Saved [ONE-SHOT no. 4]
Title: Saved [one shot no. 4]
Author: aokihana8694
Pairing: Masuda/ OGC
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: She almost didn’t make it, but he was there to save her..
Note: MY SUMMARY SUCKS. That’s all. Title's too broad. XD. a total fail.
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“Why do I always have to go through all of this? Why…” I mumbled, tears keep on rolling down my cheeks. “I can’t endure this anymore.”
Curled up to myself, I cried, phone on my hand on the verge of crushing. It was always like this. Always. Pain. Sorrow. Sadness. Always enveloping my whole being for almost my whole life. Tends to smile sweetly, crack some silly jokes, do some crazy acts. I’m tired of pretending, pretending… yes, pretending. I’m an actress, a great one. I can expertly hide what I feel. I don’t show anyone who really I am. No, that’s just… I don’t want to. I don’t like to cry. It makes me sadder. My family, my beloved family. Is it still their right to decide on my future? Don’t I have some freedom to decide for my own future?
I need a solution. I need to solve this.
Dying?
Dying. Yes. Maybe it can help me.
I opened the door slowly and went to the kitchen. I searched for it, and when I finally saw it, I grabbed it immediately and went to my bedroom. As I opened the door, I went quickly to the bedside table to search for a piece of paper and a tape. I went back to the bathroom, and I’m going to start the plan.
I pulled out the knife, washed it thoroughly under the cold, running water. I pulled the piece of paper and taped it on the mirror. I looked at my reflection for the very last time. I don’t like what I see; I don’t even recognize the other person facing me. And I don’t have the intention of knowing her…
“I can do this…I can do this…” I murmured before cutting a portion on my finger. Blood started to flow, and I smiled. I immediately use the blood and started to write on the paper. I continued doing it until one word is fully written on the paper.
…SORRY…
I opened the cabinet in front of me and pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills. Gathering all the courage, I opened the bottle and swallowed almost half of the content. Luckily, I don’t have the problem swallowing all of it, and got hold of the shining knife, smiling to myself, but crying. It’s weird ne? Smiling at the same time crying…What does it mean?
I pulled my sleeves up to my elbows, whispered a mantra of ‘sorry’ and…
A loud clacking sound of knife…
Blood starts to flow from the cut skin, and it continued to flow fast because the cut was deep. I smiled, fucking smiled as I saw myself covered in my own blood. After seconds of cutting myself, I fell on the cold floor, chest heaving, eyes starting to feel heavy…
“Miyu? Miyu? Are you there?”
Who’s that? Who’s calling my name...? Who…
“I’m coming in, okay?”
I heard the soft closing sound of the door outside, and the heavy footsteps I can barely hear.
“Miyu? Miyu? Where are you? I’ve brought you your favorite flowers! I’ve bought it on the flower shop we visited last day. Did you remember? It was cheap so I decided to buy some for you.”
Who are…
“Miyu?”
Who are…
“Miyu, where are- Oh my God! Miyu!!! Miyu!!!”
Massu…? Massu…
“Oh my god, Miyu! What have you done?!”
I tried my best to answer Massu’s question but…
My vision went black.
~~~
“Urgh…”
I can feel someone, holding my hand tight. Warm, strong…
“Miyu?”
“M-Massu,,,?” I uttered.
“How are you? Are you feeling fine?”
Where am I? What happened…?
“Why did you do that?”
Do…that? What?
I saw tears forming on Massu’s eyes. I don’t know why, but I feel like, crying for him too…
“Why did you cut yourself?” He asked me, voice soft and shaky.
Cut…? Oh! Now I…
“Please don’t do that… Miyu…Please…”
My eyes started to get wet… Why? I asked myself. Why did I tried to kill myself? I… I don’t know either…
“I told you already, right? That if you have problems…” Massu sniffed. “Please do consult me before trying to do some
crazy things…”
It made my heart ache. Massu’s crying because of me…It hurts me so much.
“If you have problems, I’m here. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here. Don’t keep the problems to yourself.”
Massu…I’m…
“I’m sorry…”
Wha-Wait? S-sorry? Massu? Why…? I should be the one saying that...
“Sorry for not being there when you needed me. Maybe if I stayed by your side always, maybe you…” And he finally cried.
“I don’t want to see you suffering, it makes me sad, you know…”
I don’t know what to say. I’m so ashamed. Of myself, of Massu… I can’t speak very well, my throat felt dry, and even if I’ve pushed myself to speak, no words will come out. I just did the next, best option…
I squeezed his hand, and he looked at me, like a puppy. I smiled, and I saw something in his eyes. Happiness, I guess. I continued looking at him, and he did the same thing, we looked at each other, without blinking, just smiling, talking with our eyes, letting our body gestures do the talking…
And then Massu’s mouth moved. I also moved my lips, following his, desperate to know what have he just murmured or something… and when I realized what it is, I smiled. He immediately gazed to the floor,, hiding the sudden reddening of his cheeks.
I wanted to say sorry. Sorry for what I’ve done, and sorry for not noticing his feelings until now. I won’t promise him, no, but
I’ll just do my best to be strong for him, for the two of us...
Massu, thank you for saving me… Thank you…
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END.