(no subject)
I feel so worthless, lost, and just down right shitty right now. Nothings like what I had planned. I'm so unhappy at the moment.
I don't know what to do. I can't win and I can't do anything right. When I think things are fine again they fall apart.
I miss my old apartment, I miss my girlfriend who would come home to me smelling like Taco Bell, I miss having to go to work ever week end so I can pay my rent on time, I miss the cats crawling on me, I miss our old shitty bed that would leave me aching in the morning.
Sure things still sucked but I was much happier than I am now. I at least was proud of what I had made for myself. Now I feel like all that work and effort has gone for nothing. I was so proud of her, I would brag every week end to my customers about how wonderful my fiance was...I would talk about everything I was doing and I felt complete. Now I'm just an empty shell of a person. I don't know what I'm doing any more.
I still can't believe I quit my job. I loved my job, but it to late now. Maybe not the job in it's self but I loved my co-workers. I loved complaining about school, work and how messy everything was. The fact I had something to complain about meant I was doing something worth while with my life. Now I don't think I have anything worth while and nothing to complain about really. Everything is just dull compared to what it was.
Right now I'd give anything to be back in January of last year. That's all I want right now. Even though we had nothing and I wasn't really 'happy'. Sure I was pulling my hair out over things but at least knowing I was accomplishing something felt good. Now I'm not really doing anything with my self.
Fuck this. This is not what I want at all. Ever since I've been back home I've been more depressed than what I had been living on my own. This is not better. I'm just another worthless kid living off mommy and daddy now. Nothing special. I'm total shit.
I don't know what to do. I can't win and I can't do anything right. When I think things are fine again they fall apart.
I miss my old apartment, I miss my girlfriend who would come home to me smelling like Taco Bell, I miss having to go to work ever week end so I can pay my rent on time, I miss the cats crawling on me, I miss our old shitty bed that would leave me aching in the morning.
Sure things still sucked but I was much happier than I am now. I at least was proud of what I had made for myself. Now I feel like all that work and effort has gone for nothing. I was so proud of her, I would brag every week end to my customers about how wonderful my fiance was...I would talk about everything I was doing and I felt complete. Now I'm just an empty shell of a person. I don't know what I'm doing any more.
I still can't believe I quit my job. I loved my job, but it to late now. Maybe not the job in it's self but I loved my co-workers. I loved complaining about school, work and how messy everything was. The fact I had something to complain about meant I was doing something worth while with my life. Now I don't think I have anything worth while and nothing to complain about really. Everything is just dull compared to what it was.
Right now I'd give anything to be back in January of last year. That's all I want right now. Even though we had nothing and I wasn't really 'happy'. Sure I was pulling my hair out over things but at least knowing I was accomplishing something felt good. Now I'm not really doing anything with my self.
Fuck this. This is not what I want at all. Ever since I've been back home I've been more depressed than what I had been living on my own. This is not better. I'm just another worthless kid living off mommy and daddy now. Nothing special. I'm total shit.