The Story of Paris - Part Four (The End)
Title: The Story of Paris
Author: jL
Pairings: J/B
Rating: T for Language
Genre: Angst/Romance
Word Count: 4723
Warnings: Spoilers for Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and a little bit of Breaking Dawn.
Summary: Romeo and Juliet may have died, but they lived happily ever afterwards. However this story isn't about Juliet and her Romeo. It is story about Paris, who was Juliet's sun. He was Juliet's best friend. His story is the true tale of woe. This is the story of Paris and his struggle to keep Juliet alive.
Notes: Post eclipse - ignore most of Breaking Dawn - definitely no pregnancy. Some facts from the series were changed so it would fit within the context of this story, but I tried to be as true to the events as possible. The one big change is that Jake sees Bella for the first time after he becomes a werewolf in New Moon.
Disclaimer: The Twilight saga and such does not belong to me, but to Stephenie Meyer.
Previous Parts: Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Music
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The Story of Paris - Part Four
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The Epilogue
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Bella flips to the next page in the book. She is finally at the epilogue of the book. She is almost done reading the whole story about Paris, but as soon as she reads the written words on that page, she promptly drops the book down onto the table. She gasps and her eyes becomes enlarged. Then she frantically starts to look for her belongings. She tries to gather her purse, her coat, her sanity as fast as she can - she has to get out of here - and she abruptly gets out of her seat. Her seat is knocked down backwards in the process, which makes a loud bang in the peaceful coffee shop.
Everyone in the shop stop what they are doing and curiously turn to look at what is going on in the corner of the shop. A beautiful pale woman with hypnotic amber eyes is rushing about the shop, gathering her things as fast as humanly possible. What a strange sight to see for the patrons of the coffee shop. It almost appears like she is frightened by something, but by what. There is no danger within the coffee shop. It all seems like a mystery to the patrons of the shop as to what could have spooked the woman so badly. It seems more likely for the customers to be scared of her instead of her being sacred of them, for she radiates an aura of danger around her.
Someone who is very brave or an idiot dismisses his instinct that is telling him to run far away from her. He gets up out of his seat and walks over to the corner table to try to help her in some way. Something about her just calls to him. He asks her if she is all right, trying to help calm her down. She is still frantic, but she answers that she is fine and that she just needs to get a breath of fresh air. However as she is righting her seat back up, she accidentally knocks down her coffee, which is still full to brim, onto the last page of the book. It starts to stain the last words written on the page, but she does not look back. Not once does she take again glance at the accursed book. She rushes out of the coffee shop as fast as humanly possible. The coffee continues to the stain the words - maybe even her heart - and the man, who benevolently helps her despite his instinct to run, takes a gander at the page, which read:
“Epilogue -
This was the story of Paris. This was the story of my baby brother who loved his Juliet wholeheartedly and fought relentlessly for her life, but in the end, he lost the war. In his version of the story, his Juliet left with her Romeo and lived happily ever after. He was left with a broken heart. Since the very first day he saw her, his life belonged to her. His life was bound to her life. She was his anchor in this world. She was the center of his universe. Her happiness was his happiness. Her pain was his pain. Her death was his death. May he rest in peace now and one day find the happiness that he deserved.
We miss you, Jacob Black.”
The words seem so final and so absolute. She now knows that there is nothing that she can do to right her wrong. She knows in the back of her mind that the book depicts true events, no matter how much she attempts to tell herself that it is not real, that it is just fiction. She now knows that he is dead, but how she hopes that she is wrong and that the book is wrong. She hopes that Paris in that story is not her Paris and most definitely, not her Jacob. She hopes that her Paris is still alive, happy and smiling, just as he should be. She is hoping that her belief that one day he will find his imprint is still a possible reality. She foolhardily wishes for the fact that she is not his imprint. She dashes out of the coffee shop and into the street, trying so hard not to start crying, even though there are no tears in her eyes. She leans against the side of the store as she takes a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. But nothing seems to help. She fights against her emotions so she will not start sobbing. She is trying so hard not to remember. But this memory is a bitch to forget. She is struggling so badly just to forget. But it all seems impossible when every memory she has of him comes rushing into her mind at full force. She can see his face clearly now with his gentle smile and beautiful eyes. She can see him, just like how he always was back in the days when they were best friends, standing at his porch, smiling and happy, waiting for her just as her old dependable noisy truck that used to be his pulled up to his driveway. Why can't she just forget? Human memories are supposed to fade with time. It has been two years already. It is not supposedly to be so vivid and clear. She runs as fast as a human can to the safety of her car. But those words, that book, will never be forgotten. It will continue to haunt her as long as she is a vampire with a photographic memory.
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Prove Me Wrong
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In the safety of her car, Bella takes down her shield and she loses her battle to her emotions. As she dry sobs in her Ferrari - a car that Jake would love to drive and take apart - trying so hard to forget and not let the guilty eat away at her, a shrill ring pierces her somber environment. It catches her by surprise and it takes her a second to realize that it is her ring tone. Her cell phone is ringing. Someone is calling her, however in this moment, she is not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. She does not want to answer her phone in fear that it is Alice or even Edward. She does not want to talk to anyone about this. She does not want to remember. But she knows if she does not answer, they will come and look for her. They are relentlessly like that, still afraid she will get hurt even now when she is a vampire, but right now she just wants to be alone and wallow in her sorrow. She takes a couple of more deep breaths to try to control her dry sobbing. She grabs her phone from her purse and flips the phone open to answer it, trying to sound as normal as possible, “Hello?”
It never occurred to look at the caller ID to see who is calling her, and because of that, she gets a surprise. She can not decide if it is a good or bad surprise. “Bella?”
“Seth?” Her voice breaks a little bit. It is a werewolf, but not her werewolf. It will never be her werewolf, but she can still pretend.
“Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that I talked to Sam and the tribal council elders.”
“Oh. And... And what's the verdict?” she softly - almost flatly and soundlessly - asks him.
“They will allow to see him today and only today.” On his birthday is never spoken, but the implication is there. “Just this once and afterwards, they hope you will never ask us for this favor again. They know that Jake would like to see you again one more time. They are doing this for him. So I will meet you at the border and bring you to him. See you soon, Bella.”
“Okay, Seth. I'll be there as soon as I can.” He hangs up. Nothing else is said, but by the way that Seth is talking about him on the phone, it almost seems like he is still alive, and that he is just waiting to welcome her with his open arms on his birthday. It only seems like the tribe is just granting Jake parole to see her again and that he is really locked up somewhere. The tribe just seems to be afraid that he will do something stupid once he sees her again. She turns on the ignition and pulls the car out of the coffee shop parking lot. Maybe, just maybe, that is what really happened to Jake and not the scary and heartbreaking outcome that is described in that evil evil book. What does Rachel knows? Who is Rachel anyways? How would she even know something like this? Rachel is nobody. Yup, that is it. Rachel does not know her Jake at all. Rachel's Jake is just some fantasy. It is just fiction. Jake is still alive. Oh how she hopes that is the case. Silly Bella, that is what Jake would have said to her in this moment.
'Don't cry - Don't cry - Don't cry - Don't you dare cry, she keeps on repeating to herself as she drives down the familiar roads to La Push again, past the lush green forest just like she did that very morning. What a contrast it is from that morning. The sky seems even more overcast now than before. Is it about to rain? Is this a sign for her? That morning, she is hopeful and happy that she will be able to see him again and that she will be able to wish him a happy birthday. In her vision of their reunion, he will be happy to see her again and he will greet her with his beautiful smile again. He will rip open the gift that she got him and love it the moment that he lays his eyes on it. But now, she just hopes that fate is not as cruel as it seems to be. Reality will not be so mean to her and take away her happy golden sun. 'Don't cry - Don't cry.' The mantra repeats in her mind. Too bad even if she wants to cry, she will not even be able to anyways, not when she is vampire that can not produce any tears. That fact just makes it even sadder for her. She can not even produce any tears for her dead best friend - for her personal sun. Just maybe because she can not cry is because he is not dead yet. God will not be so cruel to allow him to die when she can not even shed a tear for him.
Finally after what seems like a lifetime, she reaches the treaty line between the Quileute and the Cullens. It is the stupid invisible line that prevents her from seeing Jake. It is the damn border that separates the vampires from the werewolves. It separates her from Jake. She slows her car down to a crawl and her headlight illuminates the figure of Seth, standing there, waiting for her just like Jake would have when she would go visit him at his house. She stops her car. She turns off the engine. She closes her amber eyes and takes a couple of more deep breaths. She repeats a new mantra in mind - 'I can do this. I can do this.' Once she is ready and relaxed, she steps out of her car and walks over to Seth. She stands face to face with him. His face gives nothing away to her - nothing that she can use to predict the outcome with her meeting with Jake. Her mind flashes back to this morning when she first saw Seth. It is of Seth with sunflowers in his hands who was going to the cemetery to visit somebody - please not Jake.
“Hello Bella.” No smile on his face. This is not the Seth that she remembers from this morning. Not the Seth that she remembers at all. Where is his happy-go-lucky personality? No, screamed Bella's mind. No, Jake is not dead. Smile, Seth. Smile.
“Hi Seth.” She replies with a tiny smile on her face, but no smile is returned. Come on, Seth, smile. Just smile so that I know that everything is okay.
He looks at her for a second, then he turns around and said, “Come on. I'll bring you to Jake.”
He waves his hands to signal her to follow him and starts to walk into the darkness of the forest. Why isn't he leading me to reservation? I want to see Jake. She wants to screams at him. I don't want to go in that direction. Not the direction you went in this morning. Come on, Seth. Stop. Turn around and go in the right direction. Stop playing around. No matter what her mind screams and protests, Seth continues to walk down that road - the road he took to the cemetery that very morning.
She does not want to follow him, but she does anyways. Maybe, just maybe when she gets to the cemetery, - please not the cemetery - she can prove him wrong. She can show him that Jake is not there. No, Jake will not be there. Jake is alive and happy. What wishful thinking Bella has.
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The End of the Road
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As they get near to their destination, the scent of death permeates around them. Please, not there, begs Bella's mind. She does not notice when they pass through the cemetery gate. She does not notice when they are passing the endless rows of tombstones. She does not notice anything, but the fact that Seth is still walking. Walking is a good sign. Maybe he is just taking a shortcut to La Push. Maybe, just maybe, she hopes and prays. Suddenly, Seth stops and Bella almost runs into him, but thanks to her newfound reflexes, she stops herself right in time behind she runs into him. She looks at him, at his face, wondering why he has stopped, because this is not where Jake would be, but Seth's face shows no emotions. Maybe he is going to tell her that this is all a joke. He gradually turns around to face her. “Bella.”
No resonates through her mind. You are wrong. She does not want to see the gravestone with his name on it. She does not want to believe that he is dead, because in her mind, he is still alive. He is still alive, damn it.
“Bella.”
“No. Don't. Please don't.” She raises her hands to cover her ears and she frantically shakes her head 'no'.
Seth gently puts his hands on her shoulders to stop her. “Bella.” He tries again. “This is Jacob's grave.”
She abruptly stops for frantic head shaking and she gradually lowers her hands from her ears. She looks at Seth's face - into his eyes - for a second to determine if he is joking or not. Once she sees that he is serious, - no, please, no - she slowly looks down and sees the tombstone. She sees it now. There it is in her face, haunting her, mocking her. She sees his name on it, but she still does not want to believe it. She does not want to see this. Anything but this. Suddenly, she falls down to her knees like she just can not support her weight anymore. She reaches out her fingers to the gravestone, but it just seems so far away, so unreal. She slowly traces the name on it. She traces her fingers through each letter of his name. J-A-C-O-B-B-L-A-C-K. She engraves this memory into her mind. Jacob Black. There it is. There is his name on the cold gray dreary tomb stone. It is so final, so absolute. There is no way to turn around from this. There is no way to reverse the reality. There is no way to take it all back. There it is. Jacob Black. Beloved Son, Brother, Friend. There it is. The accursed gravestone with his name and his inscription along with a tiny little engraved wolf in the upper left hand corner. A bitter little laugh bubbles to the surface of her mind, but instead she chokes back on her sob, arising from her throat. Her mind flashes back to the coffee shop, to the book that she read. She does not understand how this could have turned out to be the outcome.
“How? Why?” She softly asks Seth in a broken little girl's voice - how she wants to be able to cry right now.
Seth looks at her for a minute, then he abruptly focuses his glance in the distance, into the darkness, anywhere but her. “You were his imprint.” He says. “When the imprint is killed, the wolf will feel the imprint's pain. He will feel her death. His reason for living is gone. When a werewolf imprints, his imprint becomes the center of his universe and she becomes his anchor in this world. When the imprint dies, he is left adrift. He is left with the sense of helplessness and loss. All he will be able to feel is the pain.” Not once does he take another glance at Bella.
“Why?”
“He didn't want the Pack to ever feel that pain, that helplessness. You know, with the Pack mentality and all, it would have been painful for all of us. He probably thought it was for the best. There really isn't much that he could have done. It's not something that he could just fight or forget. When the imprint dies, the wolf just wants to follow her in death. His instinct will be telling him to die along with her.”
“No. Not that why. Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he ever tell me that I was his imprint? Why didn't he ever tell me?” She screams the last question at Seth.
Seth continues to stare out to the distance when he replies, “Because he would have done anything for you, be anything for you. He would have became whatever persona you needed him to be, whether that is a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother. He became your best friend, because that was what you wanted him to be for you. He was your perfect match in every way and he thought that was enough for you to choose him. He wanted you to choose him because you loved him, not because you didn't feel like you have a choice, especially not because you felt obligated to choose him because you were his imprint.”
Bella's mind flashes back to the time when Jake told her about imprinting. She remembers what he told her when she learned Quil imprinted on Claire, a two-year-old. She remembers when she asked him if Claire had a choice in the matter, but she tries to forget his answer. She does not want to remember that answer, but it still flashes through her mind. 'Why wouldn't she choose him, in the end? He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone.' Jake was designed for her. He was her perfect match. No, her mind screamed. She does not want to believe it. It is too hard for her to accept that yet. His perfect match is still out there somewhere. It is not her. She wants to cry so badly.
“He should have told me.” She softly replies.
“He should have told me.” She says a little bit louder.
“He should have told me that bastard.” She screams at Seth, at the sky, at Jake, maybe even at herself.
“Yeah, he should have, but he didn't.” Seth somberly replies back to Bella. He is still looking at the great unknown in the distance. “But I could understand why he didn't ever tell you. He did all that he could to get you to choose him. He did everything in short of telling you. And yet, she didn't pick him. He knew that there was nothing that he could have done to win, but he still tried. He still fought. And sometimes it's just easier to live with the chance of possibility than the definite answer of never going to happen. He didn't want to know that even when you were his imprint, it wouldn't have mattered in the end, that you were going to choose Edward anyways. It was probably just easier for him to accept that maybe you would have chose him if he told you, instead of him telling you and that it did not even matter in the end. He knew in his heart that it wouldn't matter. He knew your heart. And in the very end, he just needed that possibility that if he did tell you, you would have chose him. So now you know.” He paused. He looks down at Bella and says, “I just wanted you to know that I told him your message from this morning. And the present you got for him, I gave it to Billy. Don't worry. I told Jake about it too. I'm sure he's very happy about it.”
Bella makes no reply to Seth. She does not give a sign that she has heard what Seth had said. She just continues to stare at the tombstone. She knows that he is right, no matter how much she wants to deny it. She knows that it would not have mattered in the end even if he had told her. She would have chose Edward even if she did know the truth, but she does not want to admit that yet. She just continues to stare at his name on the tombstone. Her mind is blank. Nothing is processing through her brain. Nothing seems real. She leans her head on his gravestone. She closes her eyes and softly whispers, “You should have told me. I'm your best friend. You never kept anything from me. Why now? You should have told me, Jake. I miss you so much. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”
Then she continually murmurs, “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
After awhile, she slowly opens her eyes and stares at the grave again. She takes a quick look at Seth, when he gently lays his hand on her shoulder for a second. But his presence does not process through her mind anymore, not even when he leaves her to give her some space and some alone time with Jake. Nothing seems to register but the pain and the agony. Only the truth of the reality invades her mind. Oh God. She wants to cry so badly, but no tears would come to her eyes. Why? Why? She just wants to screams to the heaven, to God. Why are you so cruel? She does not want to accept this. At least not this reality. All of a sudden, the heaven opens up and teardrops starts to fall from the sky. It seems like God is answering her question. The sky will cry for her because she can not. The sky will shed all the tears that she can not shed, but wants to shed. And the rain continues to fall endlessly - pattering onto his tombstone - on her. The rain falls down upon on her face, streaming down her cheeks. It is almost like the tears are from her own eyes. It almost gives the illusion that she is crying. Then, it almost seems like the wind is whispering in her ear the words, “I will cry for you when you can't. Your pain is my pain. I'll shed the tears that you can't shed.” Maybe it is not God that is answering her. Maybe it is Jake that just performed this act of miracle - no, not miracle - just another thing that Jake will try to fix for her. And with that thought in her mind, she just wants to cry harder.
She stays there on her knees. She stays there where his spirit is resting for eternity, but not his body that was never recovered from the sea. She stays there, wanting to cry, but can not. She stays there even after Seth leaves. She just stays there, softly, gently, tracing his name over and over again and staring a tiny engraved wolf on the tombstone. She stays there, not knowing what to do. She stays there for hours, waiting maybe for him to pop up out of nowhere and just say 'Gotcha' to her. She stays there, waiting for this reality that she is in right now to turn out to be a nightmare. She stays there as the heaven cries for her loss, her grief, her best friend, her sun, her Jake.
The rain continues to fall even when she says her final goodbye to him. It continues to fall when she gets up to go back to her car. It continues to fall as she drives back to her grand white mansion in the middle of the meadow. It still continues to fall when she is back in the arms of her family - her vampire family - not her human family - not with Charlie, Renee or Jake - never again with Jake. The rain continues to fall even when Edward wraps his arms around her and hugs her, trying to shelter her from the pain. But nothing helps. The sorrow still lingers. The grief still remains. Nothing is right anymore, not when he is dead. He is supposed to be happy, but most importantly, he is supposed to be alive. He is supposed to have lots of children - little werewolf babies - and be a perfect husband and father. It is supposed to be just like her vision when she said good-bye to him as a human, but it just is not supposed to be with her. It is supposed to be with his imprint, who is not supposed to her.
Edward leads her back to their room, to the room that they will share together for an eternity. She does not know what is going on. She just follows him up to their room. Her brain is not processing anything anymore. He leads her to the couch and she just shadows his lead. There is no expression or motion from her. There is no protest that is uttered from her lips. Edward looks at her, wondering what was wrong. Jake would know what was wrong. He never had to ask. Edward continues to wonder, but he will never ask her. He will never encroach on her privacy. Together, Edward and Bella sit silently on the sofa. Edward steadfastly looks at her while Bella continues to stare out the window. She stares out into the darkness of the forest of Forks that surrounds the grand white mansion of the Cullen. The rain still continues to fall throughout the night. Nothing is being processed through her brain, only the fact that heaven is crying for her. She is numb to everything around her. Nothing feels right anymore. It seems like she is back to being Zombie Bella. The Zombie Bella that Jake cured. Jake. Oh Jake. All of a sudden, she stands up. Edward just stares her. Confusion is written on his face. Her mind is finally free. The drug induced haze around her mind seems to be gone now. Finally at last, everything becomes clear in her mind. Maybe the rain has washed away the drug in her bloodstream, because now she can see again. She slowly walks out to the balcony and stares out to the moon. Edward, not knowing what to do, just sits silently by, watching her, wondering what is going through her mind, but he never asks her. And each night before the sun will raise in the sky to chase away the dark and scary night, she will look out at the moon and she silently prays that someday the eclipse will pass. She wordlessly wishes that the bright shining sun will one day be visible again in the beautiful blue sky. She hopelessly hopes that one day she will be able to see her sun again.
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The End
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A/N: Here it is. The ending to my first Twilight fanfic (I'm amazed it turned out to be 16,244 words), also my first J/B fanfic, even though Jacob is dead in this, but he does play an integral role in this story for Bella. (Sometimes I think I need to write fluffy happy fics, but I love angst. Oh well.) I hope the story was good and that it wasn't a waste of time to read. I don't know when my next fanfic will be. It all depends on the persistence of my next inspiration and there hasn't been any inspiration. I probably don't have any time to write anyways. Well, this is it. Till next time whenever that will be.
Reviews are always nice. :) Thanks go out to everybody that reviewed. I appreciated it very much.
Author: jL
Pairings: J/B
Rating: T for Language
Genre: Angst/Romance
Word Count: 4723
Warnings: Spoilers for Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and a little bit of Breaking Dawn.
Summary: Romeo and Juliet may have died, but they lived happily ever afterwards. However this story isn't about Juliet and her Romeo. It is story about Paris, who was Juliet's sun. He was Juliet's best friend. His story is the true tale of woe. This is the story of Paris and his struggle to keep Juliet alive.
Notes: Post eclipse - ignore most of Breaking Dawn - definitely no pregnancy. Some facts from the series were changed so it would fit within the context of this story, but I tried to be as true to the events as possible. The one big change is that Jake sees Bella for the first time after he becomes a werewolf in New Moon.
Disclaimer: The Twilight saga and such does not belong to me, but to Stephenie Meyer.
Previous Parts: Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Music
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The Story of Paris - Part Four
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The Epilogue
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Bella flips to the next page in the book. She is finally at the epilogue of the book. She is almost done reading the whole story about Paris, but as soon as she reads the written words on that page, she promptly drops the book down onto the table. She gasps and her eyes becomes enlarged. Then she frantically starts to look for her belongings. She tries to gather her purse, her coat, her sanity as fast as she can - she has to get out of here - and she abruptly gets out of her seat. Her seat is knocked down backwards in the process, which makes a loud bang in the peaceful coffee shop.
Everyone in the shop stop what they are doing and curiously turn to look at what is going on in the corner of the shop. A beautiful pale woman with hypnotic amber eyes is rushing about the shop, gathering her things as fast as humanly possible. What a strange sight to see for the patrons of the coffee shop. It almost appears like she is frightened by something, but by what. There is no danger within the coffee shop. It all seems like a mystery to the patrons of the shop as to what could have spooked the woman so badly. It seems more likely for the customers to be scared of her instead of her being sacred of them, for she radiates an aura of danger around her.
Someone who is very brave or an idiot dismisses his instinct that is telling him to run far away from her. He gets up out of his seat and walks over to the corner table to try to help her in some way. Something about her just calls to him. He asks her if she is all right, trying to help calm her down. She is still frantic, but she answers that she is fine and that she just needs to get a breath of fresh air. However as she is righting her seat back up, she accidentally knocks down her coffee, which is still full to brim, onto the last page of the book. It starts to stain the last words written on the page, but she does not look back. Not once does she take again glance at the accursed book. She rushes out of the coffee shop as fast as humanly possible. The coffee continues to the stain the words - maybe even her heart - and the man, who benevolently helps her despite his instinct to run, takes a gander at the page, which read:
“Epilogue -
This was the story of Paris. This was the story of my baby brother who loved his Juliet wholeheartedly and fought relentlessly for her life, but in the end, he lost the war. In his version of the story, his Juliet left with her Romeo and lived happily ever after. He was left with a broken heart. Since the very first day he saw her, his life belonged to her. His life was bound to her life. She was his anchor in this world. She was the center of his universe. Her happiness was his happiness. Her pain was his pain. Her death was his death. May he rest in peace now and one day find the happiness that he deserved.
We miss you, Jacob Black.”
The words seem so final and so absolute. She now knows that there is nothing that she can do to right her wrong. She knows in the back of her mind that the book depicts true events, no matter how much she attempts to tell herself that it is not real, that it is just fiction. She now knows that he is dead, but how she hopes that she is wrong and that the book is wrong. She hopes that Paris in that story is not her Paris and most definitely, not her Jacob. She hopes that her Paris is still alive, happy and smiling, just as he should be. She is hoping that her belief that one day he will find his imprint is still a possible reality. She foolhardily wishes for the fact that she is not his imprint. She dashes out of the coffee shop and into the street, trying so hard not to start crying, even though there are no tears in her eyes. She leans against the side of the store as she takes a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. But nothing seems to help. She fights against her emotions so she will not start sobbing. She is trying so hard not to remember. But this memory is a bitch to forget. She is struggling so badly just to forget. But it all seems impossible when every memory she has of him comes rushing into her mind at full force. She can see his face clearly now with his gentle smile and beautiful eyes. She can see him, just like how he always was back in the days when they were best friends, standing at his porch, smiling and happy, waiting for her just as her old dependable noisy truck that used to be his pulled up to his driveway. Why can't she just forget? Human memories are supposed to fade with time. It has been two years already. It is not supposedly to be so vivid and clear. She runs as fast as a human can to the safety of her car. But those words, that book, will never be forgotten. It will continue to haunt her as long as she is a vampire with a photographic memory.
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Prove Me Wrong
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In the safety of her car, Bella takes down her shield and she loses her battle to her emotions. As she dry sobs in her Ferrari - a car that Jake would love to drive and take apart - trying so hard to forget and not let the guilty eat away at her, a shrill ring pierces her somber environment. It catches her by surprise and it takes her a second to realize that it is her ring tone. Her cell phone is ringing. Someone is calling her, however in this moment, she is not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. She does not want to answer her phone in fear that it is Alice or even Edward. She does not want to talk to anyone about this. She does not want to remember. But she knows if she does not answer, they will come and look for her. They are relentlessly like that, still afraid she will get hurt even now when she is a vampire, but right now she just wants to be alone and wallow in her sorrow. She takes a couple of more deep breaths to try to control her dry sobbing. She grabs her phone from her purse and flips the phone open to answer it, trying to sound as normal as possible, “Hello?”
It never occurred to look at the caller ID to see who is calling her, and because of that, she gets a surprise. She can not decide if it is a good or bad surprise. “Bella?”
“Seth?” Her voice breaks a little bit. It is a werewolf, but not her werewolf. It will never be her werewolf, but she can still pretend.
“Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that I talked to Sam and the tribal council elders.”
“Oh. And... And what's the verdict?” she softly - almost flatly and soundlessly - asks him.
“They will allow to see him today and only today.” On his birthday is never spoken, but the implication is there. “Just this once and afterwards, they hope you will never ask us for this favor again. They know that Jake would like to see you again one more time. They are doing this for him. So I will meet you at the border and bring you to him. See you soon, Bella.”
“Okay, Seth. I'll be there as soon as I can.” He hangs up. Nothing else is said, but by the way that Seth is talking about him on the phone, it almost seems like he is still alive, and that he is just waiting to welcome her with his open arms on his birthday. It only seems like the tribe is just granting Jake parole to see her again and that he is really locked up somewhere. The tribe just seems to be afraid that he will do something stupid once he sees her again. She turns on the ignition and pulls the car out of the coffee shop parking lot. Maybe, just maybe, that is what really happened to Jake and not the scary and heartbreaking outcome that is described in that evil evil book. What does Rachel knows? Who is Rachel anyways? How would she even know something like this? Rachel is nobody. Yup, that is it. Rachel does not know her Jake at all. Rachel's Jake is just some fantasy. It is just fiction. Jake is still alive. Oh how she hopes that is the case. Silly Bella, that is what Jake would have said to her in this moment.
'Don't cry - Don't cry - Don't cry - Don't you dare cry, she keeps on repeating to herself as she drives down the familiar roads to La Push again, past the lush green forest just like she did that very morning. What a contrast it is from that morning. The sky seems even more overcast now than before. Is it about to rain? Is this a sign for her? That morning, she is hopeful and happy that she will be able to see him again and that she will be able to wish him a happy birthday. In her vision of their reunion, he will be happy to see her again and he will greet her with his beautiful smile again. He will rip open the gift that she got him and love it the moment that he lays his eyes on it. But now, she just hopes that fate is not as cruel as it seems to be. Reality will not be so mean to her and take away her happy golden sun. 'Don't cry - Don't cry.' The mantra repeats in her mind. Too bad even if she wants to cry, she will not even be able to anyways, not when she is vampire that can not produce any tears. That fact just makes it even sadder for her. She can not even produce any tears for her dead best friend - for her personal sun. Just maybe because she can not cry is because he is not dead yet. God will not be so cruel to allow him to die when she can not even shed a tear for him.
Finally after what seems like a lifetime, she reaches the treaty line between the Quileute and the Cullens. It is the stupid invisible line that prevents her from seeing Jake. It is the damn border that separates the vampires from the werewolves. It separates her from Jake. She slows her car down to a crawl and her headlight illuminates the figure of Seth, standing there, waiting for her just like Jake would have when she would go visit him at his house. She stops her car. She turns off the engine. She closes her amber eyes and takes a couple of more deep breaths. She repeats a new mantra in mind - 'I can do this. I can do this.' Once she is ready and relaxed, she steps out of her car and walks over to Seth. She stands face to face with him. His face gives nothing away to her - nothing that she can use to predict the outcome with her meeting with Jake. Her mind flashes back to this morning when she first saw Seth. It is of Seth with sunflowers in his hands who was going to the cemetery to visit somebody - please not Jake.
“Hello Bella.” No smile on his face. This is not the Seth that she remembers from this morning. Not the Seth that she remembers at all. Where is his happy-go-lucky personality? No, screamed Bella's mind. No, Jake is not dead. Smile, Seth. Smile.
“Hi Seth.” She replies with a tiny smile on her face, but no smile is returned. Come on, Seth, smile. Just smile so that I know that everything is okay.
He looks at her for a second, then he turns around and said, “Come on. I'll bring you to Jake.”
He waves his hands to signal her to follow him and starts to walk into the darkness of the forest. Why isn't he leading me to reservation? I want to see Jake. She wants to screams at him. I don't want to go in that direction. Not the direction you went in this morning. Come on, Seth. Stop. Turn around and go in the right direction. Stop playing around. No matter what her mind screams and protests, Seth continues to walk down that road - the road he took to the cemetery that very morning.
She does not want to follow him, but she does anyways. Maybe, just maybe when she gets to the cemetery, - please not the cemetery - she can prove him wrong. She can show him that Jake is not there. No, Jake will not be there. Jake is alive and happy. What wishful thinking Bella has.
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The End of the Road
---
As they get near to their destination, the scent of death permeates around them. Please, not there, begs Bella's mind. She does not notice when they pass through the cemetery gate. She does not notice when they are passing the endless rows of tombstones. She does not notice anything, but the fact that Seth is still walking. Walking is a good sign. Maybe he is just taking a shortcut to La Push. Maybe, just maybe, she hopes and prays. Suddenly, Seth stops and Bella almost runs into him, but thanks to her newfound reflexes, she stops herself right in time behind she runs into him. She looks at him, at his face, wondering why he has stopped, because this is not where Jake would be, but Seth's face shows no emotions. Maybe he is going to tell her that this is all a joke. He gradually turns around to face her. “Bella.”
No resonates through her mind. You are wrong. She does not want to see the gravestone with his name on it. She does not want to believe that he is dead, because in her mind, he is still alive. He is still alive, damn it.
“Bella.”
“No. Don't. Please don't.” She raises her hands to cover her ears and she frantically shakes her head 'no'.
Seth gently puts his hands on her shoulders to stop her. “Bella.” He tries again. “This is Jacob's grave.”
She abruptly stops for frantic head shaking and she gradually lowers her hands from her ears. She looks at Seth's face - into his eyes - for a second to determine if he is joking or not. Once she sees that he is serious, - no, please, no - she slowly looks down and sees the tombstone. She sees it now. There it is in her face, haunting her, mocking her. She sees his name on it, but she still does not want to believe it. She does not want to see this. Anything but this. Suddenly, she falls down to her knees like she just can not support her weight anymore. She reaches out her fingers to the gravestone, but it just seems so far away, so unreal. She slowly traces the name on it. She traces her fingers through each letter of his name. J-A-C-O-B-B-L-A-C-K. She engraves this memory into her mind. Jacob Black. There it is. There is his name on the cold gray dreary tomb stone. It is so final, so absolute. There is no way to turn around from this. There is no way to reverse the reality. There is no way to take it all back. There it is. Jacob Black. Beloved Son, Brother, Friend. There it is. The accursed gravestone with his name and his inscription along with a tiny little engraved wolf in the upper left hand corner. A bitter little laugh bubbles to the surface of her mind, but instead she chokes back on her sob, arising from her throat. Her mind flashes back to the coffee shop, to the book that she read. She does not understand how this could have turned out to be the outcome.
“How? Why?” She softly asks Seth in a broken little girl's voice - how she wants to be able to cry right now.
Seth looks at her for a minute, then he abruptly focuses his glance in the distance, into the darkness, anywhere but her. “You were his imprint.” He says. “When the imprint is killed, the wolf will feel the imprint's pain. He will feel her death. His reason for living is gone. When a werewolf imprints, his imprint becomes the center of his universe and she becomes his anchor in this world. When the imprint dies, he is left adrift. He is left with the sense of helplessness and loss. All he will be able to feel is the pain.” Not once does he take another glance at Bella.
“Why?”
“He didn't want the Pack to ever feel that pain, that helplessness. You know, with the Pack mentality and all, it would have been painful for all of us. He probably thought it was for the best. There really isn't much that he could have done. It's not something that he could just fight or forget. When the imprint dies, the wolf just wants to follow her in death. His instinct will be telling him to die along with her.”
“No. Not that why. Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he ever tell me that I was his imprint? Why didn't he ever tell me?” She screams the last question at Seth.
Seth continues to stare out to the distance when he replies, “Because he would have done anything for you, be anything for you. He would have became whatever persona you needed him to be, whether that is a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother. He became your best friend, because that was what you wanted him to be for you. He was your perfect match in every way and he thought that was enough for you to choose him. He wanted you to choose him because you loved him, not because you didn't feel like you have a choice, especially not because you felt obligated to choose him because you were his imprint.”
Bella's mind flashes back to the time when Jake told her about imprinting. She remembers what he told her when she learned Quil imprinted on Claire, a two-year-old. She remembers when she asked him if Claire had a choice in the matter, but she tries to forget his answer. She does not want to remember that answer, but it still flashes through her mind. 'Why wouldn't she choose him, in the end? He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone.' Jake was designed for her. He was her perfect match. No, her mind screamed. She does not want to believe it. It is too hard for her to accept that yet. His perfect match is still out there somewhere. It is not her. She wants to cry so badly.
“He should have told me.” She softly replies.
“He should have told me.” She says a little bit louder.
“He should have told me that bastard.” She screams at Seth, at the sky, at Jake, maybe even at herself.
“Yeah, he should have, but he didn't.” Seth somberly replies back to Bella. He is still looking at the great unknown in the distance. “But I could understand why he didn't ever tell you. He did all that he could to get you to choose him. He did everything in short of telling you. And yet, she didn't pick him. He knew that there was nothing that he could have done to win, but he still tried. He still fought. And sometimes it's just easier to live with the chance of possibility than the definite answer of never going to happen. He didn't want to know that even when you were his imprint, it wouldn't have mattered in the end, that you were going to choose Edward anyways. It was probably just easier for him to accept that maybe you would have chose him if he told you, instead of him telling you and that it did not even matter in the end. He knew in his heart that it wouldn't matter. He knew your heart. And in the very end, he just needed that possibility that if he did tell you, you would have chose him. So now you know.” He paused. He looks down at Bella and says, “I just wanted you to know that I told him your message from this morning. And the present you got for him, I gave it to Billy. Don't worry. I told Jake about it too. I'm sure he's very happy about it.”
Bella makes no reply to Seth. She does not give a sign that she has heard what Seth had said. She just continues to stare at the tombstone. She knows that he is right, no matter how much she wants to deny it. She knows that it would not have mattered in the end even if he had told her. She would have chose Edward even if she did know the truth, but she does not want to admit that yet. She just continues to stare at his name on the tombstone. Her mind is blank. Nothing is processing through her brain. Nothing seems real. She leans her head on his gravestone. She closes her eyes and softly whispers, “You should have told me. I'm your best friend. You never kept anything from me. Why now? You should have told me, Jake. I miss you so much. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”
Then she continually murmurs, “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
After awhile, she slowly opens her eyes and stares at the grave again. She takes a quick look at Seth, when he gently lays his hand on her shoulder for a second. But his presence does not process through her mind anymore, not even when he leaves her to give her some space and some alone time with Jake. Nothing seems to register but the pain and the agony. Only the truth of the reality invades her mind. Oh God. She wants to cry so badly, but no tears would come to her eyes. Why? Why? She just wants to screams to the heaven, to God. Why are you so cruel? She does not want to accept this. At least not this reality. All of a sudden, the heaven opens up and teardrops starts to fall from the sky. It seems like God is answering her question. The sky will cry for her because she can not. The sky will shed all the tears that she can not shed, but wants to shed. And the rain continues to fall endlessly - pattering onto his tombstone - on her. The rain falls down upon on her face, streaming down her cheeks. It is almost like the tears are from her own eyes. It almost gives the illusion that she is crying. Then, it almost seems like the wind is whispering in her ear the words, “I will cry for you when you can't. Your pain is my pain. I'll shed the tears that you can't shed.” Maybe it is not God that is answering her. Maybe it is Jake that just performed this act of miracle - no, not miracle - just another thing that Jake will try to fix for her. And with that thought in her mind, she just wants to cry harder.
She stays there on her knees. She stays there where his spirit is resting for eternity, but not his body that was never recovered from the sea. She stays there, wanting to cry, but can not. She stays there even after Seth leaves. She just stays there, softly, gently, tracing his name over and over again and staring a tiny engraved wolf on the tombstone. She stays there, not knowing what to do. She stays there for hours, waiting maybe for him to pop up out of nowhere and just say 'Gotcha' to her. She stays there, waiting for this reality that she is in right now to turn out to be a nightmare. She stays there as the heaven cries for her loss, her grief, her best friend, her sun, her Jake.
The rain continues to fall even when she says her final goodbye to him. It continues to fall when she gets up to go back to her car. It continues to fall as she drives back to her grand white mansion in the middle of the meadow. It still continues to fall when she is back in the arms of her family - her vampire family - not her human family - not with Charlie, Renee or Jake - never again with Jake. The rain continues to fall even when Edward wraps his arms around her and hugs her, trying to shelter her from the pain. But nothing helps. The sorrow still lingers. The grief still remains. Nothing is right anymore, not when he is dead. He is supposed to be happy, but most importantly, he is supposed to be alive. He is supposed to have lots of children - little werewolf babies - and be a perfect husband and father. It is supposed to be just like her vision when she said good-bye to him as a human, but it just is not supposed to be with her. It is supposed to be with his imprint, who is not supposed to her.
Edward leads her back to their room, to the room that they will share together for an eternity. She does not know what is going on. She just follows him up to their room. Her brain is not processing anything anymore. He leads her to the couch and she just shadows his lead. There is no expression or motion from her. There is no protest that is uttered from her lips. Edward looks at her, wondering what was wrong. Jake would know what was wrong. He never had to ask. Edward continues to wonder, but he will never ask her. He will never encroach on her privacy. Together, Edward and Bella sit silently on the sofa. Edward steadfastly looks at her while Bella continues to stare out the window. She stares out into the darkness of the forest of Forks that surrounds the grand white mansion of the Cullen. The rain still continues to fall throughout the night. Nothing is being processed through her brain, only the fact that heaven is crying for her. She is numb to everything around her. Nothing feels right anymore. It seems like she is back to being Zombie Bella. The Zombie Bella that Jake cured. Jake. Oh Jake. All of a sudden, she stands up. Edward just stares her. Confusion is written on his face. Her mind is finally free. The drug induced haze around her mind seems to be gone now. Finally at last, everything becomes clear in her mind. Maybe the rain has washed away the drug in her bloodstream, because now she can see again. She slowly walks out to the balcony and stares out to the moon. Edward, not knowing what to do, just sits silently by, watching her, wondering what is going through her mind, but he never asks her. And each night before the sun will raise in the sky to chase away the dark and scary night, she will look out at the moon and she silently prays that someday the eclipse will pass. She wordlessly wishes that the bright shining sun will one day be visible again in the beautiful blue sky. She hopelessly hopes that one day she will be able to see her sun again.
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The End
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A/N: Here it is. The ending to my first Twilight fanfic (I'm amazed it turned out to be 16,244 words), also my first J/B fanfic, even though Jacob is dead in this, but he does play an integral role in this story for Bella. (Sometimes I think I need to write fluffy happy fics, but I love angst. Oh well.) I hope the story was good and that it wasn't a waste of time to read. I don't know when my next fanfic will be. It all depends on the persistence of my next inspiration and there hasn't been any inspiration. I probably don't have any time to write anyways. Well, this is it. Till next time whenever that will be.
Reviews are always nice. :) Thanks go out to everybody that reviewed. I appreciated it very much.