(no subject)
*sigh* well Its only 5 days till I go to camp. *sigh*
Hannah, Deanna and I had our 16th Birthday Party yesterday! I got some sick presents and so did Deanna.*mutters* ahhhhhhh...I got Fred to sign my book and I got a picture too although he isn't even smiling. *mutters* He was like I hope I get to see you sometime after I join the Army Reserves, Its going to be so SICK....I could kill him myself. If anyone of my friends joins the reserves and then goes to war I'm serisouly going to cry. Paul, Samuel and Jon all want to join. I already feel like crying, and they havn't even joined yet. I would never be the same if anyone of my friends died. I would, I don't know, so much of me would die with them. Gosh, I'm even crying now... I'm such a baby!
I really want to go to camp but 3/4 of me doesn't want to go, partly cause I don't know if my parents are going to be here for me to call and Daniel is working so hard he doesn't know if he can get time off work so he may not be able to come visit me, and Rebecca (if she comes) won't bring Paulina up.
Is it wrong to still feel like this even after I told him that I like him?? Even after he told me he doesn't like me like that?? Even after he told me he likes someone else and she likes him back?? Geez, I'm a idiot cause I still like him and people are starving in third world countries(random)! So is it wrong? Should I just go find a car? Is it wrong to say its love, or is it just a stupid rush crush that has lasted for 2 years?? Why do I have to love you? Why can't I just love someone that loves me back, in the way that I want to be loved?? I just want to love you like a brother. I though that if I told you I could then love you like a brother cause I know/knew that you didn't love me back. So if I know all this, then why do I still love you?? Why do I still think of you?? Why do I let you overwhelm me?? Why can't I think of you like a brother?? Why can't I not think of you when I think of my male friends?? So many stupid,idiotic,retarded why questions!! I can't love you, I can't hate you, yet I also can't be a sister to you. So why don't I just leave you??? Wouldn't that make everything go away?? Wouldn't that just make me happy?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh... maybe its a good thing I'm going away for 6 weeks. So that I can leave and then when I come back start afresh. *sigh* I hate it, I hate me, I hate being a teen. But don't worry I'm not going to kill my self or anything!
So ya thats my life! any comments unless they are going to be helpfull, keep them to your self!
Hannah, Deanna and I had our 16th Birthday Party yesterday! I got some sick presents and so did Deanna.*mutters* ahhhhhhh...I got Fred to sign my book and I got a picture too although he isn't even smiling. *mutters* He was like I hope I get to see you sometime after I join the Army Reserves, Its going to be so SICK....I could kill him myself. If anyone of my friends joins the reserves and then goes to war I'm serisouly going to cry. Paul, Samuel and Jon all want to join. I already feel like crying, and they havn't even joined yet. I would never be the same if anyone of my friends died. I would, I don't know, so much of me would die with them. Gosh, I'm even crying now... I'm such a baby!
I really want to go to camp but 3/4 of me doesn't want to go, partly cause I don't know if my parents are going to be here for me to call and Daniel is working so hard he doesn't know if he can get time off work so he may not be able to come visit me, and Rebecca (if she comes) won't bring Paulina up.
Is it wrong to still feel like this even after I told him that I like him?? Even after he told me he doesn't like me like that?? Even after he told me he likes someone else and she likes him back?? Geez, I'm a idiot cause I still like him and people are starving in third world countries(random)! So is it wrong? Should I just go find a car? Is it wrong to say its love, or is it just a stupid rush crush that has lasted for 2 years?? Why do I have to love you? Why can't I just love someone that loves me back, in the way that I want to be loved?? I just want to love you like a brother. I though that if I told you I could then love you like a brother cause I know/knew that you didn't love me back. So if I know all this, then why do I still love you?? Why do I still think of you?? Why do I let you overwhelm me?? Why can't I think of you like a brother?? Why can't I not think of you when I think of my male friends?? So many stupid,idiotic,retarded why questions!! I can't love you, I can't hate you, yet I also can't be a sister to you. So why don't I just leave you??? Wouldn't that make everything go away?? Wouldn't that just make me happy?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh... maybe its a good thing I'm going away for 6 weeks. So that I can leave and then when I come back start afresh. *sigh* I hate it, I hate me, I hate being a teen. But don't worry I'm not going to kill my self or anything!
So ya thats my life! any comments unless they are going to be helpfull, keep them to your self!