Mixed Baybees
Here's something I've been wanting to talk about/ask about for a while, and I figured this was a choice group for the asking.
What do you do when your child, other relative, self, charge, et al. is complimented for being bi/multiracial? Particularly (as it seems most common) for being beautiful?
When I was growing up (white, no siblings until I was 10), my cousins, my primary peers, were all biracial. Their looks (especially those of my female cousin) were, not surprisingly, constantly remarked upon. While I think my (white) aunts were decent about addressing issues of racism, assumptions that they were adopted, etc., I have to say that they didn't particularly discourage the belief that the kids were attractive because they were "mixed."
My (Filipino American) husband and I are planning on having kids in the next couple of years, so this has been weighing on my mind. Of course our kids will be gorgeous, just being our kids. :P For that and reasons of exotification, there is no doubt in my mind that they will be on the receiving end of "compliments" for their looks, unsolicited musings on "hybrid vigor," etc.
I don't want to make the child feel as if he or (especially) she is *not* attractive. Of course, I'm not interested in emphasizing the importance of looks in general to my children, especially any girls. But I don't want that assumption-- that he/she is attractive because of his/her "mixedness"-- to remain unchallenged. The only responses I can think of are contradictory... Either, "Yes, she takes after her father" or "You are beautiful because of who you are, not who your parents are."
The second sounds a bit colorblind, but I know I am going to have to start early and need age-appropriate responses for toddlerhood on. The first is more to the point of Fil-Am pride, but I don't know if it cuts to the heart of it, or what... In case it's not clear, my problem with this exotification lies primarily in the idea that being "part-white" is considered a step up, and if a child is not "part-white" at all, then the compliment is often for being "less-black" or at least less threatening as a "full-blooded" [insert ethnicity]. That's not something I'm trying to teach my children to celebrate, theoretical though they may be at this point. I am also not interested in overly emphasizing the idea that they are "better" or even just "special" for being some sort of "bridge between cultures." I have witnessed (and in a small way, been a part of*) the fact that while this can confer some "advantages," being "mixed" has many of its own drawbacks as well. (I think there is an interesting discussion to be had about how marrying Michelle Obama gave Barack Obama a greater sense of rootedness in black communities, etc.)
Thoughts? Suggestions? Personal experiences?
*My father is Jewish and my mother comes from a very different Southern, mostly Anglo background, and I was often held up by her family (among others) as some sort of "chosen one" because of my connection to "God's people," served as a kind of translator, etc., but was never as connected as I could be to my Jewishness blah blah blah tragic.
What do you do when your child, other relative, self, charge, et al. is complimented for being bi/multiracial? Particularly (as it seems most common) for being beautiful?
When I was growing up (white, no siblings until I was 10), my cousins, my primary peers, were all biracial. Their looks (especially those of my female cousin) were, not surprisingly, constantly remarked upon. While I think my (white) aunts were decent about addressing issues of racism, assumptions that they were adopted, etc., I have to say that they didn't particularly discourage the belief that the kids were attractive because they were "mixed."
My (Filipino American) husband and I are planning on having kids in the next couple of years, so this has been weighing on my mind. Of course our kids will be gorgeous, just being our kids. :P For that and reasons of exotification, there is no doubt in my mind that they will be on the receiving end of "compliments" for their looks, unsolicited musings on "hybrid vigor," etc.
I don't want to make the child feel as if he or (especially) she is *not* attractive. Of course, I'm not interested in emphasizing the importance of looks in general to my children, especially any girls. But I don't want that assumption-- that he/she is attractive because of his/her "mixedness"-- to remain unchallenged. The only responses I can think of are contradictory... Either, "Yes, she takes after her father" or "You are beautiful because of who you are, not who your parents are."
The second sounds a bit colorblind, but I know I am going to have to start early and need age-appropriate responses for toddlerhood on. The first is more to the point of Fil-Am pride, but I don't know if it cuts to the heart of it, or what... In case it's not clear, my problem with this exotification lies primarily in the idea that being "part-white" is considered a step up, and if a child is not "part-white" at all, then the compliment is often for being "less-black" or at least less threatening as a "full-blooded" [insert ethnicity]. That's not something I'm trying to teach my children to celebrate, theoretical though they may be at this point. I am also not interested in overly emphasizing the idea that they are "better" or even just "special" for being some sort of "bridge between cultures." I have witnessed (and in a small way, been a part of*) the fact that while this can confer some "advantages," being "mixed" has many of its own drawbacks as well. (I think there is an interesting discussion to be had about how marrying Michelle Obama gave Barack Obama a greater sense of rootedness in black communities, etc.)
Thoughts? Suggestions? Personal experiences?
*My father is Jewish and my mother comes from a very different Southern, mostly Anglo background, and I was often held up by her family (among others) as some sort of "chosen one" because of my connection to "God's people," served as a kind of translator, etc., but was never as connected as I could be to my Jewishness blah blah blah tragic.