why i welcome death
here i am again. sitting at my desk. hotmail.com isn't working so i can't check the work email. i'm waiting for the dvds to be dropped off. again. think they'll make it this time? somehow i doubt it. and i have to leave at 1pm to get into the city for the 3pm meeting of san francisco opera's board. then to the conservatory's "midsummer night" performance in cowell. so i make the 5 hour commute today for 3 1/2 hours of working in the office. tell me that isn't lame. why did i have to come in? besides the dvds, i have to feed their fucking dog.
that is why i welcome death.
well, that and the fact that kurt vonnegut died last night. hunter s. thompson and now kurt vonnegut in two years. it's too much for me. the next time i know it, e.e. cummings will be gone too!
my right shoulder just started tingling. and now it's traveling down my arm and i can feel it in my fingertips too. i'm kind of worried. because now it's not so much tingling as pinpricks-of-pain tingling. and just when i was thinking to myself that the carpal tunnel was truly gone...
*ow* though. it kind of really hurts now.
how i'm moving up in the world:
- attending the san francisco opera general meeting
- getting private tours of theatres
- getting free performance tickets
- attending an exclusive (and invite-only) premiere fashion show
- being "one of those people" with a huge badass tattoo
this is called "FIRST REACTIONS QUIZ". You have to type the 1ST thing that comes to mind whenever you hear these 44 words. You can't think and go back and change your answers.
[this is what we "professional psychoanalysts" call Word Association.
*ooooh!*
1. Beer: BeerFest
2. Anorexic: tooth decay
3. Relationships: suck
4. Your Last Ex: bastard
6. Pot: WEED!
7. Steroids: Olympics
8. Cartoons: are for children and mentally retarded people, and not to be confused with animation
9. The President: mentally retarded and the cause of the apocalypse
10. Tupperware: green (in my mind, i guess all tupperware is green)
11. Florida: Disney World
12. Santa Claus: old fat man with a beard
13. Halloween: CANDY!!
15. Grammar: no longer taught in elementary school
16. MySpace: the new Friendster?
17. Biggest fear: spiders
18. Marriage: it's all about the paperwork
19. Paris Hilton: stupid fucking heiress
20. Brunettes: smarter by default
21. Redheads: sexy and underrated
22. Blondes: bimbo
23. Pass the time: spin the bottle
24. One night stands: head stands
25. Donald Trump: "YOU FIRED!" (like from A Bug's Life)
26. Neverland: Second star to the right, and straight on till morning!
27. Pixie Stick: the poor kid's cocaine
28. Vanilla Ice cream: "if you're a cracker you'd better get blacker"
29. Port-a-Potties: jackass sucks
30. High school: the worst 4 years of my life
31. Pajamas: comfort
32. Wood: camping
33. Wet Sock: vietnam (yeah, forrest gump)
34. Alcohol: alcoholic
35. Love: a figment of the imagination and hormones
36. My best friend(s): crazy
37. The Bible: human interpretation of longing and loneliness
39. Tears: In Heaven
38: Pregnancy: scary
40. Guitar: Hero
41. Belts: the modern day codpiece
42. Long John Silvers: shiver MY timber
43. Flowers: pollen :. allergic
44. Read: books
1. If you were to find out you were pregnant what would you do?
declare myself the immaculately conceived mother of the antichrist
2. Do you trust your friends?
some more than others
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the person you love?
i doubt it
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
if that were the case, needless death and misery is all for a reason and i refuse to believe that
5. Name one thing you would NOT tolerate in a friendship.
i would say "cheating" and yet... stupid fucking second chances... never again.
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best roommate for you?
i've decided you can't live with friends. it gets too hard and complicated. good friendships are more importtant to maintain than living with a friend and potentially ruining the friendship.
7. Can you deal with people who are too concerned with status?
not really. they bother me.
8. Are you afraid to fall in love?
i'm sure my imaginary shrink thinks so
9. Is there someone who pops into your head at random times?
yes and i hate it
10. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new girl/guy?
no but i worry that i did once. like i said, never again.
11. Name someone from your friends list that you could call to fix a flat tire?
probably mike. but hell, i could do it myself.
12. From your friends list, who can you call in the middle of the night if you need to talk?
i've changed. i don't call people when i'm upset.
13. What qualities do you find most attractive in [the opposite?]sex?
a good sense of humour with a twist of cynicism and a love of learning and knowledge
14. Fill in the blank. I will NEVER _____?
do heroin
15. What are your goals in life?
to change the world for the better
16. What can you tell about a person by kissing them?
what they last ate and if they have any concept of drool control
17. When you get married, how would you envision your dream wedding to be?
small, private and probably outdoors
18. If you could say just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
"excuse me, would you like to sample my smoked meat log?"
19. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended period of time, name some people you would want to see around your bed?
my mother, brynnda, joe... friends mostly. and maybe my kittens now as cats!
20. How many kids do you want to have?
right now, none. i'm told my maternal clock will start ticking some day.
21. Would you make a good parent?
nope
22. Where was your default pic taken?
off the internet
23. What is your middle name?
beth
24. Do you have a crush on anyone now?
sort of
25. How was your spring break?
i'm out of school. i don't have one.
26. What is your current mood?
i quiver with antici
pation
27. What do you love most?
kodak moments of laughter
28. Lover or Fighter?
fight with love
29. When was the last time you masturbated?
umm... a week ago wednesday? the day before the tattoo. i knew it'd be a while before i could lay on my back again ;)
30. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?
i'd probably fix those fucking ballot boxes in florida in 2000. and 2004 in ohio.
31. If you could wish for one thing, what would it be?
international peace (it sounds better than "world peace")
32. Are you happy with your current status?
nope
33. Do you 'hate' anyone?
yes and no. hate is a very complicated emotion like love.
34. Do you 'love' anyone?
sadly yes
35. What's your favorite song?
this week it's "the death of a martian" by the red hot chili peppers
36. Does someone have something that you want?
you mean things like happiness? yeah.
37. What song do you believe was written directly for you?
"waiting" by...someone you may know. and i guess darrin wrote one for me too, but i never heard it.
38. Do you have your own place?
not with parents, yes. by myself, no but soon. a month or so.
39. What's your favorite TV show?
*shift awkwardly* bones? nah, profiler!
40. Are you willing to try anything?
almost but no cigar. no clit piercing, no heroin, no meth, and i probably wouldn't kill someone if you just asked me. unless i became a professional hitman.
41. Are you happy with yourself?
not really. but i kind of wish our high school reunion was right now so i could brag NOW before i fuck it all up. yeah i graduated early at 21 and have been working for an opera company for 2+ years and am the producer and stage manager of the san francisco lyric opera. oh what's that? you're still in school and failing math and an alcoholic? yeah that's too bad. maybe you should've taken our spanish tutoring sessions a little more seriously than an attempt to get laid after you broke up with your girlfriend for not having sex with you.
oops. sorry. i rant.
i've fallen in love with salt bagels again. freaking love them. they're made for me.
yup, another hour down. still no dvds. stupid jerk. i leave in 2 hours. think he'l make it this time?
that is why i welcome death.
well, that and the fact that kurt vonnegut died last night. hunter s. thompson and now kurt vonnegut in two years. it's too much for me. the next time i know it, e.e. cummings will be gone too!
my right shoulder just started tingling. and now it's traveling down my arm and i can feel it in my fingertips too. i'm kind of worried. because now it's not so much tingling as pinpricks-of-pain tingling. and just when i was thinking to myself that the carpal tunnel was truly gone...
*ow* though. it kind of really hurts now.
how i'm moving up in the world:
- attending the san francisco opera general meeting
- getting private tours of theatres
- getting free performance tickets
- attending an exclusive (and invite-only) premiere fashion show
- being "one of those people" with a huge badass tattoo
this is called "FIRST REACTIONS QUIZ". You have to type the 1ST thing that comes to mind whenever you hear these 44 words. You can't think and go back and change your answers.
[this is what we "professional psychoanalysts" call Word Association.
*ooooh!*
1. Beer: BeerFest
2. Anorexic: tooth decay
3. Relationships: suck
4. Your Last Ex: bastard
6. Pot: WEED!
7. Steroids: Olympics
8. Cartoons: are for children and mentally retarded people, and not to be confused with animation
9. The President: mentally retarded and the cause of the apocalypse
10. Tupperware: green (in my mind, i guess all tupperware is green)
11. Florida: Disney World
12. Santa Claus: old fat man with a beard
13. Halloween: CANDY!!
15. Grammar: no longer taught in elementary school
16. MySpace: the new Friendster?
17. Biggest fear: spiders
18. Marriage: it's all about the paperwork
19. Paris Hilton: stupid fucking heiress
20. Brunettes: smarter by default
21. Redheads: sexy and underrated
22. Blondes: bimbo
23. Pass the time: spin the bottle
24. One night stands: head stands
25. Donald Trump: "YOU FIRED!" (like from A Bug's Life)
26. Neverland: Second star to the right, and straight on till morning!
27. Pixie Stick: the poor kid's cocaine
28. Vanilla Ice cream: "if you're a cracker you'd better get blacker"
29. Port-a-Potties: jackass sucks
30. High school: the worst 4 years of my life
31. Pajamas: comfort
32. Wood: camping
33. Wet Sock: vietnam (yeah, forrest gump)
34. Alcohol: alcoholic
35. Love: a figment of the imagination and hormones
36. My best friend(s): crazy
37. The Bible: human interpretation of longing and loneliness
39. Tears: In Heaven
38: Pregnancy: scary
40. Guitar: Hero
41. Belts: the modern day codpiece
42. Long John Silvers: shiver MY timber
43. Flowers: pollen :. allergic
44. Read: books
1. If you were to find out you were pregnant what would you do?
declare myself the immaculately conceived mother of the antichrist
2. Do you trust your friends?
some more than others
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the person you love?
i doubt it
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
if that were the case, needless death and misery is all for a reason and i refuse to believe that
5. Name one thing you would NOT tolerate in a friendship.
i would say "cheating" and yet... stupid fucking second chances... never again.
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best roommate for you?
i've decided you can't live with friends. it gets too hard and complicated. good friendships are more importtant to maintain than living with a friend and potentially ruining the friendship.
7. Can you deal with people who are too concerned with status?
not really. they bother me.
8. Are you afraid to fall in love?
i'm sure my imaginary shrink thinks so
9. Is there someone who pops into your head at random times?
yes and i hate it
10. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new girl/guy?
no but i worry that i did once. like i said, never again.
11. Name someone from your friends list that you could call to fix a flat tire?
probably mike. but hell, i could do it myself.
12. From your friends list, who can you call in the middle of the night if you need to talk?
i've changed. i don't call people when i'm upset.
13. What qualities do you find most attractive in [the opposite?]sex?
a good sense of humour with a twist of cynicism and a love of learning and knowledge
14. Fill in the blank. I will NEVER _____?
do heroin
15. What are your goals in life?
to change the world for the better
16. What can you tell about a person by kissing them?
what they last ate and if they have any concept of drool control
17. When you get married, how would you envision your dream wedding to be?
small, private and probably outdoors
18. If you could say just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
"excuse me, would you like to sample my smoked meat log?"
19. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended period of time, name some people you would want to see around your bed?
my mother, brynnda, joe... friends mostly. and maybe my kittens now as cats!
20. How many kids do you want to have?
right now, none. i'm told my maternal clock will start ticking some day.
21. Would you make a good parent?
nope
22. Where was your default pic taken?
off the internet
23. What is your middle name?
beth
24. Do you have a crush on anyone now?
sort of
25. How was your spring break?
i'm out of school. i don't have one.
26. What is your current mood?
i quiver with antici
pation
27. What do you love most?
kodak moments of laughter
28. Lover or Fighter?
fight with love
29. When was the last time you masturbated?
umm... a week ago wednesday? the day before the tattoo. i knew it'd be a while before i could lay on my back again ;)
30. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?
i'd probably fix those fucking ballot boxes in florida in 2000. and 2004 in ohio.
31. If you could wish for one thing, what would it be?
international peace (it sounds better than "world peace")
32. Are you happy with your current status?
nope
33. Do you 'hate' anyone?
yes and no. hate is a very complicated emotion like love.
34. Do you 'love' anyone?
sadly yes
35. What's your favorite song?
this week it's "the death of a martian" by the red hot chili peppers
36. Does someone have something that you want?
you mean things like happiness? yeah.
37. What song do you believe was written directly for you?
"waiting" by...someone you may know. and i guess darrin wrote one for me too, but i never heard it.
38. Do you have your own place?
not with parents, yes. by myself, no but soon. a month or so.
39. What's your favorite TV show?
*shift awkwardly* bones? nah, profiler!
40. Are you willing to try anything?
almost but no cigar. no clit piercing, no heroin, no meth, and i probably wouldn't kill someone if you just asked me. unless i became a professional hitman.
41. Are you happy with yourself?
not really. but i kind of wish our high school reunion was right now so i could brag NOW before i fuck it all up. yeah i graduated early at 21 and have been working for an opera company for 2+ years and am the producer and stage manager of the san francisco lyric opera. oh what's that? you're still in school and failing math and an alcoholic? yeah that's too bad. maybe you should've taken our spanish tutoring sessions a little more seriously than an attempt to get laid after you broke up with your girlfriend for not having sex with you.
oops. sorry. i rant.
i've fallen in love with salt bagels again. freaking love them. they're made for me.
yup, another hour down. still no dvds. stupid jerk. i leave in 2 hours. think he'l make it this time?