in the lost and found
I haven't updated lately because I don't know what to say. I'm really sad and really worried about where things are going.
Now I know I've made alot of bad decisions in the past and have done alot of not so great things. But I have never hurt anyone, directly anyways. I am a good person, as far as I know. And I keep my faith. But still shit continues to hit the fan.
Right now what's going on is Dave and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. He dumped me to be exact. He said I had been acting like an asshole. But I think it was just me being selfish. Trying to keep myself sane and happy by going out all night. Sometimes just taking the keys and Elliott and headed for the road where I usually smoked and listened to sad songs and either cried or sang... Sometimes both. So now I have to leave. I lost my job because I got sick for a month with Bronchitis and a Sinues infection. And this is another job, I lost my toys r' us job because I had a major anxiety attack in the middle of the girls isle while facing... And I just left. My mother has also been living with us since October 3rd. And he was never happy with that. But what am I supposed to do? I can't just leave her out on the street. Especially after her boyfriend she was living with tried to kill her. So now we both have to leave. I can go to my dad's, but my mum has nowhere to go. She doesn't have a job, a car or any money. Yeah we lost the car... or well I did. And no family. And she's burned every bridge.
The thing is. She's okay now. She's not the insane bitch I complained about for so long. She's like my best friend again. We've become so close these past few weeks. And it's so nice. She is actually helping me alot, mentally anyways. We're taking care of eachother. She holds me when I cry and I do the same for her. We made a pact to stay together. But now I am scared I can't do that. My advocates Beth and Chris who are helping me get ssi [social security income] andd back onto my feet. They're also going to help me get back in school and get my own apartment. So they keep telling me I have to take care of myself and can't worry myself with taking care of my mother because then we both will just go down. But I've always thought of others. Not myself. Never so why should I start now with this? So once again I will bounce back down to southern mass with my dad and his girlfriend, and elliott will go with his Auntie Deb. And I don't know where my mother is going to go. Tomorrow we're going to welfare and try to figure something out.
I'm sorry if this didn't make much sense. I'm so scatterbrained and depressed. I'm just really scared what is going to happen in the coming weeks. Wish me luck.
I just want to move to florida with my mum and my dog and be happy. And of course someone to hold me. Especially under those big stars.
Bizzare thing is this was my horoscope today :
Serious thinking about your home and family may put you in an awkward situation, especially if others are expecting you to show your pleasant and optimistic side. But you don't necessarily feel all that positive as your thoughts run through the very real things that you are now up against. Do what you do best: find a middle path to take you between the darkness and the light.
Oh yeah. new sn is Murderforlove...
And I am in need of a drummer and a second guitarist for a new band me and this super kid Alex are starting. You will love it.
Now I know I've made alot of bad decisions in the past and have done alot of not so great things. But I have never hurt anyone, directly anyways. I am a good person, as far as I know. And I keep my faith. But still shit continues to hit the fan.
Right now what's going on is Dave and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. He dumped me to be exact. He said I had been acting like an asshole. But I think it was just me being selfish. Trying to keep myself sane and happy by going out all night. Sometimes just taking the keys and Elliott and headed for the road where I usually smoked and listened to sad songs and either cried or sang... Sometimes both. So now I have to leave. I lost my job because I got sick for a month with Bronchitis and a Sinues infection. And this is another job, I lost my toys r' us job because I had a major anxiety attack in the middle of the girls isle while facing... And I just left. My mother has also been living with us since October 3rd. And he was never happy with that. But what am I supposed to do? I can't just leave her out on the street. Especially after her boyfriend she was living with tried to kill her. So now we both have to leave. I can go to my dad's, but my mum has nowhere to go. She doesn't have a job, a car or any money. Yeah we lost the car... or well I did. And no family. And she's burned every bridge.
The thing is. She's okay now. She's not the insane bitch I complained about for so long. She's like my best friend again. We've become so close these past few weeks. And it's so nice. She is actually helping me alot, mentally anyways. We're taking care of eachother. She holds me when I cry and I do the same for her. We made a pact to stay together. But now I am scared I can't do that. My advocates Beth and Chris who are helping me get ssi [social security income] andd back onto my feet. They're also going to help me get back in school and get my own apartment. So they keep telling me I have to take care of myself and can't worry myself with taking care of my mother because then we both will just go down. But I've always thought of others. Not myself. Never so why should I start now with this? So once again I will bounce back down to southern mass with my dad and his girlfriend, and elliott will go with his Auntie Deb. And I don't know where my mother is going to go. Tomorrow we're going to welfare and try to figure something out.
I'm sorry if this didn't make much sense. I'm so scatterbrained and depressed. I'm just really scared what is going to happen in the coming weeks. Wish me luck.
I just want to move to florida with my mum and my dog and be happy. And of course someone to hold me. Especially under those big stars.
Bizzare thing is this was my horoscope today :
Serious thinking about your home and family may put you in an awkward situation, especially if others are expecting you to show your pleasant and optimistic side. But you don't necessarily feel all that positive as your thoughts run through the very real things that you are now up against. Do what you do best: find a middle path to take you between the darkness and the light.
Oh yeah. new sn is Murderforlove...
And I am in need of a drummer and a second guitarist for a new band me and this super kid Alex are starting. You will love it.