JUST ANOTHER RANT- DON'T READ IF YOU THINK THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME, OKAY?!
I'VE DONE EVERYTHING THAT WILL PLEASED YOU, YET WHY?
Dumb. Air-Headed. Bad-Mouthed.Lacks Initiative. Disrespectful. Liar. WHAT ELSE? WHAT?
Since I started entering high school, those words never stopped coming from your mouth when you're angry or something! Why do you keep on telling me those things?! Can't you even feel that i'm hurt? those mean words! Some people may say that im a strong person, but deep inside, im weak!
I'm easily hurt with those words. You'e mean! always mean! Unfair! You have one-sided comments! and I HATE IT!!!
always treating me like a different person, making me feel i wasn't really part of the family. do you know how i feel? how it hurts me so much that i can't stop thinking of killing myself!? everytime you scolded me even though it wasn't really my fault, everytime you shouted at me, telling me mean words, in such a way that really made me want to cry all night. I really loved you! I'm very thankful that you've gotten me out of that fucking bullshit family of mine. but the way you're treating me now, how i wished you never buy me!
knowing the truth that i was an adopted child, in the age of 13!? why did you lie to me! all this time, i know that i'm your real daughter, that we have same flesh and blood! yet you lied to me! isn't it that hard to just tell the truth, even though it's painful?? you don't have to hide something that will definitely come out later! i'm really hurt! it kills me!
dictating me of what i'm going to do in the future?! i don't want to be a teacher! I wanted to do many things! i want to be a chef, a manga artist, a singer, a novelist, a nurse, i want to travel the world, take pictures with it for long and everlasting memories, but you don't want me to do what i liked- what i loved! you're too cruel!
I feel like living in the prison!
i really hate my life now. I.HATE.YOU.ALL!
maybe dying will be the most effective solution to all my problems right now. slitting my wrist? kinda boring? drinking too much sleeping pills, too fast. hanging myself? the rope is too expensive. stabbing myself? A PERFECT ONE. stabbing myself slowly, then blood spurts out of the wound, that sounds fun, right?
i needed someone. a friend. a friend that will help me forget that the WORLD IS CRUEL, that LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. but i don't have any. i'm sure, definitely, even if i have one, i'm sure he/she will abandoned me! they're just ILLUSIONS created by one's mind, one's mind who's trying to ESCAPE THE PAINFUL REALITY OF LIFE, isn't that right? I don't want to put my full trust on a person, coz if i do, the pain i'm feeling inside will be more painful, once they leave my side.
fuck this life. fuck. always asking myself, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO ALL THROUGH THIS? am i really that bad? Why? Why am i here? I'm a total fail! I was a mistake created by another mistake! fuck them! if they kill me before i can see how BEAUTIFUL CRUEL and HAPPY DARK the world is, i won't be having any problems. Fucking parents! Fucking friends!
'YOU CAN DO IT.' 'TRY YOUR BEST HARDER'. 'DON'T GIVE UP.' WHAT THE HECK! WHAT THE FUCK! Are you kidding me?! Those words of 'encouragement' are all empty! You know im trying my best right? each and every day, yet why do you keep on repeating such empty words! As if you don't see what i'm doing! im tired of those words! very tired! could you please...stop that. 'DON'T LOSE HOPE'. SHUT YOUR MOUTH UP!
stop pretending that you care about me, no one cares for a person like me, A PRETENDER. AN ARTIST. A PERSON WHO WEARS DIFFERENT MASK EVERYDAY. NO ONE.
but i have no choice but to keep on living this sad, lonely, and sometimes boring life. i need to go flow, need to pretend in front of them that i'm happy, that i'm smiling. they will never, ever know about this. never. i'll keep on faking a smile forever, and as long as i live, they will not hear from me, any single word of disrespect . i will carry this sadness and hatred of mine forever, and no one, EXCEPT YOU WHO'S READING THIS, will know.
Dumb. Air-Headed. Bad-Mouthed.Lacks Initiative. Disrespectful. Liar. WHAT ELSE? WHAT?
Since I started entering high school, those words never stopped coming from your mouth when you're angry or something! Why do you keep on telling me those things?! Can't you even feel that i'm hurt? those mean words! Some people may say that im a strong person, but deep inside, im weak!
I'm easily hurt with those words. You'e mean! always mean! Unfair! You have one-sided comments! and I HATE IT!!!
always treating me like a different person, making me feel i wasn't really part of the family. do you know how i feel? how it hurts me so much that i can't stop thinking of killing myself!? everytime you scolded me even though it wasn't really my fault, everytime you shouted at me, telling me mean words, in such a way that really made me want to cry all night. I really loved you! I'm very thankful that you've gotten me out of that fucking bullshit family of mine. but the way you're treating me now, how i wished you never buy me!
knowing the truth that i was an adopted child, in the age of 13!? why did you lie to me! all this time, i know that i'm your real daughter, that we have same flesh and blood! yet you lied to me! isn't it that hard to just tell the truth, even though it's painful?? you don't have to hide something that will definitely come out later! i'm really hurt! it kills me!
dictating me of what i'm going to do in the future?! i don't want to be a teacher! I wanted to do many things! i want to be a chef, a manga artist, a singer, a novelist, a nurse, i want to travel the world, take pictures with it for long and everlasting memories, but you don't want me to do what i liked- what i loved! you're too cruel!
I feel like living in the prison!
i really hate my life now. I.HATE.YOU.ALL!
maybe dying will be the most effective solution to all my problems right now. slitting my wrist? kinda boring? drinking too much sleeping pills, too fast. hanging myself? the rope is too expensive. stabbing myself? A PERFECT ONE. stabbing myself slowly, then blood spurts out of the wound, that sounds fun, right?
i needed someone. a friend. a friend that will help me forget that the WORLD IS CRUEL, that LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. but i don't have any. i'm sure, definitely, even if i have one, i'm sure he/she will abandoned me! they're just ILLUSIONS created by one's mind, one's mind who's trying to ESCAPE THE PAINFUL REALITY OF LIFE, isn't that right? I don't want to put my full trust on a person, coz if i do, the pain i'm feeling inside will be more painful, once they leave my side.
fuck this life. fuck. always asking myself, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO ALL THROUGH THIS? am i really that bad? Why? Why am i here? I'm a total fail! I was a mistake created by another mistake! fuck them! if they kill me before i can see how BEAUTIFUL CRUEL and HAPPY DARK the world is, i won't be having any problems. Fucking parents! Fucking friends!
'YOU CAN DO IT.' 'TRY YOUR BEST HARDER'. 'DON'T GIVE UP.' WHAT THE HECK! WHAT THE FUCK! Are you kidding me?! Those words of 'encouragement' are all empty! You know im trying my best right? each and every day, yet why do you keep on repeating such empty words! As if you don't see what i'm doing! im tired of those words! very tired! could you please...stop that. 'DON'T LOSE HOPE'. SHUT YOUR MOUTH UP!
stop pretending that you care about me, no one cares for a person like me, A PRETENDER. AN ARTIST. A PERSON WHO WEARS DIFFERENT MASK EVERYDAY. NO ONE.
but i have no choice but to keep on living this sad, lonely, and sometimes boring life. i need to go flow, need to pretend in front of them that i'm happy, that i'm smiling. they will never, ever know about this. never. i'll keep on faking a smile forever, and as long as i live, they will not hear from me, any single word of disrespect . i will carry this sadness and hatred of mine forever, and no one, EXCEPT YOU WHO'S READING THIS, will know.