new
so here i am at the very beginning again.
I have to make the most of things this time around. I am going to begin by getting myself the bare essentials to start off on a good footing. my priorities are a better job, a better home and to find a back up plan for each day. I think I'm gonna start this journal again and get in the pattern of posting on here regularly.
To catch up: this last year has been a very trying one. The passing of my grandfather, a destructive relationship, a failed job attempt, a failed school attempt, a new job that drains me on a daily basis and several friendships gone rogue. I need to get some good in my life. I need to not surround myself with negative and ignore my "bright tomorrow" attitude until i have some real positive to fall back on. I need to pace myself and not rush into things. If it is truly a sure thing and truly a gratifying experience it will be there no matter what. Too many times in my past have i seen the golden lining only to be fooled. My quick analysis on people and things isn't as sharp as it used to and i find myself coming up empty time after time.
There are many things i have neglected from my past that i need to get back in touch with. For starters I'm gonna make it a point to get out and see some live concerts and theater something i dearly miss. I also need to get back into art in some way. I think i'm going to buy some paints and some clay and just mess around with it. It will give me some time to think and express myself. I need to stop searching for people to enrich my life and instead focus on things i have control of and in time the people will find me. I also need to make more of an effort to rekindle old friendships and enrich current ones. I'm going to let go of all grudges and grievances and just give everything and everyone a fresh start. It will definitely be harder for some but i will try my best.
I used to be so sure of myself and self reliant and somewhere along the way i lost that. I find myself desperately seeking the confirmation from others and try to define myself, image, and enjoyment by what others try to press upon me. In doing so i've lost alot of my identity and become very unsure of my own feelings. I keep trying to find a new shirt or hairstyle or local to make myself feel comfortable when i should truly be focusing on just feeling comfortable in my own skin. I realize that its just as futile to try to make myself happy by being appreciated in others eyes as it is to try to make others happy by being appreciated in mine. I 'm the only one that can make me happy with who i am and they are the only ones that can make themselves happy with who they are. Its just the way it is.
So here it is my new years resolution. A little late but you know what its better than nothing. I've never been one to be on time with calendar dates. There are a lot of things that i wish were still here but they are gone no use fighting it. I gave a good effort but i need to know when to move on. I feel no regrets and i will just learn and grow. So heres to a fresh start, cheers.
I have to make the most of things this time around. I am going to begin by getting myself the bare essentials to start off on a good footing. my priorities are a better job, a better home and to find a back up plan for each day. I think I'm gonna start this journal again and get in the pattern of posting on here regularly.
To catch up: this last year has been a very trying one. The passing of my grandfather, a destructive relationship, a failed job attempt, a failed school attempt, a new job that drains me on a daily basis and several friendships gone rogue. I need to get some good in my life. I need to not surround myself with negative and ignore my "bright tomorrow" attitude until i have some real positive to fall back on. I need to pace myself and not rush into things. If it is truly a sure thing and truly a gratifying experience it will be there no matter what. Too many times in my past have i seen the golden lining only to be fooled. My quick analysis on people and things isn't as sharp as it used to and i find myself coming up empty time after time.
There are many things i have neglected from my past that i need to get back in touch with. For starters I'm gonna make it a point to get out and see some live concerts and theater something i dearly miss. I also need to get back into art in some way. I think i'm going to buy some paints and some clay and just mess around with it. It will give me some time to think and express myself. I need to stop searching for people to enrich my life and instead focus on things i have control of and in time the people will find me. I also need to make more of an effort to rekindle old friendships and enrich current ones. I'm going to let go of all grudges and grievances and just give everything and everyone a fresh start. It will definitely be harder for some but i will try my best.
I used to be so sure of myself and self reliant and somewhere along the way i lost that. I find myself desperately seeking the confirmation from others and try to define myself, image, and enjoyment by what others try to press upon me. In doing so i've lost alot of my identity and become very unsure of my own feelings. I keep trying to find a new shirt or hairstyle or local to make myself feel comfortable when i should truly be focusing on just feeling comfortable in my own skin. I realize that its just as futile to try to make myself happy by being appreciated in others eyes as it is to try to make others happy by being appreciated in mine. I 'm the only one that can make me happy with who i am and they are the only ones that can make themselves happy with who they are. Its just the way it is.
So here it is my new years resolution. A little late but you know what its better than nothing. I've never been one to be on time with calendar dates. There are a lot of things that i wish were still here but they are gone no use fighting it. I gave a good effort but i need to know when to move on. I feel no regrets and i will just learn and grow. So heres to a fresh start, cheers.