the meaning of complicated
freshman year, i met a guy. we hooked up, and i thought that was it. he thought it was more meaningful. i broke up with him. several times, because he didn't get the hint.
the other highlights of our time spent together:
- six months later, 4th of july on mushrooms. he looked like Death (literally) and i ran away screaming.
- same trip. i screamed and cried my eyes out about not being loved by *someone* and jim wailed because he knew i wasn't talking about him.
- november. he keeps writing me letters. one very long, mean one leaves me bawling and guilt-ridden so my overly-dramatic solution is to overdose on oxys. not deathly, but definitely too many for one human body.
- december. i return to spokane and find jim and amanda fucking. apparently he decided to start sleeping with her to piss me off and she started sleeping with him because she always loved him and hated me because i broke his heart. awkward.
since then, amanda and i have had naked pillow fights. i've had sex on jim and amanda's bed. and there've been several other awkward moments as well.
why does any of this matter?
because i got a text message from a 509 area code. it was jim. we talked, very briefly. but it was strange, because we haven't communicated since via email before that november letter and that painful letter almost 2 years ago. we see each other in person but that's it.
so he texts me, asks how i'm doing. i tell him i moved, he asks where. i notice he's not talking about him. i wonder if he and amanda broke up.
there isn't a text, so i figure it's up to me.
i ask "what have you been up to besides working?"
he says "not much. amanda and i fight a lot so please don't mention our texting. you know how jealous she gets. miss ya see ya sometime."
and it makes me think...
about a lot of things. i think about how much i really hurt him, and how much of an asshole i was to him. i feel guilty, but i start thinking about how someone out there really does care for me deeply, and that warms my heart even if it's unreciprocated.
i dunno. it's just interesting to think about. and i do miss him. does that make me terrible, since it'll break amanda's heart?
the other highlights of our time spent together:
- six months later, 4th of july on mushrooms. he looked like Death (literally) and i ran away screaming.
- same trip. i screamed and cried my eyes out about not being loved by *someone* and jim wailed because he knew i wasn't talking about him.
- november. he keeps writing me letters. one very long, mean one leaves me bawling and guilt-ridden so my overly-dramatic solution is to overdose on oxys. not deathly, but definitely too many for one human body.
- december. i return to spokane and find jim and amanda fucking. apparently he decided to start sleeping with her to piss me off and she started sleeping with him because she always loved him and hated me because i broke his heart. awkward.
since then, amanda and i have had naked pillow fights. i've had sex on jim and amanda's bed. and there've been several other awkward moments as well.
why does any of this matter?
because i got a text message from a 509 area code. it was jim. we talked, very briefly. but it was strange, because we haven't communicated since via email before that november letter and that painful letter almost 2 years ago. we see each other in person but that's it.
so he texts me, asks how i'm doing. i tell him i moved, he asks where. i notice he's not talking about him. i wonder if he and amanda broke up.
there isn't a text, so i figure it's up to me.
i ask "what have you been up to besides working?"
he says "not much. amanda and i fight a lot so please don't mention our texting. you know how jealous she gets. miss ya see ya sometime."
and it makes me think...
about a lot of things. i think about how much i really hurt him, and how much of an asshole i was to him. i feel guilty, but i start thinking about how someone out there really does care for me deeply, and that warms my heart even if it's unreciprocated.
i dunno. it's just interesting to think about. and i do miss him. does that make me terrible, since it'll break amanda's heart?