Out of Town
Kirks band is playing out of town tonight. Down in Ft. Lauderdale. Its really the first time in the million years we have been together, that I have felt comfortable with him being gone. I think that it shows how far I have come emotionally, I can remember years ago, crying and being scared and worried when he didnt come home in time, only to find out he had passed out drunk on someones couch. I am glad he and I both have come pretty far since then, I know he feels resentful that I harp on the drinking so much, but I stand back and look at where we are in life, and it really puts it into perspective for me. I wish he could look through my eyes. I hope that he controls himself tonight. I hope he remembers to be safe. No matter how comfortable I am with him being gone, I do still wish he were here in my bed tonight. I miss him when hes gone, even if its just to the garage while I am sleeping, I always thought part of being married would be that I didnt have to sleep alone, but he is barely in my bed ever, just a few hours a night, 4 if I am lucky. I guess I shouldnt complain about it, but theres not much thats better in my opinion than being held all night.