Session 3 *the couch*
Me: *Flops down on couch and throws feet over the edge and flips hair back from my neck letting it jumble in disarray on the cushion*
Freud: *Raises eyebrows* yes?
Me: "The apology" was given this weekend.
Freud: *waits*
Me: *looks over* Fine. It was unfulfilling. Acceptable? Not really. What do you do when you don't believe someone's apology? When it's total crap they're only saying because they know they have to say it. Is it... Is it... or AM I, rather, being selfish?
Freud: What do you think?
Me: I think I often get disappointed by people. I romanticize reality.
Freud: Hmm... how so?
Me: I expect more out of people than I get from them. I can't explain it, but I spend a lot of time inside my head, reflecting on what people have said to me throughout the day, how I've reacted, what I need to do for that person before I see them next... and... I don't think people think about me as much as I think about them. Anyone really.
Freud: Is that self-defeating?
Me: Yup.
Freud: And what do you think about that?
Me: It's not a good idea.
Freud: Yet you continue to feel this way about people?
Me: Yup.
Freud: Would you say that if you think it's a bad idea, yet you do it anyways that it then is something that you DO want?
Me: Hmmm. I guess so.
Freud: How?
Me: I want it because it allows me to be set for failure.
Freud: Precisely.
Me: Mental toughness. I gotta step it up.
Freud: Don't be so hard on yourself.
Me: Positive thinking.
Freud: Couldn't hurt.
Me: *smooths hair over to one side and sits up propping up arm on the edge of the couch, curling legs up underneath me* I've in many ways gone back to who I was before.
Freud: Is that good?
Me: I don't know.
Freud: *pauses* one thing about what you said moments ago. You feel that you think about others more than they think about you. What makes you feel this way?
Me: I don't know. Maybe, it's just how I see others seeing me. Maybe it's my fault. I don't open up to others. I don't know. I feel this way because... I think it's because I'm lonely.
Freud: Are you?
Me: Yeah. *tears*
Freud: What does lonely feel like?
Me: Like disconnected. Like other people don't know me. Like... there's me, but a me that's without people thinking about me. Is that selfish again? It sounds really "me-me-me" self-centered.
Freud: It could be. It depends on if how you see others seeing you is really how they see you or not.
Me: How do I know?
Freud: How do you know? Ask them.
Me: *makes face* Ask them?
Freud: Yeah, ask them.
Me: How do you see me?
Freud: *Raises eyebrows* yes?
Me: "The apology" was given this weekend.
Freud: *waits*
Me: *looks over* Fine. It was unfulfilling. Acceptable? Not really. What do you do when you don't believe someone's apology? When it's total crap they're only saying because they know they have to say it. Is it... Is it... or AM I, rather, being selfish?
Freud: What do you think?
Me: I think I often get disappointed by people. I romanticize reality.
Freud: Hmm... how so?
Me: I expect more out of people than I get from them. I can't explain it, but I spend a lot of time inside my head, reflecting on what people have said to me throughout the day, how I've reacted, what I need to do for that person before I see them next... and... I don't think people think about me as much as I think about them. Anyone really.
Freud: Is that self-defeating?
Me: Yup.
Freud: And what do you think about that?
Me: It's not a good idea.
Freud: Yet you continue to feel this way about people?
Me: Yup.
Freud: Would you say that if you think it's a bad idea, yet you do it anyways that it then is something that you DO want?
Me: Hmmm. I guess so.
Freud: How?
Me: I want it because it allows me to be set for failure.
Freud: Precisely.
Me: Mental toughness. I gotta step it up.
Freud: Don't be so hard on yourself.
Me: Positive thinking.
Freud: Couldn't hurt.
Me: *smooths hair over to one side and sits up propping up arm on the edge of the couch, curling legs up underneath me* I've in many ways gone back to who I was before.
Freud: Is that good?
Me: I don't know.
Freud: *pauses* one thing about what you said moments ago. You feel that you think about others more than they think about you. What makes you feel this way?
Me: I don't know. Maybe, it's just how I see others seeing me. Maybe it's my fault. I don't open up to others. I don't know. I feel this way because... I think it's because I'm lonely.
Freud: Are you?
Me: Yeah. *tears*
Freud: What does lonely feel like?
Me: Like disconnected. Like other people don't know me. Like... there's me, but a me that's without people thinking about me. Is that selfish again? It sounds really "me-me-me" self-centered.
Freud: It could be. It depends on if how you see others seeing you is really how they see you or not.
Me: How do I know?
Freud: How do you know? Ask them.
Me: *makes face* Ask them?
Freud: Yeah, ask them.
Me: How do you see me?