I'll Never Leave You [One-Shot no. 6]
Title: I’ll Never Leave You
Author:aokihana8694
Pairing: OGC/OGC [not a pairing actually..xD]
Rating: PG
Genre: Friendship
Summary: Friend---Christianne doesn’t need one. But one day, when her world seems to crumble at her own feet, she realized, she needed one.
Note: Just another random story, and it’s not TEGOMASU, nor KOYASHIGE, or anyone related to my FANDOM. I just need to write this. I will not be in peace if I didn’t write this!xDD. MY English here was a total fail. I’m sorry!
[another girl’s name not mentioned. I referred to her as ‘She’ or something like that. XDXD]
+++
Finals is fast approaching, so Christianne decided to go to the library to borrow books she will surely need to pass all her subjects.
Standing in front of the city library in not new to Christianne. She’s always here whenever there are projects, or research paper, or even assignments to be passed. She was supposed to enter the library when she saw a familiar face with…
“Stacy?” Christianne mumbles.
She saw her friend, Stacy, with Andrew, the person whom she admires most. The guy whom she secretly loved, is with her best friend. It seems that they’re really into who-knows-what-it-is moment. She’s supposed to approach the two of them when Stacy suddenly kissed Andrew in the lips.
Why?
She stood there, while her best friend’s devoured the precious lips of her love of her life.
Why did you…?
It didn’t take long for Stacy to notice that someone’s watching them, or rather, her bestfriend’s watching them.
“Hi, Stacy…” Christianne greets her as if nothing happened.
“H-hi, Chris-”
“I thought you’re with John today? You told me earlier that you’re going to the mall, right?”
Stacy opens her mouth, and then closed again. She looks like a beached fish, and Christianne tried to stifle a laugh.
“John?” She hears Andrew asked Stacy, and when Stacy’s too surprised to answer Andrew’s question, Andrew left.
They’re alone now, standing, facing each other, Stacy’s face clearly showed a surprised expression while Christianne…isn’t it obvious. She’s hurt, really hurt.
“How can you do this to me?” Christianne asks her, eyes starting get swell.
“Well…” Stacy started. “Andrew doesn’t like innocent girls. He likes a girl with…experience.”
“So…all this time, you were betraying me?”
“Yes.”
“But why…? Why did you…? I trusted you! All this time! You told me you were a friend, a friend I can always depend on, yet why-”
“I really don’t like people like you.” Stacy interrupts.
Christianne’s eyes narrows.
“Maybe a lot of our classmates admired you, being able to smile despite of problems. You’e cool, they say, but for me…” Stacy pauses. “You’re boring. You’re weird. Nerd. Ugly… You’re my total opposite. I hate you.”
A tear escapes Christianne’s eye after hearing the hurtful truth.
“Why are you crying?”
“You betrayed me. Don’t you care about my feelings? Don’t you care about how I feel right now? And then you’re telling me such mean things? How can you sleep at night like that?”
“I don’t need you scolding me. Get out of my way, you pest.”
And Stacy left.
+++
It’s late in the afternoon. Christianne was left alone to clean the classroom when suddenly, a girl from another section started to talk something very…
“So, how was it? Is Christianne really a boring person to talk to?” She heard a girl asked.
“She might be cool here in the school. She talks a lot. She cracks jokes at the most inconvenient time, she’s unlady like. When she’s here at school, but when she’s all by herself, YES, she’s boring.”
Christianne fisted.
“She really is a boring person. Yesterday, when I went to their house, I saw her studying different kinds of books, all of which are about science!”
“Really, then she’s really smart!”
“Yeah, I know. Once I entered her room, all I can see are books, books, books.”
“What? No televisions or dvd’s or something that will help you release the tensions of school?”
“None at all. And the worst thing is, I was there, right? I was in front of her, yet she didn’t talk!”
“At all?!”
“At all. She’s so entranced with the animal picture in the book, and then she asked me if I am enjoying my stay in their house, I really wanted to say that ‘what’s enjoyable studying about science and animals?!’ but I kept my mouth shut and I just smiled.”
“Then why are you still with her?”
“Simply because she has lots of money. And she’ll lend me big amount of money whenever I asked her. She’s really stupid. Idiot. So naïve!”
“Yeah!”
“Can I come with you then? I’ll ask her to lend me some money!”
“You’ll go with me? Sure! I know she’ll never say ‘no’ to a begging person.”
And they all laugh, while Christianne…
“Money huh? What’s so good about money?” And she stormed off, going outside the room with heavy footsteps. The girls and Katie, her ‘best friend’ was surprised.
Christianne stopped in front of her and she glared at her.
“I’m not your bank. And what’s so good about studying? It’ll make you lots of money. When you study hard, you’ll graduate. When you graduate, you’ll find a job, when you find a job, you’ll have money.”
She smiled bitterly before she left.
+++
It’s been a while since Christianne had gone to the mall to have some fun. She went to the DVD store and bought a CD of her favorite idol group when she saw four girls outside the store, chatting with pretty loud voices.
“Why are you all here?” Christianne mumbles as she tries her best to listen to the four outside.
They’re really happy. It’s like they haven’t seen each other for years. Excited over one another. Christianne would like to join them, when…
“Where’s Christianne?” Dane asks. But Sue just shrugs.
“Nevermind her. Where here to have some fun, right? Not to have an educational tour or something.”
“But-”
“No, buts, come on, let’s go!”
And the four left. Christianne, on the other side…
“I’m here, guys… I’m here…” She can’t stop trembling.
“Miss, are you going to buy the CD?” A salesman from the store asks her, and she nods slowly.
Really…What did she do to experience betrayal from others whom she thought her ‘true’ and ‘best’ friends?
+++
To forget all the problems, Christianne surfs. She loves surfing, signing up to different social networking sites, especially blog sites. She loves writing, making stories, poems, anything, just so she could forget all, all of it.
A friend-but-not told her earlier about a site where you can write your stories, or post whatever you like, random rants, whatever that comes in your mind. She opened it, and it seems the right site to release all of it.
She signed up, explored, until she comes across with a site, an interesting header and the contents of the site got her attention. She read all the entries, the introduction and the fan-fiction. It made her smile, she doesn’t know why, but she felt something …different…with the owner of the site. She further read the fanfictions, and there she realized something, they have the same taste when it comes to music. Jpop idols. It’s her first time to read a fan-fiction, she really doesn’t like reading fanfics, but the stories are just so…amazing and well-written, and that’s it. She immediately clicked the ‘add them as a friend’ button and there it goes. They’re friends!
+++
She loved this site. She has the freedom to say what she wanted, it’s like a paradise. Heaven.
She suddenly remembered that site. She typed the url and when she checked out, the owner has another story. She’s really excited and she read the newest entry immediately. She laughed, she gaped, she felt like not continuing reading the rest, but she loved the feeling. Laughing at someone’s work, someone whom you don’t entirely know, it’s different, very different.
She commented enthusiastically. The story was just…amazing. It made her heart skipped a beat. She then clicked the ‘post comment’. She really can’t explain the feeling, she felt so happy.
Few days later, she opened the site again and found out that the owner has already commented.
It made Christianne smile. The comment’s just too bubbly and cheery, and she can’t help but reply with eagerness to the owner of the site. They’ve exchange sweet compliments, called one another corny [for Christianne] names like ‘sweetie’ and ‘dear’. But it’s okay. She doesn’t mind. At all.
It continued like that, for almost two months. They’re also friends at another social networking site, and another. It really made Christianne happy, finally…
But something happened.
And it made Christianne lonely, sad, the feeling she experienced every time she was being betrayed by her so called friends, but this time, she was not betrayed.
She cried, when she read the message left by her.
Suicide.
Suicidal thoughts.
Depressed.
Will be gone for a long time.
Her friend is lonely, she was going through a hard time, yet she doesn’t know. She felt useless. How can she be called a friend?
She messaged her back. Words of encouragement. Words she doesn’t believe herself. Empty words. ‘Don’t give up’, ‘you can do it’, ‘I’m here for you always’, ‘I’ll support you’, ‘I’ll never leave you.’
Will it really helped her? Those words?
And then suddenly, after few days of waiting, hoping that she’ll be back, a reply to her message arrived, and it really made Christianne happy, she was so close to tears when she read the message. She felt proud of herself. It made her heart flutter. She can’t explain it, but she’s really, really happy.
It continued for like…two or three weeks, until she received a message that she was fully recovered, out of depression, something like that. She’s in the middle of the class when she read the message, and she was trying her best not to jump so happily, not to shout.
She’s really happy.
They’re chatting continued. Christianne felt so happy, as if she never learned from those past experiences, being betrayed by those people whom she put her whole trust. When that thought crossed her mind, she remembered her. She gave all her trust to this person, whom she never met face to face. Will this friendship lasts? She just shrugged to the thought.
+++
It was during the summer vacation when Christianne almost did something that she will surely regret.
She really can’t endure this. She needed to find a way out of this problem. All of her problems. She really needed someone that night. She felt...lonely, alone, empty. She’s on the verge of crying in front of the laptop when she saw her on the chat list.
She’s online!
But Christianne stopped herself.
N-no, I-I don’t want her to worry. No, it’s just…
But she really, desperately, needed someone right now, so she messaged her. A few minutes passed, she replied.
“I’m okay.” Christianne replied.
But it seems that she has some psychic power, asking her if she was really okay. And eventually…
A sudden outbursts.
Raging feelings.
She had enough, she said. She told her, everything, about the real Christianne.That the bubbly and cheery friend she had known for almost four months is…
Not the real one.
She continued to release all he pain and the hatred she’s feeling for years. And she’s there, on the other side of the world, willing to listen to her. How can someone be so worried of a person like her? She never felt loved during the times she started to grow up, from her parents, from her friends. She never felt of something called love.
For every outbursts, she replied, messages that are so…full, with concern, with sincerity, with love. Words of encouragement, words that are meaningful. But Christianne’s mind is close that time. Her friend continued to console her, and there was that time that she felt really angry that she replied something really rude to her. It’s like, if that friend of hers is here by her side, she could’ve yelled at her. Christianne thought she would be angry, but it was the opposite.
She’s sweet, kind, loving, and a very caring one. A good listener, maybe a good counselor, better even.
After the chat, Christianne felt good. She went to her bedroom now, she quickly lounges to the bed, with a smile.
+++
11th of April. Wednesday night. Again, she was scolded. Aside from that, she got slapped on the face, for showing a very disrespectful manner in front of her mother. She immediately rushed to her bedroom and slammed the door closed.
Christianne logged in to her livejournal account, used it as an alternative outlet, and there her feelings exploded. All the pain, the hatred she’s feeling and keeping inside her heart for years was finally revealed. Her hatred towards her family, towards the people whom she called her best and true friends, her hatred to her biological family, to her foster parents, to the world.
+++
12th of April. Thursday night.
Thursday night. Christianne received a reply from her. Reply from her entry last night through facebook. It was long, too long. She’s not in the mood right now, not in the mood to read that long message, but it’ll be unfair for her, right? She took a lot of time in writing that, so she had no choice but to read the message.
It really surprised Christianne when she read a part of the message.
After I had read all you said, you know what I did? I checked all the flights from Finland to Philippines, I tried to find a way to get there what ever it would take. I read all the information about Filipino airlines, busses, boats and ferries. It was too expensive, over 1000 euros, in your currency over 56000 pesos, but I still think about saving all the money I can gather during summer, never letting that thought go away. Coming to see you, hug you and let you cry, talk, yell, shout, everything that you need.
And though she swore to herself not to cry, she cried. this really surprised her. Where can you find a person who's willing to spend too much money just to personally console her friend? Where?
“Why? Why saying such things when you know it’s impossible?” Christianne murmured, trying her best not to cry too loud.
She read the rest of the message, and there’s no time that she’s not crying. The message, it seemed to touch not only her heart, but also her soul. The words she used in the message, even though she’s sad and hurting, it made her smile somehow.
“She’s really something.” Christianne uttered, smiling.
But it seemed that the heart-warming message didn’t stopped her to do that thing.
+++
13th of April. Friday night.
Again. It happened again. Got scolded though it’s not her fault, bringing up something that causes her too much pain.
Why do you need to keep repeating those words? Bring back those painful memories, the mean words, and the hurtful truths?
After the scolding, she went immediately to her bedroom. As she entered, she caught sight of the cutter, lying unattended on her table.
It seems like the cutter was luring her.
“Come here, you poor little child, come here and use me to end your useless life!”
Christianne apprehensively went near to the table and got hold of the cutter. She sat on her bed, staring at the cutter, eyes started to swell. She pointed to cutter to her knee, smiled involuntarily before cutting herself. She flinches as the blood starts to flow on her knees, traveling down to her shin and ankle. It hurts, but the pain she’s feeling and keeping for years is more painful. She looked down on it, and she’s really enjoying it, way too much. After cutting herself on the knee, her gaze stopped at her wrist. It’s pale, really pale, and she wanted to see some color in it. So without thinking…
Ting!
She gritted her teeth as soon as she can feel the pain. It hurts, it stings, her breathing went heavy, and she can’t stop herself from cursing, murmuring words that clearly stated the pain. She looked at it, and thankfully, it’s not that deep. It’s more like of a scratch, but she’s sure that it’ll leave a scar. She quickly stood up, went to her wardrobe and searches for a piece of cloth. She tied it tight, just enough to stop the bleeding. Her knees felt wobbly and she knelt down on the cold floor, pain from the knee not noticed. She palmed her face, and cried. She just can’t do it. She’s afraid to die. She just can’t end here life just like that. She’s weak…Too weak…
+++
April 14th. Saturday.
Christianne posted her status to a group in facebook, and told her about what she have done last night, and apologized to her. Thinking that she’ll never talk to her again, she’s thinking of deactivating her facebook account, when suddenly…
There’s one notification.
And when she opened it, it says...
I forgive you. I forgive you, always, I love you. Oh ;__; what can I do for you? I'm so glad you're still alive, please don't go away, please.
And she doesn’t notice a tear escape from her eyes.
God, what is she thinking? Taking her own life?
She went to sleep that night with a smile.
+++
15th of April. Sunday.
Christianned posted something in her group in fb, and after a few minutes…
“IT'S NOT FUNNY.” She commented.
“stop laughing or I will seriously get very sad” she added.
Christianne replied. “sorry.” And before she can reply, she added, “but it's makes me laugh. me idiot.!”
“I really care about you!” She replied.
And that stopped Christianne from laughing. “i know.”
After a brief pause, she commented. *“I don't get it ;__;”
Christianne bit her lips as she replied, “sorry for making you upset.”
*“what?” Christianne asked
“why does it make you laugh..” She replied.
“i dont want to talk about it. iie da! :)” Christianne replied, playfully.
”…”
“laughing is the only way to hide my sadness.” Christianne finally answered her question. “dont i have the right to laugh things off?” She added.
“i told you already, didn't i?, im living a sad life already, so maybe its just right for me to laugh now.” Christianne continued.
“of course you have right to do whatever you want, but it doesn't mean you should. you can try to laugh it off but. i think just honestly crying is better...” She replied, and it made Christianne’s mood a bit…sour.
“i dont want to cry. its not like me.” Christianne just answered.
“everybody cries.” She replied back.
“but i dont want to. :) sorry for being so stubborn.” Christianne replied again.
“i hate this.” Christianne typed. She needed to discontinue the conversation.
“i hope you want to cry someday. crying is a good thing. and it makes you feel better. you torture yourself with keeping everything inside.” She replied.
Christianne sighed. She really will never win against a person like her. She’s good at blocking her stubborn reply.
“ill think about that.” She just replied, she has nothing to say after all.
“can we just talk about other things.?” Christianne suddenly commented.“or you dont want to talk to me anymore because im a piece of shit? does my attitute right now pisses you?” She continued, the way she asked the question is sarcastic.
“of course we can. of course I want to talk to you. remember all the things I've said? it pisses me a bit, more like makes me feel sad, because I feel I can't help you.. but I'm not leaving.” She replied.
“not giving up.”
It made Christianne smile, again. She’s really something. She’s different. She’s unique. Christianne really can feel that she’ll never betray her, that she will never, ever leave her side. That she’ll always be there when she needed a friend.
---
END...? xD
Finally, it’s finished!!!
I won’t write this kind of story anymore, it’s way too hard!! TOO HARD! I hate the way I ended this story. The flow of the story at the start was okay, but it went downhill when it reached the middle part.. THE DUMBEST STORY I’VE EVER MADE!!!!
*tired. Tired tired tired!*