest desire WAS to raise kids. i know there are plenty of people like that. i just don't see myself as one of those people. not that i think i'm going to do anything GREAT or world-changing with my life. i just want to be able to look back at the end of it and find that i didn't miss out on anything i'd always wanted to do.
yeah, yeah. everyone says that. some people even make lists. but hardly anyone checks anything off of those lists, and then they die. life gets in the way. and, in my eyes, kids get in the way. but NO ONE will admit it. it's always "not a moment of regret," and "my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me." bullshit. your life changed and you got a new perspective and a new focus, but that didn't make all the OTHER things you wanted to do go away. it just made them fond memories.
plus, teenagers TOTALLY suck. totally. i remember.
whew. well, i guess this one wasn't so much for Nat, proud mama that she is :) but it feels good to get stuff like this off my chest. i feel so weird for thinking these things, and i know i shouldn't. feel weird, i mean, not think them.
now i'm going to go try to run again. here's hoping i don't die of a heart attack before i get all of these all-important, yet extremely vague things done with my life.