The stresses of my life...its a long one
I’m depressed. It just seems like everything is pushing down on me and there is this weight on my shoulders that isn’t releasing. I know that I will get over it eventually, but man oh man, right now is the hard part. Fortunately, I know that there is one thing in this life that I can count on, no matter how bad it gets, and that’s my hubby. But at this point, there is nothing he can do to help, but at least I know that our relationship is strong enough to weather my storm. I know that nothing will tear us apart. Its something that although we may fight, our relationship won’t dissolve. I don’t know where to even start though. Between my family and my job, the question of whether to get a newer car for the hubby, where money will come from, going on holidays for 2 weeks, needing parts for my car, does it ever end? My family stresses me out to no end. It doesn’t matter if it has to do with how the kids are, or what my parents have become, it’s a situation that’s always on my mind. I don’t think that it will ever change. I’m worried about my sister buying a vehicle from my work because if it breaks down, I will feel like it’s my fault. The work stress is something that I can’t really talk about, simply because as the office manager, I must be bondable, and talking about any situations at work could potentially ruin my career in this field. Suffice to say that it stresses me out. The hubby's car hasn’t been running all that terrific, and I worry that it may not make it thru the winter. Its been a good $600 car, but should we drive it into the ground, or get rid of it now? My boss offered us a 1998 Sunfire, for $3500 and the Subaru. Do I take it? The other side of that coin is that there is a rattle in the front end of the Sunfire, and we can’t figure out what it is. Is it worth it to run up our loan again to buy this car? Plus our insurance will go up $45 a month, which isn’t bad or anything, but it does increase our costs. I just wanna get outta debt, and we are so close, it’s a question that I can’t answer. Leaving work and home to go on holidays is already stressing me out too. At least the hubby will get paid for the 2 weeks, but I won’t, putting us back a couple of weeks, again, not bad, but still something that I have a hard time with. Of course leaving my house and animals will get to me too, I hate that feeling. I am looking forward to getting away, but it’s nonetheless a stress for me, at least one of the smaller ones. My car needs parts before we go on holidays too. 4 tires, front rotors and pads, so all in all, about a $600 bill. I hate cars. Elk’s bingo is over at least, but we hardly had enough people to run it on its very last night. I was so disappointed. At least the members could have come to see if off, since its something that had been running since 1973. I have a feeling that once we do sell the hall, the Lodge will dissolve. Too bad, but with no one interested, I guess that’s the way that these organizations go. Maybe I am over reacting, maybe my life isn’t so bad, but holy shit does it feel like a lot for one person. I heard a story today about a woman who has been with a guy for ages and had 3 kids with him. She just found out a few days ago that he has a whole other family, on the same street as they live on, with 1 kid and another on the way. I reflected on that for a minute, just that sometimes, other peoples lives have got to suck way worse then what I complain about, but in the same thought, its not my life so my stress is what matters. It hasn’t helped that I have been sick since September 1, but I am feeling about 80%, so I think that hasn’t helped me feel good about everything that’s going on.
On some happy notes: I now have a lawnmower, weed whacker, outside umbrella and table, and a BBQ from my buddy’s family who moved away this morning. What a sweet deal. All for $100. I also got a fish tank from them for nothing, that I am hoping my parents will let me give to my sister for her turtle since he has way outgrown his old tank. I figure that they could give me her tank and we could clean it really well, so that Futome has a second tank to hang out in, one we could bring out when his main one needs a cleaning or just to give him another place to hang out. I hope this works out, if it doesn’t we may just keep the tank, or my co-worker has offered to buy if from me. Plus Irish Dance starts this week, so I am excited about that. I will be taking and teaching the classes. Once and a while my teacher goes out of town, so I will take over her kids classes, and I hope to make a deal that I learn for free, and substitute for nothing. I think that’s a pretty good deal all the way around. I hope she takes it. Yeah. Hubby also passed his next degree in the group that he belongs to, so I am very proud of him. He did it in front of the provincial head dude, so that had to been hard for him, but he did it! I had a great time Saturday, while the guys were doing their thing, us girls got to head over to one of the ladies houses here in town and eat too much cake and drink too much wine, (which of course I did) and I think I made a new friend. We spent the whole night chatting about books and kids and such; I think that we really hit it off. The wine didn’t feel great on Sunday morning, but it was party the fact that I am still sick too. So yeah, I think that I have verbally (is this considered verbal?) vomited enough for today, and amazingly, I feel minutely better for it. I guess that typing everything that stresses me helps me to sort it out. It’s not so bad; I just wish that I could make it go away for a while. I wish I lived a less stressed life. I think that this is the path that I chose though; I just wish that it wasn’t so fucken hard sometimes.
Over and Out
On some happy notes: I now have a lawnmower, weed whacker, outside umbrella and table, and a BBQ from my buddy’s family who moved away this morning. What a sweet deal. All for $100. I also got a fish tank from them for nothing, that I am hoping my parents will let me give to my sister for her turtle since he has way outgrown his old tank. I figure that they could give me her tank and we could clean it really well, so that Futome has a second tank to hang out in, one we could bring out when his main one needs a cleaning or just to give him another place to hang out. I hope this works out, if it doesn’t we may just keep the tank, or my co-worker has offered to buy if from me. Plus Irish Dance starts this week, so I am excited about that. I will be taking and teaching the classes. Once and a while my teacher goes out of town, so I will take over her kids classes, and I hope to make a deal that I learn for free, and substitute for nothing. I think that’s a pretty good deal all the way around. I hope she takes it. Yeah. Hubby also passed his next degree in the group that he belongs to, so I am very proud of him. He did it in front of the provincial head dude, so that had to been hard for him, but he did it! I had a great time Saturday, while the guys were doing their thing, us girls got to head over to one of the ladies houses here in town and eat too much cake and drink too much wine, (which of course I did) and I think I made a new friend. We spent the whole night chatting about books and kids and such; I think that we really hit it off. The wine didn’t feel great on Sunday morning, but it was party the fact that I am still sick too. So yeah, I think that I have verbally (is this considered verbal?) vomited enough for today, and amazingly, I feel minutely better for it. I guess that typing everything that stresses me helps me to sort it out. It’s not so bad; I just wish that I could make it go away for a while. I wish I lived a less stressed life. I think that this is the path that I chose though; I just wish that it wasn’t so fucken hard sometimes.
Over and Out