aint no sunshine
The sun did not shine in Michigan from Sunday morning to thursday. Unfortunately I am one of those people who need sunlight to produce batches of those chemicals that surge through your brain to make you naturally happy. Or a beer. But we ran out of beer and I don't think my parents are planning to buy more. Tuesday morning at work my face was expressionless. I barely replied to anything anyone said to me. I kept thinking of work ending so I could go outside and sit at a table outside in the cold and stare at the sky listening to depressing music, kinda like what I'm listening to right now. That was probably one of the hardest 4 hours of my life.
Wednesday was supposed to be happy because I'm in school all day with friends and I don't have to work. It wasn't what I expected. I wanted to sit in a corner, hugging my knees and thinking, thinking. I did that. Then I said, fuck it, and went on a very long walk through downtown ann arbor. I went up and down small streets and instead of looking down at my feet as I usually do, I looked at the face of every person I saw. I enjoy doint that, contemplating what they're thinking, if they notice me or not. I don't do it often because I am very, very shy around strangers. I also have a paranoia that everyone is staring at me for some ominous reason.
When I walked though the law quad I was thinking, god, this place is really beautiful for midwestern America. It's beautiful architecture, ivy-colored walls and relative isolation compared to the world outside were rather comforting. And then the sun peeked through the sky for about 10 seconds and I stared up at it and let filter through my eyelashes.
Then I looked at my feet again and kept walking to the YMCA.
Exercise does help, only temporarily though. And Molly and Simon were there so I wasn't anxious about being alone. Molly is nice, nothing to complain about, but she annoys me. Very much sometimes. She talks in feigned politeness. She repeats things that others say often, and the rest of the time she spends restating the obvious: You havn't finished that calculus problem Asya? Do you feel confident that you got it right Asya? You're still writing Asya? I don't understand why she takes so much interest in me. I'm actually trying to ignore her a bit, but to no effect. She is also very clingy to Simon. She stands right next to him in the halls, or when we all get together, but I know that they have no relation to each other.
James told me today that he saw me walking downtown on Wednesday. He said I looked very angry. He was waving his arms in his car as he waited for the light to turn green. Everyone around was looking at him, but I was the only one who failed to notice and kept walking. I wish I did notice. It would have cheered me up very much. I find comfort in my friendship with him. What friends are for.
Wednesday was supposed to be happy because I'm in school all day with friends and I don't have to work. It wasn't what I expected. I wanted to sit in a corner, hugging my knees and thinking, thinking. I did that. Then I said, fuck it, and went on a very long walk through downtown ann arbor. I went up and down small streets and instead of looking down at my feet as I usually do, I looked at the face of every person I saw. I enjoy doint that, contemplating what they're thinking, if they notice me or not. I don't do it often because I am very, very shy around strangers. I also have a paranoia that everyone is staring at me for some ominous reason.
When I walked though the law quad I was thinking, god, this place is really beautiful for midwestern America. It's beautiful architecture, ivy-colored walls and relative isolation compared to the world outside were rather comforting. And then the sun peeked through the sky for about 10 seconds and I stared up at it and let filter through my eyelashes.
Then I looked at my feet again and kept walking to the YMCA.
Exercise does help, only temporarily though. And Molly and Simon were there so I wasn't anxious about being alone. Molly is nice, nothing to complain about, but she annoys me. Very much sometimes. She talks in feigned politeness. She repeats things that others say often, and the rest of the time she spends restating the obvious: You havn't finished that calculus problem Asya? Do you feel confident that you got it right Asya? You're still writing Asya? I don't understand why she takes so much interest in me. I'm actually trying to ignore her a bit, but to no effect. She is also very clingy to Simon. She stands right next to him in the halls, or when we all get together, but I know that they have no relation to each other.
James told me today that he saw me walking downtown on Wednesday. He said I looked very angry. He was waving his arms in his car as he waited for the light to turn green. Everyone around was looking at him, but I was the only one who failed to notice and kept walking. I wish I did notice. It would have cheered me up very much. I find comfort in my friendship with him. What friends are for.