craziness
David has been living here for almost 2 months and I couldn't be happier. I never thought that at 20 yrs old the thought of marriage and children would excite me. I honestly think that by the end of this year i'm going to have a ring. I'm trying to not get tooooo excited bc I only got a hint from him. He has this big surprise planned and his hint was "you'll show it to people" what the fuck else could it be???? I honestly can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him and build a new better life. We recently went on vacation to the Keys, I had never been so we went. It was SPLENDID! OMG best vacation i've ever had and i'll never forget it. the 1st day we got there we just spent the majority of the day at the beach on the motel property, he fell asleep by the water, it was so cute. then later that night we ended up driving down to key west by accident and we stayed there til a little past midnight, we walked around duval street about a million times, ate dinner and had ice cream. we met a bum named david as well and i gave him $5 bc he told me i looked like a supermodel haha. the next day we spent the whole day in key west again and went on a train tour and to the aquarium and ate lunch and then just walked alllllll over, got a little lost but it was fun, then we had dinner and went on a ghost tour! OMG so much fucking fun, it was ridiculous. I got a picture of a ghost. then we went back to the motel and slept. It was so sad having to check out the next day, we started our drive back and ate lunch at some place in the upper keys. I'll never forget that vacation for as long as i live. he really is something else that i never thought i would experience. I feel so stupid for ever thinking that justin was the one for me. I never want to be with another person for as long as i live. gabby is still being an uber cunt, she took the plug to the tv. so i took the remote and i'm only gonna pay $20 every month for the internet, bc im not watching the tv so im not paying for it. fuck that. i cant believe i used to write in this journal 2-3 times a day and now its more like 2-3 times a year. I want to start writing more again but i say that in every entry. Im working two jobs and still not making enough money. i recently found out that my license is suspended bc my mom never paid tickets she told me she paid and my tag hasnt been renewed so if i get pulled over i'm probably going to jail. i havent talked to her in 2 days, i dont know what to say. I dont know whether to yell at her or just let her keep lying to me. it hurts so bad knowing my own mother has put me in this kind of position. part of me hates her. i dont know what shes thinking and i dont know what shes dealing with and i know shes just trying to help me but she doesnt do it right. thats why i hate asking for help. i can just do it better myself. lol. i'll always love her after all she is my mother but right now i cant tell her anything about my finances. i miss liz terribly, i missed 21st birthday, what kind of friend am i? I feel horrible but i didnt have to money to go see her, i hate that this world is controlled by money, i fucking hate money, but thats only bc i dont have any, if i did i would love it. davids over at his brothers house and im stuck home alone with nothing to do but write in my journal like the little emo girl i used to be. i've lost so much fucking weight since i started this journal. i showed david fat pictures a while ago, i never wanted him to see them but then i figured i dont look like that anymore so its ok. he's broken down so many of my walls and he just has all of me. we have so may 1st together its ridiculous, i'm his longest relationship ever and we've only been dating for almost 8 months, i've almost tripled his longest relationship and he's hasnt even reached the half way mark to mine. lol. but theres something about him i cant ever let go and the most amazing part is he feels the same way about me, he loves me so much and i see it everyday. he means everything to me and vice versa. its craziness. i could write about how much i love him for weeks, but im not going to. i'll leave this entry like this:
Not everything is in place, but as long as I have him, I know I'll be ok. :)
Not everything is in place, but as long as I have him, I know I'll be ok. :)